Monday, April 22, 2013        Edition: #4968

Sheet for Brains!

✳ After 72 days of marriage and a divorce battle that lasted 536 days, Kim Kardashian is finally free of Kris Humphries and able to move on to her new role – motherhood – without anything holding her back. In a court hearing Friday, the judge simply dissolved the marriage. Inside sources say that Kris got NO money from Kim, dropped his demand for an annulment based on fraud, and each party agreed to pay their own attorney’s fees.
✳ It looks like Justin Bieber & Selena Gomez are back together. She’s been spotted getting off a plane at the airport in Oslo at about the same time as her ex was performing a concert in the Norwegian capital. Also, someone has managed to snap a pic of his iPhone and his screensaver is a photo of her. They first broke up in early November, but have been seen together a few times since. Reps for both decline to comment on the latest sighting.
– E! News
✳ Well, it’s not like we didn’t see this coming. Eva Longoria’s reality TV show “Ready For Love” has been axed after just 2 episodes. The actress served as producer for the dating series, which focused 3 matchmakers who handpick a field of 36 bachelorettes in an attempt to find partners for 3 eligible men. The program debuted on NBC-TV earlier this month, but has now been cancelled due to poor ratings.
✳ An NBC network spokesman has announced an upcoming episode of the drama “Hannibal” will be axed in light of recent events. Molly Shannon guest-stars in the pulled episode as a character that brainwashes children to kill other children. Although the episode in question is unrelated to real events, the network has decided to be extra-sensitive as recent tragedies such as the Sandy Hook Shooting and Boston Marathon Bombings are still fresh in many minds.
– QMI Agency
✳ And there’s been talk for a while that “Glee” might start from scratch at a different school, in order to give the flagging series a shot in the arm. The idea’s now gaining traction with network and production staff, not necessarily because they think it’s good for the show, but because they’re having so much trouble with the stars, their agents, and other ‘outside interests’. In any event,  “Glee” has just been renewed by FOX-TV for not 1, but 2 more seasons.

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – ZZ Ward (“Til the Casket Drops”). Rerun.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – The couples dance for the judges; Motown legend Stevie Wonder and country star Hunter Hayes perform.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Kenny Chesney (“Life On a Rock”, out April 30th).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Portugal. The Man (“Evil Friends”, coming June 4th).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Angel Haze (“New York EP”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Steve Earle (“The Low Highway”).
• “Oh Sit!” (CW) – Sean Kingston performs; 12 contestants tackle obstacles.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Jake Bugg (“Jake Bugg”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Mary Mary (“Go Get It”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Advisors Hillary Scott, Pharrell Williams, Sheryl Crow, and Joel Madden are consulted as the battle rounds continue.

• Beyoncé – The trompe l’oeil corset she’s been wearing on her “Mrs Carter Show World Tour” required 30,000 Swarovski crystals and took over 600 hours to create. It’s been nicknamed her ‘boob corset’ by the media as it creates the illusion that it is see-through when actually it’s not.
• Black Sabbath – Chris Beardshaw, one of Britain’s leading gardeners, has found that greenhouse plants continually exposed to their big, thumping sound grow shorter than average, but have better blooms and resistance to pests and disease than plants exposed to classical music, pop music … or silence.
• Jay-Z – He’s listed in “TIME” magazine’s most recent edition of ‘100 Most Influential People in the World’. 4 other musicians are listed in this year’s issue, including his wife Beyoncé, his pal Justin Timberlake, as well as Frank Ocean, and Miguel.
• Katy Perry – She says she’s about halfway through the process of creating a follow-up album to “Teenage Dream” (2010) and its remix “Teenage Dream: The Complete Confection” (2012). She’s working with many of the same producers and songwriters on the new project.
• Lauryn Hill – Today she faces up to 3 years in prison as a judge sentences her for failing to file tax returns from 2005-07. She’s asked for probation instead of jail time so she can work towards paying off her tax debt. She’s also facing eviction from her New Jersey home after allegedly falling behind with her rent.
• Michael Jackson – His 34-year-old nephew TJ Jackson (son of Tito) has just been granted $9,000-a-month to be co-guardian of Michael’s 3 kids.
• Psy – The video for his new single “Gentleman” has been banned by South Korea’s state-funded TV network due to ‘abuse of public property’. That occurs in the opening scene, which shows Psy … kicking a traffic cone that says ‘No Parking’.
• Thirty Seconds to Mars – Their new short film “Up In the Air” is now being streamed on VEVO. Jared Leto describes it as an ‘epic, bizarre, and hallucinogenic journey through a incredibly surreal landscape’. The band’s new album, “Love Lust Faith + Dreams”, is due May 21st.
• 3 Doors Down – Metropolitan Nashville Police confirmed on Saturday that 41-year-old bassist Todd Harrell has been charged with Vehicular Homicide by Intoxication after his Cadillac CTS clipped a pickup truck at high speed Friday night on an Interstate highway, causing the vehicle to careen out of control and overturn, killing the 47-year-old driver.

