April 7, 2014

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Monday, April 7, 2014        Edition: #5196

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★ Did you, like many others, hate the ending for “How I Met Your Mother” (CBS)? The fans have spoken and apparently will be offered an alternative … if they pay for it. Co-creator Carter Bays has defended the controversial series finalé via a Twitter feed but also assures fans they’ll have another option when the series comes out on DVD. Bays explains that, while only one final script was shot, there were 2 possible outcomes for the series through the magic of editing. The 2nd option will be included on the upcoming DVD.
– HitFix.com
★ David Letterman’s surprise announcement of his impending retirement has a lot of people buzzing about his potential replacement on “The Late Show”. Letterman has informed CBS that he and band leader Paul Shaffer will be wrapping things up sometime next year. So who should replace him? His following act on CBS, “Late Late Show” host Craig Ferguson, is surprisingly thought to be an underdog. But he apparently stands to cash in either way. Several reports say his current contract guarantees a payout worth millions if he’s overlooked as a replacement for Letterman.
– NYPost.com
★ TV/movie actor Bryan Cranston is publishing a memoir in the Fall of 2015. Though much of the publicity hype for the biography focuses on his best known role as ‘Walter White’ on AMC-TV’s 5-season sensation “Breaking Bad”, Cranston’s experience extends beyond that. Brought up by his grandparents in Los Angeles County, his career started with bit parts on TV and in movies in the early ‘80s – which is how he met wife Robin Dearden – well before he gained widespread recognition as the dad on “Malcolm In the Middle” in the mid-2000s.
– RelaxNews.com
★ And Kanye West has reached out to actors James Franco and Seth Rogen, who’ve hilariously posted online parodies of Kanye’s “Bound 2” video, in which he cavorted with Kim Kardashian on a motorcycle; and also the celebrity couple’s recent “Vogue” magazine cover. Franco confirms that ‘Ye set up a call with his 2 mockers and – instead of chewing them out – offered them a proposal for their next parody project. Franco says it’s a crazy idea that involves Kanye & Kim’s upcoming Paris wedding, but he doesn’t think it’s likely to come together.
– Contactmusic.com

• “Arsenio Hall” (syndicated) – El Debarge (“Icon”).
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – For the first time, the celebrities switch professional dance partners; guest judge Julianne Hough.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Aloe Blacc (“Lift Your Spirit”).
• “Good Morning America” (ABC): Pharrell (“G I R L”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Chuck E Weiss (“Other Side of Town”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Band of Skulls (“Himalayan”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV2) – New Politics (“New Politics”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Gary Allan (“Set You Free”). Rerun.
• NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship (CBS) – The 76th elimination tournament finally comes to a conclusion with the championship game at AT&T Stadium in Arlington, Texas.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Nas f/Q-Tip and John Oates (“Life Is Good”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Coldplay’s Chris Martin again appears as a ‘universal advisor’ to all 4 coaches.

• Beyoncé – Looking for a Summer gig, students? An add for ‘Summer Public Relations Interns’ suggests she needs help … and she’s willing to pay in Pepsi products and selfie ops.
NET: http://bit.ly/1hbmc56
• Hole – Courtney Love is reuniting the “Celebrity Skin” album lineup of her band, saying that she, Melissa Auf der Maur, Eric Erlandson, and Patty Schemel have put aside their differences and are currently working on new material.
• The National – “Hush”, the theme song of the new AMC drama “Turn”, which debuted last night, is a collaboration between the indie rock band’s Matt Berninger, Joy Williams of The Civil Wars, and producer/writer Charlie Peacock.
• Robin Thicke – His father, Alan Thicke, best known for his role as the father on ABC-TV’s “Growing Pains” (1985-92), also composed the theme song to “Diff’rent Strokes” (1978-86).
• Taylor Swift – She has sold out Shanghai’s Mercedes-Benz Arena in 1 minute, making it the fastest ticket sale in Chinese history. The Asian leg of her long-running “Red Tour” begins there on May 30th.
• Wu-Tang Clan – They plan to sell only 1 copy of their upcoming 31-song double album, “The Wu – Once Upon a Time In Shaolin”. It will reportedly cost millions as it’s being touted as an artwork piece, encased in an engraved silver-and-nickel box. The project is unrelated to their 20th anniversary album, slated to come out sometime this Summer.

