Monday, April 25, 2011        Edition: #4491

Guaranteed 100% ‘Grade A’ Bull!

• 24-year-old Lindsay Lohan is said to be ‘angry’ about her 120-day jail sentence but willing to serve some time. She was charged with probation violation by an LA judge Friday and ordered back to jail for a 4th time. The sentence also includes 400 hours of community service. After a brief stint in the slammer she’s been freed on bail and is considering an appeal to the length of the sentence. (The sad thing is, she’ll likely only service a week or two due to overcrowding.)
• The latest rumored lineup for Simon Cowell’s US version of “The X-Factor” features previously-announced LA Reid, alongside Cheryl Cole from the UK version of the show, and … Paula Abdul. Yep, speculation has it Simon is looking to resurrect his former “American Idol” castmate. (Likely as a convenient target for his prickly humor.)
• Fans of Paris Hilton (are there any?) can live in her LA home for the Summer if they’re willing to pony up a staggering $20,000-a-month, as the hotel heiress has decided to rent out the 4-bedroom estate she purchased for $3.9 million in 2007. The fully-furnished abode is perched above West Hollywood’s famous Sunset Strip and features large black & white portraits of Hilton on the walls. (Ah, there’s a deal-breaker!)
• “Glee” actor-turned-screenwriter Chris Colfer (‘Kurt Hummel’) has sold a pilot episode for a kids’ TV show to Disney Channel. The 20-year-old’s script for “The Little Leftover Witch” is adapted from the Florence Laughlin book about a witch who is taken in by a family after crash-landing her broom. Colfer has already penned a movie script, “Struck by Lightning”, due to be filmed this Summer. (Of all the “Glee” cast, he seems to be the only one planning for a future.)
• 21-year-old “Harry Potter” actress Emma Watson has now officially ended her studies at Brown University by applying for a transfer. The move comes amid rumors she’s leaving due to bullying from other students at the Providence, Rhode Island school. Her rep says there isn’t ‘a grain of truth’ to that rumor, insisting the actress is moving elsewhere to pursue a course that’s not offered at the university. (We’re betting the first offer of a film role and she’s outta there too.)
• And just in time for his overblown royal wedding, photos of Britain’s 28-year-old Prince William have been published in a British paper showing him stripped to his boxer shorts and dancing in a feather boa while a girl ties a pink corsage around his waist. The pics are apparently from a party back in 2002, before he began dating fiancee Kate Middleton. Another who attended the bash claims ‘Wills wasn’t a big boozer, these were just hijinks’. (Back before he became dull.)
– “The People”

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Drive-By Truckers (“Go-Go Boots”).
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV) – The remaining couples dance to their favorite musical guilty pleasures; Hanson performs.
• “Gayle King” (OWN) – Toni Braxton (“Pulse”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Alter Bridge (“AB III”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Sarah Lee Guthrie & Johnny Irion (“Bright Examples”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Darius Rucker (“Charleston SC 1966”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Lupe Fiasco (“Lasers”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Justin Bieber (“Never Say Never – The Remixes”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Alison Krauss & Union Station (current #1 country album, “Paper Airplane”); Christina Aguilera (“Bionic”).

• Elton John – He’s confirmed son Zachary will have a DNA test to determine whether Elton or partner David Furnish is the lad’s biological dad. Both contributed to the fertilization process via a surrogate mother.
• Katy Perry – Brit comic Russell Brand (“Arthur”) tells “Daily Star” he’d love to appear in a movie with his pop star wife. Their kissing scene in “Get Him to the Greek” (2010) was axed out of fear it would be perceived as ‘too cheesy’.
• Lady Gaga – A 33-year-old fan who suffered cardiac arrest at her Nashville, Tennessee show last week is now expected to make a full recovery. Crystal Thornton’s heart was restarted using a portable defibrillator and she was subsequently airlifted to hospital. Her biggest concern now … she’s disappointed she missed the rest of the show.
• LeAnn Rimes – The 28-year-old country singer wed 37-year-old actor Eddie Cibrian in a private ceremony in Malibu, California on Friday. Some 40 family & friends were invited to a private residence to celebrate what they thought was an engagement party, but the gathering turned out to be the actual wedding. Surprise!
• Papa Roach – Tonight they begin their “Raid the Nation” tour in Anaheim, California. Opening acts are Finger Eleven and Pop Evil.
• Taylor Swift – She’s acquiring quite the real estate portfolio, buying her parents a 5,000-sq-ft home in Nashville and herself a house in Los Angeles so she doesn’t have to stay in hotels when visiting.

