Wednesday, April 3, 2013        Edition: #4955

Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

✳ Reality TV show “Buckwild” is in limbo after one of its stars was found dead in West Virginia on Monday. 21-year-old Shain Gandee and his uncle were reported missing on Sunday after failing to return home from an off-road driving trip. Their bodies, along with that of a friend of Gandee, were discovered in a vehicle partially submerged in deep mud. MTV has subsequently decided to shut down production on the show’s 2nd season. (Seems Sissonville’s 15 minutes of semi-fame are over.)
✳ Among the April Fools Day tweets still being sorted out: Filmmaker Bryan Singer’s tweet about Lady Gaga playing ‘Dazzler’ in his new “X-Men” movie (turns out to be total hooey); Lindsay Lohan’s tweet suggesting she’s pregnant (the jury’s still out, while about 12,000 guys cross their fingers); and Justin Bieber’s tweet that he was taking phone calls at a toll-free number turned out to be the hotline for, the gossip site that’s often tormented him. (The least dumb thing he’s done lately.)
✳ 22-year-old fashion model Jourdan Dunn has revealed Justin Bieber ‘kind of flirted’ with her during rehearsals for a Victoria’s Secret show. In a UK TV interview she says the pop star approached her after she accidently flashed him during rehearsals. According to Jourdan, he brazenly told her, “You’ve got nice tits.” While a lot of girls might have jumped at the chance to banter with Bieber, the mother-of-one says she just found the situation incredibly awkward. (The guy’s become a real charmer, huh?)
✳ Word on the street has it 72-year-old Alex Trebek is leaving syndicated TV game show “Jeopardy!” in 2016. A few names are being tossed around as possible replacements. Ken Jennings, the longest-running “Jeopardy!” winner in history, would be slam-dunk fabulous as he shares the same smug-faced air of entitlement as Trebek. Another rumor involves Matt Lauer, the glib, soul-sucking host of NBC-TV’s “Today” show. (‘Worst Hosts for 500’, Alex.)
✳ Comedian Conan O’Brien’s late-night talk show has been extended through November 2015, cable network TBS has announced. “Conan” debuted in November 2010 following O’Brien’s acrimonious split with NBC-TV after his brief stint as host of the “Tonight Show”. His show gets about 900,000 viewers per episode, well below those of Leno, Letterman, and Kimmel, but it has a ‘younger median audience age’ than the other late-night talk shows. (BS translation: His humor appeals to 12-year-olds.)
✳ And actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt (“Looper”) is starting a TV variety show and you can be a part of it. “HitRECord on TV!” launches in August on the new channel Pivot. The half-hour show will feature short films, live performances, and a variety of other acts. What’s unique is that it’s a collaborative production, so anyone can submit material and if it’s used the creator gets paid. (First there was ‘crowd-funding’ to save production costs, now it’s DIY TV.)

• Jimi Hendrix – For yesterday’s UK launch of the “People, Hell and Angels” studio compilation album, a new portrait of the guitar legend was unveiled, made from … 4,000 Fender guitar picks. The mosaic was created by Manchester, England artist Ed Chapman.
• Justin Timberlake – He’s been quiet about substance use in the past but now reveals that some tracks on his new album “The 20/20 Experience” are based on, quote: “Tripping my mind out.”
• Maroon 5 – They’re set to headline the “2013 Honda Civic Tour”, with special guest Kelly Clarkson. It kicks off in St Louis MO on August 1st and continues through early October.
• Mumford & Sons – They’ll headline “Lollapalooza” as it celebrates its 9th year in Chicago IL’s Grant Park August 2-4. Also among 130-band lineup: The Killers, Nine Inch Nails, Phoenix, the Postal Service.
• Rolling Stones – They’re expected to make a major announcement today, presumably about a long-rumored North American Summer tour. An online ad campaign has been counting down to #StartMeUpWednesday for several days.