If you believe the old adage that the camera adds 10-or-15 lbs to how we really look, you may want to check this out. A new app called ‘SkinneePix’ from the Arizona-based company Pretty Smart Women digitally thins the face with face detection technology to trim off 5, 10, or 15 lbs. This is no ‘fun house mirror’ trick; it makes realistic alterations to produce a thinner profile that remains in proportion. ‘SkinneePix’ is available for Apple now at 99¢; an Android version is coming later this month. One thing you can’t do with the app … shoot a group selfie. It’s single shots only.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/kg5zcmv
– LATimes.com

In case you haven’t noticed, milkshakes are having a moment. A rather grown-up moment, as boozy shakes are busting out big time. Just a few of the new concoctions being served …
✓ Barrel of Monkeys – Barrel-aged vanilla-infused brandy with coffee ice cream, garnished with shaved dark chocolate and crushed hazelnuts.
✓ Chocolate Covered Cherry Shake – Grey Goose Cherry Noir vodka and Godiva chocolate liqueur, blended in vanilla ice cream.
✓ Crack-A-Jack – Made with Stoli Salted Karamel vodka, 360 Buttered Popcorn Vodka and a vanilla-blend ice cream.
✓ Drunken Sailor – Salty peanut butter, creamy caramel, and smoky whiskey combined with vanilla ice cream. It’s topped with candied peanuts.
✓ Extra Dark Caramel – Vanilla ice cream with a combo of fresh-pulled espresso, dark caramel, and rye whiskey.
✓ Midnight Train – Vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup combine with Reyka Vodka and Fernet Branca aromatic spirit, and topped with brandied cherries.
✓ Twisted Coconut – Coconut rum and banana rum blended with handmade ice cream.
(So next time you’re in search of a brain freeze, ask the bartender to pour you a strong cold one … a milkshake.)
– Adapted from USAToday.com

Cereal boxes are placed on grocery shelves at eye-height for a reason. A new Cornell University study shows that consumers are 16% more likely to trust a brand when the characters on the boxes look them straight-in-the-eye. That goes for children as well. Spokes-characters designed to attract kids make eye contact with them at their own level. Thus adult characters on cereal boxes look straight ahead, while children’s characters look down at a 9.6 degree angle. Researchers studied more than 80 breakfast spokes-characters to come up with their findings. (This is why you should never take your kids down the cereal aisle!)
– BusinessInsider.com.au

A sure sign you’re getting older – you may have to Google some of these …
✓ Kik (smartphone messenger).
✓ Snapchat (photo messaging).
✓ Beaded wrap bracelets.
✓ “Having strong eyebrow game”
✓ Vape pens (similar to e-cigarettes).
✓ Black hi-top Converse (shoes).
✓ Vine (Twitter video app).
✓ Selfies.
✓ Leggings.
✓ Galaxy print (constellations printed on clothing).
✓ Tank-tops on guys.
✓ Over-the-knee socks.
✓ EDM (Electronic Dance Music).
✓ Doc Martens (boots).
✓ NOT being on Facebook.
✓ Underage drinking; weed (some things never change).
– Condensed from Buzzfeed.com

Residents of Japan are used to receiving cellphone notifications of natural disasters such as earthquakes and tsunamis, but this month the government has also begun warning them of a whole new threat … incoming missiles. A new alert system from the country’s Fire & Disaster Management Agency (FDMA) is designed to relay information on nearby ballistic missile launches. The notifications are sent through the same J-Alert system that’s used to warn residents of natural threats. Customers of Japan’s 3 major telecom companies now receive the automatic notifications for free. (“Warning all citizens: Incoming! Tuck your head between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye.”)
– TheVerge.com

A 16th-century German military expert believed that ‘weaponized cats’ could be used to burn down enemy fortifications.
– “National Geographic”


1939 [75] Francis Ford Coppola, Detroit MI, movie director (Oscars-“The Godfather I & II”, “Apocalypse Now”)/father of filmmaker Sofia Coppola (“Lost in Translation”)