Podiatrist Robert Kornfeld contends lifestyle and diet can be helpful in controlling foot odor. How so? Diets high in refined carbohydrates often serve as food for bacteria and fungus in the body, causing it to seek ways to get rid of it. One way is to expel it into the skin to slough off with dying skin cells. When it’s enclosed in a shoe, the odor can become extreme. The bottom line: Eliminating refined carbs and balancing protein, healthy fats, and complex carbs can help reduce or even eliminate foot odor. (And maybe washing your socks at least one-a-month!)

• ‘iRobot Looj Gutter Cleaning Robot’ – From the people who brought us the ‘Roomba’ robotic vacuum cleaner comes this remote-controlled device that you just place it on your gutter and turn on in order to have your eaves troughs automatically dredged and cleaned. The MSRP is circa $130. (Great idea … except you still have to scale a ladder to get it up there.)
• ‘justinCase’ – The new iPhone case and … condom carrier. (Seems the perfect combination for people who like to multi-task.)

Researchers at Montréal’s Concordia University think that one reason seniors experience reduced learning and memory ability is because their minds have become cluttered with irrelevant information. Using a computer analogy, the scientists suggest we ‘defrag’ and empty our brain’s ‘trash bin’ to improve cognitive performance. Methods to reduce mental clutter include challenging activities such as learning a new language, playing an instrument, doing crossword puzzles, maintaining an active social life, and exercising. (Wouldn’t it be cool if we had a ‘delete’ button? So long, marriage #1!)

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 77% of us will do (or have completed) some sort of massive Spring clean-up.
• 70% of men say that, when it comes to women, it’s what’s inside that counts.
• 61% of guys say they’d be flattered to find their phone number scrawled on a bathroom wall.
• 53% of pet owners admit they talk ‘baby talk’ to their beasts.
• 50% of adults can’t remember their ‘prom song’ from high school.
• 8% of us use a foot instead of a hand to flush the handle when using public toilets.

Tara Frey of River Falls, Wisconsin prepared for her high school prom for 6 years. She carefully made a dress, vest, bracelets, earrings, headband, and shoes, all out of … Starburst candy wrappers. In order to accumulate enough of them, her mother would buy 20 bags of Starburst at a time and the entire community chipped in as well. After all that, Frey’s odd costume fit in unbelievably well at her prom, because the theme turned out to be …. ‘Candyland’.
– ABC News

• Alcohol provides anywhere from 5-to-7% of the total calories for the average imbiber.
• The average adult has between 40-and-50 billion fat cells.
• A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue.


1940 [71] Al Pacino, NYC, 5’-6” movie actor (1992 Oscar-“Scent Of a Woman”)/TV actor (2004 Emmy Award-“Angels in America”)

1964 [47] Hank Azaria, Queens NY, TV voice actor (‘Moe Szyslak’/’Chief Wiggum’/’Apu’/’Comic Book Guy’/’Cletus’/’Professor Frink’ and others on “The Simpsons” since 1989)

1969 [42] Joe Buck, St Petersburg FL, sportscaster (FOX-TV’s lead play-by-play guy)/son of late Hall of Fame sportscaster Jack Buck

1969 [42] Renée Zellweger, Baytown TX, movie actress (“Bridget Jones” films, 2003 Oscar-“Cold Mountain”)/briefly Mrs Kenny Chesney (2005)

1970 [41] Jason Lee, Orange CA, TV actor (“Memphis Beat” since 2010, “My Name Is Earl” 2005-09)/movie actor (“Alvin & The Chipmunks”, “Almost Famous”)

• “Anzac Day”, a public holiday in Australia & New Zealand commemorating the 1915 landing at Gallipoli, Turkey of the Australian & New Zealand Army Corps, during World War I. The holiday salutes their incredible bravery in the face of overwhelming odds. Figure out an appropriate toast using this OZ slang dictionary …

• “Dyngus Day”, a traditional Polish holiday designed as a day of fun on “Easter Monday” when guys chase after girls with squirt guns, buckets, and other containers of water. The more bold and gallant boys use cologne. Tradition has it the females get revenge on Tuesday when they throw dishes or crockery back at the boys. But it’s become increasingly popular for girls to get their revenge right away, tossing water back at the boys. For obvious reasons, this wacky event is also known as “Wet Easter Monday”.

