Friday, April 22, 2016        Edition: #5715

Sheet for Brains!

★ Today’s “People” magazine  announces that this year’s ‘Most Beautiful Woman’ is … Jennifer Aniston (is it a coincidence her new film “Mother’s Day” opens next Friday?). The 47-year-old tells the magazine she had a “very excited, teenage-y kind of moment” upon learning the news. She previously topped the beautiful list in 2004. The news has been met with criticism on social media, with some users decrying the fact that “People” has chosen another white woman as its beauty icon, and that Aniston is “so 2001”. Naw, more like 1999.
★ The Recording Academy is honoring its 2016 Special Merit Awards recipients with a ceremony and live tribute concert on Saturday at The Dolby Theater in Los Angeles. This year’s ‘Lifetime Achievement Award’ honorees include Ruth Brown, Celia Cruz, Earth, Wind & Fire, Herbie Hancock, Jefferson Airplane, Linda Ronstadt, and Run DMC. Dubbed “Grammy Salute to Music Legends”, the event will be produced as part of the “Great Performances” series on PBS-TV. It’s set to air later this year.
★ Next on Tina Fey’s to-do list: “Mean Girls” the musical. That’s her project for a long Summer break before her show “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” (Netflix) starts filming its 3rd season in October (star Ellie Kemper just announced she’s pregnant). The 45-year-old comedian-writer is adapting the 2004 “Mean Girls” movie, which she wrote. One of the biggest challenges, she says, is getting rid of outdated references while staying as faithful as possible to the original script.
– “Entertainment Weekly”
★ And the official line is Kelly Ripa has flown off to the Turks & Caicos Islands for a planned getaway as of yesterday. The 45-year-old host of the syndicated daytime TV talk show “Live with Kelly & Michael” is being accompanied by her-husband Mark Consuelos and their 3 children. That’s the official line anyway. Speculation is she headed off on a last-second break after being “blindsided” by this week’s news of the departure of her co-host Michael Strahan, who’s moving to ABC-TV’s “Good Morning America” full-time. An inside source says she’s not expected back on the show until Tuesday at the earliest. Bad form, Michael.
– E! Online

• Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival (Indio CA) – The 2nd of 2 consecutive 3-day weekends. Performers include: A$AP Rocky, Calvin Harris, Chris Stapleton, Disclosure, Ellie Goulding, Foals, Guns N’ Roses, LCD Soundsystem, Of Monsters and Men, The 1975, Sia, and Zedd. The identical lineup played last weekend.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today 5 Seconds Of Summer (“Sounds Good Feels Good”).
• “Game of Thrones” (HBO) – Sunday the Season 6 debut. How will the Emmy-winning drama handle the aftermath of the death of ‘Jon Snow’ (Kit Harington)? There’s much frenzied speculation about the storyline for the new season.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight White Denim (“Stiff”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight White Mystery (“Blood & Venom”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Tonight Birdy (“Beautiful Lies”). Rerun.
• New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival – Today the 46th annual 2-weekend festival begins, with an eclectic lineup that includes Beck, Elvis Costello, Janelle Monáe, My Morning Jacket, Neil Young, Paul Simon, Pearl Jam, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Snoop Dogg, Steely Dan, Stevie Wonder, Van Morrison and many more.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Musical guest Gwen Stefani. Rerun.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Demi Lovato (“Confident”); The Weeknd w/Lauren Hill (“Beauty Behind the Madness”). Rerun.

• A$AP Ferg – Today he releases “Always Strive and Prosper”, and it’s stacked with collaborations. The 18-track album boasts songs with Missy Elliott, Schoolboy Q, Future, Rick Ross, Chuck D, Big Sean, Chris Brown and more.
• Gary Clark Jr – This week the Grammy-winning blues artist wed Australian model Nicole Trunfio in between his 2 weekend appearances at Coachella, where they first met 4 years ago. The tied the knot at the Colony Palms Hotel in nearby Palm Springs CA.
• Green Day – Billie Joe Armstrong stars in the film “Geezer”, which premieres Saturday at the Tribeca Film Festival in NYC. It is Armstrong’s first-ever starring role in a movie. He’s playing a solo set following the film screening, according to “Rolling Stone”.
• Rihanna – Producer Cardo has revealed the possibility of her releasing another album fairly soon, made up of a string of unreleased tracks they have recorded together. He believes they could be used as a follow-up to her hit album “Anti”.
• ZZ Top – The veteran rockers have had to postpone a string of dates on their “Hell Raisers Tour” through May 7th while bassist Dusty Hill recovers from an injury. The 66-year-old bearded rocker fell just before the band hit the stage in Lubbock TX and dislocated his shoulder.
• Zac Brown Band – Coy Bowles is set to publish his 2nd children’s book, “Will Powers: Where There’s a Will, There’s a Way”, which aims to teach kids about the value of hard work and dedication. He released the anti-bullying story “Amy Giggles: Laugh Out Loud” in 2012.

