Wednesday, April 6, 2011        Edition: #4478
Good Morning, Sheetheads!

Sean Parker, co-founder of Napster & founding president of Facebook, has become engaged to singer-songwriter Alexandra Lenas (Justin Timberlake played Parker as a hard-partying ladies’ man in “The Social Network”) . . . Keira Knightley is reportedly dating James Righton of Brit indie band The Klaxons (the time-honored tradition of actresses hooking up with rockers lives on!) . . . 46-year-old actress Courteney Cox & her 40-year-old “Cougar Town” co-star Josh Hopkins are vacationing on the Caribbean island of St Barts (platonic or desperate?) . . . The UK tabs are all a-twitter over new photos of “Harry Potter” actress Emma Watson suffering a breakout of bad skin just as she’s become the new face of makeup-maker Lancome Paris (allergies?) . . . After Oprah Winfrey retires from her daytime show May 25th, a slew of new talk-show personalities are looking at the possibility of snapping up a share of her audience, including CNN’s Anderson Cooper (“360”); Katie Couric (“CBS Evening News”); UK interviewer Martin Bashir (Michael Jackson); and former “The View” co-host Rosie O’Donnell (there’s gonna be a whole lot of yakking going on!) . . . Meantime, TMZ is reporting that Katie Couric’s replacement on the “CBS Evening News” will be 53-year-old “60 Minutes” correspondent Scott Pelley (all those remedy ads on network news shows give you an indication of the average audience age) . . . And on his new HLN talk show “Dr Drew”, which premiered this week, the good doc suggests that actor-stage flop Charlie Sheen ‘needs some medication’ (um, isn’t that what started all the mayhem?).

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – Contestants perform songs from the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, accompanied by legendary guitarist Jeff Beck.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – OneRepublic (“Live From Zurich”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Kelly Clarkson (“Don’t You Wanna Stay”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Funeral Party (“The Golden Age of Knowhere”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Sarah Lee Guthrie & Johnny Irion (“Bright Examples”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Paul Simon (“So Beautiful or So What”, out April 12th).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Carrie Underwood (“Play On”); Matthew Morrison (“Glee”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Robbie Robertson (“How to Become Clairvoyant”).

• Bee Gees – 61-year-old Robin Gibb has called off a string of gigs in Brazil after being hospitalized in Britain with abdominal pains. Last year, he underwent emergency stomach surgery for a blocked intestine.
• Beyoncé – She’s apparently ready to release a new album in June, which would be her follow-up to 2008’s “I Am … Sasha Fierce”. Word has it a big tour will follow.
• Big & Rich – They’re not only planning to tour, but also to release a single before the end of May. Their last studio album together was 2007’s “Between Raising Hell & Amazing Grace”.
• Ke$ha – Her new Nashville TN home has a salt-water pool with laser beams and underwater speakers. But so far the interior contains only a grand piano, a mattress, and a Budweiser lamp.
• Michael Jackson – Fulham Football Club owner Mohamed Al Fayed says that fans can ‘go to hell’ if they don’t like the new 7-foot, 6-inch statue of the late ‘King of Pop’ outside the team’s West London stadium. The $162,000-plaster statue was unveiled before a Premier League match against Blackpool on Sunday.
• Taylor Swift – She says when she sits down to write a song, the only person she’s thinking of is the person the song is about. Wonder who her single “Mean” is about?
• Thompson Square – The country chart-toppers (“Are You Gonna Kiss Me or Not?”) will be opening shows for Jason Aldean this Summer.

A novel golf concept is played at a resort near Bordeaux on the west coast of France. ‘La Jenny’ claims to be the only naturalist golf resort in the world. That’s right … naked golf. the course opened in 1993 and was expanded in 2009. The 6 playing holes include 4 par 3s and 2 par 4s.  Ads mention a welcoming clubhouse where one can have ‘an enjoyable time after golf’. (Would that be at the ‘7th Hole’?)
NET: (barely SFW)

New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Bikelash’ – A strong, negative reaction towards cyclists, particularly by drivers or police. (What do cyclists do that ticks you off most? Refuse to stay on the roadside? Ride in tandem?)
• ‘Vinotherapy’ – Wine-based spa treatments. (“Attention: All spa patrons. Please do not drink the hot tub.”)
• ‘Waithood’ – The stage in a recent college graduate’s life when activities such as marriage and finding a place to live are postponed until a job is found or enough money is saved. (“Honest Mom, I’ll be out of the basement as soon as my waithood is over.”)

• Mozzarella miracle or half-baked deity? The face of Jesus has apparently made yet another surprisingly delicious appearance, this time in a 3-cheese pizza. An employee at the Posh Pizza shop in Brisbane, Australia made the improbably divine discovery last week when she pulled the pie out of the oven.
• He sounds like Neil Young singing! A Montana man who mimicked a female voice is exchanging his ill-gotten Tempur-Pedic mattress for a cot in federal prison. The 60-year-old has been sentenced to a year-and-a-day for impersonating his ex-wife when calling the bedding company and trying to open a line of credit on a $4,000 order for a bed and linens.
– AP
• Is this an explosive issue? The suds cops at the Liquor Control Board of Ontario have stamped out a popular beer made by a Barrie ON micro-brewery because they deem the product’s name and cartoonish label inappropriate. The beer is called ‘Smashbomb Atomic IPA’.
• You think they’d learn! Spanish police in suburban Madrid have caught up with a convict who was mistakenly freed after his wife sent a fax that appeared to be from a regional court ordering his release. The convict also escaped last October when his enterprising partner used the same tactic.
– QMI Agency

There’s a penchant in the Philippines to give just about everyone a nickname. Even the president is not spared. His real name is Benigno Aquino, but almost everyone calls him ‘Noynoy’. Two of his sisters are called ‘Pinky’ and ‘Ballsy’. Other common pet names include Babe, Bambi, Bogie, BumBum, Girlie, and Peanut. These names are found in all sectors of society. No one seems to know why. (Try nicknaming each of your morning crew.)
– BBC News

Recent research shows a clean, clutter-free environment is vital to getting good night’s sleep. The study suggests people who do the following get the best rest …
• Make their beds every day.
• Put on clean bed sheets at least once-a-week.
• Keep bedrooms dark and cool.
• Sleep on comfortable mattresses and pillows.

