BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Lindsay Lohan was allegedly a late arrival on the set to shoot her upcoming “Glee” appearance (airing May 15th) following a night out on the town (on the upside, we’re told she nailed her lines and was very polite to cast & crew) . . . According to actress Mila Kunis, the rumors circulating that she & Ashton Kutcher are friends with benefits are ‘absurd’ (sorry, “That ‘70s Show” fans) . . . Tuesday was a record-setting night for the new TV show “The LA Complex” (CW), but unfortunately it was the record for lowest-rated broadcast drama debut of all-time (oops!) . . . Yahoo! continues to add shows to its online network, including a new talk show hosted by actor Jeff Goldblum, an X Games-type show called “Stunt Nation”, and a musical comedy from the “Rock of Ages” creators tentatively titled “Dancing With Myself” (this is where we’re going folks – online TV) . . . Actress Katherine Heigl & her singer-songwriter hubby Josh Kelley have adopted a 2nd child, a new sister for their 3-year-old daughter Naleigh (the latest goofy name yet to be announced) . . . “Gossip Girl” executive producer Josh Safran is reportedly being brought onboard to try to save NBC-TV’s failing “Smash” when it returns for a 2nd season (3 words, dude – hologram Marilyn Monroe) . . . And just when you thought there was nothing left to possibly know about singer-turned-fashion maven Jessica Simpson’s upcoming delivery, she says she wants to give birth in a leopard caftan (or in a Mercury Cougar or some such falderal).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight Jason Mraz (“Love Is a Four-Letter Word”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight fun (“Some Nights”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Nick Lowe (“At My Age”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Mike Snow (“Happy to You”).
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Today Daughtry (“Break the Spell”).
• New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival – Tonight the 1st of the annual event’s 2 weekends gets underway. Performers for the 42nd edition include Eagles, Feist, Foo Fighters, Florence & The Machine, Grace Potter & The Nocturnals, Herbie Hancock, My Morning Jacket, Neville Bros, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, and Zac Brown Band. More than 400,000 fans are expected.
NET: http://www.nojazzfest.com
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Channing Tatum (“Haywire”); musical guest Bon Iver (“Bon Iver”). Rerun.
• Stagecoach Country Music Festival (Indio CA) – Tonight the SRO 6th annual 3-day California country bash gets underway. This year’s acts include Alabama, The Band Perry, Blake Shelton, Brad Paisley, Eli Young Band, Jason Aldean, Justin Moore, Luke Bryan, Martina McBride, Miranda Lambert, and Sara Evans.
NET: http://stagecoachfestival.com
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight The Wanted (“Battleground”).

TV SEASON FINALÉ:
✓ “The Good Wife” (CBS/Global) – Sunday Martha Plimpton (“Raising Hope”) guest-stars.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• BSBNKOB – Backstreet Boys’ & New Kids On the Block’s Sunday concert at London’s O2 Arena will be streamed live to cinemas across Europe.
• Britney Spears – She’s no longer a slave to her father as a judge has granted her manager-fiancé, Jason Trawick, the right to co-manage her finances.
• Carrie Underwood – The 29-year-old tells “Nightline” (ABC) there are no plans for raising a family in her immediate future. Quote: “Right now in my life, I’m smart enough to know that I’m a selfish person right now, and I can be, and that’s okay.”
• Jack White – Tonight his concert at NYC’s Webster Hall will be webcast by VEVO. The production is being directed by movie actor Gary Oldman (“Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy”).
• Ke$ha – She’s taunted police in California by posting a naughty photo of herself urinating in the street online, an offence that could cost her a $270-fine. Quote: “Come and get me if you can find me.” (Is this what maintaining fame has come to?)
• Lady Gaga – Tonight her “Born This Way Ball 2012” tour begins in Seoul, South Korea. Gaga describes the show as an ‘Electro-Metal Pop-Opera’. The monster world tour entails some 110 shows around-the-world in just the 1st round. It’s slated to run well into 2013.
• Maroon 5 – They’ve become the first group to top 490,000 digital download sales in a week with their new single “Payphone”. Flo Rida still holds the overall 1-week download record with 636,000 in 2009 (“Right Round”).
• Paul McCartney – He’s moved up the list of the UK’s richest thanks to his marriage to Nancy Shevell. His fortune was estimated at $792 million last year, but has now risen to $1.6 billion due to his wife’s family fortune. The couple is 3rd in the “Sunday Times” new ‘Rich List Music Millionaires’, with only a couple of theatrical producers above them.
• Usher – Saturday he joins the cast of the off-Broadway play “Fuerza Bruta” for 2 performances, playing the lead role. The show has no dialogue but combines aerial imagery, acrobatics, and dance. His new album “Looking For Myself” is due out June 12th.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “The Five-Year Engagement” ( R-Rated Romantic Comedy ): Jason Segel & Emily Blunt star in this comedy that charts the ups & downs of an engaged couple’s relationship. The duo previously played romantic interests in “Gulliver’s Travels” and also both appeared in “The Muppets”. Directed by Nicholas Stoller (“Forgetting Sarah Marshall”).
NET: http://www.thefiveyearengagementmovie.com
• “The Pirates! Band of Misfits” ( PG Animated Adventure ): When ‘The Pirate Captain’ sets out on a mission to defeat his rivals ‘Black Bellamy’ and ‘Cutlass Liz’ for the Pirate Of the Year award, the quest takes him and his crew from the shores of Blood Island to the foggy streets of Victorian London. Voice cast includes Hugh Grant, Salma Hayek, Jeremy Piven.
NET: http://thepirates-movie.com
• “The Raven” ( R-Rated Mystery Thriller ): When a madman begins committing horrific murders inspired by Edgar Allan Poe’s works, a young Baltimore detective (Luke Evans) joins forces with author Poe (John Cusack) to stop him from making the mystery stories a reality. Co-stars Alice Eve, Brendan Gleeson. Shot in Belgrade, Serbia and Budapest, Hungary.
NET: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeLrtwniqM4
• “Safe” ( R-Rated Crime Thriller ): Veteran action-film actor Jason Statham plays an ex-cage fighter who comes to the aid of ‘Mei’ (Catherine Chan), a young girl whose memory holds a priceless numerical code. That’s made her the target of Triads, the Russian mob, and corrupt NYC cops. Co-stars Chris Sarandon, Robert John Burke.
NET: http://www.safethefilm.com

