Monday, August 8, 2005        Edition: #3089
More From the Bovine Stool Dispenser!  

WEEKEND TABLOID BS:
• It’s now been announced that Paula Abdul will NOT appear as a guest choreographer on  FOX-TV’s “So You Think You Can Dance”, after all … because it ‘conflicts with her “American Idol” commitments’. (“E!”)
• A tearful Jennifer Aniston reportedly phoned Brad Pitt’s mom, Jane Pitt, to share her feelings of loneliness on the eve of her & Brad’s 5th wedding anniversary. Jen’s ‘surrogate mom’ didn’t think twice about helping her son’s soon-to-be-ex, showing up for a 1-week stay to provide moral support. (“Star Magazine”)  Meantime, Angelina Jolie’s son Maddox has reportedly become very close to Brad. In fact, while Angelina was shooting an Edwin Jeans commercial, Maddox began crying and demanding, “Where’s my daddy?” (“Us Weekly”)
• ‘James Bond’s new ride in the upcoming “Casino Royale” will apparently be a cheapo Fiat Panda, a Polish-made econo-box that sells for about $15,000 and goes from 0-to-60 … eventually. Of course, 007′s Panda will be a bit different than usual, tricked out with deadly hi-tech gizmos. (“NY Daily News”)
• “Nutty Professor” & “Shrek” star Eddie Murphy and wife Nicole are splitting after 12 years of marriage. 37-year-old former model Nicole filed for divorce in Los Angeles citing the ubiquitous ‘irreconcilable differences’. The couple wed in 1993 and have 5 children together. (“Page Six”)
• Oscar-winner Charlize Theron is set to wed boyfriend Stuart Townsend. It’s so hush-hush that they haven’t revealed the exact date or location yet, but it’s thought the wedding will be in the Los Angeles area, more than likely at Charlize’s Malibu waterfront home, within a month if not sooner. (“In Touch Magazine”)
• A photographer was shot in the leg with a BB gun outside a house where he believed Britney Spears was attending a bridal shower SATURDAY evening. Firefighters bandaged the paparazzo’s leg and then he was taken to a hospital. (“USA Today”)
• American Media is denying charges that “National Enquirer” and “Star Magazine” made up stories about Demi Moore’s alleged pregnancy and miscarriage. The tabloid publisher says the allegations are simply lies told by a disgruntled ex-worker. The former employee claims the pregnancy story was invented by a tabloid colleague who was looking for a raise. For the record, both Moore’s and Ashton Kutcher’s reps have denied there ever was a pregnancy, but then no one has sued … so far. (“Daily Dish”)

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Ashlee Simpson – She’s currently working on her sophomore album, the follow-up to 2004′s “Autobiography”. She says she’s baring her soul on it, even writing about her disastrous lip-synching appearance on “SNL” in the song “Beautifully Broken”.
• Hilary Duff – TODAY she’s on ABC-TV’s daytime talk show “The View”.
• The Killers – Singer Brandon Flowers quietly wed his longtime girlfriend Tana Munblowsky in Hawaii LAST WEEK. She’s a manager at Urban Outfitters in his hometown of Las Vegas.
• Natasha Bedingfield – The “These Words” singer will voice the role of a ‘Bond girl’ opposite Sean Connery’s ‘007′ in the upcoming “From Russia With Love” video game being developed by Electronic Arts for PlayStation 2 and Xbox.
• OutKast – They’re planning a FALL release for their next album and a JANUARY launch for their debut film, tentatively titled “My Life in Idlewild”.
• Paul McCartney – He admits some of his solo albums have been crap, telling “Q” magazine: “I can’t believe what I was on.”
• Rolling Stones – How times have changed! They’ve hired a personal trainer and ordered up organic food for their upcoming “On Stage” tour. Meantime, Apple’s iTunes has signed an exclusive deal to offer all of the Rolling Stones’ material online for the first time.
• Tragically Hip – Their limited-edition music & video boxed set “Hipeponymous” will be released NOVEMBER 1st. Included: 2 audio discs featuring 37 favorite tracks chosen by fans online plus 2 new tunes; the concert DVD “That Night in Toronto” shot in 2004 at the Air Canada Centre; a 2nd DVD featuring all the band’s 23 videos, plus 11 new video pieces; a 48-page book. No word on price for the monster-sized set as yet.
• Wynonna – She’s featured on the cover of the SEPTEMBER issue of “Good Housekeeping”, and talks inside about her food addiction and her relationship with her mother.

