Monday, April 18, 2016        Edition: #5711


Thanks For Being On Our Sheet List!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Beyoncé and HBO are teasing a mysterious ‘world premiere event’ called “Lemonade” for this Saturday. They’ve posted a cryptic video online that announces the air time of April 23rd at 9 pm ET. No further details are provided. The 20-second clip shows Beyoncé – sporting blonde corn-rows and a fur coat – leaning against the hood of a car while she whispers, “What am I gonna do love, what am I gonna do.” Her world tour kicks off April 27th in Miami FL and she’s expected to release a new album later this year, but has not disclosed a date.
– Variety.com
★ Brit actor Benedict Cumberbatch will voice grumpy anti-Christmas villain ‘The Grinch’ in a new animated version of “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” scheduled for release in November 2017. Producers say the “Sherlock” actor was picked to voice the famous Dr Seuss character because he’s able to express comedic wickedness while also embodying vulnerability. Benedict has portrayed a number of famous characters onscreen. Last week the teaser trailer showing him playing well-known Marvel comic book hero ‘Doctor Strange’ made its debut.
– WENN.com
★ And Sony Pictures has won a multi-studio bidding war for an animated film project based around … emoji. If that’s not a narrow enough niche, the movie is completely set inside a smartphone. The whole project sounds like a horrific branding exercise for tech firms. During the course of the story the emojis visit mini-worlds via real-life apps, such as Spotify, where they navigate a stream on boats, to represent music streaming.
– PopBitch.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – The celebrities swap partners for the week, putting extra pressure on the new pairs.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Empire Of the Sun (“Walking On a Dream”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Shinedown (“Threat to Survival”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Pusha T (“Fear of God Part 2: Let Us Pray”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Sturgill Simpson (“A Sailor’s Guide to Earth”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Christina Aguilera (“The Voice”); 2 Chainz w/Lil Wayne (“ColleGrove”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – The top 12 artists perform for the coaches.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• AC/DC – They have now confirmed that Guns N’ Roses frontman Axl Rose is joining the band for the rest of their world tour. He replaces singer Brian Johnson, who’s been forced to quit over hearing problems. The “Rock or Bust” tour runs through June 12th.
• Bob Dylan – Amazon and Lionsgate TV are currently working on a TV series inspired by characters and themes from Dylan’s vast archive of songs. “Variety” reports the show will be called “Time Out of Mind”, after his Grammy-winning 1997 album.
• Drake – His long-awaited album “Views From the 6″ will finally be out April 29th. Additionally, it will be an Apple Music and iTunes Store exclusive upon its release, reports “Pitchfork”.
• Gorillaz – They’ve been saying for a while that they are putting out a new album soon. Now it looks it’s definitely going to happen. An Instagram posting shows Damon Albarn and the rest of the crew working in the studio.
• Janet Jackson – Live Nation has confirmed to “Us Weekly” that her “Unbreakable” tour in North America is now postponed until 2017. New dates will be announced at a later time, and tickets will be honored for the rescheduled dates. Refunds are also available at the point of purchase.
• Jason Aldean – His 27-city “Six String Circus” tour launches May 19th in Rogers, Arkansas. Thomas Rhett and A Thousand Horses are the openers. Aldean will co-headline with Kid Rock at Boston’s Fenway Park September 9th. He was the first country artist ever to play Fenway.
• Radiohead – They may be releasing their anticipated 9th album as soon as June, though that report has since been downplayed. For sure they will be touring this Summer and are expected to release a new record at some point this year.
• Taylor Swift – She tells the May issue of “Vogue” she’s enjoying some down time right now. Quote: “I decided I was going to live my life a little bit, without the pressure on myself to create something.”
• Tim McGraw – He has another #1 single on his hands as “Humble and Kind” tops the new ‘Billboard Hot Country Songs’ chart, out tomorrow.
• Zac Brown Band – After news broke on Friday that Zac had been at the scene of a drug bust in Palm Beach, Florida hotel suite, he took to his website right away and admitted he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Quote: “My dad always said nothing good ever happens when you stay out late.” He faces no charges himself.

