Monday, August 15, 2005        Edition: #3094
Sheeters Always Prosper!

WEEKEND TABLOID BS:
• Cambodia’s King Norodom Sihamoni has signed a special decree making Angelina Jolie a citizen because of the environmental work she has done for Cambodia. She adopted son Maddox from the country in 2002 and shortly after bought a home there. Since then, she has agreed to donate $5 million to set up a wildlife preserve near her property.
– E! Online
• “Desperate Housewives” actress Eva Longoria reveals that in the new season THIS FALL, her character ‘Gabrielle’ is going to have her plate full: pregnant with her hubby in the slammer, plus which, she hates being married and she hates kids.
– “Star Magazine”
• FOX-TV has announced that Paula Abdul can keep her job as an “American Idol” judge after independent investigators failed to find proof she had an affair with or improperly assisted contestant Corey Clark. Some 43 people were interviewed during the 3-and-a-half-month inquiry. While Abdul gets to stay, producers are adding ‘an enhanced non-fraternization policy’ to prevent even the appearance of impropriety in the future.
– “People” / “Variety”
• A family of orphans who were part of an “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” episode are suing ABC-TV and the couple that adopted them and has since evicted them. The 5 Higgins kids, who at the time were aged 14-to-21, contend that Firipeli & Lokilani Leomiti only adopted them to increase their chances of being selected for the program, then shortly after production wrapped, forced them out of the home through physical abuse and name-calling, including racial epithets.
– “LA Times” / Reality Blurred
• Producer Walter & Laurie Parkes are claiming that their big-budget sci-fi epic “The Island” has tanked at the box office thanks to the half-hearted efforts of the movie’s stars, Scarlett Johansson & Ewan McGregor. On their Website, the Parkes mercilessly lambast Johansson, claiming a ‘TV actress’ could have done a more professional job.
– “Teen Hollywood”
• Halle Berry has been promised her character will have a more exciting role in “X-Men 3″ after complaining that ‘Storm’ did nothing more than drive the plane in the first 2 films. Screenwriter Zak Penn reveals that “X3″ will have a couple of big twists, and ‘Storm’ will be right in the center of them.
– “V Life” magazine.
• CBS-TV is bringing back “The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show” after taking it off-air for a year in the wake of the hullabaloo over Janet Jackson’s “Super Bowl” wardrobe malfunction. Although there has been no date selected for the special as yet, it’s been announced that it will have a holiday season theme.
– “National Enquirer”
• Julia Roberts will quit acting after appearing on Broadway NEXT YEAR so she can spend time with her baby twins. She’ll reportedly spend the rest of the year preparing for her stage debut in “Three Days Of Rain” which opens next MARCH, then retire from acting for good. If true, that would mean her final onscreen appearance was in the lame sequel “Ocean’s Twelve”.
– World Entertainment News Network
• Hollywood power couple Catherine Zeta-Jones & Michael Douglas have added another chunk of land to their real estate portfolio that already includes luxury homes in NYC, LA, Wales, Bermuda & Majorca. This time, they’ve snapped up a 100-acre parcel on Québec’s Lac Desmarais, which they plan to turn into a luxurious ski retreat near the winter resort of Mont Tremblant. Seems they found the idyllic property once owned by Franciscan monks after chartering a helicopter to scout the area from above. It’s so secluded it doesn’t yet have a road.
– eTalk Daily
• As if doing hard time in prison wasn’t enough, troubled actor Tom Sizemore has now been diagnosed with priapism, a rare medical condition that leaves him sexually insatiable, caused by years of alcohol and drug abuse. His manager claims his client can have sex 9 times without stopping, a condition that he says explains Sizemore’s sexual addiction. What an appropriate name he seems to have.
– World Entertainment News Network