I SPY A LIE:
When a lie is planned, deceivers start their answers more quickly than truth-tellers. If taken by surprise, however, liars take longer to start answering questions, and they talk less. The content of their speech can be another tip-off. Liars seem more negative than truth-tellers – more complaining and less co-operative. They also tend to withhold information, either from guilt or to make it easier to get their stories straight, and to repeat words and phrases. (What do you think is the #1 sign of a lie? Lack of eye contact?)
– “New Scientist”

MOST POWERFUL PLAYERS IN YOUNG HOLLYWOOD:
5. Reese Witherspoon
4. Hilary Duff
3. Orlando Bloom
2. Lindsay Lohan
1. Ashton Kutcher
– New “Teen People” ranking.

AIR UNFAIR TO FEMALES:
Women who live in areas with greater air pollution have double the risk of developing and dying from coronary heart disease (CHD), according to a new study. When ozone combines with particulate matter, women’s risk of fatal CHD can increase up to twofold. According to the authors, this is the first study to return gender-specific results on this topic. (How soon before we see designer face-masks?)
– ANI

MUSIC MOMENTS THAT CHANGED THE WORLD:
4. The Rolling Stones’ “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction”
3. The Beatles’ “She Loves You”
2. Elvis Presley’s “Heartbreak Hotel”
1. Bob Dylan’s “Like a Rolling Stone”
– “Uncut Magazine” poll of industry insiders.

VARIANCE FROM VOWS:
Only about 20% of marrying couples now use traditional wedding vows in their ceremony. For instance, the phrase ‘… till death do us part’ is often dumped for more conservative promises such as ‘… for as long as our marriage shall serve the common good’. ([Co-host] used: ‘… until something better comes along.’)
– “Sunday Times of London”

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• A German travel agency is now offering vacations for – teddy bears. The teddies spend an action-packed week sightseeing, playing games and visiting a traditional teddy bears picnic, followed by a visit to a Munich beer house. A plush week away will set back the teddy’s owner about $175. (Hey, why should garden gnomes have all the fun?)
• Austria’s Sparkasse Bank is hoping to make its staff more productive by encouraging them to take daily 20-minute naps after lunch. A neurologist & sleep scientist will monitor the experiment to see if it affects employee productivity. (Why not just check out any government office … they’ve been sleeping on-the-job for years!)
• A Romanian farmer hopes to get into the “Guinness World Book of Records” as the owner of a healthy 5-legged sheep. Taha Khayal says he was very surprised to find the strange animal while shearing his new flock. (Is it really 5-legged? Maybe he just likes you.)

FOR THE RECORD:
989 people played their accordions in St John’s NL SATURDAY as part of the “St John’s Folk Festival”, setting a world record for the largest crowd to play the instrument simultaneously. The previous record of 644 was just a month-old, set in Kimberley BC during the International Oldtime Accordion Championships.
– CBC Arts

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• TODAY, the 2nd Monday in August, is traditionally considered to be one of the most unlucky days of the year. The others are the last Monday in December and the 1st Monday in April.
• More than one-third of American workers will give up vacation time THIS YEAR.

THE BULL SHEET 08.08.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1937 [68] Dustin Hoffman, LA CA, 5′-5″ movie actor (“Meet the Fockers”, 2 Oscars-“Rain Man”, “Kramer vs Kramer”)

1947 [58] Ken Dryden, Hamilton ON, Federal Minister of Social Development (Liberal MP for York Centre)/former Toronto Maple Leafs vice-chairman)/Hall of Fame NHL goalie (6 Stanley Cups-Montréal Canadiens, 5 Vezina Trophies)/author (“The Game”)

1961 [44] The Edge (David Evans), Barking UK, rock guitarist (U2-“Vertigo”, “Beautiful Day”)

1973 [32] Mark Wills (Williams), Blue Ridge GA, country singer (“And the Crowd Goes Wild”, “Back at One”)

1975 [30] Tom Linton, Mesa AZ, rock guitarist (Jimmy Eat World-“Pain”, “The Middle”)

1976 [29] JC Chasez, Bowie MD, washed-up pop singer (‘N Sync-“Pop”, “Bye Bye Bye”)

1981 [24] Roger Federer, Basel, Switzerland, #1 ranked men’s tennis player who’s won 3 consecutive Wimbledon championships

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night”, a day to share the wealth of your vegetable garden with friends and neighbors.

