Friday, April 6, 2012        Edition: #4722

Good Morning, Sheetheads!

According to insiders quoted in “Us Magazine”, Kristen Wiig, Andy Samberg, and Jason Sudeikis are all leaving “Saturday Night Live” (NBC) after the end of this season, which promises to be a huge blow to the show (time for this 37-year-old to be cancelled?) . . . Whitney Houston’s autopsy report released this week describes ‘a small spoon with a white crystal like substance in it and a rolled up piece of white paper’ in the bathroom where her body was found (anyone surprised?) . . . For his first post-“Twilight” role, actor Taylor Lautner has reportedly chosen a movie that matches his considerable topless acting skills: “Grown Ups 2” (he’d be better to pick “Scary Movie 46” than an Adam Sandler film) . . . In honor of its 25th anniversary, FOX-TV is running a special April 22nd that will include the reunited casts of some it’s all-time top shows, including “Ally McBeal”, “Beverly Hills 90210”, “In Living Color”, “Married … With Children”, “That ‘70s Show”, and “The X-Files” (it’s your chance to relive the 90s!) . . . Thanks to the new PBS-TV program “Finding Your Roots”, we now know that married acting couple Kyra Sedgwick & Kevin Bacon are distant cousins (ew, a creepy version of ‘Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon’!) . . . Former “Dawson’s Creek” star James Van Der Beek has shot down rumors he’s named his new son after ex-castmate Joshua Jackson (hopefully he didn’t call him ‘Pacey’ either) . . . “People” magazine’s cover story on Kate Middleton screams ‘IS SHE PREGNANT?’ (the accompanying story inside screams ‘PROBABLY NOT’) . . . And this week singer-songwriter Bruno Mars has let it be known he did not appreciate an April Fool’s report that claimed he’s come out-of-the-closet; and actor Jeremy Renner is also denying gay rumors (does it mean anything that we’ve heard nothing from the Clooney camp?).


• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today Colbie Caillat (“All of You”); Common (“The Dreamer/The Believer”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight All-American Rejects (“Kids In the Street”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Christina Milian (“It’s About Time”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Future (“Pluto”, out April 17th).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Girls Generation (“Mr Taxi”). Rerun.
• Lollapalooza Brazil (Sao Paulo) – Saturday-Sunday the 1st-ever Brazilian version of the event features performances by Cage the Elephant, Foo Fighters, Foster the People, Jane’s Addiction, and Skrillex among many others.
• “Magic City” (Starz/SuperChannel) – Tonight the debut of a new series set at a Miami Beach hotel in the early 1960s. Stars Christian Cooke, Dominik Garcia-Lorido, Jeffrey Dean Morgan. (Sort of “Mad Men” in the hospitality biz.)
• “MTV Unplugged” (MTV) – Sunday the long-running series returns for the 2012 season with Florence & The Machine (“Ceremonials”).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Sofia Vergara (“Modern Family”); musical guest One Direction (“Up All Night”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Rodrigo y Gabriela (“Area 52”).


Saturday: “Q’viva! The Chosen” (FOX)


• Bob Dylan – A Brazilian-based movie company has acquired the rights to make a film adaptation of his iconic album “Blood On the Tracks”. RT Features is seeking a director for an English-language movie based on the 1975 record.
• Christina Aguilera – She says she has been working gradually on a new album with a variety of producers, juggling studio time with her work on “The Voice”. The resulting project is likely to be released sometime later this year.
• Justin Bieber – “Boyfriend” has debuted at #1 on the ‘Billboard Digital Songs’ chart. The lead single from the upcoming album “Believe” had the 2nd-highest digital sales debut ever with 521,000 downloads.
• Mary J Blige – Her online Burger King ad that debuted this week is already being yanked, purportedly due to ‘licensing issues’. But speculation has it the real reason is due to complaints of racial stereotyping. Her song “Don’t Mind” was used as a jingle about fried chicken.
• Neil Young – “Rolling Stone” reports he’s filed for 6 trademark patents for possible new high-quality digital formats. They’re apparently to be used for ‘high resolution music downloadable from the Internet’ as well as ‘audio and video recording storage and playback’.
• Nirvana – Sunday onetime Hole guitarist Eric Erlandson publishes “Letters to Kurt”, a book of reflections on rock & roll, drug abuse, and the death of Kurt Cobain. The 52 chapters include prose, poetry, and ‘free association’. (BS translation: Doodles.)
• Rihanna – Word has it her management is trying to keep her away from Chris Brown, but she’s having none of it. In fact, she tells “Elle” magazine the notorious incident in which she was attacked by her then-boyfriend was ‘liberation’ that eventually helped her open up to the public.

