Our Sheet Don’t Stink!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
“The Hunger Games” has surged past the $250-million box office mark after just 10 days in theaters in the US and Canada (it’s the blockbuster of the year so far) . . . Meantime, producers say the “Hunger Games” sequels will remain PG-13, and the 3rd and final instalment, “Mockingjay”, may be split into 2 films (they’re looking to double down) . . . “Hunger Games” co-stars Alexander Ludwig & Leven Rambin are apparently hooking up, though they claim they’re just ‘party buddies’ (seems it’s another steamy movie set!) . . . Picture this: Ashton Kutcher is attached to play late Apple CEO Steve Jobs in the upcoming indie bio-pic “Jobs” (skedded to start production in May while Kutcher’s on hiatus from “Two-and-a-Half Men”) . . . RadarOnline reports Whitney Houston’s daughter Bobbi Kristina Brown will be appearing on Tyler Perry’s married-life sitcom “For Better Or Worse” (TBS) in a recurring role (since mom died, the kid’s found a career) . . . The bank has just foreclosed on Kristin Cavallari’s family home, made famous on the MTV reality show “Laguna Beach” 2004-06 (welcome to the recession) . . . TV actress Ginnifer Goodwin is dating Josh Dallas, the guy who plays her ‘Prince Charming’ on ABC’s “Once Upon a Time” (life imitating ‘art’) . . . Pop parodist Weird Al Yankovic is suing Sony Music for compensatory damages in excess of $5 million, claiming he’s owed unpaid royalties for downloads, ringtones, and YouTube videos (ought to be thankful for a 36-year career based on some of the lamest humor around) . . . 57-year-old actor Bruce Willis & his 33-year-old wife Emma Heming have welcomed a new daughter they’ve torturously named ‘Mabel Ray’ (interesting that his 23-year-old daughter Rumer is closer in age to his latest wife than to her new half-sister) . . . And Facebook is said to be working hard trying to fix its busted search bar (however, user privacy will not be fixed because … eff you, peasant).
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV2) – The couples face elimination; performances by Rascal Flatts (“Changed”) and Seal (“Soul II”).
• “I, Martin Short, Goes Home” (CBC) – Martin Short’s new 1-hour comedy special includes guest appearances by Andrea Martin, Eugene Levy, and George Stroumboulopoulos.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Dr John f/Dan Auerbach (“Locked Down”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Lukas Nelson & Promise Of the Real (“Wasted”).
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Far East Movement (“Dirty Bass”).
• “Marilyn Denis Show” (CTV/CTV2) – Melanie Fiona (“The MF Life”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Gym Class Heroes (“The Papercut Chronicles II”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – Four vocalists are sent home.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Katy Perry – Today she’s among a slew of celebs who take the stage in Chennai, India to celebrate tomorrow’s opening of the Indian Premier League. It’s the big-money cricket league’s 5th season. Bollywood legends Amitabh Bachchan & Salman Khan are also set to appear.
• Madonna – She tells UK’s “The Sun” she’s ‘freaked out’ ahead of her upcoming world tour, and claims she has ‘never worked so hard or been so scrupulous’ about any of her shows. The “Madonna 2012 World Tour” begins May 29th in Tel Aviv, Israel.
• Nicki Minaj – Her delayed new album “Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded” is finally out today. The project includes collaborations with Chris Brown, Drake, Lil Wayne, Nas, Rick Ross, and Young Jeezy. It’s also available in a 22-track ‘deluxe version’.
• Portugal. the Man – Tonight they headline the “2012 Jagermeister Tour” as it kicks off in Boise, Idaho.
• Rascal Flatts – Their 7th studio album, “Changed”, is out today. That’s why they’ve ‘changed’ the name of their upcoming “American Band Tour” to the “Changed Tour”. It gets underway May 27th in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
• Our Lady Peace – “Curve”, their 8th studio album, is released today.
• Willow Smith – Will & Jada Pinkett Smith’s singing spawn releases her debut album today, appropriately titled “Willow”. She’s already released 3 singles, including “Whip My Hair”.
TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “War Horse” ( PG-13 War Drama ): Steven Spielberg’s epic about ‘Albert’ (Jeremy Irvine), the young owner of a horse that’s sold to the cavalry during World War 1, who joins the army in the hope of rescuing his 4-legged friend. Co-stars Emily Watson and David Thewlis. Based on the Tony Award-winning play. Also comes in a ‘2-Disc DVD Combo Pack’.
