Thursday, April 5, 2012        Edition: #4721

We Give a Sheet!

David Letterman is set to become the longest-running late night TV host in US history, signing a new contract to front “Late Show with David Letterman” until 2014, giving him a total of 32 years on NBC and then CBS late-night TV (surpassing his hero Johnny Carson’s 30) . . . Pageant owner Donald Trump has now reversed course and wished transgender Canadian contestant Jenna Talackova ‘best of luck in her quest’ to become Miss Universe (she’ll only be allowed to participate if she meets ‘standards established by other international competitions’ – kinda vague, no?) . . . This week Hollywood actor Ryan Gosling turned real-life action hero by saving British journalist Laurie Penny who was almost mowed down by a NYC cab, swooping onto 6th Avenue to save her at the last moment (most celebs would rather run over the media) . . . 27-year-old actress Keira Knightley has felt it necessary to inform us she practiced ‘sex faces’ for 2 days in order to perfect her look for the recent David Cronenberg film “A Dangerous Method” (it’s unclear if she had help or used a mirror) . . . TMZ reports actor Nicolas Cage is one step closer to putting financial problems behind him after paying off another $6 million in back taxes (he’d reportedly racked up an IRS bill circa $14 million) . . . Justin Timberlake has persuaded fiancée Jessica Biel to have a big Summer wedding, according to a source quoted in “People”, even though she initially wanted a smaller, more intimate affair (a reversal of the usual roles) . . . Actor Daniel Craig, who’ll play ‘James Bond’ for the 3rd time in “Skyfall” (November 9), says he wants to continue to play ‘007’ as long as he can (at age 44, we give you one more) . . . And 31-year-old publicity whore Kim Kardashian tells “Cosmopolitan” she’d now like to live ‘a more private life’ (go for it girl, we’d be happy to never mention your name again!).

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – Contestants face elimination; The Wanted (“Battleground”) perform; Jennifer Lopez’s new video w/Pitbull, “Dance Again”, premieres.
• “The Big Bang Theory” (CBS/CTV) – The mastermind of theoretical physics, Stephen Hawking, makes his 1st-ever appearance on a TV sitcom. The show did a rare location shoot to accommodate his physical limitations.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Good Old War (“Cast Spells”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Rascal Flatts (“Changed”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Needtobreathe (“The Reckoning”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Thee Oh Sees (“Carrion Crawler/The Dream”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Walk the Moon (“Anna Sun”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Eric Hutchinson (“Moving Up Living Down”, out April 17th).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Lionel Richie (“Tuskegee”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Grace Potter & The Nocturnals (“The Lion The Beast The Beat”).

“Air Racers 3-D” ( Action Documentary ): An exploration of the fastest race in the world, the “Reno National Championship Air Races”, opens in select regular and IMAX theaters. This is the event where pilots fight for position, wingtip-to-wingtip, while skimming 50 ft (15 m) above ground around an oval course at twice the speed of a NASCAR race.

