BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
“The Bull Sheet” is on hiatus next week (May 5-9) while we enjoy a little down-time. All subscribers will receive account credits for missed service days.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Movie star George Clooney (36), who has repeatedly said he’s not suited for marriage, is reportedly engaged to British lawyer Amal Alamuddin (36), according to several weekend reports. She was spotted last week wearing a large ring at an LA restaurant where she and Clooney were apparently celebrating their engagement with friends. They’ve been dating since October. The attraction may have to do with core beliefs: He’s a human rights activist and she practices human rights law.
– Reuters.com
★ Syndicated TV game show “Wheel of Fortune” is celebrating 6,000 episodes with $6,000-prizes all this week. Letter-turner Vanna White (57), who joined the show in 1982, shares these inside secrets …
✓ She hasn’t actually turned any letters since 1997 when the puzzleboard switched from manual to computerized.
✓ She has never repeated an outfit. She sports a new ensemble for every single episode.
✓ When she’s not on-camera, she answers fan mail, signs photos, and … crochets. (She has her own line of yarn, ‘Vanna’s Choice’.)
✓ She holds the “Guinness World Record” for clapping. With an estimated 100,000 individual claps per season, she’s applauded about 3.5 million times in her more-than-3 decades on the show. (Vanna tip: Cup your hands to prevent callouses.)
– Condensed from TIME.com
★ Latest word has it Kim Kardashian & Kanye West will celebrate their wedding with 3 ceremonies, one in California and two in France. To avoid red tape the couple’s lawyers are recommending they hold a civil ceremony in the US prior to their French nuptials on May 24th. Then they’ll wed once more in France, where law dictates a religious ceremony has to be performed after a civil ceremony, never before. According to a new report, the high-profile couple recently scouted a new location for their main event – the 17th-century, Louis XIV-commissioned Chateau de Louveciennes. Wherever the big event occurs, it’s said Kim will go through at least 3 dress changes during the day.
– RadarOnline.com
★ HBO and the BBC are set to co-produce a miniseries adaptation of JK Rowling’s best-selling novel, “The Casual Vacancy”, which will air on both networks in 3 one-hour installments. The story centers on ‘Pagford’, a seemingly idyllic English village with a cobbled market square and ancient abbey. But behind the town’s pretty exterior there is conflict between rich and poor, teens and parents, husbands and wives, and students and teachers. The novel has sold more than 6 million copies. Production on the miniseries begins this Summer in southwest England.
– Canoe.ca
★ And in an interview with “Time Out London”, movie actor Andrew Garfield reveals that, besides having the heightened senses and powers of a spider, his character in “The Amazing Spider-Man 2” is … Jewish. ‘Peter Parker’ is not a simple dude, he explains. He ums & ahs about his future because he’s neurotic. It’s a defining feature. Garfield, whose father is Jewish, says that he has that trait as well. Jewish dating site Jdate is apparently intrigued with the idea, going so far as to create a simulated profile for the super-powered hero. If things don’t work out with ‘Gwen Stacy’, maybe ‘Peter’ could find happiness with a nice Jewish girl?
– People.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – The dancers perform Latin-inspired dances; guest judge Ricky Martin.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Jennifer Lopez (“I Luh Ya PaPi”); Sleepy Man Banjo Boys (“By-My-Side”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV2) – twenty one pilots (“Vessel”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Aloe Blacc (“Lift Your Spirit”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Keith Urban (“Fuse”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – The top 10 artists perform; Rixton performs.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Carrie Underwood – The country star has been named to “TIME” magazine’s annual list of the ‘100 Most Influential People In the World’. The full list appears in the May 5th issue. In celebration, Carrie will headline the “Time 100 Gala” tomorrow night at NYC’s Lincoln Center.
NET: http://time.com/time100-2014
• Katy Perry – For her new video “Birthday”, she says she went undercover as 5 of the worst birthday entertainers (a bar mitzvah emcee, an over-the-hill exotic dancer, a drunken clown, an inept animal trainer, a snotty princess) because she was bored making sexual music videos.
• Luke Bryan – This week he’s doubled down, topping both the ‘Billboard Hot Country Songs’ chart with “Play It Again” and the ‘Top Country Albums’ chart with “Crash My Party”.
• Mariah Carey – She’s planning  to reveal her new album’s title, track listing, artwork, and music all at once via to-be-announced digital partners. The title, she tells “Billboard”, comes from a ‘personal possession that’s part of an entity’ she’s had almost all her life. Huh?
• Metallica – Lars Ulrich tells “Rolling Stone” they haven’t started recording their next album yet, but they are ‘deep into the songwriting part of it’. They’ll likely finish their European tour this Summer, he says, before heading into the studio.
• Nas – He’s begun work again on an album he stepped way from in 2012. His collaborators include Swizz Beatz, No ID, and Timbaland … who was producing the initial project before it was put on indefinite hold.
• Oasis – Liam Gallagher’s recent tweets suggest a reunion for the band could be in the cards. It’s difficult to keep track of all the make-ups and break-ups in their turbulent history.
• Selena Gomez – She’s apparently had an epiphany after Coachella, deciding to cut out the toxic distractions in her life. To that end, she’s unfollowed Kendall & Kylie Jenner, ex Justin Bieber, and a bunch of others on Instagram. Sources say she’s even attending church … daily.
• Willie Nelson – Today at a ceremony at Master Martial Arts in Austin TX, he receives his 5th degree Black Belt in the art of Gong Kwon Yu Sul, a modern Korean martial arts discipline. Pretty impressive for a guy who’s … turning 81 tomorrow.