• “We Bought a Zoo” ( PG Family Comedy ): Matt Damon plays a single dad who buys a dilapidated zoo in the hope of giving his family a fresh start after the death of his wife. Directed by Cameron Crowe (“Jerry Maguire”, “Almost Famous”) from Benjamin Mee’s memoir. Co-stars Scarlett Johansson, Thomas Haden Church, Elle Fanning.
• Also released today: “Angelina Ballerina: Ultimate Dance Collection” (Animation); “Ayn Rand & The Prophecy of Atlas Shrugged” (Documentary); “Bob: The Complete Series” (TV); “Eagleheart: Season 1” (TV); “Fireman Sam: Rescue On the Water” (Animation); “The Frank Sinatra Film Collection” (Compilation); “Nobody’s Perfect” (Documentary); “Sesame Street: Big Elmo Fun” (Family); and “Torchwood: Miracle Day” (TV).
BS BOT BITS:
• After creating robots that can draw, DJ, and terrify prospective dentists, geeks have now invented a droid that … needs a potty. The ‘Ecobot-III’, invented by researchers at the UK’s Bristol Robotics Laboratory, survives on food and water and ultimately excretes waste by the end of each day. It also ingests human feces which has bizarrely gained it interest from NASA as it could act as a suitable companion to future space missions. This completely creepy creation is another step towards robotic self-sustainability which is something we apparently want to encourage. (Why do we need something that both spreads and eats crap? That’s why we have dogs!)
• Boston Dynamics, based in Waltham, Massachusetss, continues its pursuit of creating robots modeled upon the creatures of Earth. Their latest incarnation is the ‘Sand Flea Jumping Robot’ which, unsurprisingly, mimics the jumping ability of the common sand flea. The 11-lb insectoid can jump 30 feet (9 m) in the air while an onboard stabilization system improves the view from a video uplink. This is the same lab that previously unveiled a ‘Galloping Cheetah Robot’. (Soon they’ll have an all-star team they can turn into a kids’ cartoon!)
MOST OVEREXPOSED CELEBRITIES:
According to a new E-Poll Market Research ranking …
10. Khloe Kardashian (“Khloé & Lamar”).
9. Levi Johnston (famous for being the baby-daddy of Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol).
8. Kourtney Kardashian (“Kourtney & Kim Take New York”).
7. Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino (“Jersey Shore”).
6. Kate Gosselin (ex-“Kate Plus 8”).
5. Paris Hilton (“The World According to Paris”).
4. Nadya ‘Octomom’ Suleman (still overly-famous for birthing babes by the half-dozen).
3. Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi (“Jersey Shore”).
2. Lindsay Lohan, famous felon.
1. Kim Kardashian (earned $12 million last year from “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” and other TV tripe).
– Condensed from Forbes.com
NO PAUSE FOR REFLECTION:
Kjerstin Gruys, a San Francisco graduate student just went a year without mirrors. And it wasn’t just any year … it was the year she got married. Gruys, who recovered from anorexia more than a decade ago, got the idea after one too many stressful encounters with bridal shop mirrors. Her goal was to become less obsessive and insecure about her looks. She chronicled the experiment on her blog, “Mirror, Mirror … OFF the Wall”, which is soon to be turned into a book. She ended her mirror-free year (which included her wedding day) on March 25th, when she told her readers: “I liked what I saw.” (Could you do this?)
– “USA Today”
THE LONG VIEW:
IBM is projecting that a gigantic new telescope will be unveiled by 2024 that will be able to handle several ‘exabytes’ of data each day. An exabyte is 2 times the entire data on the Internet. The project named ‘Square Kilometer Array’ (SKA) will be the world’s largest radio telescope and will be used for data management and analysis. IBM is teaming with ASTRON (Netherlands Institute of Radio Astronomy) to build the device. The Netherlands has funded the project with close to $44 million, along with 20 other government organizations. (Two times the entire data on the Internet? That’s waaaaay too much information!)
BS AMAZING ANIMAL FACTS:
• The first silicone breast implant was carried out on a dog called ‘Esmerelda’. (She immediately became the most popular bitch on the block.)
– “Magazine Monitor”
• Giraffes are born with the mother standing up. The typical fall of a baby giraffe is 5-to-7 feet. (Guess all the screaming on the way down is why they lose their voices for life.)
• Male dolphins are bisexual. (Of course, why do you think they named him ‘Flipper’?)