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Billy Idol – LAST WEEK his mother almost died when she walked into the library in Bromley, England and somehow her pacemaker was zapped by the security gate. It seems the unit malfunctioned, she passed out, then woke up later with blood streaming from her nose. Oops!
• Elvis Presley – TODAY, on the 28th anniversary of his death (August 16, 1977), an “Elvis Week” celebration kicks off in Vienna, Austria. The Vienna Hilton becomes “Heartbreak Hotel”, headquarters for live music, memorabilia & screenings of Elvis films for fans in Europe, where he never performed a concert. Mozart would be mortified!
• Green Day – They’ve been added to the roster for the “NFL Opening Kickoff 2005″ special SEPTEMBER 8th on ABC-TV. They’ll perform at Gillette Stadium in Foxboro MA along with Santana, while a free concert at the LA Coliseum will feature Maroon 5 and Kanye West. Trisha Yearwood will perform the anthem before the season-opening game (Oakland @ New England).
• Hilary Duff – TONIGHT she does the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Maroon 5 – TODAY they’re on TV’s syndicated “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Van Halen – With no settlement in sight, their $2-million lawsuit against MLB’s Baltimore Orioles is now likely to go to court. It alleges the team agreed to have the classic rockers perform the first-ever concert inside the new Camden Yards baseball park but later backed out of the deal.

THE HANGOVER GENE:
Scientists have discovered that some people may have a so-called ‘hangover gene’ which raises the body’s tolerance to alcohol. This explains why some people are able to out boozing often without getting drunk.
– “Daily Mail”

IT’S A BIRD, IT’S A PLANE:
Three residents of Piney, Manitoba say they witnessed a strange sight in the sky over the weekend, a  silvery, tubular-shaped object 3 times the size of a jetliner with a pointed end and no wings but some odd protrusions on either side. They watched for about 20 seconds as the object flew overhead silently. And get this: They had a camera but were so amazed – they FORGOT to take any pictures. What do you think it was – the Via Rail day liner? A US cruise missile test? A byproduct of medicinal marijuana grown in Flin Flon, Manitoba?
– CTV News

FAVORITE DEAD CELEBS:
The latest rankings in the biennial ‘Dead Q’ list, charting favorite departed performers …
5. Red Skelton
4. Jimmy Stewart
3. John Wayne
2. Bob Hope
1. Lucille Ball
– Marketing Evaluations Inc

MOZILLA BECOMING A GORILLA:
The Mozilla Foundation has announced that 75 million people have now downloaded its ‘Firefox’ Web browser, and the organization’s ‘Thunderbird’ e-mail program has now been downloaded close to 10 million times. The downloads are available at no charge as the Mozilla Foundation is a non-profit group devoted to keeping the Internet free. We’ve mentioned it before – this software is outstanding! Once you’ve tried it, we bet you’ll never go back to Microsoft.
– “Forbes”

VIDEO GAMES DON’T KILL PEOPLE:
A new study conducted by researchers at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign has found that online video game players’ exposure to a highly violent online game does NOT seem to cause any substantial real-world aggression.
– ANI

MOST HEALING FOODS:
Based on the number of health problems they help prevent …
5. Oranges
4. Non-Fat Milk
3. Kidney Beans
2. Garlic
1. Broccoli
– “Prevention” magazine.

PLEASE SIR, I WANT MORE:
According to a new survey, 27% of women say they need sex on a daily basis, compared to 18% recorded in a similar survey in 1993. Dr Lenny Kristal says the new stats clearly show that women are enjoying much more freedom in their quest for sexual gratification than ever before. The male drive, on the other hand, remains virtually unchanged with about a third wanting relations every day.
– “Passim”

BS AMAZING FACT:
Since the 1970s, major storms in both the Atlantic and Pacific have increased in duration and intensity by about 50%, according to MIT climatologist Kerry Emanuel.

AND WE QUOTE:
• “You know me, any excuse to put on a dress.”   – Ellen DeGeneres, explaining why she’ll return as host for the “Emmy Awards” SEPTEMBER18th.
• “Movies don’t have to be ‘Gone With the Wind’ if they are entertaining.”  – Sony Pictures worldwide marketing president Geoff Ammer explaining why “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo” ever got made.

THE BULL SHEET 08.15.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1925 [80] Oscar Peterson, Montréal QC, jazz piano legend who co-founded the Advanced School of Contemporary Music/Companion of the Order of Canada/Jazz Hall of Fame (1995)  FACTOID: TODAY Canada Post releases a commemorative 50-cent stamp with his picture.