A recent Cornell University study shows that women who don’t have kids are more likely to succeed in the corporate world than women who do. Some think this factor may contribute directly to their success or lack thereof. These days men and women have nearly identical incomes and working hours upon graduation from college, but mothers are 44% less likely to be hired than women without children. (The best solution would seem to be men giving birth.)
– ABC News

Seems the stereotype of the confident alpha male who wins over the girl is, in fact, a scientific truth. For the first time in humans, researchers have studied the correlation between testosterone, dominant behavior, and the successful wooing of an attractive woman. They found that men with high testosterone levels are more assertive in winning the attention of females, and that women ‘clicked’ with these men more than others. (Explaining why you haven’t ‘clicked’ in months.)

A new University of Kentucky psychology study reveals that popular music lyrics now include more words related to a focus on self. The researchers have found the use of first-person plural pronouns (‘we’, ‘us’, ‘our’) has declined over the years, while the use of first-person singular pronouns (‘I’, ‘me’, ‘mine’) has increased. Words reflecting anger or antisocial behavior (‘hate’, ‘kill’, ‘damn’) have also become more prevalent over the 28-year period studied. (By this logic, a song called “Kill Me” should soon become a hit.)

• Moammar Gadhafi’s official title is ‘Guide Of the First of September Great Revolution Of the Socialist People’s Libyan Arab Jamahiriya’.
– “Christian Science Monitor”
• 28% of American moms with 2 or more kids have had children by different fathers.
– “HealthDay News”


1937 [74] Merle Haggard, Bakersfield CA, country legend with 38 #1 hits (“Okie from Muskogee”, “If We Make It Through December”)/Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award (2006)/Country Music Hall of Fame (1994)

1969 [42] Paul Rudd, Passaic NJ, movie actor (“Dinner for Schmucks”, “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”)

1975 [36] Zach Braff, South Orange NJ, TV actor (“Scrubs” 2001-10)/movie director (“Garden State”)/movie actor (“The Pursuit of Happyness”)

• “Drowsy Driver Awareness Day”, an annual initiative to encourage motorists to take notice when they’re too sleepy to steer. According to a recent poll, more than 10% of drivers admit to having fallen asleep at the wheel; and over 20% say they’ve momentarily dozed while driving.

• “New Beer’s Eve”, celebrating the date of the end of Prohibition in the United States in 1933.

• “Paraprofessional Appreciation Day”, honoring  paraprofessionals in the workplace, especially in education.

• “Student Athlete Day”, celebrated annually since 1987 to salute the outstanding achievements of high school and college student-athletes who have also excelled in academics while making significant contributions to their schools and communities.

• “Tartan Day”, the anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Arbroath in 1320, a day set aside for the celebration of Scottish influence. More practically, it’s now the day that officially kicks off the annual Scottish tourism season.

• “Teflon Day”, commemorating the accidental 1938 discovery of the coating used to create non-stick surfaces by Du Pont researcher Roy Plunkett (how do they get it to stick to a pan?)

1968 [43] “2001: A Space Odyssey” opens in movie theaters (introducing us to ‘Hal 9000’)

1992 [19] “Barney & Friends” premieres on PBS-TV (“I love you, you love me …”)

1980 [31] 1st ‘Post-It Notes’ (a 3M product designed to eventually block any sight of your computer monitor)

1987 [24] Country singer/movie star/sports team owner Gene Autry becomes the 1st (and only) person to be honored with a 5th star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

2000 [11] A private company mapping the human genetic blueprint announces it has decoded all of the DNA pieces that make up the genetic pattern of a single human being

[Thurs] Masters Golf tourney begins (Augusta GA)
[Thurs] International Beaver Day
[Thurs] Metric System Day
[Thurs] No Housework Day
[Fri] “Arthur”; “Born to Be Wild; “Hanna”; “Soul Surfer”; “Your Highness” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Former POW Recognition Day
This Week Is … Week Of the Ocean
This Month Is … Amateur Radio Month


Doritos flavored tortilla chips have been around since 1964. A few odd flavors that have been available somewhere in the world at one time or another …
• Butter & Soy Sauce
• Cheese & Almond
• Coconut Curry
• Fish Taco
• Roasted Turkey
• Roe & Mayonnaise
• Sausage & Beer
• Seaweed
• Tuna Mayo
• Yogurt & Mint

• According to a recent study, how long do we keep magazines before throwing them out?
a. 4 weeks.
b. 13 weeks.
c. 29 weeks. [CORRECT. Much longer at the dentist’s office.]

• It’s the ‘morning after’ and your eyelids are puffy. Which should help?
a. Steaming them over a pan of boiling water.
b. Holding chilled used teabags against them. [CORRECT, or anything else cold that won’t hurt your eyes.]
c. Slathering peanut butter on them.
– “Super Healing Foods”

Saving is a fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

Which TV character would you most like to spontaneously combust?

Today’s Question: The average child does THIS every day; the average adult doesn’t.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Run.

The way to keep a cat is to try to chase it away.

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