HELLO, KITTY:
‘Kittyo’, an intriguing/obnoxious new app, will allow you to hang out with your cat via iPhone remote control when you’re not home. The system features a webcam for owners to check in on their cats, a remote-controlled laser pointer for playing, plus a treat dispenser. Pet parents can even talk to their kitties from afar … all of it controlled through a smartphone. The first ‘Kittyo’ units are expected to go on sale by November, priced at around $189. The project raised more than 5 times it’s funding goal on Kickstarter. (Apparently, people really miss their cats when they’re away at work!)
– “New York Post”

THE PROBLEMATIC PEOPLE IN EVERY OFFICE:
✓ The Lunch Thief – The stealthy forager who ate your lunch, or at least the best part of it.
✓ The Supply Hoarder – Whether it’s bathroom tissue or Post-Its, there’s always a shortage thanks to this wacko.
✓ The Print Hog – Uses the printer/copier to run thousands of garage sale flyers, missing cat posters, etc.
✓ The Paper Jammer – Totally screws up the copier making those posters, then leaves it jammed for you to deal with.
✓ The Stinky Food Perp – They want anchovies and hard boiled eggs for lunch. Deal with it.
✓ The Music Blaster – They’ve got “99 Problems” and headphones ain’t one. All. Day. Long.
✓ The TMI Talker – They take personal phone calls and discuss the juicy details of their one night stand, impending colonoscopy, and STD scare for all the world to hear.
✓ The Kitchen Destroyer – They leave globs of mayo all over, neglect to refill the coffee-maker, and … geez, what blew up in the microwave?
✓ The Rage Case – No matter what you say, they overreact. They yell at their computer, throw things in their cubicle, slam doors, and curse a lot.
– Adapted from TheFrisky.com

GETTING A BUZZ FROM BURT’S BEES:
‘Booming’ and ‘blazing’ are so 2010. Forget sniffing glue and smoking banana skins, kids are ‘beezin’ nowadays. What’s that? Putting Burt’s Bees lip balm on their eyelids. The sensation is said to cause disorientation similar to being drunk or stoned. Medical experts say it’s likely the product’s peppermint oil that’s making the kids laugh, but warn that it’s a very strong irritant and can cause inflammation in the eye, redness of the eye, and swelling. ‘Beezin’ has been around since last year, but it seems to be more of a ‘Pop Rocks & Coke’ kind of fad rather than an addictive habit. (It’s the new way to … do a ‘lid.)
– EliteDaily.com

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• 52% of the movie ticket-buying public are female, but only 15% of the protagonists in movies are women.
– “New York Observer”
• As of 2013 only 15% of executive producers and 25% of producers from the top 250 grossing movies were women, according to SDSU Center for the Study of Women in Television & Film.
– “Elle Magazine”

BS CHRONOMETER 04.28.14

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1949 [65] Paul Guilfoyle, Canton MA, TV actor (‘Captain Jim Brass’ on “CSI” 2000-14)

1950 [64] Jay Leno, New Rochelle NY, retired late-night TV host (“Tonight Show” 1992-2014)

1971 [43] Bridget Moynahan, TV actress (“Blue Bloods” 2010-14)/movie actress (“Sum of All Fears”)/NFL QB Tom Brady’s baby mama (2007)  UPCOMING: The movies “Midnight Sun” and “John Wick”, later this year.