IS IT POSSIBLE TO OUTRUN A FART?
We like to pretend otherwise, but farting is a fact of life … a necessity even. If you couldn’t fart gases would build up, steadily increasing the pressure inside your body. The average adult toots 13-to-21 times per day, expelling about 0.5 liters of gas. Of that, only 1% actually smells but that’s often more than enough. You may have wondered if it’s possible to outrun the stench. That’s a surprisingly complicated question. Each fart, and each person’s nose, is unique. You’d have to take into account airflow, wind direction, obstacles, a specific fart’s chemistry, a specific sniffer’s odor receptors, temperature, and a lot more. So the answer is … it depends. Maybe you can; maybe you can’t. (Did you know they used to be called ‘ferts’? Now there’s a term we should definitely reintroduce!)
– “ASAP Science”

DIRTY DOZEN 2016:
Strawberries are packed with fiber, Vitamin C, and potassium … and they’ve usually got some pesticide as well, according to a new report. In fact, 98% of strawberries tested by the USDA had some form of pesticide residue, a distinction that has earned the berries top spot on Environmental Working Group’s annual ‘Dirty Dozen’ list. Apples have dropped to the #2 spot this year after having led the list for the past 5 years. They’re followed by nectarines, peaches, and celery. EWG has also released its ‘Clean 15′, featuring fruits and vegetables that are least likely to be contaminated with pesticide residue. Avocados lead that list, followed by pineapple, asparagus, and cantaloupe. (What we wanna know is … could you stop putting wax all over the apples?)
– TIME.com

BS MYTHS ABOUT HEALTHY LIVING:
Some generally accepted ‘facts’ about what is and what isn’t good for your health are actually myths, spread via misinterpretation or by marketing departments. Among them …
✗ You Need 8 Glasses of Water Every Day – How much water a person needs is actually a highly individual question. The human body is finely tuned to signal you to drink long before you are actually dehydrated.
✗ 10,000 Steps a Day Is the Benchmark for Fitness – The “10,000 steps” rule was invented by a 1965 Japanese marketing campaign for an early pedometer. Truth is, the more active you are, the better. Best bet is to just try to spend more time on your feet each day.
✗ Skipping Breakfast Will Ruin Your Metabolism – The ‘most important meal of the day’ isn’t, as it turns out. The best time to have your first meal of the day? Whenever you’re hungry.
✗ An All-Juice Diet Will Cleanse Your Body of Toxins – Your body is naturally able to get rid of toxins; the liver and kidneys work perfectly well on their own. Juices – even fresh – are usually loaded with sugar, which has a host of negative effects on the body.
– MentalFloss.com

COFFEE CHEMISTRY:
Your morning involves a lot more chemistry than you might imagine. The chemists behind the online video series “Reactions” take on the compounds that make your cup o’ joe delicious in their latest project. Among their discoveries – you probably want to buy arabica beans, in order to get the most flavor. But even the best beans won’t taste good if you don’t follow proper brew protocol. So use a scale to measure your beans, heat your water between 92-96° F (33-36° C), and try to use a single-water-stream method of soaking the grounds, like a pour-over. (And what’s your little secret? Ours is … start with cold water for less mineral taste.)
– “Reactions Everday Chemistry”

FOR THE RECORD:
On Saturday, Toby Ricketts & Marianna Fenn got married in New Zealand in the world’s first ‘Pastafarian’ wedding, officiated by a ‘Ministeroni’ of the ‘Church Of the Flying Spaghetti Monster’. The wedding rings were made of pasta, the ceremony was held on a pirate boat, and when it came time for the kiss, the bride and groom slurped up either end of a noodle until their lips met. The Pastafarians, which began in the US as a protest against religion encroaching into public schools, have gained legitimacy in New Zealand, where authorities recently decided they can legally conduct weddings. For Saturday’s ceremony, the groom vowed to always add salt before boiling his pasta, while the bride donned a colander on her head. (May the Flying Spaghetti Monster bless the happy couple.)
– AP

BS AMAZING FACT:
Parents are worse at detecting if their own child is lying than complete strangers.
– “Daily Telegraph”

BS CHRONOMETER 04.18.16


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1963 [53] Conan O’Brien, Brookline MA, TV host (“Conan” since 2010″, “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” 2009-10, “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” 1993-2009)

1974 [42] Mark Tremonti, Detroit MI, rock guitarist (Creed-”With Arms Wide Open”; Alter Bridge-”Open Your Eyes”)

1979 [37] Kourtney Kardashian, LA CA, reality TV personality (“Keeping Up With the Kardashians” since 2007, “Kourtney & Kim Take NY” 2011, “Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami” 2009)

1987 [29] Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Plymouth UK, fashion model/movie actress (“Mad Max: Fury Road”,”Transformers: Dark Of the Moon”)

1992 [24] Chloe Bennet (Wang), Chicago IL, TV actress  (‘Skye’ on “Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD” since 2013, ‘Scarlett O’Connor’ on “Nashville” 2012-13)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Boston Marathon”, the 120th running of one of the most prestigious running races, beginning this morning at 10 am ET.
NET: http://www.baa.org

• “Columnists Day”, initiated in 1995 by the National Society of Newspaper Columnists to increase awareness of the importance and contribution made by columnists and journalists worldwide.