TODAY is “National Admit You’re Happy Day”. Go ahead, say it – ‘I feel good dada dada dada dum, I knew that I would dada dada dada dum …’

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1978 [27] Slobbering sidekick ‘Odie’ 1st appears in the popular comic strip “Garfield” cartoonist Jim Davis had to change his original appearance because United Features Syndicate claimed he looked too much like ‘Snoopy’)

2000 [05] 30-year-old actress Catherine Zeta-Jones gives birth to son of 55-year-old fiancé Michael Douglas, named Dylan Michael Douglas (they wed 3 months later)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1995 [10] Wendy’s announces $400-million merger with Canadian doughnut chain Tim Horton’s (meaning one of our most Canadian institutions is no longer Canadian)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1920 [85] Shortest-ever American League baseball game as Detroit Tigers beat NY Yankees 1-0 in just 73 minutes

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Book Lovers Day
[Tues] International Art Appreciation Day
[Wed] S’mores Day
[Wed] Spoil Your Dog Day
[Thurs] Daughters’ Day
[Fri] Middle Child’s Day
[Fri] Truck Drivers’ Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Knights of Columbus Family Week / Scrabble Week / Don’t Wait! Celebrate Week / Bargain Hunting Week / Elvis Week / Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist Week / Psychiatric Technician Week / Recreational Scuba Diving Week / Smile Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
WHAT HE SAYS [AND WHAT HE MEANS]:

• I’m hungry. [I'm hungry.]
• I’m sleepy. [I'm sleepy.]
• I’m tired. [I'm tired.]
• Do you want to go to a movie? [I'd eventually like to have sex with you.]
• Can I take you to dinner? [I'd eventually like to have sex with you.]
• May I have this dance? [I'd eventually like to have sex with you.]
• I love you. [Let's have sex now.]
• I’m bored. [Let's have sex now.]
• Let’s talk. [I am trying to impress you by showing you what a deep person I am so you will have sex with me.]
• Will you marry me? [I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.]

WHAT SHE SAYS [AND WHAT SHE MEANS]:
• We need. [I want.]
• It’s your decision. [The correct decision should be obvious because I already explained it to you.]
• Do what you want. [You'll pay for this later.]
• This kitchen is so inconvenient. [I want a new house.]
• I’m not upset. [Of course I'm upset, you jackass.]
• I’ll be ready in a minute. [Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.]
• We have to learn to communicate. [Just agree with me.]
• Is my butt fat? [Tell me I'm beautiful.]
– “Weekly World News”

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• The most popular name for a pet in the United States is …
a. Max [CORRECT]
b. Lady
c. Turd Blossom

• Which movie was the first to feature a toilet flushing onscreen?
a. “Some Like It Hot”
b. “Psycho” [CORRECT]
c. “The Three Stooges Meet Frank’s Hot Sauce”

• Which golf prodigy shot a round of 64 at the age of 10?
a. Tiger Woods
b. Michelle Wie [CORRECT]
c. John Daly reportedly did 64 shots at age 10, if that counts.

• Hartland, New Brunswick is home to the world’s longest …
a. Luncheon buffet.
b. Covered bridge. [CORRECT]
c. Traffic light.

BS WEB GOODIE:
Yahoo! is currently Beta-testing its free audio search service that gives users access to any audio file on the Web – more than 50 million of them! Everything from news stories to sound effects to interviews. What a goldmine this could be for on-air drops, IDs, promos, etc.
NET: http://audio.search.yahoo.com

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• If you wanted to look very sexy, how would you dress?
• Hey! There is no official national US holiday in AUGUST. Shouldn’t we have one? What should it be called?

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• I think something must have died inside my brain. This morning my eyelids will only go to half-mast.
• What’s the definition of an optimist? A folk musician with a mortgage.
• The boss and I have been a lot more friendly lately … not to each other, but a lot more friendly.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: THIS ranks as the safest form of transportation, boasting just 1 fatality every 100-million miles traveled.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Elevator. (Stairs, in comparison, are 5 times more dangerous.)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Life without danger is a waste of oxygen.


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