When it comes to Facebook, who should you friend and who shouldn’t you friend? Highlights of a new survey on the topic …
• 81% of respondents say you shouldn’t be friends with your boss.
• 45% percent say you shouldn’t be friends with your co-workers.
• Only 23% have friended their parents.
• Only 13% are have their children on their friend list.

Thanks to a new push to make workplaces more employee-friendly, now you don’t have to hide your crayons in your desk! Lots of companies have started instituting happy hours, craft days, yoga sessions, videogame breaks, and other types of fun employee activities in the name of workplace creativity. (What would you pick as the best way to create fun at work?)
– “Women’s Health”

✓ Black – The ultimate power color. Appeals to a person who likes elegance, appreciates classic style, and who is not easily manipulated.
✓ White – These drivers are people who generally like things to be very pure and pristine, clear and direct. They tend to be hard to please and fastidiousness.
✓ Silver – Anything that’s a true metallic, such as silver or gold, creates the perception that it’s worth more. This car color is for the personality that appreciates elegance with a bit of flash.
✓ Red – They like to be seen as someone who really stands out and they like to call attention to themselves. More often than not, this is a very outgoing individual.
✓ Grey – A color that’s neutral and sober. The person who chooses it is usually very practical, very pragmatic. This is someone who make lists and likes to talk things out.
✓ Light-to-Mid Blue – Those who drive this shade like the coldness of it on the metal. They have a calm demeanor to the point of being unshakable. They’re very faithful.
✓ Dark Blue – Those with vehicles this color are much more confident than average. These drivers like being credible, an authority figure.
✓ Orange – An orange car screams unique. People who choose orange are usually very artistic, creative, original, and they’re often very charming.
✓ Brown – The new browns are complex. They can mean the driver is down to earth, or is someone who craves the same elegance that black carries but wants to be more unique.
✓ Yellow – Expect the owner of a yellow car to be young at heart. A person who chooses yellow really knows that they’re going to be noticed and they usually have a great sense of humor.
✓ Green – A green ride indicates a well-balanced life. The deeper the green, the more trustworthy, and also the more traditional.
✓ Gold – There’s an implied warmth and a certain kind of intelligence attached. Those who fancy gold love comfort and will pay for it. It’s an attention getter, but a very glamorous one.
– Condensed from

A San Antonio TX-area elementary school is attempting to get parents to bring their children to school on time by … putting the kids in detention if they’re late. Even kindergartners are on the hook, receiving a lunchtime detention after 3 late arrivals. School district officials say the policy has worked with most parents. (Shouldn’t mom or dad serve the detention?)
– Associated Press

Japan’s Misao Okawa is currently the oldest (known) woman in the world at age 115. She meets 2 of the characteristics cited by gerontology scholars as keys to longevity: Having a sense of curiosity and a strong will. When she was 102, she fell and broke her leg. After she was released from hospital and returned to her retirement home, a care-giver found her doing leg squats while holding onto a railing in the hallway. (Whoa! Tough old bird!)
– “Asahi Shimbun”

Portuguese soccer superstar Cristiano Ronaldo (Real Madrid) has a naked picture of himself on the wall of his home in Madrid, Spain.
– “The Sun”


1937 [76] Jack Nicholson, Neptune NJ, movie actor (“The Bucket List”, “The Departed”)/3-time Oscar winner (“As Good As It Gets”, “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”, “Terms of Endearment”)

