BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
✳ Twitter is spreading its wings into the world of comedy and launching its own comedy festival played out in just 140 characters and 6-second videos. Twitter.com is teaming up with TV’s Comedy Central for the “ComedyFest” event, set to debut next Monday.
– ContactMusic.com
✳ David O Russell’s latest movie, “American Hustle”, has resumed filming in Boston MA after being halted due to the city’s lockdown following last week’s Boston Marathon Bombings. The “Silver Linings Playbook” director had already begun shooting the pic, starring Christian Bale, Amy Adams, and Bradley Cooper, but was shut down by police on Friday.
– “The Guardian”
✳ Sharon Osbourne’s private life may be in turmoil but she isn’t allowing that to affect her career. She’s reportedly landed a £2 million ($3 million) deal to return to “The X Factor” in the UK, which she left in 2007. If true, it would make her the highest paid judge in the show’s history.
– “Daily Mail”
✳ Simon Cowell is producing an animated film, claiming that he sold an idea he has been working on for 10 years to the first movie studio he approached. Quote: “Making an animation is something I’ve always, always, wanted to do because I love cartoons.”
– “Daily Star”
✳ “Fashion Police” show writers are suing E! network and the show’s host Joan Rivers for unpaid wages. What’s worse for Joan … looking cheap or that she needs writers for her lame red carpet jokes?
– PopBitch.com
✳ And America’s Sweetheart may not be so sweet after all. Actress Reese Witherspoon has now formally apologized after her arrest for disorderly conduct following an argument with Atlanta GA cops on the weekend. She admits she was ‘disrespectful’ to police after her husband was arrested on suspicion of DUI. Quote: “I clearly had one drink too many.”
– TMZ.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Randy Houser (“How Country Feels”). Rerun.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – Olly Murs performs; Will.i.am performs; the couples face elimination.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Bon Jovi (“What About Now”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Steve Earle (“The Low Highway”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – M83 (“Oblivion – Original Motion Picture Soundtrack”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Coup (“Sorry to Bother You”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – K-OS (“BLack on BLonde”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Edie Brickell (“Look Out Now!”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Plain White T’s (“Should’ve Gone to Bed”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Advisors Hillary Scott, Pharrell Williams, Sheryl Crow, and Joel Madden help prepare the artists for battle.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Daft Punk – “Get Lucky”, the new single from the French electronic duo, has been streamed more times on online music service Spotify than any previous single on its first day of release.  The track is off their first studio album since 2005, the upcoming “Random Access Memories”.
• Emeli Sandé –Today she releases her first-ever iTunes Session, an 8-song collection recorded at the historic Capitol Studios in Hollywood CA. Sandé’s Summer headline tour will launch July 2nd at the House of Blues in Lake Buena Vista FL.
• Fantasia – The R&B singer and “American Idol” alum releases her 4th album today, entitled “Side Effects Of You”.
• Phoenix – Today the French indie rockers release “Bankrupt!”, their 10-track new album.
• Rush – The next leg of their “Clockwork Angels” tour begins tonight in Austin TX. It runs through May 11th in Atlantic City NJ, before they head off to Europe.
• Will.i.am – His much-delayed new album “#willpower” is finally out today. It includes guest appearances by Britney Spears, Chris Brown, Diddy, Justin Bieber, Lil Wayne, Miley Cyrus, Nicole Scherzinger, and many others.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Gangster Squad” ( R-Rated Crime Drama ): In 1949 Los Angeles, a secret crew of police officers led by 2 determined sergeants works together in an effort to take down the ruthless mob king, ‘Mickey Cohen’, who runs the city. Stars Sean Penn, Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone, Giovanni Ribisi.
• “A Haunted House” ( R-Rated Comedy ): Marlon Wayans’ “Paranormal Activity” spoof is about a couple who moves into their dream home only to discover it’s haunted by a demon. After the wife also becomes possessed, the husband turns to a priest, a psychic, and a team of ghost-busters in an effort to keep his sex life on track. Co-star Essence Atkins.
• “The Impossible” ( PG-13 Drama ): A family begins a Winter vacation in Thailand, looking forward to a few days in tropical paradise. But they end up striving to survive the massive 2004 tsunami, one of the worst natural catastrophes of our time. Based on a true story. Stars Naomi Watts, Ewan McGregor, Tom Holland, Samuel Joslin.
• “Promised Land” ( R-Rated Drama ): Matt Damon plays an ace corporate salesman for a natural gas company who is sent along with his partner (Frances McDormand) to close down an entire rural town in order to secure drilling rights. Co-stars John Krasinski, Rosemarie DeWitt, Hal Holbrook.
• Also released today: “A Haunting: The 2012 Season” (TV); “The Central Park Five” (Documentary); “El Cerrito” (Documentary); “Happy People: A Year In the Taiga” (Documentary); “Masterpiece Classic: Mr Selfridge” (TV); “Merlin: The Complete 5th Season” (TV); and “The Queen Of the People” (Documentary).

