April 4, 2012

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Wednesday, April 4, 2012        Edition: #4720

The Sheet Hits the Fans!

Actor James Van Der Beek tells “Entertainment Weekly” he’d happily do a reunion version of his 1998-2003 TV series “Dawson’s Creek” (that’s cuz – unlike co-stars Michelle Williams, Katie Holmes, and Joshua Jackson – he doesn’t have regular work) . . . Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson will receive the ‘Action Star Of the Year Award’ at the annual CinemaCon convention coming to Las Vegas April 12th (some of his finest-ever acting was during last weekend’s Wrestlemania) .  . . Filmmaker George Lucas says he’s burned the original negatives of some incomplete scenes from “Star Wars” so that only his ‘ideal version of the movies will survive his death’ (hope he torched all the ‘Jar Jar’ scenes) . . . Actor Daniel Craig will play ‘James Bond’ in an upcoming ad for Heineken beer, directed by “Skyfall” helmer Sam Mendes (wonder if 007 likes his beer ‘shaken’ too?) . . . When 54-year-old actor Alec Baldwin proposed to 28-year-old yoga instructor Hilaria Thomas over the weekend, he slipped a super-sized diamond on her finger estimated to be worth $75,000-$95,000 (it’s the ‘30K Rock’) . . . A soundtrack album from Broadway-themed NBC-TV show “Smash” is coming out May 1st (will the program still be on by then?) . . . “Two-and-a-Half Men” co-creator Lee Aronsohn is facing bigtime backlash on Twitter after joking at the recent Toronto Screenwriting Conference that US TV shows are approaching ‘peak vagina’ and suffering ‘labia saturation’ (his even lamer response to the criticism: “Women, please look up ‘irony’.”) . . . Comic actor Russell Brand has given up his stake in the $6.5-million Hollywood Hills home he shared with Katy Perry as part of their divorce settlement (on the upside, she’s returning all his mangey hair from the pool filter) . . . “Parks & Recreation” actor Aziz Ansari (‘Tom Haverford’) briefly joined NYC’s real-life parks department to help mow the lawn in Central Park’s Sheep Meadow in preparation for Summer reopening this Saturday (even TV stars get stuck doing dumb promo gigs) . . . And NBC-TV is reporting that “Miss Universe Canada 2012” organizers might make a U-turn on their recent decision and allow 23-year-old Jenna Talackova to enter the competition even though – she used to be a man (we’d love to see her confront Donald Trump at the finals – you go, girl!).


• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The finalists perform songs from the 1980s.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Heartless Bastards (“Arrow”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Kenny Chesney w/Tim McGraw perform “Feel Like a Rock Star”, the 1st single from Chesney’s “Welcome To the Fishbowl” album (June 19th).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Billy Currington (“Icon”); Lionel Richie (“Tuskegee”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – White Denim (“D”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Pegi Young (“Bracing For Impact”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Punch Brothers (“Who’s Feeling Young Now?”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Guest co-host Gladys Knight (ex-Gladys Knight & The Pips).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Cee-Lo Green (“The Voice”); Seal (“Soul 2”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Wilson Phillips (“Dedicated”).

• “One Tree Hill” (CW) – The 2-hour series finalé.


• Adele – She tells French radio station NRJ she’ll release a new song by the end of this year, but won’t have a new album completed ‘for a good 2 years’. There’s speculation that she will be belting out the next ‘James Bond’ theme for “Skyfall”, opening November 9th.
• The Beatles – Paul McCartney’s 34-year-old son James tells BBC he’d like to form a ‘next generation’ Beatles band. John Lennon’s son, Sean, and George Harrison’s son, Dhani, are said to be interested but Ringo Starr’s son, Zak, is less keen on the idea. (Dumb idea!)
• Drake – He’s teasing an upcoming project involving one of his idols, late R&B singer Aaliyah. (Some sort of posthumous duet, perhaps?)
• The Fray – Some are calling their rendition of “The Star-Spangled Banner” before Monday night’s NCAA Championship Game the worst ever. (Actually, there are a lot of contenders.)
• Jason Aldean – Tonight on the season premiere of “Day Jobs” (GAC), he spends a day with the Atlanta Braves at their Spring training camp in Florida.
• Katy Perry – She has confirmed that her 3-D concert film, “Katy Perry: Part of Me”, will be released on the 4th of July weekend.
• Madonna – “MDNA” has become her 12th album to top the UK charts, surpassing the record of 11 by Elvis Presley and making her the most successful solo artist ever in UK album chart history.
• Rihanna – She says she’d love to portray the late Whitney Houston on the bigscreen if a bio-pic were to be made. She’s making her acting debut in the upcoming sci-fi adventure “Battleship”, opening May 18th.
• Taylor Swift – Social media activity during Sunday’s “ACM Awards” peaked during her win for ‘Entertainer Of the Year’, according to media analysis company Blue Fin Labs. Overall, social media activity during the country awards gala was 3 times that of the previous year.

