Wednesday, August 24, 2005            Edition: #3101
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

TODAY the US Postal Service christens the renamed ‘Ray Charles Post Office Building’ near the late music legend’s Los Angeles recording studio (the 75th anniversary of his birth is SEPTEMBER 23rd) . . . TONIGHT the out-of-control kids of “Brat Camp” leave Camp SageWalk and head home for a new start in the season finalé of the ABC-TV reality series . . . A private judge has settled the Jennifer Aniston-Brad Pitt divorce and the split will be finalized OCTOBER 2nd (all details are being kept under wraps) . . . Beck, Sum 41, The Arcade Fire, Sloan & Elvira, Mistress Of The Dark are just a few of the artists who make up the ‘North American Halloween Prevention Initiative’, a tongue-in-cheek Halloween-haters collaboration who’ll release the benefit track, “Do They Know It’s Halloween”, calling for an end to trick-or-treating (NET: . . . The newest attraction at  Universal Studios Hollywood is “Fear Factor Live”, where you can order up a ‘Fear Factor Smoothie’ containing octopus parts, pig knuckles, lumpy milk & sauerkraut (apparently tastes like chicken) . . .  When NBC-TV’s “The Apprentice: Martha Stewart” debuts SEPTEMBER 21st, her daughter Alexis & Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia chairman Charles Koppelman will act as her advisers in the ‘conference room’ (she jokes that for her still-secret ‘firing catchphrase’ she wanted to use “Your ass is grass!”) . . . Jessica & Ashlee Simpson are looking for a new sponsor for their “MTV Video Music Awards” after-party in Miami SUNDAY, reportedly because Jessica’s outrageous demands ($20,000 for hair & makeup, $80,000 for technical production, and over 30 hotel rooms) forced “People” magazine to back out, but the real reason is more likely – Jessica also signed a $200,000 contract allowing “OK!” magazine exclusive access to the bash (duh!).

• Bo Bice – He’s successfully undergone emergency surgery for a blockage in his intestines that was urgently needed to save his life. As a result, he’s leaving the “American Idol 4″ tour.
• Bryan Adams – Word is he’s planning a duet with … Pamela Anderson. They’ll reportedly collaborate on the tune, “When You’re Gone”, which he previously recorded with ex-Spice Girl , Mel C. No word on why.
• 50 Cent – He’s suing a Philadelphia car dealership for more than $1 million for using his image without consent in a newspaper ad with the tag-line ‘Just like 50 Says!’. The dealer claims the photo was taken during a co-op promotion with a local radio station and the material was sent to Fiddy’s people months ago for consideration. Who’ll win this one? Lawyers.
• Hilary Duff – TONIGHT she does the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Madonna – With her arm in a sling, her hand in a cast and 3 cracked ribs, she’s reportedly had to find a body double to continue shooting on a video for her upcoming album.
• Olivia Newton-John – The ‘70s singing star is appealing to the public for help in finding her longtime boyfriend Patrick Kim McDermott, who left for an overnight fishing trip 7 weeks ago and hasn’t been seen since. There’s some speculation he’s faked his own death.
• Shawn Desman – TONIGHT he’s on CTV’s “eTalk Playlist”.

Electronic Arts reports its “Madden NFL 06″ has sold more than 1.7 million copies in its first week, making it the biggest launch in its 16-year history. New to the latest version is ‘Quarterback Vision Control’, sort of a cone of light that emanates from the quarterback to aid in accurately hitting receivers. Another upgrade is ‘Precision Placement’, in which a game player can place the ball high, low, in front of, or behind a receiver in order to elude the defender. A version for PSP (PlayStation Portable) will ship in SEPTEMBER and work continues on an Xbox 360 version that’s expected later THIS FALL. (To add even more realism, how about a blow-up football – which you can take out to the backyard and actually THROW like a real quarterback?)
– CBC Sports

A mother and daughter will compete against each other in the “Miss Great Britain” beauty contest in 2006. Former model Philippa Wood and her 17-year-old daughter Cressida Grant promise there will be only ‘friendly rivalry’ between them. (Translation: If mommy wins, the daughter will claw her eyes out.)
– “Passim”

Wacky president Saparmurat Niyazov of the former Russian republic of Turkmenistan has in the past outlawed opera and ballet, and railed against long hair and gold teeth, but now he’s on a new mission to wipe out – lip synching. He’s officially banned lip-synching performances across the tightly controlled Asian nation, citing its negative effect on the development of singing and musical art. (Finally he’s done something sensible!)
– Yahoo! News

Over 12,000 patrons have shown up in the first 4 days of a controversial new exhibit called “Bodies, the Exhibition” at the Museum of Science & Industry in Tampa FL. It features some 20 preserved cadavers and 260 other body parts, posed so visitors can see their inner workings.
The bodies are those of Chinese people that were unclaimed or unidentified before being turned over to a Chinese medical school that performed a process called ‘plastination’, which replaces human tissue with silicone rubber. (They’d need an entire gallery to exhibit [co-host’s] liver.)
– AP

• It’s the ‘Runaway Groom’! A 25-year-old Guatemalan man faked his own kidnaping – to get out of his wedding. He disappeared on the big day only to appear hours later claiming he’d been snatched, but investigators found his story extremely suspicious. He’s now charged with ‘wasting police time’.
• Belgian women’s soccer team SK Berlaar has gone down to a 50-1 defeat against rival KV Mechelen because – their goalkeeper skipped the game to go to a pop concert. The big-time losers scored their lone goal in the final minute, but only because the other team generously allowed it to go in.
• A cow has been put in prison after being blamed for a traffic accident in Colombia. The beast was wandering along a road in Giron when hit by a woman on a motorcycle. Although the woman was not badly hurt, police decided the cow was a danger, ‘arrested’ it and are keeping it in the town jail until its owner is found. Hate to be the guy in the lower bunk!
• A new University of Oslo study shows that adults taking the antidepressant drug paroxetine (sold under the brand name Paxil) are at higher risk of – attempting to commit suicide! An antidepressant that makes you suicidal … about as useful as a nicotine patch that you smoke.

