Wednesday, August 23, 2006                      Edition: #3350
There’s a Difference Between Sheet and Crapola!

TODAY free ‘Apollo’ chocolate bars, the brand discovered among the stores of food in the secret hatch on “Lost” (ABC), will be distributed in select markets while supplies last through SEPTEMBER (wow, product placement … in your hand! NET: . . . Hollywood actor-turned-director Corbin Bernsen has been holding public auditions for his low-budget movie “Donna on Demand” in Kipling SK, the little town that traded an empty house to the ‘One Red Paper Clip’ blogger, Montréaler Kyle MacDonald, in return for a role for one of its citizens in the movie (the top 10 prospects perform onstage during Kipling’s big “Labor Day Party” when Bernsen will make his final selection) . . . According to “Media Life Magazine”, the summer’s 2 biggest reality TV shows both came away winners with “America’s Got Talent” (NBC) drawing the largest overall number of viewers but “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX) dominating in 18-49 adults . . . More bad news for video store owners as rumors are afloat that is about to launch an online movie downloading service (Amazon already revolutionized the book biz, will movie rentals be next?) . . . The impish little face of news anchor Katie Couric will appear on every single bus in NYC as part of an unprecedented $10-million ad campaign to promote her move to the “CBS Evening News” SEPTEMBER 5th (she hasn’t even started and we’re already sick of her!) . . . Ex-Spice Girl Victoria Beckham & hubby David Beckham are releasing a his-and-hers fragrance line called ‘Intimately Beckham for Her’ and ‘Intimately Beckham for Him’ (for guys who wanna smell like a soccer player) . . . Oprah Winfrey is spending some $15 million on a new school in Johannesburg, South Africa and has already selected 73 disadvantaged girls to become its first students (love her or hate her, at least she’s sharing the wealth) . . . And Hollywood studios are  churning out new HD releases as fast as they can, gambling that the public will be making the switch to hi-def DVD players en masse by the end of the year (that cutting edge DVD player you bought just 6 months ago – now a piece o’ crap).

• Busta Rhymes – TONIGHT he’s on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) and will likely attempt to explain his weekend arrest for assaulting a fan and illegal possession of a weapon. Meantime the 19-year-old victim, Robert Lebron, admits he spat on the rapper’s car but it was an accident. You see, he was just spitting in the road when the rapper happened to be driving by … at 4am. He claims Rhymes kicked him in the face & threw his shoes down the street.
• Dixie Chicks – The documentary movie “Shut Up & Sing”, detailing the backlash against their political statements, is scheduled for wide release just before the NOVEMBER US elections.
• Earth, Wind & Fire – TODAY they’re on “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV).
• Keane – The British band has postponed a planned US tour while 27-year-old singer Tom Chaplin gets treatment for drug & alcohol addiction.
• Rolling Stones – 59-year-old recent rehab Ronnie Wood proved he still knows how to party as his celebration of the Stones’ first UK concert in 3 years got out of hand and his Kingston, England neighbors called the cops at 4am. Among the revelers: Hollywood actor Owen Wilson.
• Tom Petty – TONIGHT he performs on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• Trace Adkins – TONIGHT he guests on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• U2 – Bono has recruited Lindsay Lohan, Naomi Watts, Rosario Dawson & Kate Bosworth among others to model the new ‘One’ poverty campaign T-shirts designed by his  wife Ali Hewson. They’re being manufactured at a factory in Lesotho, Africa where HIV/AIDS is rife.

A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 85% of all bikinis sold never get wet.
• 72% of new Canadian moms breastfeed their babies (compared to 85% of Italians, 86% of Germans and 87% of Australians).
• 70% of new American moms breastfeed their babies (compared to 85% of Italians, 86% of Germans and 87% of Australians).
• 57% of us save gift-wrap/gift-bags to re-use. (Then can’t remember where we put ‘em when we need ‘em!)
• 17% of us have used the Internet to sell something. (Such as ourselves.)
• 8% of husbands have painted their wives’ toenails … but few want to admit it.
• 6% of single women would consider proposing to a man. (… any man.)