1950 [55] Princess Anne (Elizabeth Alice Louise Windsor), London UK, dour-faced QEII daughter

1958 [47] Craig MacTavish, London ON, NHL head coach (Edmonton Oilers)/former player who survived 17 NHL seasons even though he was the last to play without a helmet

1968 [37] Debra Messing, Brooklyn NY, TV actress (‘Grace Adler’ on “Will & Grace” since 1998)

1972 [33] Ben Affleck, Berkeley CA, movie actor (“Sum of All Fears”, ‘Best Writing’ Oscar-“Good Will Hunting”)/wed Mr Jennifer Garner JUNE 29, 2005

1974 [31] Natasha Henstridge, Springdale NL (raised in Fort McMurray AB trailer park), TV actress (Assistant to Speaker of the House in “Commander-in-Chief”, coming to ABC-TV THIS FALL)/movie actress (“The Whole Nine Yards”, “Species”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Discovery Day” in Yukon Territory, a statutory holiday on the 3rd Monday of August, commemorating the discovery of gold August 16, 1896 on Rabbit Creek, which touched off the great Klondike Gold Rush.

TODAY is “Relaxation Day”, a day to think about and encourage new forms of relaxation.

TODAY is “Failures Day”, a day for to reflect on life’s accomplishments. Interesting that every successful person has had failures, but failures are no guarantee of success.

TODAY is “Stay at Home With Your Kids Day”, sponsored by the online magazine “Work at Home Moms” (“WAHM”), to encourage and support those parents who have chosen to be home with their children.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1939 [66] “The Wizard of Oz” premieres at Grauman’s Chinese Theater in LA (originally a box office flop, it only becomes a classic years later)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1969 [36] “The Woodstock Music & Art Fair” opens, attracting some 450,000 rock fans to watch 2 dozen bands on a wooden stage in the middle of Max Yasgur’s farm (leads to future mega-rock events getting tagged with the suffix ‘-stock’)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1848 [157] 1st ‘Dental Chair’ (Waldo Hanchett of Syracuse NY patents his creation, complete with headrest & adjustable seat)

1877 [128] 1st use of telephone greeting ‘Hello’ (Tom Edison persuades Al Bell it’s better than the previously used ‘Ahoy!’)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1974 [31] ‘Longest Team Trampoline Bouncing Marathon’ (1,248 hours or 52 days)

1994 [11] NFL-record crowd of 112,376 attend Dallas/Houston exhibition game in Mexico City

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] 2005 Teen Choice Awards
[Wed] Thriftshop Day
[Thurs] Bad Poetry Day
[Fri] “Red Eye”, “The 40 Year-Old Virgin” & “Valiant” open in movie theaters
[Sat] National Radio Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Resurrect Romance Week / Thanks For All The Gifts Week / Weird Contest Week / National Aviation Week / Freedom of Enterprise Week / American Dance Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS WAYS TO MAKE GOLF MORE EXCITING:

We tried – honest – but ended up in a drooly nap while trying to watch the “PGA Championship” YESTERDAY. Why not spice things up by …
• Filling the bunkers with quick sand.
• Replacing Tiger Woods with a real tiger.
• Having a minister, a priest and a rabbi play … that always turns out to be funny.
• Exploding golf balls!
• Adding a giant yellow arrow graphic so there’s something to look at when the camera pans all over the sky looking for the ball.

REAL TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “Bush’s Shocking Secret Tattoo!”
• “Latest California Sports Craze: Mudslide Surfing!”
• “Aliens Moon NASA Spacecraft!”
• “Gal with Green Baby Says She Was Raped by a Leprechaun!”
• “Outrage! American Flag Toilet Paper Sells Big in Middle East!”
• “Star Trek Nerd Gets 1st Nookie – at Age 43!”
• “Garden of Eden Found!”

BS BLATANT JOKE:
You know why getting a divorce is so expensive? Because it’s worth it!

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the stupidest spam ad pitch you’ve received in your e-mail?

BS ‘CALL WAITING GAME’:
Your contestants must have the ‘call waiting’ feature on their phones. Without giving their names or phone numbers on-air, they have 60 seconds to entice someone they know to phone them. First to attract a call waiting tone wins.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Medical experts say you shouldn’t let your babies do THIS but 87% of us do.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Watch TV before the age of 2. (It may slow intellectual development, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics.)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
What you see can depend on what you look for.


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