Wednesday, August 16, 2006        Edition: #3345
Ah, the Sweet Smell of BS!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT special guests Fergie (Black Eyed Peas) and Ciara perform on the 2-hour season finalé of “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX), as we’ll finally find out which of the final 4 hoofers (Benji, Donyelle, Heidi & Travis) is selected the new champ . . . TONIGHT a 3rd season of the hit reality drama “Laguna Beach” (MTV) debuts with a new narrator, 17-year-old model Tessa Keller, and a new cast to engage in the scheming high school politics of hookups, breakups, love triangles and popular cliques . . . Final numbers for the “Lollapalooza” rock festival AUGUST 4-6 in Chicago IL show that THIS YEAR’s event grossed nearly $8 million in ticket sales as attendance almost tripled (166,000 vs 60,000) over LAST YEAR’s initial one-off event . . . Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs has had an $11-million necklace stolen from his luxury villa on the Spanish island of Ibiza, the diamond-encrusted cross apparently snatched while he was out partying . . . In its on-going quest to totally commercialize MySpace, News Corp has announced plans to use the social-networking site as a platform to sell downloads from its movie and TV subsidiaries (20th Century Fox/FOX-TV) . . . First she was dumped by “The View” (ABC), now Star Jones has been axed as spokesperson for Payless Shoes, the company announcing it will no longer use a Hollywood celeb as its ‘face’ (maybe they’ve signed up Bigfoot) . . . Actor George Clooney, singer Justin Timberlake, and (former) England soccer star David Beckham are among the ‘World’s Best-Dressed Men’, according to a new poll by “Grazia” magazine (what, no K-Fed?) . . . And word has it that Tom Cruise’s automaton, Katie Holmes, is working hard to shed post-natal pounds but it’s not for a wedding, it’s for a movie role (oh no, is John Travolta making a sequel to ‘Battlefield Earth”?).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Audioslave – Chris Cornell has co-written and recorded “You Know My Name”, the theme song for the new ‘007’ film, “Casino Royale”. It’s said to be more up-tempo and aggressive than other ‘Bond’ themes, with ‘angry sounding’ guitar and controlled feedback.
• Carrie Underwood – TODAY she guests on the “Early Show” (CBS).
• Christina Aguilera – TONIGHT she performs on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Green Day – Frontman Billie Joe Armstrong has announced that the “American Idiot” era is now officially over for the group. THIS MONTH they’ll begin developing new material for their next album.
• The Game – TONIGHT he’s a guest on “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).
• Hank Williams Jr – His ‘Family Tradition Barbecue Sauce’ will soon be in grocery stores. He’s already been selling it at his official website.
• Rolling Stones – Mick Jagger is suffering from laryngitis, causing the cancellation of “Bigger Bang” tour stops in Spain but they’re expected to be back at it SUNDAY for a show at  Twickenham Rugby Ground in London UK.
• Sara Evans – She’s among the celebs announced as competitors in THIS FALL’s edition of “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC). Other participants include MSNBC news anchor Tucker Carlson, actor Harry Hamlin, NFL great Emmitt Smith, and talk show host Jerry Springer.
• Three Days Grace – TODAY they’re shooting a music video for their upcoming single “Pain” in Los Angeles that will feature numerous fans who’ve auditioned for roles.

BS BUZZWORDS:
New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Helmetization’ – A term for our seeming preoccupation with helmets for any recreational activity that poses a head-injury threat … even a minor one. There are now helmets designed specifically for some 13 different activities including skiing, pole vaulting, martial arts, bull riding, and soccer. (Because you might get a headache from a head-butt?)
• ‘Image-Based Spam’ – A sneaky new form of unsolicited e-mail that carries its message in the graphics instead of the text, thereby making it more difficult for spam filters to block it. (Won’t be long before someone is selling us an ‘IBS Blocker’.)
• ‘Infovores’ – A new term coined by neuroscientists to label the innate human hunger for information. They still haven’t worked out why we’re always trying to learn something. (It’s nothing new, a supermarket tabloid picked up on it long ago: ‘Enquiring minds really want to know.’)

