Wednesday, April 25, 2012        Edition: #4735

Guaranteed 100% ‘Grade A’ Bull!

FOX-TV has announced “American Idol” host Ryan Seacrest will remain on the show, sources suggesting he’s signed a 2-year contract extension at $15 million per year but that hasn’t been confirmed (would a fresh face make you more interested in tuning in again?) . . .  24-year-old actor Zac Efron says filming love scenes with 44-year-old Nicole Kidman for the upcoming sexual thriller “Paperboy” has been the ‘highlight’ of his life because he’s always had a crush on her (since he was 5 and she was 25) . . . Actor Daniel Craig tells “Washington Post” he’s playing a ‘wittier, funnier’ James Bond in the next 007 flick, “Skyfall”, because there’s a lightness of touch in the writing that’s been missing in the last 2 films (it’s what made Sean Connery the best Bond) . . . New figures from Nielsen Research show that every broadcast TV network has lost a significant number of viewers this season – particularly among the 18-49 demographic – thanks to more online time and a switch to TV viewing on video websites (time to change the business model and get with the times) . . . And according to source who confirmed the news to E! Online, 25-year-old sorta actress Megan Fox (“Transformers”) is expecting her 1st child via hubby Brian Austin Green and has ‘cleared her film schedule for the foreseeable future’ in order to focus on the pregnancy (that must have taken about 3 seconds).

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The finalists perform for the judges; original Queen bandmates Brian May & Roger Taylor guest.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Ben Kweller (“Go Fly a Kite”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – LP (“Into the Wild”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Melvins (“The Bulls & The Bees “).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – The War on Drugs (“Slave Ambient”).
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Ashanti (“The Declaration”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Ziggy Marley (“Wild & Free”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – The Wanted (“Battleground”).

• Bee Gees – 62-year-old Robin Gibb has vowed to sing again after fighting back from a coma which doctors said he had just a 10% chance of surviving. According to reports, he contracted pneumonia while being treated with chemotherapy for colorectal cancer.
• The Black Keys – Tonight the 2nd leg of their North American tour gets underway in Austin, Texas, with special guest Arctic Monkeys.
• Carrie Underwood – She leads nominations for the 2012 “CMT Music Awards” with 5 nods. The 11th annual ceremony will be broadcast live from Nashville TN on June 6th.
• LMFAO – Producer Goonrock says he first offered “Party Rock Anthem” to Flo Rida but he turned the tune down, so LMFAO reworked the lyrics slightly to create a monster hit for themselves.
• Madonna – A black & white photo of her naked in bed smoking a cigarette is expected to fetch circa $8,000 at a NYC auction on May 8th. The pic was taken in 1990 when she was 32-years-old.
• Michael Jackson – Jackie Jackson, one of his brothers, is suggesting a ‘hologram’ form of Michael may be joining the Jackson 5 for their upcoming tour. Would you want to see a fake MJ in concert? (For that matter, would you want to see the Jackson 5 in concert?)
• The Saturdays – The British girl group has a deal with E! network to star in a reality TV series which will follow the 5 females on the road, in the recording studio, and at home. They’ve had 4 hit albums in the UK and Ireland since 2008, but have yet to find a fan-base ‘across the pond’.
• System Of a Down – The reunited rockers will tour this Summer alongside The Deftones on a brief North American trek that begins August 2nd in Philadelphia PA.
• Tupac Shakur – Dr Dre is now saying the much-talked-about ‘virtual 2Pac’ was created specifically for the Coachella Festival and not intended to go on tour. However, he adds: “If a tour happens, we’ll see.” (BS translation: Money talks.)

British scientists have built an ‘intelligent’ electric car that’s designed to enable people 65+ to drive longer. Fitted with a range of devices, the modified Peugeot iOn monitors the driver’s concentration, stress level, and driving habits. The Newcastle University research group working on the project is also hoping to develop new satellite navigation technology that’s more suitable for over-65s. Instead of the traditional direction-led audio navigation, this could include directions given through visual cues such as an upcoming mailbox or pub. (How about an ‘automatic turn signal shut-off’?)
– “The Independent”

The cost of a pack of cigarettes in New Zealand could increase to as much as $100 by 2020 as the country moves toward stamping out smoking. The Ministry of Health wants New Zealand to be smoke-free by 2025 and the suggested increase gives the first hint of the drastic measures being discussed. While the $100 price- point is considered ‘probably unrealistic’, a more likely model would see a shock tax increase next year, and then a 10%-a-year increase, which would mean a packet of cigarettes would cost about $60 by 2025. (Would you quit at 50 cents a puff?)

