Monday, August 14, 2006        Edition: #3343
Have Another Sheetload!

WEEKEND TABLOID BS:
• He’s beaten them down and made them cry and TONIGHT vitriolic chef Gordon Ramsay will pick his next protégée on the 2-hour season finalé of “Hell’s Kitchen” (FOX). Heather and Virginia go ladle-to-ladle as they design their own restaurants and hope to be the final chef standing. (It’s truly amazing this guy hasn’t been stabbed with his own carving knife.)
– “People”
• Acting couple Scarlett Johansson & Josh Hartnett, who’ll be appearing together in the upcoming movie “The Black Dahlia” (opening SEPTEMBER 12th), are reportedly buying a loft in NYC’s trendy TriBeCa area for circa $6 million. Word has it they’ve demanded extra soundproofing. (In case they’re ‘rehearsing’ late into the night?)
– “Life & Style”
• Talk about a luv bite! Paris Hilton has been forced to visit a hospital ER to receive a tetanus shot after her pet kinkajou ‘Baby Luv’ took a bite out of her arm. Unfortunately, the little monkey wasn’t rabid. (No word on whether the animal caught anything from Paris.)
– “Us Magazine”
• 34-year-old actress Jennifer Garner has been rushed to hospital after collapsing in the Arizona desert. The former “Alias” star was filming the movie “The Kingdom” in soaring temps when the 110-degree F heat caused her to pass out. She was promptly joined by concerned hubby Ben Affleck. She’s apparently recovered and since resumed filming. (As they always want to tell you there, “But it’s a ‘dry heat’.” Like that makes it more bearable.)
– “Star Pulse”
• Lindsay Lohan has a stalker who has repeatedly tried to contact her. The 20-year-old actress has reportedly been receiving unwelcome attention from a man who has been sending her letters asking to meet her and signing them with his name and phone number. (Likely just her latest attempt to get on the A-list.)
– TMZ.com
• It’s been confirmed that 25-year-old Bryce Dallas Howard, star of M Knight Shalaman’s “The Lady In The Water” and daughter of famed movie producer/director Ron Howard (“The Da Vinci Code”) is expecting her first child with husband Seth Gabel. (You know you’re getting old when ‘Opie Taylor’ is becoming a grandpa.)
– “National Enquirer”
• Actor/director George Clooney is being urged to market his homemade tomato sauce after wowing famous pals with tasty meals at his Italian home. The movie star often whips up pasta treats for guests staying at his Lake Como villa and now they’re encouraging him to share his secrets. (Will we soon be seeing ‘Clooney’s Own’ on store shelves?)
– “Contact Music”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Beyoncé – She’s denying reports saying she’s cancelled a promotional trip to the UK in the wake of the recently exposed terrorist plot in London. She promises she’ll arrive to do her duty on schedule THIS WEEK.
• Carrie Underwood – She’s the latest celeb featured in the ‘milk mustache’ ad campaign sponsored by the Milk Processor Education Program.
• Cyndi Lauper  – TODAY the classic rocker guests on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated).
• Everclear – TONIGHT they’re on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• Gnarls Barkley – TONIGHT the “Crazy” guys perform on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Kanye West – Reports say he’s become engaged to his girlfriend Alexis, but there’s no word on when they plan to wed.
• ‘Music City Walk of Fame’ – Nashville TN has unveiled plans to honor country music luminaries with a Hollywood-style walk of fame. The first inductees will be announced in NOVEMBER. Who would you pick as the first 3?
• Shakira – Her Pies Descalzos [PEE-ayes days-CAL-sews] charity foundation that she set up 11 years ago has now raised a total $4 million that’s been used to build schools, and to feed and educate almost 4,000 Colombian kids. Clearly, she’s not just a pretty set of hips!

