Monday, August 29, 2005        Edition: #3104
Sheet Rocks!

• 40-year-old Death Row Records mogul Marion ‘Suge’ Knight was hospitalized early SUNDAY after being shot in the leg during a celebrity-studded party at the swank Sky Bar of the Shore Club Hotel in Miami Beach. Hosted by Kanye West, it was just one of many bashes scheduled during “MTV Video Music Awards” weekend. The party actually continued for a time after the gunfire, moving to the hotel’s pool area, before cops shut the event down. Knight is said to be in good condition. No one has yet been charged in the incident, however, relatives of Notorious BIG have long accused Knight of involvement in the slain rapper’s death.
– “NY Daily News” / “USA Today”
• A 48-year-old man has been arrested after being found wandering through Jennifer Aniston’s beachfront house in Malibu CA. Staff called cops after finding him in the living room. He then escaped through a back door and ran along the beach until he was apprehended and charged with trespassing. Jennifer was not at home at the time. So how does a complete stranger break into a Hollywood star’s home? After arriving in a taxi, he simply walked in the unlocked front door!
– “National Enquirer” / “Daily Mirror” / “People”
• “Lord of the Rings” star Sean Astin (‘Sam Gamgee’) is joining the cast of FOX-TV’s real-time drama “24″ for the show’s upcoming 5th season which premieres JANUARY 8th. Astin will portray a new addition to the ‘Counter Terrorist Unit’.
– “Star Magazine” / “E! Online”
• “The Notebook” co-stars Rachel McAdams & Ryan Gosling have reportedly embarked on a hot new romance. While it seems they didn’t feel sparks off-screen while working together, things have started to percolate since they recently thrilled the audience at the “MTV Movie Awards” by smooching on-stage after winning the ‘Best Kiss’ award. The Canadian actors were both born in London ON’s St Joseph’s Hospital.
– “Daily Dish”
• SATURDAY 40-year-old actor Robert Downey Jr married 31-year-old Susan Levin in the Long Island NY town of Amagansett in a grand affair styled after the classic novel “The Great Gatsby”. They first met on the set of the 2002 movie “Gothika” which she co-produced and he co-starred in with Halle Barry. Among the wedding guests: Keanu Reeves, Billy Joel & Sting.
– “People”
• Russell Crowe has reached an amicable settlement with the NYC hotel clerk that he assaulted with a telephone in JUNE. Crowe has reportedly agreed to pay Nestor Estrada $100,000 (far less than the millions recently speculated). But the incident isn’t yet over for Crowe – he still faces 2nd-degree assault charges in Manhattan Criminal Court on SEPTEMBER 14th.
– “Daily Dish”
• The mother of Zahara, Angelina Jolie’s adopted Ethiopian baby, has been tracked down. 18-year-old Mentewab Dawit says Zahara resulted from a brutal rape by a stranger and she put the baby up for adoption after realizing it was dying from malnutrition. Dawit, who works as a seamstress for less than $1-a-day, says she’s thankful the Hollywood star saved her daughter’s life.
– “The Sun”
• Rumor has it that Tom Cruise is planning to marry fiancée Katie Holmes in a multi-million dollar “Arabian Knights”-themed wedding. It seems Cruise has his heart set on a huge ceremony in the luxurious Maroma Resort & Spa on the Mayan Riviera in Mexico after he saw another couple married there earlier THIS YEAR. He reportedly had his people call the wedding planner who designed the million-dollar fete and asked for an identical wedding … with the addition of millions of flowers.
– “Sunday Mirror”

• Alanis Morissette – TODAY she’s on TV’s syndicated “Ellen DeGeneres Show “.
• Black Eyed Peas – TONIGHT they do the “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Bjork – The flamboyant swan dress she wore to the 2001 “Academy Awards” is now up for auction on eBay.
• Diddy – He’s successfully appealed a court ruling in Michigan and been cleared of charges he assaulted a TV talk-show host.
• Eminem – He’s having a tough summer! He’s already in rehab and being sued by relatives, and now he’s facing another lawsuit from a truck driver & his wife over a 7-vehicle JULY 13th accident in Missouri that involved his “Anger Management 3″ tour bus. The suit seeks damages for injuries, medical expenses & lost wages. Eminem was not on the bus during the accident.
• Eurythmics – Their ‘80s hit “Sweet Dreams” will be the theme song for “The Apprentice: Martha Stewart”.
• Gretchen Wilson – She’s promised to stop flashing a can of chewing tobacco during concerts after Tennessee’s Attorney-General suggested use of the prop during her song “Skoal Ring” glamorizes tobacco use.
• Jennifer Lopez – You can now bid on a chance to meet her at the opening of her first ‘Sweetface’ boutique, in Chicago’s Marshall Fields department store SEPTEMBER 22. Bidding ends this THURSDAY.
• Rolling Stones – Keith Richards has publicly apologized to Mick Jagger for saying he has, er, undersized equipment. His spokeswoman says Keith was trying to be complimentary by saying Mick had ‘big balls’, meaning he’s gutsy and courageous, but ended up appearing offensive.

