Monday, April 29, 2013        Edition: #4973

Monthly Planning Calendar in Tomorrow’s “BS”!

✳ For 5 days this week, actor/director Ben Affleck is living on just $1.50-per-day as part of the ‘Live Below the Line’ campaign to help raise awareness of global poverty. Singer Josh Groban, actress Sophia Bush, and celebrity chefs Debi Mazar and Gabriele Corcos are also taking on the challenge. It’s estimated that 1.4 billion people on the planet live below the extreme poverty line, which is pegged to be equivalent to about $1.50 per day. (So you get $7.50 for the week … what would you buy? Don’t forget the drinking water.)
✳ Brit pop star Harry Styles seems to have moved on following his bust-up with Taylor Swift by reportedly embarking on a new relationship with Rod Stewart’s daughter. The 19-year-old One Direction heartthrob, who split with Swift in January, is now dating Kimberly Stewart, who’s 14 years his senior at age 33. She has an extensive track record with stars, including actors Benicio del Toro, Jude Law, Rhys Ifans, and Scott Caan; rockers Tommy Lee and Caleb Followill, and famous-for-nothin’ Jack Osbourne. (If she was a used car, she’d be a ‘high-miler’.)
✳ 75-year-old actress Jane Fonda cemented her place in Hollywood history on Saturday. The 2-time Academy Award winner was joined outside the Chinese Theatre by celebs like Eva Longoria, Jim Carey, and Maria Shriver as she pressed her hands and footprints into cement alongside those of her late father, actor Henry Fonda. The ceremony was part of the 2013 TCM Classic Film Festival, which afterward screened her and her father’s 1981 classic “On Golden Pond”. (Unbelievably, she has yet to receive a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame … unlike David Spade, Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen, Michael Bolton, The Rugrats, and Vanna White.)
✳ 50-year-old NBA basketball legend Michael Jordan wed his 35-year-old model-girlfriend Yvette Prieto at Bethesda-by-the-Sea Church in Palm Beach, Florida on the weekend. More than 2,000 guests attended the reception afterward in his 37,000 sq ft home on Jupiter Island. The fête included an incredibly expensive wedding singer … Usher. (Now that’s marrying like Mike!)
✳ 30-year-old “Glee” star Cory Monteith has thanked fans for their support after checking out of rehab where he was voluntarily enrolled for month-long treatment of ‘substance addiction’ issues. He took to his Twitter page on Friday to express his gratitude to well-wishers. He and his girlfriend, “Glee” co-star Lea Michele, were photographed reuniting at LAX before flying out of town. (And perhaps out of the limelight for good.)
✳ And CBS-TV has renewed “Two-and-a-Half Men” for an 11th season, with stars Ashton Kutcher & Jon Cryer each signing new 1-year contracts, but former child star Angus T Jones won’t be back. Insiders claim he’ll return only as a recurring guest star. The news comes just months after Jones hit headlines by taping a testimonial video for a religious organization, urging fans to stop watching the show because it’s ‘filth’. He later apologized. (Oops … too late!)
– “Jam! Showbiz”

• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Iggy & the Stooges (“Ready to Die”, out Tuesday).
• ComedyFest – The first-ever Twitter comedy festival gets underway today, played out in just 140 characters and 6-second videos. The event is co-sponsored by TV network Comedy Central. Comedians tweet jokes and post videos over the next 5 days.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Old Crow Medicine Show (“Carry Me Back”).
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – The couples dance for the judges on ‘Latin Night’; Juanes performs.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Zac Brown Band (“Uncaged”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Ben Harper w/Charlie Musselwhite (“Get Up!”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – The Band Perry (“Pioneer”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Fantasia (“Side Effects of You”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Contestants perform in hope of making it to the next round.

• “Bones” (FOX)
• “The Following” (FOX)