IT’S ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE:
Research by New Zealand psychologist Dr Satoshi Kanazawa suggests that marriage puts a damper on creativity in several professions. Musicians, painters, writers and scientists all seem to have greater output when unmarried. Most interestingly, the mind-numbing effect of marriage also seems to apply to criminals. Kanazawa theorizes it’s because young men develop their competitive edge in order to fight for glory and gain the attention of women. But once wed, much of that incentive disappears. (So now you know why your husband’s a sofa slug.)
– ABC News

HOW TO GET THE GIRL:
The Etiquette Grrls new book “More Things You Need To Be Told” offers up tips on how guys can be classier, more respected, and more respectful around women. The top tip? Stand up when a woman enters the room. (And try to avoid farting the anthem at sporting events.)
– “Focus”

SO HAVE A NICE DAY:
According to tradition, TODAY, the 2nd Monday in August, as well as the last Monday in December and the 1st Monday in April, are considered the most unlucky days of the year. TODAY’s date may be included because it’s believed that, in Biblical times, it was when the corrupt cities of Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed. (But you can take that story with a pillar of salt.)
– “Daily Express”

IT’S NOT YOUR IMAGINATION:
Recent research confirms that it really does rain more on weekends – in fact 22% more on Saturdays than on Mondays. It’s supposedly linked to micro-particle pollution build-up during the work-week.
– “Nature”

HE’S SO FAT THAT …
A new report in the “Radiology Journal” says the number of overweight patients who are unable to fit into X-ray machines has doubled in the past 15 years. Not only are many of us too large to fit into medical scanning devices, but the large globs of fatty tissue make it impossible for ultrasound waves to create an accurate image. (My Uncle Louie is so fat, they had to use a seismograph on him.)
– BBC

IS COACH MOVING TO A NEW CORNER?
In its ongoing quest to take over all of the country’s communications, Bell Globemedia (“Globe & Mail”, CTV, TSN, ExpressVu satellite TV, Bell Canada, Bell Mobility, etc) is reportedly considering paying the NHL $140 million a year for 10 years for exclusive TV rights to hockey games in Canada. CBC-TV has been broadcasting “Hockey Night in Canada” since 1952, but it’s current deal with the league expires at the end of the 2007-08 season, leaving the door open for CTV/TSN to take over. This comes on the heels of the announcement that Bell Globemedia is preparing to take over CHUM Ltd in a deal valued at $1.7 billion. (Maybe that cyber-voiced computerized customer service rep ‘Emily’ is actually some sort of evil megalomaniac.)
– CBC Arts

LEAST PRETTY PLACES:
According to a magazine’s worldwide poll, these are the countries with the least attractive women …
5. China
4. USA
3. Germany
2. Britain
1. Afghanistan
– “FHM”

BRILLIANT BUT ALONE:
Experiments at Austria’s University of Vienna have discovered that sharing a bed reduces brain power in men. Women don’t seem to have the same problem, but men who’ve been tested in mental agility tests score far poorer after sharing their bed with a partner than when they sleep alone, whether or not they have conjugal relations during the night. (At last, the real reason science geeks are so smart.)
– “Daily Mail”

JUST TRYING TO STAY HEALTHY:
‘Mucophagy’ (literally mucus-eating, also referred to as ‘picking one’s nose and eating it’) is the consumption of the nasal mucus, boogers, and other detritus obtained from nose-picking. Recent research suggests that mucophagy may be a natural and even healthy activity, which exposes the digestive system to bacteria accumulated in the mucus, thereby helping to strengthen the immune system. (Well, best to start saving those used Kleenex tissues then.)
– Netscape Science

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• The average square footage of a new home is now 2,434. That’s double the average size of 30 years ago.
• Based on current trends, 100% of Americans will be obese within the next 100 years.
• 1 out of 3 cowboys in the Old West was either Mexican or Black.

THE BULL SHEET 08.14.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1941 [65] David Crosby (Van Cortlandt), LA CA, classic rock musician (Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young-“Woodstock”)/sperm-donor father of singer Melissa Etheridge’s 2 children

1945 [61] Steve Martin, Waco TX, movie actor (“The Pink Panther”, “Cheaper by the Dozen 2”)/host who’s made the most appearances on “Saturday Night Live” (close to 30)/2-time Academy Awards emcee

1966 [40] Halle Berry, Cleveland OH, movie actress (“X-Men: The Last Stand”, 2002 Academy Award-Monster’s Ball”, 2000 Emmy Award-“Introducing Dorothy Dandridge”)

1970 [36] Kevin Cadogan, Oakland CA, alt-rock musician (Third Eye Blind–“Jumper”, “How’s It Gonna Be”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Creamsicle Day”, celebrating those ooey gooey, orange- or raspberry-flavored Popsicles with ice cream inside. It was an invention by Swedish-born entrepreneur Alexander Frehse in 1923.