• Two prisoners on the Italian island of Sardinia, Massimiliano Formula & Raimondo Muntoni celebrated their  release from jail under a national pardon program by getting so drunk they ended up in a melee and punched a cop. They were back inside the slammer within 5 hours.
• Cops in Goettingen, Germany responding to a complaint about a van in the middle of the road were shocked to find a toddler behind the wheel. Neither the 5-year-old driver nor his dad’s Mercedes Vito was harmed after it stalled out in the middle of rush hour.
• It’s hard to defend yourself against a nuisance complaint when your music is so loud you don’t even realize the cops have spent 10-to-15 minutes knocking on your door to get you to turn it down. That’s why a 22-year-old Port Washington WI man is facing a stiff fine for ‘loud & unnecessary noise’.

Scientists claim to have found the animal with the ‘fastest moving jaw’. University of Illinois entomology & animal biology professor Andrew Suarez has used a high-speed imaging system to record that the jaws of trap-jaw ants snap shut in less than a millisecond, equivalent to a speed of 137 km/hr or 85 mph. That’s a force equivalent to 300 times their own bodyweight and the fastest recorded speed at which any animal can move its body parts. (Never seen a trap-jaw ant … but I’ve got a quick-jaw mother-in-law.)
– ANI Science & Health

People have been dying their hair for 3000 years, but the first commercial hair dye company wasn’t started until 1909 in France. The ‘French Harmless Hair Dye Company’ later changed its name to ‘L’Oreal’. Its products were not widely used and by 1950, only about 7% of women dyed their hair. A Clairol ad campaign in the 1960’s changed things overnight. Showing pics of women with children over the catch-phrase ‘Does she or doesn’t she?’, hair dye suddenly became acceptable. By the end of the ‘60s, about 70% of women were using hair dye. Nowadays it’s over 75%. (There used to be fewer blonde jokes because there were fewer blondes.)

New terms to make you sound cool …
• ‘Crowdsourcing’ – Obtaining labor, products or content from people outside the company, particularly from a large group of customers or amateurs who work for little or no pay. For example, a large chunk of the content on the website Wikipedia is ‘crowdsourced’.
• ‘SMUM’ – Stands for ‘Smart, Middle-Class, Uninvolved, Mother’. Basically, it’s a woman who finds motherhood and her children tedious and uninteresting. (What, she’s too busy getting a pedicure?)
• ‘Sniff-Hanger’ – The state of being about to sneeze. The term won a recent National Public Radio contest to name almost-sneezes. (“Oh man, there must be a lot of pollen in the air. I’ve been having sniff-hangers all morning!”)

• In Scotland, there’s a new public official in charge of … encouraging walking in the woods. Kevin Lafferty is to be paid circa $57,000 to promote hiking in the countryside. Critics say Scots are getting fed up with government-funded busybodies telling them how to live their lives. Bad idea?
• In Minnesota, several organizations have sprung up to introduce people … to their neighbors. Proponents say the sense of community that used to develop when neighbors chatted over the fence has become a casualty of our busy lives. Neighborhoods no longer just happen, they have to be built. Good idea?
• In Ottawa, Justice Richard Mosley of the Federal Court has ruled that all federal government services must now be available free of charge in … sign language. That puts American Sign Language for the deaf (known as ‘ASL’) on par with English & French as an official language. Good idea or bad?
• The University of Texas has been named the ‘Top Party School’ in the just-released annual ranking of US colleges and universities in the “Princeton Review”. Ranking schools for their social life … bad idea?

Hey, we all are. Hormones control just about every aspect of our physical and mental health, and when they go off-kilter they’re enough to ruin anyone’s day. Experts say some common side effects of what’s called ‘hormonal flux’ are: acne, memory lapses, insomnia, nonstop hunger, irritable bowel syndrome, and persistent fatigue. So there you go … now you’ve got an excuse for just about all of that manic-compulsive behavior you’ve been scaring people with lately!
– “Redbook”

A recent employment study advises that getting fired is positive. How so? It’s a ringing reminder you and your job aren’t the right fit. Find something more in line with your skills and you’re more likely to move up the ladder. (Wow, I’ve ‘gotten ahead’ about 20 times now!)
– “Mademoiselle”

Why waste money on shiny packaging when you can find what you’re looking for online for a fraction of the cost ‘pre-owned’? We could all do our bank accounts and the environment a big favor by opting to be the 2nd owner of some of the stuff we buy, such as books, DVDs & CDs, toys, jewelry, sports equipment, and timeshares, which immediately lose 30%-to-70% of their value. On the other hand, there are things you should never buy used, including child car seats, mattresses, helmets, laptops, plasma TVs, DVD players, vacuum cleaners, camcorders, and shoes. (Ask listeners to add to either or both lists. Underwear? Toothbrushes? Condoms?)
– MSN Money

