Friday, April 8, 2011        Edition: #4480
There’s a Difference Between Sheet and Crapola!

“Jersey Shore’s” trip to Italy has been postponed at least a month due to cast contract disputes and difficulty finding Italian nightclubs and hotels that will allow in MTV cameras (we’re also sure they’re thrilled to be called ‘Guidos’) . . . Britain’s “Daily Mirror” claims “Twilight Saga” couple Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart have split as they started to only see each other onset and then began to drift apart until general apathy developed (sorta how we feel about “Twilight”) . . . Meantime, Robert Pattinson tells MTV News the sex scene in “Breaking Dawn” (out November 18th) is ‘incredible’ (which of course means ‘not credible’) . . . Ray Romano (“Everybody Loves Raymond”), James Spader (“Boston Legal”), and Brit comedian Catherine Tate (“Catherine Tate Show”) will all guest-star on “The Office” (NBC) season finalé May 19th as potential replacements for Steve Carell (people, there IS no ‘replacement’) . . . First comes word Meredith Vieira won’t renew her contract, and now it’s said her “Today” (NBC) co-host Matt Lauer is leaving as well when his contract expires December 31, 2012 (here’s why – these people haven’t been up past 8 pm in years!) . . . A spokesperson for comedian Tina Fey confirms she’s 5-months-pregnant with her 2nd child (likely another reason “30 Rock” will come to an end next year) . . . And Mariah Carey has pulled a Demi Moore and posed (discreetly) nude and pregnant on a magazine cover, today’s issue of “Life & Style” (it looks like she has a 10-lb ‘outtie’!).

• “CMT’s Next Superstar” (CMT) – Tonight 10 undiscovered singer-songwriters begin the quest to become the next big thing in country music.
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Tonight Jeff Tweedy (Wilco).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight Britney Spears (“Femme Fatale”).
• “The Kennedys” (History Channel Canada) – Sunday the $30-million mini-series about the USA’s famous political dynasty debuts, with Greg Kinnear as John F Kennedy & Katie Holmes as his wife Jackie. Some real-life Kennedys deem the production ‘historically inaccurate’.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Nicole Atkins & The Black Sea (“Mondo Amore”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Saigon (“Greatest Story Never Told”).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Helen Mirren (“Arthur”); musical guest Foo Fighters (“Wasting Light”). Dave Grohl has the record for most musical appearances on “SNL”, having also played the show with Nirvana, Them Crooked Vultures, Tenacious D, and Tom Petty.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Far East Movement (“Free Wired”).

• Arcade Fire – Saturday they kick off a Spring tour in Broomfield, Colorado. The Grammy-winning band will tour Europe throughout this Summer, primarily playing festival dates.
• Bob Dylan – Sunday he plays Vietnam for the first time, at an 8,000-plus capacity stadium in Ho Chi Minh City.
• KT Tunstall – Saturday in Boston, Massachusetts she begins her “Solo Show” tour in support of her 3rd album, “Tiger Suit”.
• Keith Urban – Tonight his “2011 Get Closer World Tour” opens up in his native Australia with a show in Adelaide. Lady Antebellum are joining him in their first trip Down Under.
• Kings of Leon – Tonight they start a mini-tour in Tulsa, Oklahoma as a warmup for their headlining slot at the “Coachella Festival” in Indio, California April 15th.
• Taylor Swift – She’s been spotted on a date with 26-year-old “Country Strong” movie actor Garrett Hedlund. Better be nice to her, or she’ll write a song about you!
• Thirty Seconds to Mars – Tonight in San Jose, California they embark on the North American leg of their “Closer to the Edge” tour. As part of it, they’ll headline the “Bamboozle Festival” April 29th in East Rutherford, New Jersey.
• Tim McGraw – His “2011 Emotional Traffic Tour” begins tonight in Corpus Christi, Texas.
• Zac Brown Band – Tonight-Sunday they headline and curate the 1st-ever “Southern Ground Music & Food Festival” at Clemson University in South Carolina.