New terms leaking into our lingo …
✓ ‘Hair Crush’ – Being envious of someone with fab hair that you would kill to have. (“I have such a hair crush on Andie MacDowell in those L’Oreal ads. How can she have hair that hot at 54-years-old?”)
✓ ‘Rollup’ – Prison slang for when an inmate is transferred from one facility to another. You are often ‘rolled up’ to a higher security facility for causing trouble. (“I’m being rolled up to maximum just for rolling up a few joints in my cell.”)
✓ ‘Seagen’ – A vegan that will eat seafood. Similar to a ‘pescatarian’, a vegetarian who eats fish; and a ‘pollo-vegetarian’ who will eat poultry. ‘Flexitarians’ are even less committed, they ‘try’ to eat less meat. (‘Cannibal-vegetarians’ eat no animal flesh, with the exception of humans.)


• As the result of an attendance scam, some 50 Berkeley, California high school students are facing suspension. By paying for an administrative password to access attendance software called ‘PowerSchool’, the students were able to manipulate attendance data, allowing them to skip classes without their parents being informed. When the breach was discovered over Spring Break, it took administrators over 50 hours to determine the magnitude of the scam. (They should at least get an A+ in Computer Programming.)
• A couple in Chengdu, China have consulted a cosmetic hospital for plastic surgery because … they want to look more alike. The woman shares her boyfriend’s thick brows and big eyes, but they have different face types. So they’ve asked a cosmetic surgeon for a face-lift to make her face as thin as her partner’s. It seems to be some sort of trend as the surgeon had 2 other couples ask for matching plastic surgery the same day. (Picture yourself making love, looking up into … your own face.)
– “Globe & Mail”
• A man in Utica, New York has attempted to rob 3 different banks in a single day, armed only with … a toilet plunger. The 49-year-old wannabe bandit brandished his ‘weapon’ at bemused tellers in the first bank. When they just ignored him, he tried 2 other banks, with the same predictable result. (He thought his crime would leave him flush, but instead his plans went down the crapper.)

Take note, celeb parents: It’s not creative and arty if it just makes us laugh.
1. Rutherford
2. Apple
3. Floyd
4. Kermit
5. Nevaeh
6. Cinnamon
7. Dabney
8. Optimus
9. Thor
10. Moses
There are 90 more numbskull names here …
– “Maxim Magazine”

Zach Hample of NYC is a ‘ballhawk’, someone who tries to catch baseballs hit or thrown into the stands at MLB games. But that doesn’t say enough. Hample is the ultimate, professional ballhawk. He’s caught more than 5,800 balls because he studies the layout of ballparks, the stand-throwing habits of players, and ways of presenting himself so that players will find him appealing. Hample is a master of his craft, and he’s passed on his knowledge by writing a book to enlighten those who wish to become effective ballhawks.


One mystery that scientists have uncovered is that the names of colors always seem to appear in a specific order of importance across different languages and cultures – black, white, red, green, yellow, and blue.


“We don’t ever want our music to sound like a 40-year-old man in an office has written it and given it to us to perform.”
– Harry Styles of One Direction, telling “The Sun” they strive to keep their music fresh.