• “Elvis & Nixon” ( R-Rated Historical Comedy ): The untold true story behind a 1970 meeting between the King of Rock & Roll, Elvis Presley (played by Michael Shannon), and US president Richard Nixon (“House of Cards” prez Kevin Spacey). The odd get-together resulted in a memorable photograph that has become the most requested in the US National Archives.
• “A Hologram For the King” ( R-Rated Dramedy ): Tom Hanks plays a failed American businessman who looks to recoup losses by traveling to Saudi Arabia to sell his idea to a wealthy monarch. Co-stars Alexander Black, Sarita Choudhury, Ben Whishaw. The 2nd collaboration between Hanks and director Tom Tykwer, the first being “Cloud Atlas” (2012).
• “The Huntsman: Winter’s War” ( PG-13 Fantasy Adventure ): The original film, “Snow White & The Huntsman” (2012), made $400 million worldwide. In this follow-up, a war between rival queen sisters ‘Ravenna’ and ‘Freya’ escalates. Stars Chris Hemsworth, Jessica Chastain, Charlize Theron, Emily Blunt.
• Opening in limited release: “Compadres” (Action Comedy); “The Meddler” (Dramedy); and “Tale of Tales” (Horror Fantasy).

“The Sunday Times” annual ‘Music Millionaires Top 50’ list of UK musicians is coming out this weekend. Paul McCartney & his wife Nancy Shevell are on top for the 2nd year running, with a joint fortune of $1.1 billion, up $43 million from last year. Theatre impresario Lord Lloyd Webber is #2 with an estimated $1 billion; and the members of U2 are #3 with $717 million. Elton John and the Rolling Stones round out the top 5. Adele is the UK’s richest-ever female musician. Her estimated $122 million net worth puts her in 30th place. She’s also on top of the new ‘Young Music Rich List’ of performers age 30 and under. Enya remains Ireland’s wealthiest female performer with a fortune of $130 million. (Even though she hasn’t had a hit in over a decade.)

McDonald’s is now testing out the ‘Grand Mac’ (and the ‘Mac Jr’ for those with daintier appetites). The Big Mac turns 50 next year, and McDonald’s has decided to update its signature menu item from 1967 to an age when the average burger is much bigger. The super-sized ‘Grand Mac’ rolled out this week in test markets in central Ohio and in Dallas/Fort Worth TX. The new burg has a bigger bun and bigger patties than the Big Mac, including a third of a pound of beef instead of a fifth. It’s selling for $4.89. The single-layer ‘Mac Jr’, is going for about half that price. If the test marketing proves positive, both burgers will receive wide release. (Because we just aren’t obese enough.)
– “Columbus Business First”

Portland OR-based tattoo artist Winston the Whale is becoming famous for his incredible works of 3-D art … that’s right, 3-D tattoos. Inspired by vintage 3-D glasses, the tats use red & blue ink to make the images seemingly jump off the skin. He says his designs are stripped down to their most basic form, which allows the viewer to react instantly. The former graffiti artist started tattooing as a fluke, he says, and never expected it to become a career. Since he posted his first 3-D creation online, people have been going wild for the idea. But Winston has no hope of it being anything but a fad. Quote: “The Internet is a place of short attention spans.” (Amen, brother.)
– BuzzFeed Life

Media Profile reveals that there are nearly 800,000 videos on YouTube with “Game of Thrones parody” in the title. Think about that for a second – 800,000!
– PostMedia News


1936 [80] Glen Campbell, Delight AR, country-pop singer (“Glen Campbell: I’ll Be Me”/Alzheimer’s sufferer

1937 [79] Jack Nicholson, Neptune City NJ, movie actor/3-time Oscar winner (“As Good As It Gets”, “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”, “Terms of Endearment”)

1959 [57] Ryan Stiles, Seattle WA, improv comedian/TV personality (“Whose Line Is It Anyway?” since 2013 on CW, 1998-2007 on ABC, 1988-98 on UK’s Channel 4)

1986 [30] Amber Heard, Austin TX, dog smuggler/movie actress (“Magic Mike XXL”, “Machete Kills”)/Mrs Johnny Depp since 2015

Documentary director Michael Moore (“Fahrenheit 9/11”) is 62; Indie rock musicians Aaron & Bryce Dessner (The National) are 40; Wrestler-actor-TV host John Cena (“American Grit”) is 39; TV host John Oliver (“Last Week Tonight”) is 39; TV actor Jesse Lee Soffer (“Chicago PD”/”Chicago Fire”) is 32; Movie actor Dev Patel (“The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel”) is 26.