“Titanic 3-D” ( PG-13 Adventure Drama ): Director James Cameron gives his 1997 blockbuster both the 3-D and IMAX treatment, thereby adding to its $1.8-billion box office. In a recent interview, star Kate Winslet says hearing the movie’s theme, “My Heart Will Go On”, now makes her want to throw up. Co-stars Leonardo DiCaprio, Billy Zane. Won 11 Academy Awards.
NET: http://www.titanicmovie.com

According to Lillian Glass, PhD, author of “Toxic Men: 10 Ways to Identify, Deal with, and Heal From the Men Who Make Your Life Miserable” …
• He won’t look you straight in the eye. Guys who have a history of cheating often ooze signs of deception, like being vague about details.
• Men who are insecure can be too needy. Touching your arm, shoulders, and back a ton subconsciously signals that he’s trying to grab onto you.
• Controlling dudes get into your personal space without being invited. They also tend to be loud and make big body movements to indicate that (they think) they’re calling the shots.
• Selfish guys often walk in front of you, charging ahead to subconsciously signal they expect you to keep up with them.
• He might be the jealous type if he stares at you a lot. Meeting your eye is one thing, but possessive dudes tend to make eye contact that’s a little too intense.
– Condensed from Cosmopolitan.com

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 51% of women say they would choose a walk-in closet over a diamond engagement ring.
• 40% of us re-use aluminum foil in order to save money.
• 35% of us know how to do drive a ‘standard’ transmission vehicle.
• 32% of shoppers say they are now buying more generic brands than they did a year ago.
• 26% of us have at least one concert T-shirt at home.
• 25% of women say what they’d most like to change about their man is his hairstyle.

China has selected 2 female astronauts among 7 candidates for its next manned space mission that will be launched between June and August. The 2 female astronauts, whose identity will be released before the launch, were selected from 15 women who were required to be married and to have given birth naturally. They also must have no scars, body odor, or decayed teeth because it’s thought that ‘any small flaw might cause great trouble or a disaster in space’. (By comparison, the male astronauts are OK as long as they fit the spacesuits.)
– ChinaDaily.com.cn


New terms leaking into our lingo …
• ‘Hashtag Activism’ – Activism that uses a Twitter hashtag to promote a project or cause, particularly when it requires no other action from people. (Remember back in the day when you had to go to all the work of making a sign and actually carrying it around? Exhausting!)
• ‘Expenditure Cascade’ – A cascade of spending that results from consumption by the wealthy, which triggers emulative spending by the next lower class, which triggers spending by the class below that, and so on. (Trump gets a new Rolls and before you know it we’re also blowing a bundle, splurging on a tank of gasoline.)
• ‘Peak People’ – A time when the world’s population reaches a maximum, after which it steadily declines due to reduced birth rates or global shortages of energy, food, and water. (Some believe the world’s supply of working-age people will begin shrinking very soon, causing a shift from surplus to scarcity.)

• ‘The Lurker’ – Never posts anything or comments on your posts, but reads everything and might make reference to your status … if they see you in public.
• ‘The Hyena’ – Doesn’t ever really say anything, just LOLs and LMAOs at everything.
• ‘Mr or Ms Popular’ – Has 4,367 friends … for no reason.
• ‘The Gamer’ – Plays “Words With Friends”, “Mafia Wars”, bakes virtual cakes, etc all day.
• ‘The Cynic’ – Hates their life and everything in it, as evidenced by the somber tone of all status updates.
• ‘The Collector’ – Never posts anything, but joins every group and becomes fan of the most random stuff.
• ‘The Promoter’ – Always sends event invitations to things that you ultimately delete or ignore.
• ‘The Liker’ – Never actually says anything, buy always clicks the ‘like’ button.
• ‘The Hater’ – Every post revolves around someone hating on them, and they swear people are trying to ruin their life.
• ‘Drama Queen or King’ – Always posts stuff like “I can’t believe this!”, or “They gonna make me snap today!”, then never finishes telling the story.
• ‘The Newscaster’ – Always updates you on what they are doing and who they are doing it with, no matter how mundane.
• ‘The Rooster’ – Feels it’s a personal duty to tell Facebook ‘Good Morning’ every single day.
– Excerpted from Crazzyphoto.com


• Albert Einstein’s brain was not particularly large. (His hairdo however …)
– “The Guardian”
• Regular chocolate eating could help keep you thin. (Only if you don’t swallow.)
– BBC News


1965 [47] Robert Downey Jr, NYC, movie actor (“Iron Man” films, “Sherlock Holmes” films)  COMING UP: “The Avengers” (May 4th); “Iron Man 3” (2013).