• “International Day for Monuments and Sites”, celebrated since 1983 with various activities around-the-world, including conferences accompanied by visits to monuments and UNESCO heritage sites.

• “World Amateur Radio Day”, honoring the worldwide hobby of ‘ham radio’. It’s observed on the anniversary of the 1925 founding of the International Amateur Radio Union.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2012 [04] TV personality-producer Dick Clark, former host of “American Bandstand” (1957-89) and “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve” (1974-2011), dies of heart attack at age 82 in Santa Monica CA

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2015 [01] Green Day is inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in their first year of eligibility

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2013 [02] Kepler-62e and Kepler-62f, two planets resembling Earth are discovered revolving around the star Kepler-62 in the ‘habitable zone’ (an area around stars where atmospheric pressure could support liquid water on the surface)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1991 [25] Charlie Kovacs of Seymour, Australia sets ‘World Camper Speed Record’ by towing his Roadster camper at a speed of 126.76 mph or 204 km/hr (his wife inside is not pleased)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Bicycle Day
[Tues] Garlic Day
[Tues] Hanging Out Day
[Wed] Cheddar Fries Day
[Wed] Pot Smokers Day

THIS WEEK IS …
Animal Cruelty Awareness Week / Human Violence Awareness Week / Cleaning For a Reason Week / Consumer Awareness Week / Coin Week / Global Youth Service Days / Infant Immunization Week / International Wildlife Film Week / Karaoke Week / Paperboard Packaging Week / Park Week / Pet ID Week / Safe Kids Week / Work Zone Safety Awareness Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 23 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
HAVE YOU BEEN ABDUCTED BY AN ALIEN?
Author Melinda Leslie has compiled common indicators that she claims are shared by most UFO abductees:
• Have had unexplainable missing or lost time of 1 hour or more.
• Have been paralyzed in bed with a being in your room.
• Have unusual scars or marks with no possible explanation on how you received them.
• Have seen balls of light or flashes of light in your home or other locations.
• Have a memory of flying through the air.
• Have a secret feeling that you are ‘special’ or ‘chosen’ somehow.
• Have awoken in another place than where you went to sleep.
• Have seen someone with you become paralyzed, motionless, or frozen in time.
• Have been suddenly compelled to drive or walk to an out-of-the-way or unknown area.
• Have seen a strange fog or haze that should not be there.
• Have heard strange humming or pulsing sounds, and could not identify the source.
• Have awoken with soreness in the genitals which can’t be explained.
• Have a difficult time trusting other people, especially authority figures.
• Have many of these traits but can’t remember anything about an abduction or alien encounter.
(Now take the same test to find out if you’re hungover.)
– First published in “BS” 2002.

WORST-SELLING ‘HOW-TO’ BOOKS:
• “Money Can Make You Rich!”
• “Overcoming Peace of Mind”
• “Lie Your Sweet Ass Off & Become A Millionaire!”
• “Combing! The Revolutionary New Way to Adjust Your Hair”
• “How to Win Friends and Influence People In the Bus Station Men’s Room”
• “If You Want to Lose Weight, Just Stop Eating, You Fat Cow!”
• “How I Made $100 in Real Estate!”
• “Profit from Your Genitalia!”
– First published in “BS” 1997

BS RANDOM JOKE:
As long as there are examinations, there will be prayer in public schools.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What’s the most unusual tourist attraction you’ve come across?

BS WEB GOODIE:
Seems cat cafés are over. It’s all about hedgehogs now …
NET: http://bit.ly/1S9gAGc

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: About 1-in-6 people polled admit they’ve fallen asleep HERE.
Answer: The bathroom at work.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Perfect is the enemy of progress.

LOOK WHO’S BS-ING NOW!
Joe Edwards @ Arcadia’s News Talk Station [WFLN] Arcadia FL; Christal Frost @ TCM, Today’s Country Music [WTCM] Traverse City MI; Jimmy Kalaitzis @ 104-5 Fresh Radio [CFLG] Cornwall ON; Rob Trygg @ Star Worldwide Networks, Scottsdale AZ; and Blake Williams @ X-88.7 [KXNM] Encino NM.


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