• George Jones – The 80-year-old country legend has been released from a Nashville-area hospital after being admitted last Thursday with respiratory problems. His website says he’s planning to return to the stage April 20th at Minnesota’s Shooting Star Casino.
• Guns ‘N Roses – Slash, Duff McKagan, and Steven Adler have committed to appearing at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction in Cleveland April 14th, but it’s still unknown if Izzy Stradlin or frontman Axl Rose will attend. Slash tells “Rolling Stone” that Rose hates his guts and there’s absolutely no communication between them.
• Justin Bieber – He’s closed a deal on a 9,000-sq-ft home in Calabasas, an affluent area 22 miles from Los Angeles. Word has it he bargained the price down from $7.5 million to just over $6 mil. He is expected to move in at the end of June.
• Lionel Richie – His new country album “Tuskegee” is #2 on this week’s chart, making it his highest-charting album since 1986.
• Madonna – Her new album “MDNA” has sold 359,000 copies in its 1st week, making it the 8th time she’s topped the ‘Billboard 200’ album chart.
• Maroon 5 – Victoria’s Secret model Anne Vyalitsyna has split from frontman Adam Levine after a 2-year relationship. They met at a “Sports Illustrated” swimwear party in Las Vegas in 2010. The Russian model contends they ‘still love and respect each other as friends’.
• One Direction – It’s been announced the British boy-band put together by Simon Cowell on the UK version of “The X Factor” will headline a concert at NYC’s Madison Square Garden in December. It’s expected to sell out within minutes.
• Sugarland – Tonight in Toledo, Ohio they launch their 6th consecutive headlining tour, “In the Hands Of the Fans”, which relies on fan interaction to determine each concert’s set list. Using texts, phone calls, and signs, the audience will decide which of their songs will be played.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “All the President’s Men Revisited” – Robert Redford’s new company Sundance Productions is producing this 2-hour TV documentary film that explores the 1970s Watergate scandal from an historical perspective, with a deeper investigation into its legacy. Redford played journalist Bob Woodward, half of the team that broke the scandal, in the 1976 film “All the President’s Men.”
• “Anchorman 2” – Will Ferrell has confirmed a follow-up to his 2004 cult comedy “Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy” is in the works. Ferrell will return as the self-involved, obnoxious 1970s newsman, but it’s not yet known if his original co-stars, Christina Applegate, Paul Rudd, and Steve Carell, will also be returning.
• “Dumb & Dumber 2” – A follow-up to the 1994 comedy begins shooting this September. Jim Carrey & Jeff Daniels have signed on to reprise their roles as intellectually-challenged pals. It will be the film-making Farrelly Bros first-ever sequel film. A 2003 prequel, “Dumb & Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd”, did not involve the original cast & crew.
• “Goliath” – A new version of the David vs Goliath biblical tussle will be a more action-packed, effects-laden, adventurous version than previously portrayed on film. To that end, the movie will star totally-ripped “Twilight Saga” actor Taylor Lautner & wrestler-action actor Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson. The story is being described as a cross between “300” and “The Terminator”.
• “Your Voice In My Head” – In this adaptation of Emma Forrest’s memoir, Emma Watson takes on the lead role of a young writer who’s saved from suicide by her therapist after a love affair with a journalist ends badly. Actor Stanley Tucci (“The Hunger Games”) is being considered for the role of the terminally-ill psychiatrist. Production begins this Summer.

The first-ever “UN World Happiness Report” ranks countries based on relative wealth, political freedom, strong social networks, absence of corruption, and other factors. The happiest are …
1. Denmark
2. Finland
3. Norway
4. Netherlands
5. Canada
Also near the top: New Zealand (8), Australia (9), USA (11), UK (18). Impoverished and war-ravaged nations in Africa, including Sierra Leone and Togo, rank at the bottom.

German grandparents are increasingly assuming childcare responsibilities for their grandchildren, usually voluntarily. The German government is now considering providing work leave for grandparents who want to provide primary care. The plan, known as ‘Grosselternzeit’ (grandparents’ leave), would mirror the current support offered to parents, who are entitled to take off any 3 years between their child’s birth and 8th birthday and receive financial support from the state for part of that time. While there are currently no plans to reimburse grandparents for looking after grandkids, the government would guarantee their right to return to their old jobs after a sabbatical. (Grandmaternity leave … what a concept!)
– “Der Spiegel”


This being Easter weekend, what better time to review the all-time top floppy-eared movie characters?
✓ ‘Br’er Rabbit’ in “Song Of the South” (1946).
✓ ‘Bugs Bunny’ in “Long-Haired Hare” (1949, plus scores more).
✓ ‘EB’ in “Hop” (2011).
✓ ‘Harvey’ in “Harvey” (1950).
✓ ‘Hazel’ in “Watership Down” (1978).
✓ ‘Jessica Rabbit’ in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” (1988).
✓ ‘Rabbit’ in “Winnie the Pooh” (1968-2011).
✓ ‘Thumper’ in “Bambi” (1942).
✓ ‘The White Rabbit’ in “Alice in Wonderland” (1951, 2010).
– Excerpted from QMI Agency

A new study finds that men who routinely miss breakfast have a significantly greater risk of developing diabetes, as well as men who eat only once or twice a day. The study, from Harvard School of Public Health, followed over 50,000 healthy men aged 40-to-75 for 16 years. Compared to breakfast eaters, men who skipped the morning meal proved 21% more likely to be diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. And those who ate only once or twice per day – rather than 3 square meals – had a 25% greater risk of developing the disease. (Mom was right … most important meal of the day!)
– “Globe & Mail”