43-year-old Frank Ames of Saranac NY has made the “Guinness Book of World Records” in a new entry for ‘Longest Eyebrow Hair’ – 3.78 inches (9.6 cm). He says he has no idea why it grows like that, it just always has. (Eww, imagine his back!)
– “Newsday”

The number of active e-mail boxes in the world has more than tripled over the past 5 years to 1.1 billion, according to research firm Radicati Group. Messages now surpass 20 billion a day.


1934 [71] Kenny Baker, Birmingham UK, 3′-8″ movie actor (‘R2 D2′ in the “Star Wars” series 1977-2005)  FACTOID: Along with Anthony Daniels (‘C-3PO’), they are the only actors to appear in all 6 “Star Wars” movies.

1970 [35] Kristyn Osborn, Magna UT, country singer (SHeDaisy-“Don’t Worry ‘Bout A Thing”)

1973 [32] Dave Chappelle, Washington DC, TV comedian (“Chappelle’s Show” 2003-05)/movie actor (“Blue Streak”)

1981 [24] Chad Michael Murray, Buffalo NY, TV actor (‘Lucas Scott’ on “One Tree Hill” since 2003)/movie actor (“House of Wax”)/2005 Teen Choice Award for ‘Choice Hottie Male’

1988 [17] Rupert Grint, Watton-at-Stone UK, movie actor (‘Ron Weasley’ in the “Harry Potter” films)  UP NEXT: “Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire”, opening NOVEMBER 18th.

TODAY through Sunday is the 12th “World Air Guitar Championship” in Oulu, Finland, the ‘Mecca of airheads’. Contestants are judged on stage charisma, originality, artistry and ‘airiness’. Competitors ‘play’ a song of their own choice and then a compulsory song selected by organizers. The winner gets a genuine handmade Flying Finn guitar worth 2,500 euros.
PHONER: 011.358.8.5700.500 (Oulu Music Video Festival Office)/011.358.400.492649 (Katri Dahlstrom, Air Guitar Championship Communications Coordinator)

THIS MONTH is “National Inventors’ Month”. Inventions attributed to TODAY’s date include ‘Potato Chips’ (Chef George Crum-Saratoga Springs NY in 1853), the ‘Waffle Iron’ (Cornelius Swartwout of Troy NY in 1869), and the ‘Motion Picture Camera’ (Thomas Edison in Menlo Park NJ, 1891)

1996 [09] Longest-lasting song in “Billboard Hot 100″ chart history (“Missing” by Everything But The Girl logs in week #55)

1995 [10] Simultaneous release of Microsoft’s ‘Windows 95’ around-the-world is a major news event, with special promotions in most large cities and consumers lining up for hours to buy a copy (Rolling Stones get $12 million for rights to use “Start Me Up” in Windows ‘95 TV ads)

1994 [11] 1st ‘Internet Pizza Order Service’ (Pizza Hut in California’s Silicon Valley)

[Thurs] Kiss & Make Up Day
[Fri] Make Your Own Luck Day
[Fri] Women’s Equality Day
[Fri-Sept 5] Montréal World Film Festival
[Fri] “The Brothers Grimm”, “The Cave” & “Undiscovered” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Petroleum Day
[Sun] 22nd MTV Video Music Awards [Miami]
[Mon] More Herbs, Less Salt Day
This Week Is . . . Be Kind To Humankind Week
This Month Is . . . Catfish Month


Love: Taking a bubble bath together.
Lust: Taking a Jell-O bath together.
Marriage: Giving the kids a bath.

Love: A romantic candlelight dinner for 2.
Lust: “Do I have to buy you dinner first?”
Marriage: 3 McHappy Meals … to go.

Love: Giving your love some candy.
Lust: Pretending YOU are the candy.
Marriage: Scraping the kids’ candy off the living room carpet.

Love: French perfume.
Lust: Brut aftershave.
Marriage: “The baby needs changing …”

Love: Talking and cuddling afterward.
Lust: Rolling over and falling asleep.
Marriage: Getting up to wash your hands.

• ‘Omphelomancy’ is a method of predicting the future by …
a. Reading tea leaves.
b. Reading your navel. [CORRECT]
c. Watching roosters.

• How much thicker is the skin on the soles of your feet than the rest of your body?
a. 4 times.
b. 14 times.
c. 40 times. [CORRECT]

• Of the following animals, which has the largest average brain weight?
a. Elephant
b. Golden Retriever
c. Sperm Whale [CORRECT]

• “Be a Quitter: Tame Your Family’s Schedule!” [“Woman’s Day”]
• “12 Surprising Things That Are Making You Tired (and How to Fight Them)” [“Redbook”]
• “Feel Great in the Buff!” [“Chatelaine”]
• “What Scares Men Most About Women” [“Glamour”]
• “50 Ways to Be a Better Girlfriend” [“Cosmopolitan”]

• “Should We Compare Our Bodies to the Hollywood Ideal?” [Men’s Health”]
• “Meat: Can’t Beat It!” [“Maxim”]
• “Tom Brady: The Best There Ever Was?” [“GQ”]
• “459 Ways to Blow Your Cash!” [Stuff”]
• “The Best Strip Clubs In America” [“Men’s Fitness”]

Today’s Question: More money is spent on THIS hobby than any other.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Gardening.

Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!

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