Friday, April 7, 2017        Edition: #5949

You’re Fulla Sheet!

★Selena Gomez will host this year’s WE Day, a one-day event aiming to celebrate America’s youth by bringing together 16,000 young people and encouraging them to take action on social issues.  The star-studded lineup on April 27 will include a musical performance by Alicia Keys and appearances by Demi Lovato, Tyrese Gibson, Earvin “Magic” Johnson, Bryan Cranston, Alessia Cara, DJ Khaled and more. Even Miss Piggy and the other Muppets will grace the stage.
-Hollywood Reporter
★David Schwimmer and his wife Chloe Buckman have separated.  In a statement, the former Friends star and his wife of six years have confirmed the news, explaining they are taking a break to re-evaluate their relationship. They have one daughter. (Still ‘Friends’?)
-US Weekly
★Alec Baldwin may be long divorced from Kim Basinger, but he has nothing but nice things to say about her in his new book.  He refers to her as ‘an object like a leopard or an orchid or a magnificent mountain lake’. ‘Nevertheless’ is in stores now. (Sounds like Alec could be writing greeting cards.)
★Stephen Colbert is starting to leave his competition in the dust.  For the ninth straight week, the CBS host has won the late night ratings war.  And he’s not just squeaking by.  The latest Neilson numbers have him leading Jimmy Fallon’s show by his widest margin ever…about 400 000 viewers.
★By now you are aware of ‘Mama June’ Shannon’s shocking transformation.  Earlier this week, the ‘From Not to Hot’ reality star revealed her new look, which included the reported loss of 300 pounds. She also pointed out that she paid for her transformation herself. Experts have weighed in on the cost, estimated to be north of $80,000 Here is the breakdown:
-Breast Lift: $14,000
-Tummy Tuck/Liposuction: $15,000
-Face Lift: $18,000
-Arm Lift/Liposuction: $12,000
-Gastric surgery: $10,000
-New veneers $10,000.
(Well, technically her TLC royalties paid for it…)

•“Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Shaquille O’Neal R
•“Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” )NBC/CTV): Jennifer Lopez, Jeff Probst, Depeche Mode R
•“Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Craig Ferguson, Rachel Dratch, George Saunders R
•“Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Aaron Paul, Jenny Slate, Jermaine Fowler R
•“The View” (ABC/CTV): Kurt Russell
•“The Talk” (CBS): Matthew Perry, Sarah Michelle Gellar, guest co-hosts Wendi McLendon-Covey & Chrissy Metz
•“Live with Kelly” (ABC/CTV): Jason Statham, Rashida Jones, Tim Morehouse, guest co-host Scott Wolf
•Ellen DeGeneres (NBC/CTV): Adam Sandler, Meghan Trainor
•“Deadliest Catch: Captains’ Legacy” (Discovery) Tension runs high on the Northwestern; and Edgar Hansen is fed up with the 22-year marathon of pain and confronts older brother, Sig.
•“Saturday Night Live” (NBC, Global) Louis C.K., The Chainsmokers

•Drake – His ‘More Life’ remains at No. 1 on the Billboard Top 200 for the second week, with 226,000 total consumption units. The album continues to have a huge streaming total, with 253 million audio on-demand streams for the week, making it the second highest one week total ever. (consumption units?  Now I’m hungry)
•Pearl Jam – David Letterman will replace an ailing Neil Young as the person inducting them the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame on tonight. In addition to Pearl Jam, the new rock class includes the late rapper Tupac Shakur, ELO, Journey, Nile Rodgers, Joan Baez and Yes. The ceremony will be held at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn.
•Taylor Swift – Where in the world has she been lately? The singer didn’t walk any red carpets during award season and her social media accounts have gone dark. The 1989 star “has been busy working on her upcoming album” in Nashville.  Swift is “trying to figure out if she wants her album to be more pop or country”, according to a source.  The album should be out later this year.
•Britney Spears – She did it again…her concert has delayed an election in Israel.  The Israeli Labor Party has reportedly postponed its primary election from July 3 to July 4 because Brit’s rolling into Tel Aviv the same day.  The change was apparently made so voters could reach polling stations without all the foot traffic of a concert in the area. (Another way celebs affect elections…)
•Katy Perry – Says she searches for hot pictures of herself when she feels insecure. Katy took to Instagram to share a picture of her Google search, which read ”katy perry hot”, alongside a photograph of her from a 2011 magazine photoshoot. She wrote: ”was feeling insecure about my last two posts so…” (and for the first time, Katy has the same browser history as me!)
•Alan Jackson (Chattahoochee, Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning), Jerry “Guitar Man” Reed and ‘The Gambler’ writer Don Schlitz have been announced as 2017’s class of inductees into The Country Music Hall of Fame. The ceremony will take place in October.