• Australia – Down Under bunnies have a bad rep for decimating local wildlife as they have no natural predator. As a result, Aussie kids receive chocolate ‘Bilbies’, a local endangered animal.
• Brazil – Locals punch, kick, and set ablaze straw effigies of infamous betrayer Judas. Often the straw men just happen to have a hated politician’s face pinned on. What fun!
• Britain – Traditional ‘Easter Simnel’ is basically Christmas fruitcake. Renaming it and covering it in 12 marzipan balls (to symbolize the apostles) doesn’t change the fact … it’s still fruitcake.
• France – French tradition states that the ringing of the Easter Bells on Sunday morning is what makes the candy and eggs magically appear in children’s baskets. Ding dong, EB calling!
• Italy – ‘Easter Bread’ is a traditional food, usually served for breakfast or as a treat during the day. It is unique in that whole, raw eggs are added to the dough before baking.
• Sweden – Children (mostly girls) dress up as ‘Easter Witches’, then go door-to-door asking for sweets. Seems they believe that any holiday with candy deserves costumes. And begging.
– Adapted from

Studies show we let magazines collect dust for an average of 29 weeks before tossing them out. (Much longer at the dentist’s office.)
– PA News


1966 [46] Mike McCready, Pensacola FL, rock guitarist (Pearl Jam-“The Fixer”, “World Wide Suicide”)

1967 [45] Troy Gentry, Lexington KY, country singer (Montgomery Gentry-“Roll With Me”, “Back When I Knew It All”)

1972 [40] Pat Green, San Antonio TX, country singer (“Let Me”, “Wave On Wave”)

1973 [39] Pharrell Williams, Virginia Beach VA, hip-hop artist (w/Ludacris-“Money Maker”, w/Snoop Dogg-“Drop It Like It’s Hot”)/music producer (his writing & producing duo The Neptunes have manufactured hits for Gwen Stefani, Usher, Nelly, and Jay-Z among others)

• “Deep Dish Pizza Day”, celebrating ‘Chicago deep dish pizza’ as originated by Uno Chicago Grill, which opened in 1943. Why? Because you can’t possibly get enough fat-laden cheese and sausage onto a regular pie in order to cause immediate cardiac arrest.

• “Go For Broke Day”, a day to throw caution to the wind and go all out, give it all you’ve got, don’t hold back, all or nothing, start giving 110%, let ‘er rip, balls to the wall!

• “Make Your Children Laugh Day”, a simple way to enhance their happiness and your own. (It’s also a helluva lot easier than making adults laugh.)

• “The Masters” golf tournament begins in Augusta, Georgia, one of the world’s premiere events on the links, and continues through Sunday. Is it true? Is Tiger really back?

• “Maundy Thursday”, the Thursday before Easter during Holy Week in the Christian religion.

• “Road Map Day”, the highlight of “Reading a Road Map Week”, which promotes map reading as an ‘enjoyable pastime’ and survival skill. The motto for the week is, ‘Happiness is knowing how to read a road map’. (Who reads the map or GPS during your family trips?)


1987 [25] FOX TV network debuts in primetime, originally offering just 2 Sunday night programs: “Married … With Children” (runs 10 years) and “The Tracey Ullman Show” (the original platform for “The Simpsons”)

1994 [18] Alternative-rock icon Kurt Cobain commits suicide (his body is discovered inside his Seattle, Washington home 3 days later by an electrician)

1993 [19] 1st female PA announcer at a Major League Baseball park (Sherry Davis wins the San Francisco Giants job over 499 others who audition)

1984 [28] LA Lakers 37-year-old Kareem Abdul-Jabbar scores the 31,420th point of his career, breaking the NBA’s all-time scoring record held by Wilt Chamberlain

2000 [12] ‘Loudest Burp’ on record, according to “Guinness Book of Records” (Paul Hunn lets one fly that registers 118.1 decibels, the equivalent of sitting in the front row at a rock concert)


[Fri] “American Reunion” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Full ‘Pink’ Moon
[Fri] Good Friday (Christian)
[Fri] Passover begins at sundown (Jewish)
[Sat] International Pillow Fight Day
[Sat] No Housework Day
[Sun] Easter (Christian)
This Week Is … Explore Your Career Options Week
This Month Is … Brussels Sprouts & Cabbage Month


• I came here looking for a little tail.
• Ever get it on with a rodent?
• You must be the Energizer Bunny cuz you just keep going and going through my mind.
• Ever done it on a pile of artificial grass?
• My foot isn’t the only part of me that’s lucky!
• My ears aren’t the only thing that’s long!
• I’m in the mood to multiply.
• How do you want your Easter Eggs, chocolate or fertilized?
• Hi, I’m the Easter Bunny and I don’t care if you’re naughty or nice!


You’re only young once. After that you have to think up another excuse.

☎ Which TV character would you most like to spontaneously combust?


Question: 99% of households will buy THIS in 2012.
Answer: Soup.

Knowledge is knowing that you don’t know.

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