1949 [65] John Oates, NYC, oldies singer (Hall & Oates-“I Can’t Go For That”, “Maneater”)

1954 [60] Jackie (Yuan Lung) Chan, Hong Kong, movie actor/producer/director/stuntman (“Kung Fu Panda”, “Rush Hour” series)

1964 [50] Russell Crowe, Wellington NZ, movie actor (“Noah”, 2001 Oscar-“Gladiator”)

1988 [26] Ed Speleers, Chichester UK, TV actor (‘Jimmy Kent’ on “Downton Abbey” since 2012)

• “Empowered Women Entrepreneurs Day”, a day to tell a female friend or family member how proud you are of them for operating their own business.

• “International Beaver Day”, celebrating the species that restores the most valuable terrestrial ecosystem … wetlands. Organized by the nonprofit organization Beavers: Wetlands & Wildlife.
NET: http://www.beaversww.org

• “Metric System Day”, celebrating its 1795 adoption in France, where it was first developed. The only 3 countries in the world NOT using the system now: Liberia, Myanmar, USA. Myanmar (Burma) is taking steps to adopt it officially.

• “No Housework Day”, an annual opportunity to avoid dishes, cleaning, taking out trash … and guilt!

• “World Health Day”, an initiative of the World Health Organization to highlight public health issues of international concern on the anniversary of the organization’s creation in 1948.
NET: http://www.who.int/world-health-day/en/

2012 [02] Mike Wallace, longtime “60 Minutes” journalist (1968-2006) on CBS-TV, dies at age 93 in New Canaan, Connecticut

2008 [06] Bob Dylan is awarded an honorary Pulitzer Prize for ‘profound impact on popular music and American culture, marked by lyrical compositions of extraordinary poetic power’

2008 [06] Olivia Newton-John begins a walk across the entire length of China’s Great Wall to raise funds for breast cancer research (takes her 3 weeks to cover the 141 miles)

1959 [55] 1st ‘Atomic-Generated Electricity’ is produced at Los Alamos, New Mexico

[Tues] International Roma Day
[Tues] Trading Cards For Grown-ups Day
[Tues] Be Kind to Lawyers Day
[Wed] Cherish an Antique Day
[Wed] Former POW Recognition Day

Animal Control Appreciation Week / Bat Appreciation Week / Explore Your Career Options Week / Money Smart Week / Public Health Week / Volunteer Week / Window Safety Week / Week Of the Young Child / Youth Violence Prevention Week


Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
You & your co-host each give an answer to an imponderable question. Your contestant must decide which of you is telling the truth.
• Why do you see so many worms on the ground after it rains?
a. They come out of their wormholes to get a drink.
b. They come out of their wormholes so they won’t drown. [CORRECT]
• Why is the popular casino dice game called ‘Craps’?
a. A legendary early player not only lost a fortune but was so dismayed he also lost control.
b. It’s named after Johnny Crapaud (CRAP-o) who first popularized the game. [CORRECT]
• Why are college basketball games played in halves while NBA games are played in quarters?
a. The NBA wanted more intermissions for fans to hit concession stands. [CORRECT]
b. Older players need more breaks to catch their breath.
– First published in “BS” 2004.

• You’re sitting on a park bench and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.
• Absolut wants to run an ad featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.
• Your insurance company has started sending you their free calendar … a month at a time.
• Your doctor says, “Open your mouth and say moo.”
• When you stop exercising, parts of you keep moving.
• Packs of dogs are attracted by your high-pitched wheeze.
• Whenever you walk around in new corduroys, neighbors yell, “Hey, keep it down!”
• You get winded giving a fellow commuter the finger.
– First published in “BS” 2000.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

Did you hear about the dyslexic with Tourette syndrome? He goes around shouting, “This! This! This!”

Sick of the yapping dog next door? Or the neighbor’s cat that keeps crapping in your garden? These folks are here to help (it’s just a joke, isn’t it?) …
NET: http://www.pet-assassin.co.uk

☎ What’s your best selfie posing tip?

Question: An average of 20 people touch THIS item before you buy it.
Answer: A greeting card.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

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