SONIC STEROIDS:
Costas Karageorghis, head of the Music in Sport Research group at Brunel University in London, says that music can be a ‘legal drug’ for athletes. In his latest book, “Inside Sport Psychology”, he claims that listening to music while running can boost performance by up to 15%. How so? Music lowers the perception of effort. It can trick your mind into feeling less tired during a workout, and also encourage positive thoughts. Music can also act as a sedative or a stimulant. A fast tempo serves to pump you up; slower music can help you focus. (Will we be seeing athletes wearing earbuds at this Summer’s London Olympics?)
– “The Guardian”

CREATIVE BUZZ:
These days, students often choose the buzz of a café over a silent library as a place to work away from home. A recent study suggests they may have good reason. People subjected to a moderate amount of everyday background noise – around 70 decibels – prove more creative and more interested in innovation. By making it just a little harder to concentrate, a moderate amount of noise seems to induce us to think more abstractly, which enhances creativity. (The problem is, the difference between abstraction and distraction can be razor thin.)
– “Boston Globe”

NEW SPAM CHAMPION:
India has become the top spam-spewing nation on the planet. A new report from the security firm Sophos ranks nations by the amount of junk mail routed through computers in each country. India has leapt to the top of the spam chart in less than a year, with about 10% of all junk mail sent across the web coming from or passing through computers in that country. In 2nd place is the USA (8.3%), followed by South Korea (5.7%). (Have you – or anyway you’ve ever heard of – actually purchased something due to spammed advertising?)
– BBC News

WE GOT THE LAW WRONG:
University of Utah studies show that drivers talking on hands-free phones are just as impaired as those on hand-held phones because it’s the conversation, not the device, that’s diverting their attention. The research shows that drivers talking on any kind of cellphone react more slowly and miss more traffic signals than others. And phone conversations are far more distracting than talking with a passenger, since a person riding in the vehicle sees the same traffic hazards as the driver, and therefore doesn’t expect uninterrupted conversation. (Seems laws banning hand-helds did nothing but make more money for phone-makers.)
– “Wall Street Journal”

BS AMAZING FACT:
Ants inoculate themselves by licking each other.
– “New Scientist”

BS CHRONOMETER 04.27.12

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1951 [61] Paul (‘Ace’) Frehley, Bronx NY, former rock singer-guitarist (KISS-“Rock ‘n Roll All Nite”, “Beth”)

1978 [34] Jim James (James Edward Olliges Jr), Louisville KY, indie rock singer-guitarist (My Morning Jacket-“Friends Again”)

1978 [34] Patrick Hallahan, Louisville KY, indie rock drummer (My Morning Jacket-“Holdin’ On to Black Metal”)

1984 [28] Patrick Stump, Glenview IL, pop-rock singer-guitarist (Fall Out Boy-“She’s My Winona”, This Ain’t a Scene, It’s an Arms Race”)

SATURDAY –
TV actor Paul Guilfoyle (“CSI”) is 63; “Tonight Show” host Jay Leno is 62; TV actress Bridget Moynahan (“Blue Bloods”) is 41; TV actor Jorge Garcia (“Alcatraz”) is 39; Movie actress Penelope Cruz (“Vicky Cristina Barcelona”) is 38; Movie actress Jessica Alba (“Little Fockers”) is 31; TV actor Harry Shum Jr (“Glee”) is 30; TV actress Jenna Ushkowitz (“Glee”) is 26.