•“Smurfs: The Lost Village” – (PG Animated) In this all-new take on the Smurfs, a mysterious map sets Smurfette and her best friends Brainy, Clumsy and Hefty on an exciting and thrilling race through the Forbidden Forest filled with magical creatures to find a mysterious lost village before the evil wizard Gargamel does. Voices include: Demi Lovato, Rainn Wilson, Joe Manganiello, Mandy Patinkin, Michelle Rodriguez, Ariel Winter, Julia Roberts, Gordon Ramsay.

•“Going in Style” – (PG 13 Comedy)  Oscar winners Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine  and Alan Arkin team up as lifelong buddies Willie, Joe and Al, who decide to buck retirement and step off the straight-and-narrow for the first time in their lives when their pension fund becomes a corporate casualty. With Ann-Margret, Matt Dillon and Christopher Lloyd.  Directed by Zack Braff.

•“The Case for Christ” – (PG Drama) In 1980, Lee Strobel’s award-winning investigative reporting earned him a promotion to legal editor at the Chicago Tribune. Things at home weren’t going nearly as well. His wife Leslie’s newfound faith in Christ compels Lee to utilize his training to disprove her- pitting his resolute atheism against her growing faith. Based on Strobel’s bestselling book of the same name. Starring Mike Vogel, Erika Christensen, Robert Forster, Faye Dunaway.

Age: It’s not just a number. According to a study from the London School of Economics and Political Sciences, how happy we are is directly related to how old we are. And while you might think younger people are the happiest, it turns out that we reach peak happiness at two specific ages: 23 and 69.  In a study of 23,000 people aged 17 to 85, researchers asked participants to rank how satisfied they were with life. They found that happiness in life follows a U-shape form between ages 20 to 70, with peak levels of joy at ages 23 and 69. The burning question: What happens after age 23 and before 69? While researchers can’t quite say, they are able to attribute the lifetime curve of happiness to young individuals overestimating future satisfaction and older individuals underestimating it. So what it all means is that our levels of happiness are tied to our personal perceptions of being happy.
(I’ll just be happy when the weekend is here)
(My happiness is less of a ‘U-shape’ and more of a ‘wine bottle’ shape)
(If you’re 23, I’ve got bad news for you….this is as good as it’s gonna get for a while!)

COOLEST BRANDS (if you are a teenager):
Google asked 13-17 year-olds about their favourite brand names:
1.  YouTube
2.  Netflix
3.  Google
4.  Xbox
5.  Oreo
6.  GoPro
7.  PlayStation
8.  Doritos
9.  Nike
10. Chrome

Last?  Vice….and Chik-Fil-A

(This list looks like my teenager’s bedroom)
(Don’t these kids have clothes?)
(I’m just glad that I don’t see ‘Budweiser’ in there…)

Many public restrooms in China are not equipped with toilet paper and instead rely on patrons to supply their own. But until recently, the bathrooms of Beijing’s Temple of Heaven, a complex of religious buildings constructed in 1420, carried more than enough. But thieves have ruined it for everyone else. Yup, TP thieves stole the tissue paper using backpacks and shopping bags.  Authorities are now turning to a new technology designed to slow the shoplifters. The bathrooms have been outfitted with toilet paper dispensers that utilize facial recognition software. Six dispensers, each purchased at a cost of $720,were recently placed in the restrooms. Those seeking relief must first stare into a computer attached to the machine for three seconds. It records their image before spitting out a two-foot long sheet of tissue paper.
Need more?  You must wait 30 seconds for the machine to dole you another.
(I was always taught that there are no cameras allowed in the washroom…)
(Can you imagine some of the ’pained’ expressions that this camera sees?)
-Washington Post