1974 [40] Penelope Cruz (Sanchez), Madrid, Spain, movie actress (2009 Academy Award-“Vicky Cristina Barcelona”, “Pirates Of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides”)

1981 [33] Jessica Alba, Pomona CA, movie actress (“Machete Kills”, “Fantastic Four”)  COMING UP: “How to Make Love Like an Englishman”, opening later this year.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Biological Clock Day”, saluting our internal biological clock or Circadian Rhythm, which helps our bodies adapt to the daily cycle of day and night as the Earth rotates. (Unless you get up at 4 am to do a morning show.)

• “Poetry Reading Day”, a day to ‘read some great poetry, the world better to see.’ (“There once was a girl from St John’s …”)

• “Kiss Your Mate Day”, a day to share the pleasure of a kiss when he or she least expects it.

• “International Workers Memorial Day”, a worldwide day of remembrance and action for workers killed, disabled, injured, or made unwell by their work.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2006 [08] “People” magazine names Angelina Jolie the ‘World’s Most Beautiful Person’

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2001 [13] US millionaire Dennis Tito becomes ‘1st Space Tourist’, paying $12 million-plus to spend just under 8 days aboard a Russian Soyuz mission carrying supplies to the International Space Station

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1985 [29] ‘Largest Sand Castle’ is completed, standing 4-stories-tall (St Petersburg, Florida)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Day of Remembrance For Victims of Chemical Warfare
[Tues] International Dance Day
[Wed] CRA Income Tax deadline (Canada)
[Wed] Adopt a Shelter Pet Day
[Wed] Honesty Day
[Wed] Spank Out Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Air Quality Awareness Week / Dance Week / Infant Immunization Week / Mariachi Week / Scoop the Poop Week / Tattoo Week

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 21 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS SIGNS YOUR BABY IS A NERD:
• He cut his way out of the uterus with a light saber.
• Sits in the corner and cries when no one pays attention to him.
• Once took his rattle apart to see what makes the noise.
• He prefers sleeping in the basement.
• Converted his crib mobile into a gyroscope.
• His first words were reciting 10 digits of pi.
• Demands coffee with breast milk.
– First published in “BS” 2010.

TEST YOUR BALL-Q!
A few bits of baseball slang from the book “The Language of Sport” …
Barber … a pitcher with a reputation for throwing close to the batter’s head.
Throwing Gillettes … the kind of pitches the above pitcher throws.
Can of Corn … an easily played fly ball.
Downtown … where a well-hit home run goes.
Collar … what a player wears after going hitless in a game.
Chinese Home Run … a cheap homer to the closest fence.
Wheels … legs as in ‘he’s got good wheels’.
Tater … a home run.
One O’Clock Hitter … a player who hits well in batting practice but less so during the game.
Load Up the Ball … to illegally apply saliva or another substance to the ball before a pitch.
– First published in “BS” 1993.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS WEB GOODIE:
Wedding narcissism. For hire. A Nashville TN photographer remakes movie posters as wedding photos featuring the bride & groom.
NET: http://bit.ly/1ft4kxn

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• What makes a noise that’s known as ‘bergy seltzer’?
a. Shifting tectonic plates before an earthquake.
b. Melting glaciers. [CORRECT. Melting glaciers and icebergs make the distinctive fizzing sound.]
c. The human colon after Mexican food.
– Sourced from BuzzFeed.com

• What can parrots and swifts do that other birds can’t?
a. Somersaults.
b. Really good impressions of other birds.
c. Mate in mid-air. [CORRECT. Please, no mention of Air France flight attendants.]
– PA News

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What’s the weirdest thing you’ve had stolen from your home, workplace, or vehicle?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: THIS is as bad for your health as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.
Answer: Not having any friends.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward.

NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
Jim Hunt @ Mile High Sports Radio [KCKK] Denver CO; Adam Mitchell @ Total Debauchery Online Radio, Houston TX; Rajive Ellawala @ Pure FM 90.7, Victoria, Republic of Seychelles; Mitch Gray @ B-92.1 Country [WBTR] Carrollton GA; Kris Duckworth @ Radio New Braunfels [KNBT] New Braunfels TX; Courtney Potts @ Mountain Radio [CJPR] Blairmore AB; and Gregg Allen @ Party 934 Internet Radio, Cocoa FL.