SUNDAY –
Country singer Duane Allen (Oak Ridge Boys) is 69; Comedian Jerry Seinfeld (“Seinfeld”) is 58; Movie actor Daniel Day-Lewis (“There Will Be Blood”) is 55; Movie actress Michelle Pfeiffer (“New Year’s Eve”) is 54; Pop singer Carnie Wilson (Wilson Phillips) is 44; Movie actress Uma Thurman (“Kill Bill”) is 42.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Disc Jockey Day”, for some unknown reason celebrated on the last Friday in April.
BS WAYS EVERYONE CAN PARTICIPATE:
✓ Throw a party where everyone mingles about telling the time & temperature.
✓ Whenever you’re talking to someone, hold a hand over one ear.
✓ Get laughs by using cheap sound effects instead of telling actual jokes [rimshot SFX].
✓ Do play-by-play of the traffic on the way to work.
✓ Sit around practising talking deep. (“Hey now!”)
• “Freedom Day”, a South African public holiday celebrating the country’s first post-apartheid elections held on this day in 1994.
• “Hairball Awareness Day”. Any cat owner who’s ever stepped on a fresh wet one is already well aware! The usual cat hairball isn’t round but tubular, approximately 1 cm (half-inch) in diameter and about 4 cm (1.5 in) long. (Too much information?)
NET: http://bit.ly/14OK6x

SATURDAY –
• “Save the Frogs Day”, the 4th annual observance of the world’s largest day of amphibian education and conservation action. (What, is there a shortage of flies?)
NET: http://www.savethefrogs.com/day
• “Sense of Smell Day”, an annual event sponsored by the Sense of Smell Institute on the last Saturday of April at children’s museums and science centers that focuses on how the sense of smell plays an important role in daily life.
BEST SMELLS:
✓ Cinnamon buns fresh from the oven.
✓ The smell of rain (or just after rain).
✓ New car smell.
✓ Old book smell.
✓ Newly laundered clothes.
✓ The smell of Autumn.
✓ Vanilla.
✓ Just-bathed baby.
(And what about the sweet smell of success?)
• “Unite Against the War on Women”, a one-day non-partisan women’s rights event that includes rallies and marches across America. Organized by the UniteWomen.org.
NET: http://unitewomen.org/unite
• “World Tai Chi Day”, saluting the martial art that’s performed in slo-mo.
• “World Veterinary Day”, celebrated annually on the last Saturday of April to honor the medical professionals who work to maintain animal health.
NET: http://www.worldvet.org/node/9163

SUNDAY –
• “International Dance Day”, introduced in 1982 by UNESCO to increase awareness of the importance of dance in societies. A female ballet dancer is a ballerina. What do you call a male ballet dancer?
a. Ballerino. [An Italian term used at one time but now obsolete.]
b. Danseur. [CORRECT. Or just ‘male dancer’ will do.]
c. Twinkle-toes.
– National Ballet of Canada
• “Pet Parents Day”, honoring those who consider pets a part of their family. For all the treats you’ve given, for all the poop you’ve scooped, on this day we honor you!

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2006 [06] 63-year-old Keith Richards falls from a palm tree while vacationing in Fiji, landing on his head and causing a hemorrhage that requires doctors to drain his skull (eventually makes a full recovery … we think)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2006 [06] Construction begins on the 1,776-ft, 104-floor One World Trade Center (1 WTC) that stands on the former site of the World Trade Center in NYC (due to officially open 2013)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1986 [26] Andoni Dominguez of Vizcaya, Spain sets a world record by eating 2.4 lbs of snails (a little over a kilo) in 65 seconds

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] 1st International Jazz Day
[Mon] Honesty Day
[Mon] Take Back Prescription Drugs Day
[Mon] Spank Out Day
[Mon] Walpurgis Night
This Week Is … Dance Week
This Month Is … Card & Letter Writing Month

BULL’S BITS

MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANKIND:
• Why is it that ‘fat chance’ and ‘slim chance’ mean the same thing?
• Does ‘fuzzy logic’ tickle?
• If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
• How come there’s never time to do it right, only time to do it over?
• How do you make a U-turn in countries that don’t have ‘U’ in their alphabets?

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What do you think was the single most important event in sports history?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
So this skeleton goes into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop …

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: When it comes to driving, women are better at THIS than men.
Answer: Using turn signals.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Age isn’t important unless you’re a cheese.

Monthly Planning Calendar in Monday’s “BS”!