1939 [78] Francis Ford Coppola, Detroit MI, movie director (Oscars-”The Godfather I & II”, “Apocalypse Now”)/father of filmmaker Sofia Coppola (“Lost in Translation”)

1948 [69] John Oates, NYC, oldies singer (Hall & Oates-”Private Eyes”, “Maneater”)

1954 [63] Jackie (Yuan Lung) Chan, Hong Kong, movie actor-producer-director-stuntman (“Kung Fu Panda” films, “Rush Hour” series)

1964 [53] Russell Crowe, Wellington NZ, movie actor (“Noah”, Oscar-”Gladiator”)  UP NEXT: “The Mummy”, opening June 9.

1985 [32] Ben McKee, Forestville CA, rock bassist-vocalist (Imagine Dragons-”I Bet My Life”, “Radioactive”)

1988 [29] Ed Speleers, Chichester UK, TV actor (“Downton Abbey” 2012-14)

Saturday, April 8:

1960 [57] John Schneider, Mount Kisco, NY, actor (‘Bo Duke’ on “The Dukes of Hazzard” 1979-85, ‘Jonathan Kent’ on “Smallville” 2001–11, country singer)

1962 [55] Izzy Stradlin (Jeffrey Isbell), Lafayette IN, rock guitarist-singer (co-founder of Guns N’ Roses, who is not part of the band’s current reunion/ Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2012)

1966 [51] Robin Wright, Dallas TX, TV actress (‘Claire Underwood’ on “House of Cards” since 2013)/movie actress (“Forrest Gump”)

1968 [49] Patricia Arquette, Chicago IL, movie actress (2015 Oscar-”Boyhood”)/TV actress (‘Avery Ryan’ on “CSI: Cyber” 2015-16, “Medium” 2005-11)

1981 [36] Taylor Kitsch, Kelowna BC, movie actor (“X-Men Origins: Wolverine”)/TV actor (“True Detective” 2015, “Friday Night Lights” 2006-11)

1984 [33] Ezra Koenig, NYC, indie rock singer-guitarist (Vampire Weekend-””Unbelievers”, “A-Punk”)

1993 [24] Jamie Sierota, Chino CA, indie pop guitarist (Echosmith-”Bright”, “Cool Kids”)

1997 [20] Sadie Calvano, LA CA, TV actress (‘Violet’ on “Mom” since 2013)

Sunday, April 9:

1926 [91] Hugh Hefner, Chicago IL, “Playboy” magazine founder/creepy old man who wed 26-year-old Crystal Harris on New Years Eve 2012

1954 [63] Dennis Quaid, Houston TX, movie actor (“GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra”, “Flight Of the Phoenix”)/TV actor (“Vegas” 2012-13)

1966 [51] Cynthia Nixon, NYC, movie actress (“Sex & The City” films)/TV actress (“Alpha House” 2013-14, “The Big C” 2010-11, “Sex & The City” 1998-2004)

1980 [37] Albert Hammond Jr, LA CA, indie rock guitarist (The Strokes-”Under Cover of Darkness”, “Juicebox”)

1982 [35] Jay Baruchel, Ottawa ON, movie actor (“How to Train Your Dragon” films, “Knocked Up”)

1986 [31] Leighton Meester, Fort Worth TX, TV actress (“Gossip Girl” 2007-12)/movie actress (“Country Strong”)/pop singer (Cobra Starship f/Leighton Meester-”Good Girls Go Bad”)

1990 [27] Kristen Stewart, LA CA, movie actress (“Snow White & The Huntsman”, “Twilight Saga” films)

1998 [19] Elle Fanning, Conyers, Georgia, movie actress (“Maleficent”, “Super 8”)

•”Walk to Work Day,” You are encouraged to walk for all or part of your commute to work.  (But how am I supposed to get home??)