“American Reunion” ( R-Rated Comedy ): The characters from the “American Pie” series, ‘Jim’, ‘Michelle’, ‘Stifler’ et al, reunite in East Great Falls, Michigan for their high school reunion. Most of the original 1999 cast returns, including Jason Biggs, Alyson Hannigan, Seann William Scott, Chris Klein, Tara Reid, Natasha Lyonne.


Community support is the latest trend in reality TV. Many of the new show formats to hit TV screens in the coming months will focus on the idea of help between strangers, French TV research company The Wit has told an industry trade show. Whereas in the past, people went to experts to help solve their problems, those in crisis now ask their neighbors for help, notes the Paris-based company. Thus the strongest trend in TV productions today is peer-to-peer recommendations, reflecting a broader trend that values advice handed out by peers above that of experts. (Programs with people seeking advice from friends, family, and strangers …. it’ll be like Facebook on TV.)


New Zealand stopped issuing 1- and 2-cent coins in 1989; South Africa in 2002; and this Fall Canada will cease producing pennies. The economics are clear-cut: It makes no sense to keep circulating a 1-cent coin that costs 1.5 cents to produce. But a Penn State study suggests there could be an economic downside. In a post-penny economy prices are rounded to the nearest 5-cent nickel, with some transactions rounding up and others rounding down. It would seem that, overall, prices should even out. However, using the price book of a major retail chain, researchers have found that up to 93% of transactions would actually round up. And that would most often affect the poor as they’re more prone to pay in cash. (The reason more prices round up is simple … virtually every retail price ends in .99)
– Adapted from

During the Easter season, 600 million ‘Marshmallow Peeps’ are purchased. It’s the most popular Easter candy besides chocolate.


1937 [75] Merle Haggard, Bakersfield CA, country legend with 38 #1 hits (“Okie from Muskogee”, “If We Make It Through December”)/Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award (2006)/Country Music Hall of Fame (1994)

1969 [43] Paul Rudd, Passaic NJ, movie actor (“Dinner for Schmucks”, “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”)  COMING UP: “Anchorman 2” (2013).

1975 [37] Zach Braff, South Orange NJ, TV actor (“Scrubs” 2001-10)/movie director (“Garden State”)/movie actor (“The Pursuit of Happyness”)

Movie director Francis Ford Coppola (“The Godfather”) is 73; Oldies singer John Oates (Hall & Oates) is 63; Movie actor Jackie Chan (“Rush Hour”) is 58; Movie actor Russell Crowe (“Gladiator”) is 48.

Rock guitarist Izzy Stradlin (Guns ‘N Roses) is 50; Movie actress Robin Wright (“The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”) is 46; TV-movie actress Patricia Arquette (“Medium”) is 44; Movie-TV actor Taylor Kitsch (“John Carter”) is 31; Indie rock singer-guitarist Ezra Koenig (Vampire Weekend) is 28.

• “Drowsy Driver Awareness Day”, an annual initiative to encourage motorists to take notice when they’re too sleepy to steer. According to a recent poll, more than 10% of drivers admit to having fallen asleep at the wheel; and over 20% say they’ve momentarily dozed while driving.
• “Good Friday”, observed since about 100 AD. There are few explanations as to why it’s known as ‘Good’ Friday since it commemorates a sorrowful time in Christianity. It’s a national holiday in Australia, Canada, New Zealand, and the UK but not in the USA where it varies state-by-state.
• “Passover” begins at sunset, the 8-day Jewish celebration of the flight of the Israelites from Egyptian slavery in the 1200 s BCE. A ceremonial Seder takes place on the first 2 nights, when symbolic foods such as unleavened bread are placed on the table.
• “Pink Moon”, the Full Moon of April, so-named due to the herb Moss Pink, or Wild Ground Phlox, one of the earliest widespread flowers of Spring. Other names have included the ‘Sprouting Grass Moon’, the ‘Egg Moon’, and the ‘Fish Moon’.
• “Tartan Day”, the anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Arbroath in 1320, a day set aside for the celebration of Scottish influence. More practically, it’s now the day that officially kicks off the annual Scottish tourism season.
• “Teflon Day”, commemorating the accidental 1938 discovery of the coating used to create non-stick surfaces by Du Pont researcher Roy Plunkett (how do they get it to stick to a pan?)
• “Walk to Work Day”, observed annually on the first Friday of April. Whether or not it’s to work, the goal is to walk 30 minutes a day to ease stress and improve fitness.

