Friday, August 19, 2005        Edition: #3098
If You Can’t Dazzle Them with Brilliance, Baffle Them with Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
SATURDAY, on the 6-month anniversary of his death, the life of journalist Hunter S Thompson will be celebrated at a private memorial service in Aspen CO that culminates in his ashes being shot out of a canon mounted inside a 54-ft-tall sculpture of a ‘Gonzo Fist’ atop a 100-ft pillar, as requested in his will (Johnny Depp is picking up at least part of the tab for the bizarre ceremony) . . . SUNDAY Pope Benedict XVI will announce the location of the Catholic Church’s “World Youth Day” in 2008 (if it’s Australia, Mel Gibson has been asked to recreate the crucifixion on the streets of Sydney) . . . Actress Eva Longoria has been hit on the head by a falling pole while filming the 2nd season of “Desperate Housewives” but was treated and released from hospital after suffering no serious injury . . . Philandering actor Jude Law & jilted girlfriend Sienna Miller have been spotted in public together for the first time since he confessed to having an affair with his kids’ nanny (girl, have you no pride?) . . . Brad Pitt & Jennifer Aniston have ‘rented’ their own judge so the details of their divorce can be  negotiated privately in their lawyers’ offices, a process that’s legal only in the state of California . . . Poor Paris Hilton has been forced to hire a makeup artist to spend 3 hours transforming her with a prosthetic nose & red wig – just so she can walk around in public unnoticed (at least, until now) . . . Michael Jackson has been fined $10,000 for failing to appear in a New Orleans court to face more sexual abuse allegations (for him, wouldn’t that just constitute a ‘cheap date’?) . . . And the latest TV ratings show that people are actually watching “Big Brother 6″ – in fact it’s one of the top shows for 18-49 year-olds (proving the late summer TV schedule is even more of a wasteland than previously thought).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Gwen Stefani – Word is she may boycott MTV’s “Video Music Awards” in Miami AUGUST 28th even though she’s one of the most-nominated artists. Why? She hasn’t been asked to perform.
• Jessica Simpson – She’s been offered her own Las Vegas show by the Palms Resort & Casino but is apparently not interested, even though she & hubby Nick Lachey bought a luxury condo at the resort earlier THIS YEAR.
• Maroon 5 – Frontman Adam Levine has reportedly been quietly dating tennis hottie Maria Sharapova for several months since they met in a NYC club at her 18th birthday party in APRIL.
• Rascal Flatts – THIS WEEK lead vocalist Gary LeVox & his co-writers were presented with car hoods specially painted to commemorate the group’s #1 country single “Fast Cars & Freedom”.
• Rolling Stones – SUNDAY they kick off their “On Stage” world tour in Boston MA, which is slated to hit some 40 cities in the US & Canada before heading to Mexico, South America, and then the Far East before ultimately wrapping up in Europe NEXT SUMMER. Fans with really big bucks are being offered seats directly on the stage. Black Eyed Peas will open in Boston.
• Sting – TONIGHT he’s on the “Late Show With David Letterman”.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Red Eye” (PG-13 Thriller): Rachel McAdams stars in this Wes Craven thriller about a woman who is kidnapped by a stranger on a routine flight to Miami. Threatened by the potential murder of her father, she is pulled into a plot to assist her captor in offing a wealthy executive. Cillian Murphy & Brian Cox co-star.
• “The 40 Year-Old Virgin” (R-Rated Romantic Comedy): Steve Carell stars as a nerdy middle-aged guy who has never ‘done the deed’. The urge only gets stronger when he meets a single mom. Catherine Keener & Paul Rudd co-star. Viewing tip: The scene where Carell’s chest hair is ripped out is authentic – so it would appear real.
• “Valiant” (G-Rated Family): This animated comedy produced in Britain tells the story of a lowly wood pigeon named ‘Valiant’ who overcomes his small size to become a hero in the Royal Air Force Homing Pigeon Service during World War 2. Voices provided by Ewan McGregor, Ricky Gervais, John Cleese & others.