• “Arthur” ( PG-13 Comedy ): In this remake of the 1981 Dudley Moore film, Russell Brand stars as a drunken playboy and potential billionaire who’s given the ultimatum to shape up and marry the ‘right’ woman if he wants his inheritance. Co-stars Helen Mirren, Jennifer Garner.
• “Born to Be Wild” ( G-Rated Documentary ): A nature documentary about orphaned orangutans and elephants and the people who rescue and raise them. Features Morgan Freeman, Birute Galdikas, Daphne Sheldrick. Also showing in IMAX theaters.
• “Hanna” ( PG-13 Action Adventure ): Saoirse Ronan (“Atonement”) plays a teenager who has been raised by her father (Eric Bana ) to be an assassin. Her first mission brings her face-to-face with an intelligence operative (Cate Blanchett) whose secrets will impact her life.
• “Soul Surfer” ( PG Drama ): AnnaSophia Robb stars in the real-life story of Bethany Hamilton, a teen who lost her arm in a shark attack while surfing. Co-stars Dennis Quaid, Helen Hunt. Country singer Carrie Underwood makes her bigscreen debut playing a church youth leader.
• “Your Highness” ( R-Rated Fantasy Comedy ): Danny McBride & James Franco play a pair of brothers who embark on a quest to free the older one’s beloved (Zooey Deschanel) from an evil wizard’s lair. Natalie Portman co-stars as a determined warrior with her own agenda.

“The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage Of the Dawn Treader” ( PG Fantasy Adventure ): A rare Friday DVD release. In this 3rd installment, the ‘Pevensies’ return to Narnia with their cousin, where they meet up with ‘Prince Caspian’ for a trip across the sea aboard the ship ‘Dawn Treader’. Stars Ben Barnes, Skandar Keynes, Georgie Henley.

Saggy pants? Not in principal Bobby White’s Westside Middle School in Memphis, Tennessee. He’s enacted the so-called ‘Urkel Initiative’, a program that secures those droopy drawers some boys like to wear up around the offending student’s waist with zip ties through the belt loops. White says it has cut down the number of kids being sent home or receiving citations for inappropriate dress from more than 80 per week to about 5. (‘Urkel’ was the nerdy kid in “Family Matters” 1989-98.)

• Mascara: It can last for 5 months if you swirl the brush as you pull it out instead of pumping it up & down. Dipping the tube in boiling water for about 15 seconds will make it gooey again.
• Nail Polish: Since heat and sunlight destroy it by separating the ingredients, keep your bottles in the fridge and you will more than double their lifespan.
• Perfume: Direct light makes perfume lose its scent and start to smell funky, but keeping the bottles in the original box or in a medicine cabinet can get you 3 extra years out of it.
• Razors: Keep your blade sharper for longer by dipping it in rubbing alcohol after each use. Don’t leave your razor where it will get sprayed with water and is more likely to rust.
• Running Shoes: You can quadruple their lifespan by keeping them at room temperature when they’re off your feet. Cold air breaks down the soles and messes up the air pockets.
– Condensed from

A growing number of companies are marketing mats with nail-like plastic spikes which they say can relieve stress, neck, back, and other pain and even help insomnia. Unlike the classic bed of nails made famous by circus performers, these ‘acupressure mats’ are made with small discs of plastic spikes. Mat-makers claim the fewer the spikes, the more challenge to the body. And for the biggest benefit, they say, you should lie on the mat naked. (Um, not face-down, guys.)
– “Wall Street Journal”

If corporate sponsorship can save beleaguered sports teams, arenas, and schools, why not houses? A company called Adzookie is offering to sponsor your mortgage in return for turning your house into a colorful billboard. After launching the offer on its website this week, the company has already received more than 1,000 applications, even one from a church. (Your neighbors will be thrilled.)

• It’s estimated there are currently 14 million musical acts on Can there be any great band names left?
– “Chicago Tribune”
• When Britain’s Prince Albert, the future George VI of “The King’s Speech” fame, wanted to marry Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon (aka the ‘Queen Mum’), she only said yes on his 3rd proposal. They were married on April 26, 1923 in Westminster Abbey.
• The median asking price for single family homes in Detroit, Michigan is down to $51,966. Part of the reason … over 55,000 foreclosures have taken place since 2005.


1918 [93] Betty Ford, Chicago IL, former US First Lady (1974-77)/oldest surviving former occupant of the White House/co-founder of rehab clinic that bears her name

1966 [45] Robin Wright, Dallas TX, movie actress (“State of Play”, “Forrest Gump”)/ex-Mrs Sean Penn (1996-2007)

1968 [43] Patricia Arquette, Chicago IL, TV actress (“Medium” 2005-11)/movie actress (“Holes”, “Ed Wood”)/ex-Mrs Nicolas Cage (1995-2001)/sister of actors Roseanna Arquette & David Arquette

1981 [30] Taylor Kitsch, Kelowna, British Columbia, TV actor (“Friday Night Lights” 2006-11)/movie actor (“X-Men Origins: Wolverine”)

1984 [27] Ezra Koenig, NYC, indie rock singer/guitarist (Vampire Weekend-“Giving Up the Gun”, “Cousins”)

“Playboy” magazine founder Hugh Hefner is 85; Movie actor Dennis Quaid (“Soul Surfer”) is 57; TV/movie actress Cynthia Nixon (“Sex & The City”) is 45; Alt-rock singer Gerard Way (My Chemical Romance) is 34; Rock guitarist Albert Hammond Jr (The Strokes) is 31; Movie actor Jay Baruchel (“Sorcerer’s Apprentice”) is 29; TV/movie actress Leighton Meester (“Gossip Girl” ) is 25; Movie actress Kristen Stewart (“Twilight Saga”) is 21.