• “Financial Awareness Day”, a day to add up all your assets and all your debts in order to get a clear picture of where you stand … just before declaring bankruptcy.

• “Husbands in Love Day”. You can bet it wasn’t some guy who thought this one up!

• “International Balloon Festival” through Sunday in St-Jean-sur-Richelieu, Québec. It’s Canada’s largest gathering of hot air balloons. A highlight is when balloons are lit up during night flights, turning them into giant Chinese lanterns.
NET: http://www.montgolfieres.com/en/index.asp

• “International Nagging Day”. If you have issues with someone, this is a good day to get them out of your system.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1981 [25] The BBC recording of “The Royal Wedding of Prince Charles & Lady Diana” reaches #1 on album charts in Britain

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1936 [70] 1st Olympic basketball game (USA defeats Canada 19-8 in Berlin, Germany)

1958 [48] 1st ‘Canadian Football League’ game is held in Winnipeg as Blue Bombers defeat Edmonton Eskimos 29-21 (CFL is formed when ‘Canadian Football Council’ withdraws from ‘Canadian Rugby Union’ and renames itself)

1953 [53] 1st ‘Wiffle Ball’ (ball with holes that’s the forerunner of the ‘Nerf Ball’)

1982 [24] Bill Neal becomes 1st to paddle a bathtub the 21 miles across the English Channel (in order to avoid being arrested by French authorities, he registers his tub with Lloyds of London as an ‘ocean-going craft’)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1976 [30] World’s ‘Longest Softball Game’ begins in Monticello NY (Gager’s Diner eventually beats Bend’n Elbow Tavern 491-467 in 365 innings over 2 days in a charity fundraiser)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Relaxation Day
[Tues] Failures Day
[Thurs] Thriftshop Day
[Fri] Bad Poetry Day
[Fri] “Material Girls” and “Snakes on a Plane” open in movie theaters
[Fri-Sept 4] Canadian National Exhibition (Toronto)

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Smile Week / Thanks For All Gifts Week / Knights of Columbus Family Week / Resurrect Romance Week / Aviation Week / Freedom of Enterprise Week / Religious Software Week / American Dance Week

BULL’S BITS

BS ‘BEAT THE TOASTER’:
You decide on the letter, the contestant must come up with 10 words beginning with that letter in 10 different categories. Time’s up after 60 seconds, as announced by toaster SFX.
NET: http://www.partnersinrhyme.com/soundfx/Household.shtml
CONTESTANT #1:
Using the initial letter ‘D’ name a . . .
• Girl’s Name
• Wild Animal
• Breakfast Food
• Canadian Placename • Vacation Destination
• Something You Chew
• Something You Take Camping
• Soup
• Famous Athlete
• Popsicle Flavor
• Excuse for Coming Home Late

CONTESTANT #2:
Using the initial letter ‘S’ name a . . .
• Summer Activity
• Movie Title
• Something to Do with the Weather
• Article of Clothing
• TV Show
• Highlight of Your Vacation
• Kitchen Utensil
• Something That is Gooey
• A Nasty Name You Call Someone
• Breakfast Food

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the ‘it’ song of summer 2006? Nelly Furtado’s “Promiscuous”, Beyonce’s “Deja Vu”, or Pussycat Dolls’ “Button”?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Life’s all about perspective. Like if you’re a frog, for instance, time’s fun when you’re having flies!

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to a survey of neighborhood associations, THIS previously common complaint has decreased significantly THIS SUMMER.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Drivers squealing their tires. Maybe dues to sky-high gas prices?

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The farther away the future is, the better it looks.

THANKS FOR BEING A BULL MARKET:
Kudos to Dave Palmer @ 104.9 JR FM [CFJR] Brockville ON who has just signed up with “BS”; and welcome to samplers this week that include Big John Morgan @ 99.3 WCJC [The Best Country Around] Marion IN; Wilson Honrado @ Cidade FM [Musica a Tua Medida] Lisbon, Portugal; and Tim Harris @ WIN 98.5 [WNWN] Battle Creek MI. You can subscribe or renew your “BS” subscription anytime right here – http://thebullsheet.com/location.html


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