Friday, April 19, 2013        Edition: #4967

Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

✳ “Friends” co-creator Marta Kauffman has shot down recent rumors suggesting the stars of the hit sitcom have been secretly hatching plans for a TV reunion. The hugely successful comedy came to an end in 2004 after 10 seasons on-air. Reports have suggested a comeback was in the works for 2014. Kauffman succinctly denies that by saying, “It’s not happening.”
✳ An aspiring singer who auditioned for “The X Factor” this week in New Orleans LA has been arrested after stealing a car shortly after his try-out … so he could get home to Florida. Orrion Wilson reportedly told cops he was anxious to get home because he’d performed well at the audition and had been asked to return to “X Factor” next week in NYC. That’s unlikely as he’s currently behind bars.
– “Jam! Showbiz”
✳ Nick Lachey calls out Kim Kardashian in the new issue of “Details” magazine. The 98 Degrees singer, who briefly dated the reality star before she became a household name with the release of her sex tape, remembers they once went to a movie and no one followed them there. Somehow, mysteriously, when they left, there were 30 photographers waiting outside. Quote: “There are certain ways to play this game, and some people play it well.”
✳ And Whoopi Goldberg is apparently on “The View” to make money … not friends. The outspoken daytime talk show co-host has bluntly revealed that she really doesn’t really give a hoot who fills co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s seat on the show as long as she still gets paid. Quote: “I could give a s[heet] what comes; I do my job; I have a contract.” How to be a pro, Whoopers!

• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – Tonight Avril Lavigne (“Here’s to Never Growing Up”). Rerun.
• GLAAD Media Awards (Los Angeles) – Saturday Drew Barrymore hosts the LA edition of the annual awards recognizing media for fair and accurate representation of the LGBT community. Appearances by Charlize Theron, Jennifer Lawrence, Leonardo DiCaprio among others.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Kid Rock (“Rebel Soul”). Rerun.
• “Juno Awards” (CTV) – Sunday Michael Bublé hosts Canada’s 42nd annual music honors as they’re handed out at the Brandt Centre in Regina, Saskatchewan. Carly Rae Jepsen leads nominations with 5, followed by Justin Bieber with 4.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight The Coup (“Sorry to Bother You”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Justin Timberlake (“The 20/20 Experience”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Ed Sheeran (“+”). Rerun.
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Today Cher Lloyd (“Sticks & Stones”).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Rerun double-header: Host Vince Vaughan (“The Internship”, opening June 7th) with musical guest Miguel (“Kaleidoscope Dream”); then host Christoph Waltz (“Django Unchained”) with musical guest Alabama Shakes (“Boys & Girls”).
• Stone Music Festival 2013 (Sydney NSW) – Saturday-Sunday the annual 2-day Aussie music fest includes performances by Aerosmith; Billy Joel; Buckcherry; Lifehouse; and Van Halen, who are on their first tour Down Under since 1998.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Imagine Dragons (“Night Visions”). Rerun.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Today guest co-host Pitbull (“Global Warming”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Saturday & Sunday, reruns of this week’s continuing auditions.

• Adele – She says she’s turned down a 7-figure deal to write a memoir because she’s “far too young”. She’ll turn 25 on May 5th.
• Beyoncé & Jay-Z – “Vogue” UK reports they’ve become the music industry’s first billionaire couple as her current world tour “The Mrs Carter Show” and endorsement deals have pushed them past that benchmark. Paul McCartney & Nancy Shevell are also a billionaire couple, but she’s not in music.
• Britney Spears – Her new recording “Ooh La La” will play over the end credits for “The Smurfs 2”, a part-animated/part-live family comedy due in movie theaters July 31st. She claims her boys are “the biggest ‘Smurfs’ fans ever”.
• Coolio – Seems the one-hit-wonder thinks he’s still living in a “Gangsta’s Paradise”. He’s facing charges for allegedly punching his live-in girlfriend … then hitting her with his car. Artis Leon Ivey Jr is due to be arraigned in court May 31st.
• Mumford & Sons – They’re playing their biggest headlining gig yet at London’s Olympic Park on July 6th. The outdoor event, the first headline show to take place at the renovated Olympic site, will also feature a supporting lineup of other acts.
• Paramore – Their self-titled album tops yesterday’s new ‘Billboard 200’ album chart. The album also is atop the album charts in Argentina, Australia, Brazil, Ireland, Mexico, New Zealand, and the UK.
• – He tells reporters in Paris that he’s been allowed into the Louvre museum at 2 am to record guitars for a song entitled “Smile Mona Lisa” in front of the famed painting by Leonardo da Vinci. He says he wanted to capture “the ambience of the Louvre”. On audio?