– “The Sun”
BS CHRONOMETER 04.03.12
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1951  Mick Mars (Robert Deal), Terre Haute IN, rock guitarist (Motley Crue-“If I Die Tomorrow”, Dr Feegood”)
1958  Alec Baldwin, Massapequa NY, TV actor (‘Jack Donaghy’ on “30 Rock” since 2006)/movie actor (“My Best Friend’s Girl”, The Departed”)/ex-Mr Kim Basinger 1993-2002 UP NEXT: “Rock of Ages”, opening June 15th.
1961  Eddie Murphy, Brooklyn NY, movie actor (“Dreamgirls”, “Shrek”)/former TV comedian (“Saturday Night Live” 1980-84) COMING UP: Will reportedly co-star with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito in an ill-advised sequel to “Twins” (1988) called – you guessed it – “Triplets”.
1972  Jennie Garth, Urbana IL, reality TV personality (“Jennie Garth: A Little Bit Country”, premiering April 20th on CMT)/TV actress (“90210” 2008-10, “Beverly Hills 90210” 1990-2000)
1982  Cobie (Jacoba) Smulders, Vancouver BC, TV actress (‘Robin Scherbatsky’ on “How I Met Your Mother” since 2005)
1983  Stephen Weiss, Toronto ON, NHL center (Florida Panthers)
1985  Leona Lewis, London UK, pop singer (“Run”, “Bleeding Love”)/winner of UK “X Factor” (2006)
1986  Amanda Bynes, Thousand Oaks CA, movie actress (“Hairspray”, “Easy A”)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Armenian Appreciation Day”, honoring the small country bordering the Black Sea which most recently re-gained its independence in 1991. It’s history of invasion and genocide led to a diaspora in which Armenians fled and settled around-the-world. Check out the ‘Armenian Hall of Fame’ here …
• “Chocolate Mousse Day”. Once exclusive to French restaurants, mousse became popular in North America in the 1960s.
• “Don’t Go to Work Unless It’s Fun Day”, an annual observance encouraging us to lighten up at the office and actually enjoy work, not just endure it. (Party in the conference room!)
• “Find a Rainbow Day”, celebrating the gift from Mother Nature that enthrals all ages and all nationalities with magical colors that rise up from the ground and arch through the sky.
• “World Party Day” (‘P-Day’), celebrated on April 3rd since 1996 as ‘a synchronized global mass celebration of a better world and the active creation of desirable reality’.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1978  “Annie Hall” beats out “Star Wars” for ‘Best Picture’ at the 50th Academy Awards
2009  “Fast & Furious”, the 4th film in the action-movie franchise centered on illegal street racing, debuts in theaters, kicking off a record-breaking $72.5 million opening weekend
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1973  Motorola engineer Martin Cooper (inventor of the portable cellphone) places the 1st-ever cellular phone call to his biggest rival, the head of research at Bell Laboratories (quote: “Neener, neener, neener!”)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
2003  An Oklahoma couple (aged 95 and 94) finally gets married after 77 years of living together
2007  An official new world record for conventional-train speed of 574.8 km/h (357.2 mph) is set by a French TGV train east of Paris
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] “Titanic 3-D” opens in movie theaters
[Wed] World Rat Day
[Thurs] “Air Racers 3-D” opens in movie theaters
[Thurs] The Masters Tournament begins (Augusta GA)
[Fri] “American Reunion” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Good Friday (Christian)
[Fri] Passover begins at sundown (Jewish)
This Week Is … Library Week
This Month Is … Anxiety Month
BS CHEAP MOTEL SLOGANS:
• “Because you deserve better than the back seat of some car.”
• “If we’d known you were staying all night, we’d have changed the sheets.”
• “You rented the room, now buy the video.”
• “As seen on ‘Cops’.”
• “Not just for nooners anymore.”
• “We put the ‘Ho’ in ‘Hotel’.”
BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Who would your dream music festival headliners be? You can pick any artist from any era.
BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
● The official date of Easter is determined by which celestial body?
a. The Moon. [CORRECT. It’s on the 1st Sunday after the 1st Full Moon after the Vernal Equinox. The holiday can occur anytime between March 22nd and April 25th.]
b. The Sun.
c. Sirius, the Dog Star.
● Which of the following were Easter traditions in Olde England?
a. Men stealing women’s shoes.
b. ‘Heaving’, whereby men lifted women and women lifted men.
c. ‘Egg Picking’, when children bang eggs together.
[Hard to believe, but all of them!]
BS RANDOM JOKE:
I’m really pissed at my next door neighbor … so I bought his kid a drum.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: If you’re average, you will spend 4 hours this year doing THIS.
Answer: Planning a vacation.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Good enough never is.