• Beyoncé – After recently debuting the song “Grown Woman” in a Pepsi ad, she’s teasing yet another new tune via a commercial for H&M. In this ad, she dances around on beach in a bikini while singing “Standing On the Sun”.
• Divinyls – Their 1990 hit “I Touch Myself” is about to become the theme song for breast cancer awareness in Australia. Lead singer Chrissy Amphlett died April 21st after a long battle with breast cancer and multiple sclerosis.
• George Jones – Considered by many the greatest country singer ever, Jones died Friday at age 81. A who’s-who of country music was scheduled to guest at the final show of his “Farewell Tour”, scheduled for Nashville’s Bridgestone Arena on November 22nd. It was already SRO.
• Jason Aldean – He and his wife Jessica Ussery have reportedly split, according to “Us Weekly”. The separation apparently happened in January, 7 months after he was photographed kissing former “American Idol” contestant Brittany Kerr.
• Michael Jackson – After a painstaking jury selection, his 82-year-old mom’s wrongful death trial vs AEG finally gets underway today. Katherine Jackson is suing the promoters of his never-realized 2009 concert dates, claiming they are partly responsible for his death.
• Rolling Stones – They played a ‘surprise’ gig at the Echoplex nightclub in Los Angeles on Saturday, a week ahead of kicking off their North American tour. 320 lucky fans received $20-tickets for the show after being alerted on the band’s Twitter account. This has become standard procedure for the Stones over the years before beginning a tour.
• Smashing Pumpkins – Tonight the North American leg of their 2013 world tour begins in Melbourne FL. The trek runs through Rock On the Range in Columbus OH on May 18th. They then tour Europe in June-July, and do a pair of Japanese shows at Summer Sonic in August.
• Toby Keith – He’s currently performing for military personnel and their families in Guam, Hawaii, and the Philippines as part of his 11th USO/Armed Forces Entertainment tour which runs through May 7th.

There’s a good chance you won’t have sex on your wedding night. Sex therapists say most couples have high expectations for mind-blowing sex on their first night of wedded bliss, but even a young bride & groom can be unprepared for the exhaustion that can hit after a ceremony, cake and champagne. If you end up falling asleep in each other’s arms rather than doing the deed post-reception, experts say chill out, it’s really no big deal. (You can probably get a quick annulment.)
– “Wanting Sex Again, How to Rediscover Your Desire & Heal a Sexless Marriage”

Suggested open-ended questions to help you reconnect with your kids and get them talking after their day at school and your day at work …
✓ (Ages 3-4) “Who is taller … mommy or your teacher?”
✓ (Ages 3-4) “What are the names of the toys you played with today?”
✓ (Ages 4-8) “Can you act out what you did at recess?”
✓ (Ages 4-8) “Give you 3 guesses what I did today!”
✓ (Ages 8-14) “I’ve got a great story for you but I want one in return … you first!”
✓ (Ages 8-14) “Where are you off to with your friends this week?”
– Condensed from

Ever had to pee while stuck in traffic? In addition to being uncomfortable, ‘holding it’ can affect your driving as well. Researchers have found that when you’re faced with a strong urge to urinate, your cognitive functions are impaired just as you would experience after drinking alcohol or being sleep deprived. (The moral of the story … pee before you leave the house.)

The sound of a public speaker’s voice matters twice as much as the content of the message, according to a study by Austin, Texas-based communications analytics company Quantified Impressions. Researchers used computer software to analyze speakers’ voices, then collected feedback from a panel of 10 experts and 1,000 listeners. The speakers’ voice quality accounted for 23% of listeners’ evaluations; the content of the message accounted for 11%. (You need both on radio. The lesser you have of one, the more you’ll need of the other.)

Some people have dimples and some people don’t. We’re not talking about face dimples here … we mean butt dimples. There is an actual name for those little indents on your lower back; they’re known as ‘Dimples of Venus’ or simply ‘Venus Dimples’. These indentations are created when a short ligament stretches between the posterior superior iliac spine and your skin. It’s widely believed that they are genetic. (Just like having children. If your parents didn’t have any, you won’t either.)
– Extracted from

• An average person laughs about 15 times a day. (12 of them during this show.)
• The average person falls asleep in 7 minutes. (If they’re watching “60 Minutes”.)
• You only smell about 1/20th as much as a dog. (Especially a wet one.)
– “Fun Facts”


1954 [59] Jerry Seinfeld, Brooklyn NY, really rich retired TV actor (“Seinfeld” 1990-98)/stand-up comedian

1957 [56] Daniel Day-Lewis, London UK, movie actor (2012 Oscar-“Lincoln”, 2008 Oscar-“There Will Be Blood”, 1989 Oscar-“My Left Foot”)

1958 [55] Michelle Pfeiffer, Santa Ana CA, movie actress (“Hairspray”, “Dangerous Liaisons”)

1968 [45] Carnie Wilson, Los Angeles CA, pop singer (Wilson Philips-“Release Me”, “Hold On”)/TV personality (“Rachael vs Guy: Celebrity Cook-Off”, “Wilson Phillips: Still Holding On”)

1970 [43] Uma Thurman, Boston MA, 6-ft movie actress (“Kill Bill” movies, “Pulp Fiction”)/spokesmodel (Virgin Media, Louis Vuitton)

1988 [25] Jonathan Toews, Winnipeg MB, NHL hockey center (Chicago Blackhawks)

1988 [25] Steve Mason, Oakville ON, NHL hockey goalie (Philadelphia Flyers)

• “Adult Public Skipping Day”, a day for adults to skip in public to feel like a child again. Hopscotch, anyone?