ON THE CUTTING EDGE:
• French aerospace giant Airbus is working to develop aircraft seats with magnetic coils built into the back and footrests that can be fed low-frequency power pulses for 10 minutes at a time. It’s thought that the technique will help reduce jet lag.
• Scientists at Motorola have patented a new technology they claim will lessen the ‘congestion’ in conference telephone calls. It involves augmenting each caller’s voice so they sound much more distinct.
• Japan’s national railway network has initiated a pilot study looking into ways that railway stations’ electrical needs can be partially met by people power. For instance, a light beside a subway entrance is being powered by electricity generated by the energy of people pushing the turnstile to walk through the gate.

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A BS snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 84% of women will admit to using someone else’s toothbrush, but only 56% will admit to using someone else’s razor.
• 60% of us gain weight during the Summer.
• 40% of us married our first love.
• 34% of women say they would not feel confident wearing a bikini of any kind …. anytime …. anywhere.
• 20% of us regularly eat meals in our vehicles.
• 9% of single women prefer one-night stands.

FORECASTERS UNDER HIGH PRESSURE:
A Russian woman is suing the local weather service for ruining her vacation with incorrect predictions. Alyona Gabitova told the court in the central Russian town of Uljanovsk that she had been promised temperatures of 28 C (82 F) and constant sunshine during a camping trip to a nature park but instead it did nothing but rain the entire time, causing her to catch a cold. She’s suing for reimbursement of her travel costs. You’d think this flimsy case would be quickly thrown out, but the court has yet to make a decision on the claim.
– “Izvestia”

MONEY, MONEY, MONEY:
Movie producer/director Steven Spielberg has been singled out as the highest-earning show biz celebrity of the past year with a staggering income circa $340 million, which works out to around $660-a-minute. Other big earners included George Lucas ($240 million), Jerry Seinfeld ($100 million, thanks to reruns), and “Harry Potter” author JK Rowling ($78 million).
– “Forbes”

APPARENTLY BLONDES DON’T HAVE MORE FUN:
Dr Werner Habermehl, a German sex researcher based in Hamburg, has looked into the love lives of hundreds of women and sorted the results by hair color. The collected data shows that the love lives of women with red hair are clearly more active than those with any other hair color. They have both more partners and more frequent intercourse than average. The good doc also finds that women who dye their hair red from another color are signaling that they’re looking for a partner … even if they’re already in a relationship. Habermehl says the color change may mean they are unhappy and looking for something better.
– Ananova News

BS AMAZING FACT:
The human body contains enough fat to make 7 bars of soap. (In some cases, a crate of 24.)

THE BULL SHEET 08.16.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1954 [52] James Cameron, Kapuskasing ON, movie director/producer/writer (Oscar-“Titanic”, “Terminator”)/1st director to film both a $100-million movie (“True Lies” 1994) and a $200-million movie (“Titanic” 1997)

1957 [49] Tim Farriss, Perth, Australia, rock guitarist (INXS-“New Sensation”)/TV reality show personality (“Rock Star: INXS” 2005)

1958 [48] Madonna (Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone), Bay City MI, pop singer (“Hung Up”, “Take a Bow”)/bad film actress (“Swept Away”, “Die Another Day”)/Mrs Guy Ritchie since 2000/mom to Rocco & Lourdes

1958 [48] Angela Bassett, NYC, movie actress (“Akeelah & the Bee”, “Mr & Mrs Smith”)

1959 [47] Laura Innes, Pontiac MI, TV actress (‘Dr Kerry Weaver’ on “ER” since 1995)

1963 [43] Steve Carell, Acton MA, TV actor (‘Michael Scott’ on “The Office” since 2005)/movie actor (“The 40 Year Old Virgin”)  COMING UP: Stars in a bigscreen version of the vintage TV comedy “Get Smart”; and in the “Bruce Almighty” sequel, “Evan Almighty”.

1972 [34] Emily Robison (Erwin), Pittsfield MA, country singer (Dixie Chicks-“Not Ready to Make Nice”, “Landslide”)

1980 [26] Vanessa Carlton, Milford PA, pop singer (“A Thousand Miles”, “Ordinary Day”)