• “Easter Egg Roll”, an annual celebration held on the South Lawn of the White House in Washington DC on “Easter Monday” for children & their parents. The ‘Egg Roll’ itself is a race, where children push an egg through the grass with a long-handled club. Dolly Madison, the wife of President James Madison, began the event in 1814 when hundreds of children brought their decorated eggs to join in games.

• “International Red Hat Day”, an annual celebration of the ‘Red Hat Society’, begun in 1997 as a social organization designed to provide interaction among women over 50 and to reshape the way they’re viewed. There are now millions of mature women who attend various ‘RHS’ events worldwide, all of them wearing the trademark red hats and purple dresses first mentioned in the Jenny Joseph poem, “Warning”. (

• “Malaria Awareness Day”, the 4th annual observance with the ultimate goal of eradicating malaria on the African continent. Step 1 is providing mosquito nets for prevention.

• “Martin Waldseemuller Remembrance Day”, commemorating the man who gave the Americas their name 504 years ago today (1507). The German mapmaker named the New World after minor explorer Amerigo Vespucci, whom he mistakenly thought had discovered it. There were many others more deserving that he could have selected, including Columbus, Cabot, Cartier, Champlain, Hudson, or even Leif Eriksson.

• “World Penguin Day”, an annual excuse to salute one of the few natives of Antarctica by wearing penguin colors … black & white.

1981 [30] “Call Me” by Blondie tops the pop music chart

1901 [110] New York becomes the 1st US state to require auto license plates (inscribed with owner’s initials)

1955 [56] Philip Yazdzik eats record 72 hamburgers at one sitting in Chicago (then sets another record for Rolaids)

[Tues] “The Voice” premieres (NBC)
[Tues] Kids & Pets Day
[Tues] Richter Scale Day
[Wed] Administrative Professionals Day
[Wed] International Guide Dog Day
[Wed] International Noise Awareness Day
[Thurs] Steve Carell’s final episode of “The Office” (NBC)

Administrative Professionals Week / Dance Week / Playground Safety Week / Safe Kids Week / Scoop the Poop Week / Sky Awareness Week


A highlight bit culled from 18 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
It’s “Canada-United States Goodwill Week” sponsored by Kiwanis International to bring about a better understanding of the Canadian & American ways of life. So let’s review a few …
• No hockey team in Canada named after ducks.
• Canadians keep the peace, Americans carry a piece.
• Americans have a president; Canadians have a dictator (only kidding … sorta).
• Doesn’t say ‘flocons de mais grillés’ on a US box of Corn Flakes.
• Americans have a ‘buck’; Canadians have a ‘loonie’.
• Americans have sunny beaches in Florida to visit each Winter, while Canadians have … sunny beaches in Florida to visit each Winter.
– First published in “BS” 1994

Should cigars be exempt from ‘no smoking’ zones? (Pro-cigar groups have sprung up of late, spreading the message that their product is fundamentally different from cigarettes. The movement seeks to exempt cigars from indoor smoking bans and promote ‘cigar bars’ and ‘smoking lounges’ inside cigar stores. On the other hand, there are those who think that stinky stogies should be first in line for banning.)

We’re hearing about Britain’s royal family ad nauseam this week, but how many other European countries have monarchies?
a. 2.
b. 5.
c. 10. [CORRECT. Andorra, Belgium, Denmark, Lichtenstein, Luxembourg, Monaco, the Netherlands, Norway, Spain, Sweden. Vatican City is also technically an ‘elective monarchy’.]

Life is like a cactus … around every corner there’s another prick.

Today’s Question: People do THIS on Monday more than any other day of the week.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Drink coffee.

Any change looks terrible at first.

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