According to a recent UN report, swimming in the ocean causes more illness worldwide than diseases such as leprosy and diphtheria. The report claims that 1 in every 20 people who swim in the world’s oceans becomes ill after just one dip. Bathing in water contaminated by sewage causes some 250 million cases of gastroenteritis and upper respiratory disease each year. (The good news is: with the amount of medical waste washing up on beaches, you may find a handy cure right on-the-spot!)
– “Science”

Every year, 4,000 people are injured by teapots.


1970 [36] Jay Mohr, Verona NJ, movie actor (“Jerry Maguire”)/TV personality (“Last Comic Standing” 2003-04, “Saturday Night Live” 1993-95)/standup comedian

1978 [28] Kobe Bryant, Philadelphia PA, NBA star (3 NBA championships-LA Lakers)  FACTOID: He scored 81 points against the Toronto Raptors January 22, 2006, the 2nd-highest single-game output ever by an NBA player, next to Wilt Chamberlain’s legendary 100 points in 1962.

1978 [28] Julian Casablancas, NYC, rock singer/songwriter (The Strokes-“Juicebox”)/son of Elite Models founder John Casablancas

“Virgo” astrology sign begins (August 23 to September 23). Traditional traits of people born under this sign are: modest and shy, meticulous and reliable, practical and diligent, intelligent and analytical. On the dark side, they can also be fussy and a worrier, overcritical and harsh, perfectionist and conservative … not that’s there’s anything wrong with being a conservative.

2000 [06] 51 million tune in to watch the final episode of the original “Survivor” series (a summer replacement show) as Richard Hatch is named the $1-million winner (then promptly forgets to pay his taxes)

1969 [37] “A Boy Named Sue”, recorded at Folsom Prison by Johnny Cash, peaks at #1 on country charts and #2 on pop singles charts

1617 [389] 1st ‘One-Way Street’ (London UK)

1882 [124] ‘Pile of Bones’ SK becomes ‘Regina’

1904 [102] 1st ‘Snow Tire Chains’ invented by Harry Weed

1961 [45] 1st ‘Athletic Mouth Guard’ as LL Greenblum patents his ‘Teeth Protector’

1998 [08] San Francisco Giant Barry Bonds becomes 1st MLB player to hit 400 home runs and steal 400 bases

[Thurs-Sept 4] Montréal World Film Festival 2006
[Fri] Kiss & Make Up Day
[Sat] Women’s Equality Day
[Sat] Single Parent Family Day
[Sun] 58th Primetime Emmy Awards
[Sun] Petroleum Day
This Week Is … Be Kind To Humankind Week
This Month Is … International Inventors Month


You run down the list while your guest or phone caller decides which choice is more palatable. Would you rather …
• Go a week without bathing but be able to change your clothes OR go a week without a change of clothes but be able to bathe?
• Be intelligent and extremely ugly OR beautiful and stupid?
• Be a cowboy OR be a pirate?
• Play a game with someone more talented than you OR play a game with someone less talented than you?
• Be permanently cold OR be permanently hot?
• Be a butterfly OR be a cockroach?
• Have no eyebrows OR have no fingernails?
• Be half-women, half-man OR be a midget?
• Be happy yet slow-witted and unimaginative OR be unhappy but bright and creative?
• Die peacefully among friends at age 60 OR die painfully and alone at age 90?

• I don’t care what they say, I say too much of a good thing is … awesome!
• … they should have read her her ‘Tabloid Rights’: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

One of these statements is pure BS, but which one?
1. Actor Denzel Washington received a BA in Journalism from Fordham University in New York.
2. Gold digger Anna Nicole Smith got her BA in Economics at the University of Miami. (BS. As if!)
3. Brit actor Hugh Grant is a graduate of English Literature at Oxford University.

• After almost becoming extinct, drive-in theaters are making a bit of a comeback of late. What single improvement would entice you to go to one?
• What would you order for your final meal?

Today’s Question: Studies show that people who have been on the job the longest do the least amount of THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Socializing with co-workers.

No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn’t work anyway.

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