• TODAY the $30-million Western movie “The Assassination of Jesse James”, starring Brad Pitt, Casey Affleck & Mary-Louise Parker begins shooting in Calgary, before moving on to locations in Edmonton and Winnipeg.
• TONIGHT Brooks & Dunn will perform a live acoustic show to be distributed via satellite to some 50 movie theaters. It’s a preview of their new album “Hillbilly Deluxe”, out TOMORROW.
• TONIGHT a live premiere of “The Blues Brothers 25th Anniversary Edition DVD” will be screened in over 80 cinemas, including a live Q&A with director John Landis and star Dan Aykroyd. The DVD hits stores TOMORROW.
• TONIGHT FOX-TV is getting a jump-start on the Fall TV season with the 2-hour premiere of  the new drama “Prison Break”. The premise: Wentworth Miller (Mariah Carey’s love interest in her videos “It’s Like That” and “We Belong Together”) plays structural engineer Michael Scofield, who robs a bank so that he can go to prison and bust his brother out of death row. His surefire strategy: his firm worked on the prison’s design – which is now tattooed on his body.

Britain’s London Zoo has unveiled an exhibition of a species never before put on view – homo sapiens! The 4-day-only ‘Human Zoo’ exhibit entails 8 volunteers prowling around wearing little more than fig leaves. It’s designed to highlight the importance of humanity’s place in the planet’s eco-system and show the basic nature of humans. The scantily-clad volunteers were selected from dozens of hopefuls who applied for the honor online.
– Ananova News

University of Maryland food scientists are figuring out how to grow chunks of meat in petri dishes using cells from animals who never need to be tortured or killed. Biotechnology researchers have adapted a medical technique which can multiply a single cell into entire tissues and are using this technology to grow slabs of meat in a lab setting. So far, they say it’s possible to produce something simple like Spam at an incredibly high cost, but the know-how to grow something that has structure, such as a steak, is a still long way off.
– “The Guardian”

How far do you walk per day? According to a recent study, here’s the average mileage by profession …
• Doctor (6.25 miles)
• Administrative Assistant (6.75)
• College Student (18)
• Police Officer (18.3)
• Letter Carrier (24.4)
• Sales Rep (25.75)
• Restaurant Server (27.25)
• Homemaker (28)
A couple that were missing – Slug (0.5), Radio Personality (0.1).

Computer chip manufacturer Intel has announced the new product ‘Viiv’ (rhymes with ‘five’), a new technology specifically designed for the ‘digital home’. Computers with Viiv chips inside will have remote control ability, through TV-style ‘zappers’, central control panels, or online commands. Future homes are expected to include the technology to control everything from environment to entertainment.

• “Night Watchman Sues Over… Working Nights!”
• “Leprechaun Ejected by Casino Because He’s Too Lucky!”
• “Rhode Island to Ban Baby-Talk to Dogs!”
• “Dumb Polish Hookers Pay Men to Have Sex With Them!”
• “Kitten Guilty of Murder!”

Here’s a sure-fire argument starter! A new study claims that men are smarter than women on average by 5 IQ points, allowing them to perform better at ‘tasks of high complexity’. The study concludes that the cleverest people, therefore, are more likely to be male.
– “Journal of Psychology”

• The average speed of human growth between the ages of 0 and 18 is .0000048 mph.
– “Sizesaurus” by Stephen Strauss
• The average shower in the morning takes 12 minutes … unless someone flushes.
– Water Pik survey.


1956 [49] Dan Truman, St George UT, country musician (Diamond Rio-“Beautiful Mess”)

1958 [47] Michael Jackson, Gary IN, self-titled ‘King of Pop’ (“Thriller”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2001)/Lisa Marie Presley’s ex-weirdo/’father’ of Prince Michael I, Prince Michael II & Paris

1980 [25] David Desrosiers, Montréal QC, rock bassist (Simple Plan-“Untitled [How Could This Happen To Me?]”)