1986 [20] Shawn Pyfrom, Tampa FL, TV actor (‘Andrew Van De Kamp’ on “Desperate Housewives” since 2004)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Roller Coaster Day”, celebrating every amusement park’s fast track to fun. The idea for the roller coaster was first patented by LaMarcus Adna Thompson in 1885.
CURRENT FASTEST ROLLER COASTERS WORLDWIDE:
5. ‘Tower of Terror’, Dreamworld, Coomera, Australia (100 mph)
4. ‘Superman: The Escape’, Six Flags Magic Mountain, Valencia CA (100+ mph)
3. ‘Dodonpa’, Fuji-Q Highlands, FujiYoshida-shi, Japan (107 mph)
2. ‘Top Thrill Dragster’, Cedar Point, Sandusky OH (120 mph)
1. ‘Kingda Ka’, Six Flags Great Adventure, Jackson NJ (128 mph)
– “Coaster Grotto”

• “Tell-A-Joke Day”, a good day to have people call in with really rotten jokes, then tutor them on how to make them funnier. Or check ‘BS Random Jokes’ for material.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1977 [29] Elvis Presley is found dead, lying on the floor of a bathroom in his Memphis TN home Graceland at age 42  FACTOID: Documentary filmmaker Adam Muskiewicz is offering a $3-million reward to anyone with legitimate proof ‘The King’ is alive and well. He’s been interviewing conspiracy theorists, experts, authors and close friends of Elvis for 2 years and plans to release his documentary, “The Truth about Elvis”, in AUGUST 2007.
NET: http://elviswanted.com/

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1999 [07] “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?” debuts (ABC) as a summer fill-in special hosted by Regis Philbin and quickly becomes TV’s #1 show

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1930 [76] 1st “British Empire Games” (now “Commonwealth Games”), open in Hamilton ON

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1974 [32] Cindy Nicholas swims across Lake Ontario in record 15 hours, 18 minutes

1960 [46] Joseph Kittinger sets world record for ‘Successful Free Fall’, dropping 84,700 ft – more than 16 miles – before opening parachute over New Mexico

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] Thriftshop Day
[Thurs-Aug 27] Super Ex (Ottawa)
[Fri] Bad Poetry Day
[Sat] Aviation Day
[Sun] 2006 Teen Choice Awards
[Sun] Radio Day
[Mon] “Prison Break” season debut (FOX)
[Mon] Spumoni Day
[Mon] Homeless Animals Day
[Mon] Discovery Day (Yukon)
This Week Is … Reduce the Clutter Week
This Month Is … Children’s Vision & Learning Month

BULL’S BITS

BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit when the stars are out they are ‘visible’, but when the lights are out they are ‘invisible’?
• Whyzit people who believe in reincarnation don’t leave all their money to themselves?
• Whyzit a child greets your guests by immediately pointing out the one thing that you were trying to hide?
• Whyzit celebrities work hard all their lives to become well known, then wear dark glasses to avoid being recognized?
• Whyzit they’re called ‘waiters’ when the restaurant customers are the ones who actually wait?

BS RANDOM JOKES:
• Only 2 things are necessary to keep a redhead happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way. The other is to let her have it.
• A blonde suspects her boyfriend is cheating on her so she goes to his apartment with a gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend, but then suddenly overcome with grief, she puts the gun up to the side her head. Her boyfriend screams, “Honey, don’t do it …” The blonde yells back, “Shut up! You’re next!”
• How do you know when a redhead has been using a computer? There’s a hammer embedded in the monitor.
• A 90-year-old man is sitting on a park bench crying. A cop notices and asks him why. “Well,” says the old fellow, “I just got married to a 25-year-old redhead. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast and then we make love. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make love. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we make love.” The cop looks at the old man and says, “You shouldn’t be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!” The old-timer says, “Yeah, I know! I’m crying because I don’t remember where I live!”
•  What do you get when you cross ‘Raggedy Ann’ with the ‘Pillsbury Doughboy’? An angry redhead with a yeast infection.

BS ‘HERE OR HEREAFTER?’
Are the following fashion designers stiff or still kickin’?
• Giorgio Armani (Alive at 72)
• Pierre Cardin (Alive and 84)
• Liz Claiborne (Alive and 77)
• Perry Ellis (Died 5/30/86)
• Halston (Died 3/26/90)
• Calvin Klein (Alive at 63)
• Yves Saint Laurent (Alive at age 70)
• Bob Mackie (Alive and 66)
• Gianni Versace (Murdered 7/15/97)
• Gloria Vanderbilt (Alive at 82)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: You & your mate are 26% more likely to produce daughters rather than sons if you are THIS.   
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Both physically attractive. (“Journal of Theoretical Biology”)
 
BS DEEP THOUGHT:

A 2nd class effort is a 1st class mistake.


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