• “Filly Brown” ( R-Rated Music Drama ): Gina Rodriguez plays a promising hip-hop street poet from Los Angeles who cuts her first demo under the guidance of a small-time hustler more interested in promoting her sexuality than her lyrics. Co-stars Jenni Rivera, Lou Diamond Phillips, and Edward James Olmos.
• “The Lords of Salem” ( R-Rated Horror Thriller ): Rocker-turned-director Rob Zombie’s latest film stars wife Sheri Moon Zombie as a radio DJ who’s sent a box containing a record that’s a ‘gift from the Lords’. The sounds within the grooves trigger flashbacks of the violent past of her hometown of Salem, Massachusetts. Co-stars Bruce Davison, Jeff Daniel Phillips, Meg Foster.
• “Oblivion” ( PG-13 Sci-Fi Action Adventure ): Tom Cruise stars as one of the few remaining drone repairmen assigned to Earth, whose discovery of a crashed spacecraft brings into question what he knows about his mission and himself. Co-stars Morgan Freeman, former ‘Bond Girl’ Olga Kurylenko, and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (“Game of Thrones”).
• Opening in limited release: “In the House” (Mystery Thriller).

Like yawning and coughing, scratching can be infectious. You see someone else scratching and soon you’re doing it yourself. Many research studies have sought an explanation for what is known as ‘Itch Transmission’. So why do we have it? As other primates behave this way as well, one theory is that it evolved in social species to help them notice and deal with parasitic infestations. (Studio experiment: Start scratching; see how long your crew can hold off.)
– “Focus”

Professors everywhere could get a break, thanks to the work of online-learning initiative EdX. The Harvard and MIT-founded nonprofit will be giving away – for free – a software system that uses artificial intelligence to instantly read and grade essays. As is so often the case when human tasks are automated, the strongest defense is that the system won’t actually replace humans, it will just increase their capabilities. (In this case, their ability to assign more essays.)

The various kinds of people who actually regularly check their inbox …
✓ ‘Inbox Zero’: This is the email user who achieves email nirvana by making sure their inbox has no unread email in it. Whether they actually respond or not is irrelevant as long as nothing is left bolded in the inbox.
✓ ‘First Responder’: The email user that has a compulsion to respond to personal emails in an incredibly quick time. This user is task-driven, time-driven, and achieves happiness when there is no outstanding activity to be performed in their inbox.
✓ ‘Design Lover’: This type values a good email experience (good design, engagement, interaction) above all else. They want a more usable, more interactive, more intuitively designed email experience.

Tears do not fall in space.
– “Daily Telegraph”


1968 [45] Ashley Judd, Granada Hills CA, TV actress (“Missing” 2012)/movie actress (“Divine Secrets Of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood”, “Kiss the Girls”)/autobiographer (“All That is Bitter & Sweet”)/daughter of country singer Naomi Judd, sister of Wynonna

1969 [44] Jesse James, Lynwood CA, TV personality (“Jesse James Outlaw Garage” 2012, “Monster Garage” 2002-06)/motorcycle builder (West Coast Choppers)/wed to drag racer Alexis DeJoria in March 2013/infamously wed to actress Sandra Bullock 2005-10

1978 [35] James Franco, Palo Alto CA, movie actor ( “Spring Breakers”, “Milk”)/failed Academy Awards co-host (2011)

1979 [34] Kate Hudson, LA CA, movie actress (“You, Me & Dupree”, “Almost Famous”)/actress Goldie Hawn’s daughter/former wife of Chris Robinson (Black Crowes) 2000-07/now partner of Muse frontman Matthew Bellamy

1981 [32] Hayden Christensen, Vancouver BC, movie actor (“Jumper”, “Star Wars: Episode II-III”)

1985 [28] Steve Johnson, Athens AL, blues-rock drummer (Alabama Shakes-“I Ain’t the Same”, “Hold On”)

1987 [26] Maria Sharapova, Nyagan, Russia, former top-ranked women’s tennis player/one-time highest-paid female athlete thanks to endorsement deals

Oscar-winning actress Jessica Lange (“Tootsie”) is 64; Movie actress Carmen Electra (“Scary Movie”) is 41; Country musician Clay Cook (Zac Brown Band) is 35; Fashion model Miranda Kerr (Victoria’s Secret) is 30.

Queen Elizabeth II of Britain is 87; Movie actress-spokesmodel Andie MacDowell (“Four Weddings & A Funeral”) is 55; Funk-reggae singer Michael Franti (Spearhead) is 47; Rock guitarist David Brenner (Theory Of a Deadman) is 35; Movie actor James McAvoy (“X-Men: First Class”) is 34; NFL quarterback Tony Romo (Dallas Cowboys) is 33.