• “Beer Day”, an unofficial holiday in the US marking the day in 1933 when Americans could legally buy, sell, and drink beer for the first time in 13 years thanks to Prohibition.
…but before you celebrate TOO much:

•“Alcohol Screening Day,” an initiative of the National Institutes Of Health (NIH). The aim of this event is to increase public awareness that alcohol abuse and alcoholism are recognized disorders which can be treated.

• “Empowered Women Entrepreneurs Day”, a day to tell a female friend or family member how proud you are of them for operating their own business.

• “International Beaver Day”, celebrating the species that restores the most valuable terrestrial ecosystem … wetlands. Organized by the nonprofit organization Beavers: Wetlands & Wildlife.

• “Metric System Day”, celebrating its 1795 adoption in France, where it was first developed. The only 3 countries in the world NOT using the system now: Liberia, Myanmar, USA. Myanmar (Burma) is taking steps to adopt it officially.

• “No Housework Day”, an annual opportunity to avoid dishes, cleaning, taking out trash … and guilt! (Shouldn’t be a problem)

• “World Health Day”, an initiative of the World Health Organization to highlight public health issues of international concern on the anniversary of the organization’s creation in 1948.

Saturday April 8:

• “Dog Fighting Awareness Day”, initiated by the SPCA to increase awareness and encourage animal-lovers to take action against this brutal form of cruelty.
• “Dog Farting Awareness Day”,  I’m not kidding.  And if you have a dog, you are probably already aware!
• “International Day Of the Roma”, begun in 1990 to celebrate Romani culture and raise awareness of the issues facing Romani people, commonly misnamed ‘gypsies’.
• “International Feng Shui Awareness Day” [fung schway], celebrating the oriental ‘art of placement’ in which architecture and interiors are situated to blend with their surroundings.
• “Trading Cards For Grown-ups Day”. After all, why should adults have to give up their precious trading cards just because they get older?

Sunday April 9:

• “Palm Sunday” , a Christian moveable feast that falls on the Sunday before Easter. The feast commemorates Jesus’ triumphal entry into Jerusalem.

• “Cherish an Antique Day”, one of the few things that increases in value the older it gets.

• “Name Yourself Day”, a day for anybody with a name they hate to tag themselves with a brand new label.  Ziggy perhaps?

•“Chicken Little Awareness Day”  The sky’s still there, just checked!

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .(April 7)
2012 [05] Mike Wallace, longtime “60 Minutes” journalist (1968-2006) on CBS-TV, dies at age 93 in New Canaan CT

2008 [09] Singer Olivia Newton-John begins a walk across the entire length of China’s Great Wall to raise funds for breast cancer research (takes 3 weeks to cover the 141 miles)

2015 [02] The original 16-page draft manuscript of Don McLean’s 1972 mega-hit “American Pie” sells for $1.2 million at a Christie’s auction in NYC

2008 [09] Bob Dylan becomes the 1st pop/rock music artist to win a Pulitzer Prize

[Tonight] Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction (Brooklyn NY)

[Sat] Baby Massage Day / Take Your Parents to the Playground Day / Slow Art Day
[Sun] Global Day to End Child Sexual Abuse / Cherish an Antique Day /

This Week Is … Library Week
This Month Is … Grilled Cheese Sandwich Month



•I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the
position. Be prepared for my mood.
•I’m not really out of the  office. I’m just ignoring you.
•You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office.
If I were in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
•Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctor having my brain removed so that I
may be promoted to management.
• I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I
return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the
order it was received.
•Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.
•I’ve run away to join a different circus.

The teacher was telling the class about plants that have the word “dog” in front of them: dogrose, dogwood, dog violet. She asked the class if they could name another flower with the prefix “dog.” Steven raised his hand and said, “Sure, Miss Jones, a ‘collie’flower!”

☎What nicknames or special jargon do you use on-the-job that most people wouldn’t understand?

Question: 1/3 of husbands have hidden THIS from their wives. What is it?
Answer: A speeding ticket.

What you enjoy is much more important then what you have.

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