FAMOUS LIVES:
Do famous people live longer? New research suggests the answer is related to how they achieved fame. An analysis of obituaries finds that the average age of famous folks at death depends on their occupation. Athletes, performers, and creative types such as writers and artists die younger, while famous people in business, politics, and the military live the longest. (As Douglas MacArthur famously said: Old generals never die, they just fade away.)
– “Pacific Standard Magazine”

HOW TO MAKE MONEY ON YOUR LUNCH BREAK:
Thanks to the Internet, your midday hour off can offer numerous ways to bring in more bucks. Such as …
✓ Freelance – If you’ve got a skill, whether it’s writing, coding, designing or something else, chances are you can find some piece work. There’s even a board to advertise your expertise …
NET: http://www.freelancer.com
✓ Express an Opinion – People are willing to pay for it. SliceThePie, for example, will pay you to listen to and rate unsigned musical acts. You can also get paid to fill out online surveys.
NET: http://www.slicethepie.com
✓ Offer a Service – There are lots of online marketplaces where you can offer your services for a fee. At Fiverr.com, you can offer to do anything that will fit into your lunch hour for $5.
NET: http://fiverr.com
✓ Sell Your Stuff – Selling your unwanted bric-a-bric via eBay is an old trick but still a good one; you might get more than you think for that unused router sitting at the back of your closet.
✓ Try Your Luck – Entering online sweepstakes and contests usually costs you no more than an email address, but the prizes can range from weekends in the sun to the latest gadgets.
– Gizmodo.com

CANINE COOTIES:
Humans who share their homes with dogs also share similar bacterial house-guests on their skin, ecologists report in the journal “eLIFE”. In fact, 2 dog owners who don’t even know each other have about as many of the same skin bacteria as a married couple living together. Microbial sharing from pooch-to-person occurs primarily through 2 routes … tongue to skin and paw to skin. (Next time your mutt licks your cheek, consider where his tongue was previously.)
– NPR.org

MOM, WHAT’S A DVD?
Rent any good movies lately? Unlikely, unless you’ve got a mom & pop shop or specialty film-buff outlet nearby. The speed with which movie rentals have been phased out has been breathtaking. Big chains like Blockbuster, Jumbo et al let go of the rental game as if DVDs had turned radioactive overnight. Even major cities only have a handful of independent retailers still renting new releases. In total, there are less than a tenth as many video stores as 10 years ago … fewer than 10,000 in North America. (How are you watching new releases? Stealing them?)
– QMI Agency

FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH:
TV’s Dr Oz and University of Chicago medical prof Dr Michael Roizen have a website called “Real Age” in which you can take a test to determine your calendar age to your physical age based on condition. Among their ‘scientifically-tested tips’ for staying young …
✓ NOT driving.
✓ Owning a dog.
✓ Flossing teeth.
✓ And … the more sex you have, the younger you’ll feel.
NET: http://www.realage.com
– RealAge.com