• “Day of Silence”, the 16th annual observance in which students take a vow of silence to protest bullying, harassment, and discrimination in schools.
• “Garlic Day”, saluting the ‘stinking rose’ that has been cultivated as long as history has been recorded. It’s been said that if you rub a clove on garlic on your partner’s feet at night, you’ll taste it on their breath the next morning. Why you’d actually want to do this, no one knows.
• “Hanging Out Day”, an initiative of Project Laundry List promoting energy conservation by using a clothesline instead of an electric dryer.

• “Auctioneers Day”, observed annually on the 3rd Saturday of April (do we hear 4?) to honor the traditional profession of auctioneering. Charity auctions celebrate the day by raising funds for various causes.
• “420” or “Pot Smokers Day”, the unofficial holiday of potheads. A few facts …
– ‘Four-twenty’ became an emblematic number for dopers in the 1970s. It comes from the time 4:20 pm, the secret ‘burn time’ originated by a group of pot-smoking students at California’s San Rafael High School back in 1971. (“High Times”)
– Marijuana is the most lucrative domestic crop in the USA, worth almost $36 billion … more than corn and wheat combined. (
• “Husband Appreciation Day”, observed annually on the 3rd Saturday of April as a day to appreciate your mate for all that he is and all the things he does for you. “Wife Appreciation Day” is coming up in September.
• “Look-Alike Day”, a day for people who are constantly mistaken for rich and famous celebrities to have some recognition of their own. So who do people say you look like?
• “Record Store Day 2013”, an annual celebration on the 3rd Saturday in April of the old-fashioned indie disc shops where people used to hang out and listen to the latest music. Jack White is this year’s official ambassador. Many artists are offering exclusive releases for the occasion, including Black Keys, Bob Dylan, Bon Jovi, Cake, David Bowie, Deftones, Linkin Park, Mumford & Sons, Phoenix, Rolling Stones, Stooges, White Stripes and more.
• “Teach Your Daughter to Volunteer Day”, observed annually on the 3rd Saturday in April to encourage awareness of volunteerism. Red high-heels are the symbol of the young woman stepping out with enthusiasm, compassion, and charity to volunteer in her community.

• “Bulldogs are Beautiful Day”, the 7th annual celebration of the droopy-jowled dog that’s a symbol of Britain. Is there an uglier beast on Earth?
• “Kindergarten Day”, a salute to the very first kindergarten, founded by Friedrich Froebel in Germany in 1837. ‘Kinder’ is German for children; ‘garten’ means garden … so growing kids is what it’s all about.

2001 [12] The smash hit musical “The Producers”, based on the Mel Brooks film of the same name, opens on Broadway in NYC

2012 [01] Musician Levon Helm (The Band) dies of cancer in NYC at age 71; musician-songwriter Greg Ham (Men at Work) dies of unknown cases at age 58 in Carlton North, Australia

2005 [08] Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger is elected Pope Benedict XVI (quits February 28, 2013)

[Mon] Earth Day
[Mon] Jelly Bean Day
[Tues] Movie Theater Day
[Tues] Talk Like Shakespeare Day
[Tues] World Book & Copyright Day
[Wed] Administrative Professionals Day
This Week Is … Pet ID Week
This Month Is … International Guitar Month


✗ “My passengers have a nearly-80% survival rate.”
✗ “It’s not even 4 am and already 3 couples have had sex back there.”
✗ “If my doctor knew I was driving, he’d be real pissed!”
✗ “All the empty bottles up here keep rolling under the brake.”
✗ “Go ahead and help yourself to the loose potato chips under the seat.”
✗ “Mommy let me drive by myself today.”
✗ “Does the backseat smell like a dead guy?”
✗ “You’re not a cop, are you?”

☎ Should we make animals smarter? Recently researchers have injected human brain cells into mice and used electronic brain implants to improve the memory of rats and monkeys. The notion of building brainier animals is known as ‘animal uplift’.

Have a listener/studio guest/crew member take their pick from each pairing while you list ‘em off rapid fire …
• Coffee – black OR double-double?
• Licorice – black OR red?
• Breakfast – hot gooey cinnamon rolls fresh out of the oven OR crunchy granola with ripe strawberries?
• Music – Mp3s OR vinyl LPs?
• Sleepwear – soft, warm, fleecy pajamas straight out of the clothes dryer OR naked as a jaybird?

You know you might be ugly if your dog humps your leg with his eyes closed.

Question: About 40% of happily married women can’t remember THIS.
Answer: Where they had their first date with their husband.

The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.

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