1940 [72] Al Pacino, NYC, 5’-6” movie actor (1992 Oscar-“Scent Of a Woman”, “The Godfather Part II”)/TV actor (“You Don’t Know Jack”, “Angels in America”)

1964 [48] Hank Azaria, Queens NY, TV voice actor (‘Moe Szyslak’/’Chief Wiggum’/’Apu’/’Comic Book Guy’/’Cletus’/’Professor Frink’ and others on “The Simpsons” since 1989)

1969 [43] Joe Buck, St Petersburg FL, sportscaster (FOX-TV’s lead play-by-play guy)/son of late Hall of Fame sportscaster Jack Buck

1969 [43] Renée Zellweger, Katy TX, movie actress (“Bridget Jones” films, 2003 Oscar-“Cold Mountain”)/briefly Mrs Kenny Chesney (2005)

1970 [42] Jason Lee, Orange CA, TV actor (“Memphis Beat” 2010-11, “My Name Is Earl” 2005-09)/movie actor (“Alvin & The Chipmunks: Chip-Wrecked”, “Almost Famous”)


• “Administrative Professionals Day” (“Secretaries Day” in ancient times), the 60th annual observance since 1952 to salute those dedicated souls in the office who do the work in the trenches. The 2012 theme is: ‘Admins, the pulse of the office’. (See BULL’S BITS)
A  few quick tips to help make the office less stressful …

• “Anzac Day”, a public holiday in Australia & New Zealand commemorating the 1915 landing at Gallipoli, Turkey by the Australian & New Zealand Army Corps, during World War I. The holiday salutes their incredible bravery in the face of overwhelming odds. Figure out an appropriate toast using this OZ slang dictionary …

• “International Guide Dogs Day”, observed annually on the last Wednesday of April to acknowledge the vital service guide dogs provide to people who are vision-impaired.

• “International Red Hat Day”, an annual celebration of the ‘Red Hat Society’, begun in 1997 as a social organization for women over 50 and to reshape the way they’re viewed. There are now millions of mature women who attend various ‘RHS’ events worldwide, all of them wearing the trademark red hats and purple dresses first mentioned in the Jenny Joseph poem, “Warning”.

• “Malaria Awareness Day”, the 5th annual observance with the ultimate goal of eradicating malaria on the African continent. Step 1 is providing mosquito nets for prevention.

• “Plumbers Day”. Let’s all do the plumber’s salute … drop your pants 2 inches!

• “World Penguin Day”, an annual excuse to salute one of the few natives of Antarctica by wearing penguin colors … black & white.


2003 [09] The parents of late Doors frontman Jim Morrison sue the remaining members for touring with a new singer as “The Doors 21st Century”, using the band’s image & logo

2004 [08] For the 3rd time in 2 years, pop singer Billy Joel is involved in a minor traffic accident, driving his car into a house on Long Island, New York (fortunately, no one is injured)

1901 [111] New York becomes the 1st US state to require auto license plates (inscribed with owner’s initials)


1955 [57] Philip Yazdzik eats a record 72 hamburgers at one sitting, in Chicago IL (then sets another record for Rolaids)

[Thurs] Hug an Australian Day
[Thurs] Kids & Pets Day
[Thurs] Take Our Daughters & Sons to Work Day (USA)
[Fri] Disc Jockey Day
[Fri] Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way Ball 2012” tour begins (Seoul, South Korea)
[Fri] Hairball Awareness Day
This Week Is … Playground Safety Week
This Month Is … Month Of the Military Child


• Since she was hired, you’ve been going through 5-grand a week in petty cash.
• You can’t remember the last time you got a phone call.
• Instead of makeup, she opts for a Magic Marker moustache & sideburns.
• Several times a week firefighters have to free her from the vending machine.
• People from Guinness Book of World Records keep showing up to measure her fingernails.
• While taking minutes of a board meeting, she says, “Wait a sec, I missed what fatso just said.”
• Just can’t seem to get the hang of Post-It Notes.

☎ Who do you find it easiest to ‘be yourself’ with? (The results of a new study show that participants are more likely to ‘be themselves’ with partners, followed by friends and then parents.)

The ‘Barbie’ doll got her very first car 50 years ago in 1962. Which was it?
a. Baby blue Ford Falcon.
b. Pink Chevy Corvette.
c. Coral-colored Austin Healy. [CORRECT. It was made by Irwin Corporation for Mattel.]

After only one karate lesson I can break boards with my cast.

Question: A poll of women about strange but common cravings during pregnancy finds ‘ice’ tops the list, followed by ‘coal’, and THIS.
Answer: Toothpaste.

A great idea needs landing gear, not just wings.

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