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The remaining finalists perform classic rock songs. Could this be the first season to end up with an all-female final 5?
• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – Blake Shelton (“Based On a True Story …”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Darius Rucker (“Wagon Wheel”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Bruno Mars (“Unorthodox Jukebox”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Jared Leto (30 Seconds to Mars).
• “How to Live With Your Parents For the Rest of Your Life” (ABC/CityTV) – Debut of a new sitcom starring Sarah Chalke as a single-mom divorcée who moves back in with her parents (Brad Garrett & Elizabeth Perkins). Canadian comic Jon Dore plays the ex.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Gary Allan (“Set You Free”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Delta Rae (“Carry the Fire”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Bonnie Raitt (“Slipstream”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Gordon Lightfoot (“All Live”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Flaming Lips (“The Terror”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Juanes (“Juanes MTV Unplugged”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Blake Shelton again.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Gloriana (“A Thousand Miles Left Behind”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – New Kids On the Block (“10”).

✓ When you file your taxes each year, you can take solace in knowing that the ritual dates back almost 5,000 years to a time when Egyptians started paying taxes in goods and labor.
✓ Founded in Italy as a pawnshop in 1472, the Banca Monte dei Paschi di Siena is the world’s oldest surviving bank.
✓ Paper money originated in China in the year 910 AD and amazed Marco Polo when he visited 3 centuries later.
✓ At the turn of the 20th century, you could take your US cash to Washington DC to have it washed, ironed, and reissued.
✓ The Diners Club Card was initially made of cardboard. It listed the 14 participating restaurants on the back and had an annual fee of $3.
✓ Scottish inventor John Shepherd-Barron built the world’s first true ATM for a Barclay’s Bank in North London in 1967. The machine was based on the concept of a chocolate bar dispenser.

Want to make more money? Get off your butt. A new study from Cleveland State University suggests regular exercise may be as beneficial to your bottom line as it is to your waistline. People who exercise 3 or more times per week make roughly 10% more than those who never exercise, according to the study. Why would that be? Previous studies have shown that exercise increases intelligence, positive attitude, and energy level. (And clearly more people will love you if you’ve got a 6-pack AND a Porsche.)
– “Men’s Health”

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 75% of couples married 5 years or less still hold hands. (After 5 years, the hands clench.)
• 71% of women say they have special ‘fat day’ clothes in their wardrobe. (Interested in a closet-full?)
• 57% of men say that having a woman tie their tie for them is a turn-on. (Or anything else.)
• 32% of women admit they have secretly thrown away something from their partner’s closet. (Hey, where’s my lucky underwear?)
• 16% of adults recently surveyed say they will take a trip alone this year. (Such as Lindsay Lohan … to jail.)
• 5% of female employees say they sleep with co-workers frequently; 41% say they haven’t but would if the right opportunity presented itself. (There’s hope!)

New terms leaking into our lingo …
✓ ‘Co-opetition’ – Co-operative competition; an element of working together for mutual benefit between avowed corporate rivals. For instance, Microsoft and Google are archrivals on the business front, but they share a lot of customers … a classic example of co-opetition.
✓ ‘Doorer’ – A person who causes a cyclist to be knocked off their bike by opening a car door, thereby ‘dooring’ them. The term was coined in NYC after a rash of such injuries.
✓ ‘Virtual Vanity’ – Feelings of insecurity about one’s appearance brought on by seeing pictures of oneself on social networks. Isn’t the easiest option simply to log off?

Next time you find yourself in a negotiation, don’t just throw out a round number, be more exact. That’s the conclusion of a series of experiments by researchers at NYC’s Columbia University. They’ve found that offering a precise number, ie: $4,925 as opposed to $5,000, results in a significantly more respectful counteroffer. It’s thought that making a precise opening offer creates the perception that it is more researched and thought out. (“I’ll give you $19.95 for that car …”)
– “Boston Globe”

Teenagers who stay up late tend to be more intelligent than their early-to-bed peers. (Now there’s a family argument starter!)
– “Daily Telegraph”


1951 [62] Mick Mars (Robert Deal), Terre Haute IN, rock guitarist (Motley Crue-“If I Die Tomorrow”, Dr Feegood”)

1958 [55] Alec Baldwin, Massapequa NY, TV actor (‘Jack Donaghy’ on “30 Rock” 2006-13)/movie actor (“Rock of Ages”, “The Departed”)

1961 [52] Eddie Murphy, Brooklyn NY, movie actor (“Dreamgirls”, “Shrek”)/former TV comedian (“Saturday Night Live” 1980-84)