• “International Beaver Day”, celebrating the species that restores the most valuable terrestrial ecosystem … wetlands. Organized by the nonprofit organization Beavers: Wetlands & Wildlife.
• “International Pillow Fight Day”, when massive pillow fights are scheduled in cities worldwide from Amsterdam to Zurich. A listing of cities hosting events here …
• “Metric System Day”, celebrating its 1795 adoption in France, where it was first developed. The only 3 countries of any size in the world NOT using the system now: Liberia, Myanmar, USA.
• “No Housework Day”, an annual opportunity to avoid dishes, cleaning, taking out trash … and guilt!
• “World Health Day”, an initiative of the World Health Organization to highlight public health issues of international concern on the anniversary of the organization’s creation in 1948.

• “Birthday Of the Buddha” (563 BCE), celebrated in Japan, Taiwan, Hawaii, Korea and elsewhere. Considered the most important Buddhist holiday.
• “Easter”, the moveable Christian feast, meaning it’s not fixed to a calendar date. It falls at some point between late March & late April each year, following the cycle of the Moon. Since its origins, it has been a time of celebration and feasting. Worldwide, many traditional Easter activities involve eggs, such as Egg Rolling, Egg Tapping, Pace Egging, and Egg Decorating.
• “International Feng Shui Awareness Day” [fung schway], celebrating the oriental ‘art of placement’ in which architecture and interiors are situated to blend with their surroundings in order to create greater harmony.


1992 [20] “Barney & Friends” premieres on PBS-TV (“I love you, you love me …”)

1980 [32] 1st ‘Post-It Notes’ (a 3M product designed to eventually block any sight of your computer monitor)

2000 [12] A private company mapping the human genetic blueprint announces it has decoded all of the DNA pieces that make up the genetic pattern of a single human being

1987 [25] Country singer/movie star/sports team owner Gene Autry becomes the only person to be honored with a 5th star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

[Mon] Easter Monday
[Mon] “Mama’s Boys” debuts (TLC)
[Mon] Dyngus Day
[Mon] Cherish an Antique Day
[Mon] Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day
[Tues] “All For the Hall” benefit concert (Nashville)
[Tues] Be Kind to Lawyers Day
[Tues] Library Workers Day
[Tues] Sibling Day
This Week Is … Week Of the Ocean
This Month Is … Amateur Radio Month


• You decide to ‘re-org’ your family into a ‘team-based organization’.
• You refer to dating as ‘test marketing’.
• You can spell ‘paradigm’.
• You write ‘executive summaries’ on your love letters.
• You believe you never have problems in your life, just ‘issues’ and ‘improvement opportunities’.
• You ask the waiter what the restaurant’s ‘core competencies’ are.
• You can explain the difference between ‘re-engineering’, ‘downsizing’, ‘right-sizing’, and ‘firing people’s asses’.
• You refer to your significant other as ‘my co-CEO’.
• You use the term ‘value-added’ without falling down laughing.
– Adapted from

• In 1930, baking executive James Dewar was looking for a use for small baking pans that spent most of the year in storage. What did he invent?
a. Hot Cross Buns.
b. Hostess Twinkies. [CORRECT. They first went on sale 82 years ago today.]
c. Strawberry Shortcake.

• In olden days, Hot Cross Buns were believed to have magical powers. If you ate one on Good Friday, which were you supposedly protected from for an entire year?
a. Your house catching fire. [CORRECT]
b. The bubonic plague.
c. Bill collectors.
– “Totally Trivial”

I can tell you’re lying. Your lips are moving.

☎ Which Hollywood couple is most likely doomed to split up?

Question: The average person does THIS 50 times per day.
Answer: Looks at their cellphone.

Freedom is just chaos with better lighting.

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