1970 [42] Barry Pepper, Campbell River BC, movie actor (“True Grit”, “Flags Of Our Fathers”)/TV actor (“3: The Dale Earnhardt Story”, “61*”)

1971 [41] Josh Todd, LA CA, rock singer (Buckcherry-“Sorry”, “Lit Up”)

1973 [39] David Blaine (White), Brooklyn NY, illusionist who’s been suspended over the River Thames for 44 days, buried alive, and frozen in a block of ice among other stunts

1979 [33] Natasha Lyonne (‘Jessica’ in ‘’American Pie” movies)  UP NEXT: “American Reunion”, opening Friday.

1979 [33] Roberto Luongo, Montréal QC, NHL goalie (Vancouver Canucks)/Team Canada goalie (2010 Winter Olympics)

1986 [26] Cam Barker, Winnipeg MB, NHL defenceman (Edmonton Oilers)

• “Ballroom Dancing Day”, celebrated on the birth anniversary of Arthur Murray, the famous ballroom dancing instructor. It’s an activity that’s hot once again thanks to TV shows like “Dancing With the Stars” and “So You Think You Can Dance”.

• “Hug a Newscaster Day”. (Tomorrow is ‘Face Harassment Charges Day’.)

• “International Day for Landmine Awareness & Assistance”. (Unfortunately, participation in this will cost you an arm and a leg.)

• “Tell-A-Lie Day”, a good day to ask listeners to add to the list of ‘World’s Greatest Lies’ …
– ‘Drinking? Why, no, officer.’
– ‘It’s not the money, it’s the principle of the thing.’
– ‘… but we can still be good friends.’
– ‘Now, I’m going to tell you the truth …’
– ‘I love your new haircut!’
– ‘… then take a left. You can’t miss it.’

• “Vitamin-C Day”, marking the date in 1932 when scientist CC King first isolated the vitamin at the University of Pittsburgh. (What an appropriate name he had!)

• “World Rat Day”, recognizing what people who own them as pets refer to as ‘dear, sweet animals which deserve greater recognition and admiration’. It’s claimed their image only suffers from ignorance and unthinking prejudice.
NET: http://www.worldratday.com


2008 [04] Director Martin Scorsese releases his Rolling Stones’ concert documentary “Shine A Light”

2007 [05] Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones retracts a statement made to “New Musical Express” a few days earlier suggesting he once snorted his father’s ashes

1982 [30] Hockey sensation Wayne Gretzky of the Edmonton Oilers finishes the NHL season with 212 points to become the 1st and only player to break the 200-point barrier (he goes on to do it 3 more times; only Mario Lemieux has come anywhere close, with 199 points in 1988-89)

[Thurs] “Air Racers 3-D” opens in movie theaters
[Thurs] Deep Dish Pizza Day
[Thurs] The Masters Tournament begins (Augusta GA)
[Fri] Good Friday (Christian)
[Fri] Walk to Work Day
[Fri] Drowsy Driver Awareness Day
This Week Is … Week Of the Ocean
This Month Is … Emotional Overeating Awareness Month


✗ You won’t bend over to pick up a $20-bill.
✗ You’re visible from space on Google Earth.
✗ Your favorite dessert is Pepto-Bismol.
✗ You list Doritos as one of the primary food groups.
✗ You get winded after 2 flights … on an escalator.
✗ Your heart does more by 9 am than most people’s do all day

If I were here more often, I wouldn’t be gone so much.


☎ Which celebrity would look best after a sex-change operation? (A recent “Blender” poll picks Leonardo DiCaprio, Johnny Depp, and Sandra Bullock.)

• ‘Arachibutyrophobia’ is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. (True)
• There are 36 dimples on a regulation golf ball. (BS. There are 336.)
• In Bavaria beer is not an ‘alcoholic drink’, but legally defined as a ‘staple food’. (True)
• One-third of the average human brain is water. (BS. It’s actually closer to 80%.)
• Ireland is the country which consumes the most milk per capita. (True. 164 quarts per person per year. Of course, when you say ‘milk’ in Gaelic, it comes out sounding like ‘Guinness’.)


Question: The average man does THIS once every other year.
Answer: Buys a new belt.


Junk is stuff we throw away. Stuff is junk we keep.

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