1950 [63] Peter Frampton, Beckenham UK, classic rock singer-guitarist (“Show Me the Way”, “Baby, I Love Your Way”)

1967 [46] Sherri Shepherd, Chicago IL, TV personality (“The View” since 2005)

1974 [39] Shavo Odadjian, Yerevan, Armenia, alt-rock bassist (System Of A Down-“Hypnotize”, “Aerials”)

1979 [34] Daniel Johns, Newcastle, Australia, rock singer-guitarist (Silverchair-“Straight Lines”, “The Greatest View”)/married to pop singer Natalie Imbruglia (“Torn”) 2003-08

• “Earth Day”, begun in 1970 and now the largest environmental event worldwide. Last year people in 192 countries participated in events that addressed environmental issues.

• “Girl Guide/Scout Leader Appreciation Day”, observed since 1982 to honor the many adult volunteers who help keep the program running. Thanks ‘Brown Owl’!

• “Jelly Bean Day”. Originally they only came in a few colors but nowadays you can get them in lip-smacking flavors like Toasted Marshmallow, Café Latte, Margarita, A&W Root Beer, Bubble Gum, Strawberry Cheesecake, Buttered Popcorn, and Pina Colada.

1978 [35] On NBC-TV’s “Saturday Night Live”, John Belushi & Dan Aykroyd team up to debut new characters called The Blues Brothers, who perform a cover of Sam and Dave’s “Soul Man”

1990 [23] Rocker Sammy Hagar opens the ‘Cabo Wabo Cantina’ club in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico (still going strong!)

1998 [15] ‘Animal Kingdom’ opens at Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida

1994 [19] World’s ‘Largest Lollipop’ weighs in at 3,011 lbs (Olstrup, Denmark)

[Tues] Movie Theater Day
[Tues] Teach Your Children to Save Day
[Tues] Talk Like Shakespeare Day
[Tues] World Book & Copyright Day
[Wed] Administrative Professionals Day
[Wed] International Guide Dogs Day
This Week Is … Crime Victims’ Week
This Month Is … Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Month


Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
✓ Sleeping all day so they don’t use any electricity.
✓ Combating global warming by not wearing pants.
✓ Recycling mouthwash.
✓ Buying a Bald Eagle a toupée.
✓ Conserving water by showering with the entire family.
✓ Adding spots to regular owls to create more Spotted Owls.
✓ Encouraging grandpa to switch to cloth diapers.
– First published in “BS” 1994.

• ‘Dead Ringer’ comes from the game of horseshoes, in which ‘dead’ is used to mean ‘exactly on center’.
• To ‘Wear Your Heart on Your Sleeve’ derives from the Middle Ages, when young men and women would draw names from a bowl to see who their true love would be. Then they’d display the names on their sleeves for 1 week.
• ‘Saved By the Bell’ comes from boxing, referring to the bell that ends each round.
• ‘Raining Cats and Dogs’ comes from an earlier phrase ‘cat-and-dog’, meaning full of strife or ferocious. Thus ‘raining cats and dogs’ means raining ferociously.
– First published in “BS” 2003.

Well for pet’s sake, what’s taken so long? Finally, dogs in pantyhose!

There are two sides to every divorce … yours and sheethead’s.

Why did pirates wear eye-patches?
a. To cover wounds, especially eye gouges from swordfights.
b. To give them ‘night vision’. [CORRECT. As they were constantly moving from bright sunshine above-deck to the pitch dark below, savvy seamen wore a patch over one eye to keep it dark-adapted. Then they could simply switch the patch to the outdoor eye in order to see in the dark right away.]
c. To convey a dashing sense of style.
– “Wall Street Journal”

☎ How do you baby your car? Examples from a recent poll: Avoid bird droppings by never parking under trees; refuse to drive on gravel roads for fear of dust and paint chips; take up 2 parking spots to prevent dents from other cars; tip parking attendants for ‘special care’.

Question: You probably wouldn’t want it done to you, but 1-in-5 of us have done THIS to someone else.
Answer: Swiped flowers from their garden.

Bureaucrats cut red tape … lengthwise.

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