DEAFENING TUNES:
Hearing experts are warning that the rapid increase in sales of iPods and other MP3 players will also increase long-term hearing loss. Researchers have found that a quarter of users routinely set volumes to dangerous levels. (I SAID YOU’RE GOING DEAF …)
– “Times of London”

WORST JOB IN THE WORLD?
People with lousy occupations compete to describe the world’s absolute worst at the ‘Worst Job’ Website. LAST YEAR the worst of the worst was ‘Cowhide Puller’. The description: You climb down into a dump-truck full of cow hides covered in blood and buried in slaughter remains. With steam rising from the heaping mound of stench, you reach down pull on the slippery, slimy hide, hook it and hope to move out of the way before the overhead track pulls it into your body. On more than one occasion you’ll be knocked over into the spongy pile. (Wow, by comparison another day at the office seems okay.)
NET: http://www.worstjob.com

ANOTHER EXPENSIVE CHRISTMAS COMING:
Microsoft will launch its next generation gaming console, the Xbox 360 this coming holiday season with 2 different bundles priced at $299 and $399. The cheaper combination will offer just the console and one wired controller, while the $399 package will include a 20 GB hard-drive, wireless controller, Ethernet cable, and wireless TV remote control. (Armrests extra.)
– “Los Angeles Times”

NEW TERMS FOR THE 2000s:
New words and phrases making their first-time entry into the “Oxford English Dictionary” …
• Chav: Brit slang for a young, lower-class person typified by brash and loutish behavior
• Cockapoo: A cross between an American cocker spaniel and a miniature poodle
• Cool Out at a Kitty Party: To enjoy a girls’ night out
• Labradoodle: a cross between a Labrador retriever and a poodle
• Lush: Very good or splendid
• Phishing: Sending fraudulent e-mails to get hold of personal information
• Podcast: A digital recording of a radio broadcast made available on the Internet for downloading to a personal audio player
• Sing-Jay: A DJ who raps and sings
• And just some of the 350 useful insults that are new to the dictionary – clot, chump, chucklehead, fribble, gink, muppet, ning-nong, plank and herbert.
– BBC News

LEAKY LANGUAGE:
New studies show that the brain finds it difficult to completely compartmentalize 2 distinct languages without merging them. University of Toronto linguistics professor Ana Teresa Perez-Leroux says even fluently bilingual speakers have trouble using perfect English without including a few words or word structures from their mother tongue. It was previously thought difficulty in learning a 2nd language increased with age, but now it seems it may actually be due to brain function. (So, sending your kid to French Immersion School – good or bad?)
– “Social Studies”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• There’s a restaurant in NYC called Twins that was started by twin sisters and is staffed by 37 sets of identical twins – who work the same shifts.
• Americans buy 14 million gallons of toothpaste each year.
• The US share of the world music market is 31.3%.

AND WE QUOTE:
“Getting in touch with your inner sex goddess begins with the Brazilian wax.”  – “Desperate Housewives” star Eva Longoria in “OK!” magazine, proving she seems to have lost the ability to shut-up … unless she’s hit on the head.
 
THE BULL SHEET 08.19.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [59] Bill Clinton, Hope AR, 42nd US President/best-selling author (“My Life”)  FACTOID: “The Bill Clinton Collection: Selections from the Clinton Music Room”, an 11-track compilation album goes on sale NEXT MONTH.

1951 [54] John Deacon, Leicester UK, classic rock musician (Queen-“Bohemian Rhapsody”)

1963 [42] John Stamos, Cypress CA, TV actor (‘Jake Phillips’ on “Jake in Progress”, “Full House” 1987-1995)

1965 [40] Kyra Sedgwick, TV actress (‘Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson’ on “The Closer”)/Mrs Kevin Bacon since 1988

1966 [39] Lee Ann Womack, Jacksonville TX, 5′-1″ country singer (“He Oughta Know That By Now”, “I Hope You Dance”)

1969 [36] Matthew Perry, Williamstown MA [raised in Ottawa ON], former TV actor (“Friends” 1994-2004)/movie actor (“The Whole Nine Yards”)

1969 [36] Clay Walker, Beaumont TX, country singer (“Dreaming With My Eyes Open”)

1970 [35] Fat Joe (Joseph Cartagena), Bronx NY, rapper (w/Nelly–“Get It Poppin’”, “I Want You”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
Classic rocker Robert Plant (Led Zeppelin) is 57; Rocker Fred Durst (Limp Bizkit) is 35.

SUNDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
Country singer Kenny Rogers (“Lucille”) is 67; TV actress Kim Cattrall (“Sex & The City”) is 49;
Rock singer Serj Tankian (System of a Down) is 38; Movie actress Carrie-Anne Moss (“The Matrix”) is 35; Pop singer Kelis (“Milkshake”) is 26.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is –
• “Canadian National Exhibition” through September 5th, a late summer tradition in Toronto since 1879.
NET: http://mmi.theex.com
• “National Scrabble Championship” for 2005 in Reno NV. Close to 700 players from the US & Canada will vie for the title through WEDNESDAY. Top prize – $25,000!
NET: http://www.scrabble-assoc.com/tourneys/2005/nsc
• “National Aviation Day”, an annual observance honoring the birthday of Orville Wright, who piloted the first self powered flight in history on December 17, 1903.
• “National Truck Driving Championships” in Tampa FL through Saturday. Over 400 professional truckers vie for the top honor, ‘National Grand Champion’, in the 68th annual competition.
• “Winnie’s Hometown Festival” in White River ON, the 17th annual weekend celebration of local-bear-made-good, ‘Winnie-the-Pooh’.
PHONER: 888.517.1673
NET: http://www.winnieshometownfestival.org

SATURDAY is –
• “Birthday of the Moon”, according to the ancient Aztecs. The Aztecs had pants?
• “Homeless Animals Day”, to call attention to the millions of pets are put down in North American shelters each year due to overpopulation. Sponsored by the International Society for Animal Rights, whose motto is “Spay/Neuter! It Stops the Killing!”
NET: http://www.isaronline.org
• “National Radio Day”, for no apparent reason other than someone penciled it in on a calendar years ago. To celebrate, all on-air personalities get a hefty raise, free lunch and a magnum of champagne … in your dreams!
• “Pacific National Exhibition” in Vancouver through September 5th, now known as “The Fair at the PNE”. Opening day of the 95th edition features a 25th anniversary concert by Loverboy.
NET: http://www.pne.ca
• “Potato Day”. Don’t know why or what we’re supposed to do … but bet they’re excited in PEI!

SUNDAY is –
• “National Spumoni Day”, honoring the pistachio ice cream filled with dried fruits and nuts. The original Italian Spumoni is a molded dessert made by layering 2 or 3 different flavors of ice cream with a layer of sweetened whipped cream containing nuts & candied fruit. Yummers!
• “Wreck Beach Bare Buns Run”, the 9th annual 5-km naked run/walk at Vancouver’s famous nude beach that awards medals in various age groups, including ‘under 16′ and ‘over 55′.
NET: http://www.wreckbeach.org

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1951 [54] 1st (and last) midget in Major League Baseball is used as a pinch-hitter (3-foot, 7-inch Eddie Gaedel gets a walk for the St Louis Browns)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1962 [43] Homer Blancos records the ‘Best-Ever Score in Competitive Golf’, shooting a 55 (Premier Invitational Tournament in Longview TX)

COMING UP . . .
[Mon] Tooth Fairy Day
[Wed] Single Parent Family Day
[Thurs] Kiss & Make Up Day
This Week Is . . . Freedom of Enterprise Week
This Month Is . . . Foot Health Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
LEAST POPULAR SHOWS ON DISCOVERY CHANNEL:

• “Squirrels – Satan’s Secret Army!”
• “Mummified!: The Makeup Techniques of Pam Anderson”
• “When Animals Can’t Digest Doritos”
• “Wildflowers of the Antarctic: We Got There, There Weren’t Any, But We Made a Show About it Anyway”
• “National Geographic’s Naked Fat Guys at the Beach”
• “Stuff That Was Too Boring Even for the CBC”

TOP SWAPS:
The week’s most-requested music files online …
1. Missy Elliott – “Lose Control”
2. Rihanna – “Pon De Replay”
3. Pussycat Dolls – “Don’t Cha”
4. Ciara – “Oh”
5. Bow Wow – “Like You”
– Big Champagne online music measurement.

PHONE STARTER:
What’s a sure sign you’ve picked a really bad restaurant? (How about: Your legs are sticking to the vinyl seats but you’re not wearing shorts; there are an unusual number of ‘Have You Seen My Kitty?’ posters in the neighborhood; your waitress got fired from Hooters for ‘inappropriate attire’.)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: THIS is the #1 thing a woman will hide from her man.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Old love letters from a previous relationship.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Celibacy is not hereditary.


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