DID YOU KNOW?
You should never upgrade your mattress in April. Manufacturers tend to mark down old models in May to clear them out and make room for the new ones coming in. So if you buy in April, you’ll be too early to score a deal. (Plus, waiting a month will give you more time to figure out the seemingly endless options. Do you want innerspring, pocket coil, memory foam, or adjustable? With traditional top, pillow top, or Euro top?)
– HuffingtonPost.com

BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
“The Bull Sheet” subscription rates are increasing to $50 per month/$500 per year effective May 1, 2013 (our first increase in more than a decade). If you order a month, several months, or a full year of service before the end of April you can take advantage of the old rate: Order Form

BS CHRONOMETER 04.23.13

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1954 [59] Michael Moore, Flint MI, documentary filmmaker (“Fahrenheit 9/11”, “Bowling For Columbine”)

1967 [46] Melina Kanakaredes, Akron OH, TV actress (‘Detective Stella Bonasera on “CSI: NY” since 2004)

1974 [39] Carlos D (Dengler), Queens NY, rock musician (Interpol-“The Heinrich Maneuver”, “Slow Hands”)

1977 [36] John Cena, West Newbury MA, pro wrestler (19 WWE championships)/sometime movie actor (“Legendary”, “12 Rounds”)

1977 [36] Kal Penn (Modi), Montclair NJ, movie actor (“Harold & Kumar” films)/former TV actor (“House MD”)/former White House aide (Associate Director of the Office Of Public Liaison)

1983 [30] Taio Cruz, London UK, pop/hip hop singer-songwriter (“Dynamite”, “Break Your Heart”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “International Sing Out Day”. If you have some passion for singing and want your talent to be spotted, then do not hold back!

• “Talk Like Shakespeare Day”, observed on the anniversary of the bard’s birth (and death at age 52). Forsooth, ‘tis a pity methinks, if none deign giveth it a shot.

• “Teach Your Children to Save Day”, an annual observance designed to encourage the younger generation to tuck it away for a rainy day. Some banks offer speakers and special programs in conjunction with the occasion.

• “World Book & Copyright Day”, declared annually by UNESCO to promote reading and books on the death anniversary of both William Shakespeare and Miguel de Cervantes in 1616.

• “World Laboratory Day”, celebrating the place where great discoveries, inventions, and medical cures are born. (And where mad scientists dwell.)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1896 [117] 1st ‘Motion Picture’ shown to the general public (a Vitascope system is used to project a film onto a screen in a demonstration at Koster & Bials Music Hall in NYC)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1988 [25] After spending a record total of 741 consecutive weeks (over 14 years) on the ‘Billboard 200’, Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side Of the Moon” album finally exits the chart

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1964 [49] 1st MLB no-hitter pitched for a loss (Cincinnati Reds beat Astros’ pitcher Ken Johnson 1-0 on 2 costly Houston errors)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1969 [44] John Sinclair completes record walk of 215 miles in 48 hours … non-stop!

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Administrative Professionals Day
[Thurs] Full ‘Pink’ Moon
[Thurs] Hairstylists Appreciation Day
[Thurs] Hug a Plumber Day
[Fri] 2013 Stagecoach Music Festival begins (Indio CA)
[Fri] New Orleans Jazz Festival begins
This Week Is … Administrative Professionals Week
This Month Is … Jazz Appreciation Month

BULL’S BITS

BS TIPS FOR LIVING 100 YEARS:
• Break it up into a couple of manageable 50-year chunks.
• Put off your retirement until you’re 88.
• Get at least 23 hours of sleep a night.
• Keep telling yourself 100 is ‘the new 90’.
• Learn to embrace an extra half-century of incontinence.
• Avoid dying.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
What’s the oldest breakfast cereal still on the market?
a. Kellogg’s Corn Flakes.
b. Nabisco Shredded Wheat. [CORRECT. It first hit kitchen tables in 1892.]
c. General Mills’ Cheerios.
– “US News & World Report”

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Which movie star’s acting ability is vastly overrated?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I got arrested the other day for scalping the low numbers at the deli counter.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: Men are 50% more likely than women to do THIS on a business trip.
Answer: Feel homesick.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Give me ambiguity or give me something else!