1982 [31] Cobie (Jacoba) Smulders, Vancouver BC, TV actress (‘Robin Scherbatsky’ on “How I Met Your Mother” since 2005)/movie actress (“The Avengers”)

1983 [30] Stephen Weiss, Toronto ON, NHL hockey center (Florida Panthers)

1985 [28] Leona Lewis, London UK, pop singer (“Run”, “Bleeding Love”)/winner of UK “X Factor” (2006)

1986 [27] Amanda Bynes, Thousand Oaks CA, movie actress (“Hairspray”, “Easy A”)/social media pariah

• “Armenian Appreciation Day”, honoring the small country bordering the Black Sea which most recently re-gained its independence in 1991. It’s history of invasion and genocide led to a diaspora in which Armenians fled and settled around-the-world. ‘Armenian Hall of Fame’ here …

• “Chocolate Mousse Day”. Once exclusive to French restaurants, mousse became popular in North America in the 1960s.

• “Don’t Go to Work Unless It’s Fun Day”, an annual observance encouraging us to lighten up at the office and actually enjoy work, not just endure it. (Party in the conference room!)

• “Find a Rainbow Day”, celebrating the gift from Mother Nature that enthrals all ages and all nationalities with magical colors that rise up from the ground and arch through the sky.

• “Paraprofessional Appreciation Day”, observed annually on the 1st Wednesday of April to honor those who assist professionals, particularly in the field of education. Often called ‘Teachers’ Aides’, they work individually with students and organizationally in the classroom.

• “Whole Grain Sampling Day”, the 2nd annual initiated by the Whole Grains Council, encouraging us to try while grain foods … for the taste. (Mmm, bark and twigs!)

• “World Party Day” (‘P-Day’), celebrated on April 3rd since 1996 as ‘a synchronized global mass celebration of a better world and the active creation of desirable reality’. (Any excuse.)

1978 [35] “Annie Hall” beats out “Star Wars” for ‘Best Picture’ at the 50th Academy Awards

1998 [15] Michael Jackson and someone become the proud parents of MJ’s 2nd child, daughter Paris-Michael Katherine Jackson

2008 [05] Mariah Carey’s “Touch My Body” goes to #1, beating Elvis Presley’s old record of 17 chart-topping singles (only The Beatles have more with 20)

1973 [40] Motorola engineer Martin Cooper (inventor of the portable cellphone) places the 1st-ever cellular phone call to his biggest rival, the head of research at Bell Laboratories (Quote: “Neener, neener, neener!”)

2003 [10] An Oklahoma couple (aged 95 & 94) finally gets married after 77 years of living together (“Gummy, I’ve decided I wanna make you an honest woman …”)

[Thurs] Fleetwood Mac world tour begins (Columbus OH)
[Fri] NCAA Final Four weekend begins (Atlanta GA)
[Fri] Walk to Work Day
[Sat] International Pillow Fight Day
[Sun] “48th Academy of Country Music Awards” (CBS)
[Sun] “Mad Men” season debut (AMC)
This Week Is … Library Week
This Month Is … Anxiety Month


✗ Answer every question on the form with ‘Wouldn’t you like to know?’
✗ Round every figure off to ‘umpteen’.
✗ Check off the box for ‘Joint Filing’, then light one up.
✗ After every number entered on your tax form, add the words ‘or so’.
✗ List your imaginary friend as a dependent.
✗ Hide all money in mattress, then on your return write: ‘No money hidden in mattress’.
✗ If you’ve just eaten, don’t do taxes for at least half an hour.
✗ Hire yourself as an employee, fire yourself, sue yourself for discrimination, deduct court costs.
✗ Under ‘Charitable Contributions’, list the $12 you spent on the last Adam Sandler movie.
✗ To distract the auditor, enclose a photo of yourself naked.

☎ What’s the absolute best age to be? (A new poll says it’s 33, when you’ve likely got love, friends, and work nailed down. Plus, you’re having fun and are psyched about the future.)

What record album was the first ever to be taken directly from a film’s musical soundtrack?
a. “The Wizard of Oz”
b. “My Fair Lady”
c. “Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs” [CORRECT]
– “Totally Trivial”

I don’t do drugs ‘cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.

Question: A poll finds THIS is the #1 place where arguments take place.
Answer: Parking lots.

If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.

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