TV-movie actress Shirley MacLaine (“Downton Abbey”) is 82; Movie actress-singer-director Barbra Streisand (“The Way We Were”) is 74; haute couture designer Jean-Paul Gaultier is 64; TV actor Aidan Gillen (“Game of Thrones”) is 48; TV actor Rory McCann (“Game of Thrones”) is 47; Rock bassist Brian Marshall (Creed/Alter Bridge) is 43; Pop singer Kelly Clarkson (“Stronger”) is 34; Indie rock singer-bassist Tyson Ritter (All-American Rejects) is 32.

• “Earth Day”, the 46th anniversary of the international celebration of the planet we all call home. Begun in 1970, it’s now the largest environmental event worldwide.
• “Girl Guide/Scout Leader Appreciation Day”, observed since 1982 to honor the many adult volunteers who help keep the program running. Thanks, ‘Brown Owl’!
• “Jelly Bean Day”. Originally they only came in a few colors but nowadays you can get them in lip-smacking flavors like Toasted Marshmallow, Café Latte, and Piña Colada.
• “The Lyrids”, April’s top meteor shower, which is expected to peak just before dawn this morning. The Lyrids are bits and pieces of debris from Comet Thatcher and have been seen each April for more than 2,600 years, making them one of the oldest known meteor showers.
• “Passover” begins at sunset, the 8-day Jewish celebration of the flight of the Israelites from Egyptian slavery in the 1200s BCE. A ceremonial Seder takes place on the first 2 nights, when symbolic foods such as unleavened bread are placed on the table.
• “Pink Moon”, the Full Moon of April, so-named due to the herb Moss Pink, or Wild Ground Phlox, one of the earliest widespread flowers of Spring. Other names have included the ‘Sprouting Grass Moon’, the ‘Egg Moon’, and the ‘Fish Moon’.

• “Cherry Cheesecake Day”, because you’ve been adhering to that strict diet for too long.
• “Lost Dog Awareness Day”, the 3rd annual focusing on the huge number of lost dogs around-the-world and the efforts undertaken by organizations to help reunite pets with owners.
• “Take a Chance Day”. Some things you want won’t happen without a little risk. Today is as good a day as any to take that risk.
• “Talk Like Shakespeare Day”, observed on the 400th anniversary of the bard’s death at age 52 (born same date 1564). Forsooth, ’tis a pity methinks, if none deign giveth it a shot.
• “World Book & Copyright Day”, declared annually by UNESCO to promote reading and books on the death anniversary of both William Shakespeare, and Miguel de Cervantes in 1616.
• “World Laboratory Day”, celebrating the place where great discoveries, inventions, and medical cures are born. (And where mad scientists dwell.)

• “Bulldogs Are Beautiful Day”, the 10th annual celebration on the last Sunday of April of the droopy-cheeked dog that’s a symbol of Britain.
• “Pet Parents Day”. On this day we celebrate what it means to be a pet parent, from the trials of potty training to remembering those who have crossed the ‘rainbow bridge’. (Seriously.)
• “World Meningitis Day”, dedicated to preventing the affliction by ensuring families worldwide have access to early diagnosis, preventative measures, and quick treatment.

2011 [05] A judge orders actress Lindsay Lohan to 120 days in jail for violating terms of her probation after he’s charged with theft of an expensive necklace from a Venice CA boutique (she serves a few hours of hard time, then files an appeal)

2007 [09] Beyoncé & Shakira hit #1 with “Beautiful Liar” (the track later wins ‘Most Earth-Shattering Collaboration’ at 2007 MTV Video Music Awards)

2011 [05] Benedict XVI becomes the 1st pontiff to participate in a TV interview (pre-recorded for Italian television)

2014 [02] Albert Pujols of the LA Angels joins an elite group of just 26 Major League Baseball players to hit 500 career home runs

[Mon] Hairstylists Appreciation Day
[Mon] Plumbers Day
[Mon] Mani-Pedi Day
[Mon] Save the Frogs Day
[Mon] World Day for Lab Animals
[Mon] World Penguin Day
This Week Is … Karaoke Week
This Month Is … Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Month


• Traffic on the way to Seder.
• The line-up at the deli.
• When we are going to eat. Is there enough food? There’s too much food.
• What exactly about regular wine isn’t kosher? Manischewitz is undrinkable.
• The flour-less cake tastes better than regular cake and who can believe it?
• Who gets what after our grandparents die.
• People we won’t mention.
• Can we please talk about anything else?
• Everything that went wrong during Seder.
• How everybody should shut up.
– Thanks to Elissa Bassist

I have a theory that it’s impossible to prove anything. Unfortunately, I can’t prove it.

☎ Having a husband creates an extra 7 hours a week of housework for women, according to a University of Michigan report. Truth or total BS?

Question: People believe having THIS makes you 20% more attractive.
Answer: White teeth.

You are far more worried about what you say and do than anyone else is.

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