• “Berlin Wall Day”, marking the date in 1990 that wrecking cranes started tearing down the Cold War-era division between East and West Berlin at the Brandenburg Gate.

• “International Dance Day”, introduced in 1982 by UNESCO to increase awareness of the importance of dance in societies, as well as to persuade governments worldwide to provide a proper place for dance in all systems of education, from primary to higher.

• “Shrimp Scampi Day”, celebrating the tasty dish that mixes sautéed shrimp with garlic, shallots, parsley and oregano; drenches it all with wine & brandy, then lights ‘er up. Bring it on!

• “Zipper Day” celebrating the 1913 date when Swedish-American inventor Gideon Sundback, who developed the manufacturing machine for zippers, patented the ‘Separable Fastener’ which became the 1st all-purpose zipper. In 1937, the zipper replaced buttons as the ‘fly’ in most trousers. Happy 100th birthday, zip! (Ouch!)

2011 [02] Wedding of Britain’s Prince William & Kate Middleton (it’s their china anniversary)

2003 [10] Documentary film about Stax Records, “Only The Strong Survive”, premieres in NYC

1852 [161] 1st edition of “Roget’s Thesaurus” (that’s stupendous!)

1995 [18] ‘World’s Longest Sausage’ measures 28.77 miles (46.3 km) in Kitchener, Ontario

[Tues] 2012 CRA Tax deadline (Canada)
[Tues] Bugs Bunny Day
[Tues] International Jazz Day
[Tues] Honesty Day
[Tues] Spank Out Day
[Tues] Walpurgis Night
[Tues] World Healing Day

Air Quality Awareness Week / Dance Week / Mariachi Week / Scoop the Poop Week / Screen-Free Week


Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
You run down the list while a contestant decides whether each is real or a BS fake …
– Karaoke Hall of Fame [BS]
– World Strippers Hall of Fame [Helendale CA]
– Canadian Baseball Hall of Fame [St Mary’s ON]
– Maple Syrup Hall of Fame [Croghan NY]
– Canadian Lacrosse Hall of Fame [New Westminster BC]
– Canadian Nose Hair Hall of Fame [BS]
– International Bowling Hall of Fame [St Louis MO]
– Body Odor Hall of Fame [BS]
– Canadian Medical Hall of Fame [London ON]
– Lottery Loser Hall of Fame [BS]
(First published in “BS” 2004.)

● “Energetic self-starter” … You’ll be working on commission.
● “Fast learner” … You’ll get no training from us.
● “Make an investment in you future” … It’s a pyramid scheme.
● “Management training position” … You’ll be a salesperson with a wide territory.
● “Flexible work hours” … You’re looking at a lot of long overtime.
● “Good organizational skills” … You’ll be in charge of filing.
● “Entry level position” … The lowest wages allowed by law.
(First published in “BS” 1997.)

There’s a way of transferring funds that’s even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.

☎ What do you think is the greatest TV show of all-time?

Which Major League Baseball team was once known as the Bees (as in buzzzzz)?
a. Atlanta Braves [CORRECT. While based in Boston, the Braves were tagged the Bees for 4 years before going back to the Braves nickname for the 1941 season.]
b. Baltimore Orioles
c. Boston Red Sox

Question: An “Elle” magazine poll of women has found the average number of THESE is 40.
Answer: Items in a typical woman’s purse.

The best way to find something you have lost is to buy a replacement.

“The Bull Sheet” salutes Christopher Perry @ The Wave [CJLS] Yarmouth Nova Scotia, who’s just reupped for another year; welcome aboard to new subscribers Lucia Peregrim @, Scranton, Pennsylvania; [Det] Garth Baker @ WMAR Las Vegas, Nevada; Robert Bye @ 106.9 The Wolf [CHWF] Nanaimo, British Columbia; and thanks to these samplers for checking us out this week: Shelley Williams @ 103 The Bull [KJCS] Nacogdoches, Texas; Greg Smith @ KIXX Country 103.9 [CHVO] Carbonear, Newfoundland; Michelle Whiteley @ 103.9 WDKX Rochester, New York; and Jack Reynolds @ 94.3 Hometown Country [WIFE-FM] Rushville, Indiana. Don’t forget, tomorrow is the last day to subscribe or renew your “BS” subscription at the old rates. Do it here: Order Form.

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