TODAY through September 11th the “US Open Tennis Championships” are served up in Flushing Meadows NY. Some 200 players will take a swing at $2.2 million in prize money, including #1-ranked women’s star Maria Sharapova & defending men’s champ Roger Federer.

TODAY is “More Herbs, Less Salt Day”, because it’s ‘healthier, zestier and lustier!’ So go ahead, spice up your life! What’s the world’s most-used spice? Black pepper.

TODAY is “According to Hoyle Day”, honoring Britain’s Edmond Hoyle on the anniversary of his death in 1769. He’s the guy who took the time to formalize rules to many popular games. Thus the expression ‘according to Hoyle’ has come to mean ‘playing by the rules’.

1844 [161] 1st ‘White-Native Lacrosse Game’, in Montréal (natives win, of course)

1893 [112] 1st ‘Zipper’ patent (Whitcomb Judson, who the next day is first to exclaim, “OWW!”)

1896 [109] 1st ‘Chop Suey’ is served (Chinese ambassador’s chef devises dish to satisfy both Western and Oriental tastes for a dinner in NYC)

1934 [71] 1st Boy Scout Camp in America opens at Hawk Mountain PA (the next day, the 1st ‘wedgie’ is reported)

1965 [40] 1st ‘Parachuting Bullfighter’, Luis ‘The Conceited’ Rios, misses a Spanish bullring and lands in the city dump

1982 [23] ‘Longest Recorded Kite Flight’ lasts 180 hours, 17 minutes (Washington DC)

[Tues] Toasted Marshmallow Day
[Wed] Trail Mix Day
[Wed] Love Litigating Lawyers Day
[Wed] 2005 World Music Awards taping [Kodak Theatre LA]
This Week Is . . . International Enthusiasm Week
This Month Is . . . Immunization Awareness Month


Lust is easy to recognize but honest-to-goodness love? Well, that’s a little trickier! Here are some early clues your relationship just might be the ‘real thing’ …
5. Sex is a good thing … but not the only thing.
4. You’re still you.
3. Your friends like her/him.
2. You fight fair.
1. You make each other laugh.
– Netscape Love & Personals

• In Greek mythology, what were ‘nymphs’ – wives of Zeus, goddesses of love, nature spirits, or babes who were really popular? [Nature spirits.]
• ‘Homiletics’ is the art of what – preaching sermons, natural medicine, sewing, or playing a song with your armpit? [Preaching sermons.]
• Which would you go to if you needed a barrel repaired – a cooper, a gaffer, a wainwright, or a proctologist? [Cooper.]

If you were going to rent out your spouse, how much would you charge? (A Belgian woman who’s put her husband up for rent on e-Bay has so far attracted a high bid of only 1.5 euros [$1.85].)

Guys …
• Which of the 6 senses do the majority of women say is ‘most erotic’? [Touch.]
• Where would most married women prefer to make love other than the bedroom … the living room, the laundry room, or in the family vehicle? [Living room.]
• What percentage of women have called their husband during a workday just to say ‘I love you’ … 15%, 35%, or 75%? [35%]

Girls …
• What percentage of men describe losing their virginity as a ‘wonderful experience’ … 40%, 60%, or 90%? [40%]
• Over two-thirds of men have had an intimate affair with which … a stranger, a co-worker, or a friend’s girlfriend? [A co-worker.]
• About which of the following topics are men most likely to keep secrets … sex, money, or friends? [Money.]

I’m writing a book. So far I’ve got the page numbers done.

Today’s Question: Studies show that most people do THIS 10-to-20 times a day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pass gas. (Discovery Channel)

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

BS salutes new subscriber Al Cocchi @ Morristown NJ and samplers this week that include Mike Benny @ 101.3 HITS-FM [CKKN] Prince George BC; Rod Rodriguez @ 89.1 Killer Bee [DXBE-FM] Davao City, Philippines; Phil Parker @ KFYR 55 Bismarck ND; Jen Thomas @ 95.1 The Rock [CKUE] Windsor ON; and Juan Mera @ 91.3 The Edge [WHJE] Carmel IN. Remember BSers, we bonus you ONE FREE MONTH for each and every new “Bull Sheet” subscriber you refer!

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