Retired sportscaster John Madden (“Sunday Night Football”) is 75; Rock guitarist Mike Mushok (Staind) is 41; Rock bassist Bryce Soderberg (Lifehouse) is 31; TV actress Chyler Leigh (“Grey’s Anatomy”) is 29; Movie actress/pop singer Mandy Moore (“Tangled”) is 27; NHL player Dion Phaneuf (Toronto Maple Leafs) is 26.

• “Birthday Of the Buddha” (563 BC), celebrated in Japan, Taiwan, Hawaii, Korea and elsewhere. Considered the most important Buddhist holiday.
• “International Day Of the Roma”, begun in 1990 to celebrate Romani culture and raise awareness of the issues facing Romani people, commonly misnamed as ‘gypsies’.
• “International Feng Shui Awareness Day” [fung schway], celebrating the oriental ‘art of placement’ in which architecture and interiors are situated to blend with their surroundings in order to create greater harmony.

• “Astronauts Day”, celebrating the dedication and courage of those who dare to dream and reach for the stars … while wearing adult diapers.
• “Baby Massage Day”, observed annually on the 2nd Saturday in April to salute the growing practice that is said to soothe, relax, and stimulate babies.
• “Cherish an Antique Day”, one of the few things that increases in value the older it gets.
• “Counter Stool Memorial Day”, an annual tribute to those nifty 360-swivel stools that were once prevalent in diners and at lunch counters.
• “Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day”, observed annually to commemorate the outstanding sacrifices made by members of armed forces who’ve been held captive.
• “Name Yourself Day”, a day for anybody with a name they hate to tag themselves with a brand new label. Help re-name people using the online ‘Random Name Generator’ …
• “Vimy Ridge Day” in Canada, commemorating the 4-day WW1 ‘Battle of Vimy Ridge’ (1917) in France, during which close to 3,600 members of the Canadian Corps lost their lives. A 250-acre portion of the battleground now serves as site of the Canadian National Vimy Memorial.

• “Golfers Day”, honoring everyone who walks a mile chasing the little white ball, on the 95th anniversary of the first PGA Championship in 1916. Why is it that golfers blame fate for most accidents but feel personally responsible when they make a hole-in-one?
• “Salvation Army Founders Day”. (Without them, [co-host] wouldn’t have a wardrobe.)
• “Siblings Day”, honoring brothers & sisters who are living, those who aren’t … and perhaps those who shouldn’t be.

1986 [25] In a landslide, movie star Clint Eastwood is elected mayor of Carmel, California

1994 [17] The body of Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain is found, the victim of a self-inflicted shotgun blast (it’s later determined the event occurred several days earlier, likely April 5th)

1969 [42] 1st ‘international’ Major League Baseball game as Montréal Expos (now Washington Nationals) play 1st regular season game, beating NY Mets 11-10 at NYC’s Shea Stadium

1975 [36] Joey, the ‘World’s Oldest Canary’, dies in Hull, England at age 34

[Mon] Barbershop Quartet Day
[Mon] International Pet Day
[Tues] Equal Pay Day
[Tues] World Parkinson Disease Day
[Tues] Be Kind to Lawyers Day
This Week Is … Drafting Week
This Month Is … Holy Humor Month


• “Was that when you noticed my uncle’s birthmark?”
• “Can I top off your warm salt water?”
• “Who said anything about yachting?”
• “Could you please stop looking at my bowling trophy?”
• “You call yourself a witch doctor?”
• “Couldn’t you at least have buried the can opener?”
• “More duck sauce?”
• “Hey, how ‘bout those Leafs?” (Raptors, Oilers, Senators, T-Wolves, Cavaliers)
– Thanks to JT Dobbs

Would you buy a ticket to see Charlie Sheen’s live tour?

Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.

Today’s Question: Women are more likely to do THIS at night; men, in the morning.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The dishes.

It’s hard to be fit as a fiddle when your rear end is the size of a cello.

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