Friday, August 5, 2005        Edition: #3088
Deja Moo!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT the 6th annual “Billboard R&B/Hip-Hop Awards” are handed out in Atlanta for the year’s most popular titles & artists in the genre as determined by sales and radio airplay . . . SATURDAY 75-year-old movie producer Robert Evans (author of “The Kid Stays in the Picture”) will wed for the 7th time at a hotel in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico after a whirlwind romance with socialite Lady Victoria White (ironically, his next film is titled “Wedding Season”) . . . Oops, could be a problem with that much-ballyhooed $2-million interview Michael Jackson has lined up with the newly-launched US edition of “OK!” magazine – seems he won’t sign a deal until he gets the money and the mag won’t give him the money until he signs . . . Pam Anderson says she’s looking into opening a nightclub in Las Vegas with the help of a few well-heeled friends . . . “Must Love Dogs” director Gary David Goldberg ended up adopting both of the black Newfoundland dogs featured in the romantic comedy at the end of shooting . . . Just had to happen – the pool table on which Jude Law purportedly first ravished his kids’ nanny is now up for grabs on eBay, with a reserve bid of $2,800 . . . Meantime, a pumice stone that is said to have rubbed up against Britney Spears when she stayed at the Hilton Hotel in Charlotte NC has sold on eBay – for $250 . . . Brazilian model Gisele Bundchen says she’s developed such an obsession with cleaning that she has to force herself not to clean friends’ homes when visiting (hey Leo, send her over!) . . . If it’s true that “Chappelle’s Show” will not return for the long-delayed 3rd season because Dave Chappelle has quit, he’s reneging on a $50-million deal with Comedy Central (what happens to the chunk he’s already spent?)  . . . And Jennifer Aniston has reportedly pulled out of a planned “Friends” reunion show because she wants to distance herself from the ‘Rachel’ character (it’s still on TV 12 times a day – who needs a ‘reunion’?).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Brooks & Dunn – SATURDAY they launch their 35-city “Deuces Wild Tour” in Dallas, with the help of fellow duos Big & Rich and the Warren Brothers.
• Faith Hill – TODAY she’s on ABC-TV’s daytime talk show “The View”.
• Kanye West – He says it’s a good thing his mom chooses his girlfriends because left to his own devices he’d only date adult film stars and exotic dancers.
• Melissa Etheridge – She says she’s now cancer-free and totally healthy. In fact, she & partner Tammy Lynn Michaels are working on having a child together.
• Michelle Branch – The 22-year-old has given birth to a 7 lb-12 oz baby girl named ‘Owen’ in LA, the first child for her & husband Teddy Landau, the bass player in her band.
• Natasha Bedingfield – TONIGHT the “These Words” singer does the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENING:
“The Dukes of Hazzard” (PG-13 Action Comedy): Good ol’ boys ‘Bo’ (Seann William Scott) & ‘Luke Duke’ (Johnny Knoxville), with a little help from their cousin ‘Daisy’ (Jessica Simpson) and ‘Uncle Jesse’ (Willie Nelson), antagonize and outwit the authorities of Hazzard County, led by ‘Boss Hogg’ (Burt Reynolds). 26 different cars were used as the famous bright orange ’69 Dodge Charger, the ‘General Lee’, in the making of the film. Scantily-clad Simpson’s car-washing scene is the one everyone is talking about. Based on the TV series that ran 1979-85.
NET: http://www2.warnerbros.com/dukesofhazzard/index.html

FEEDING FALSE BELIEFS:
University of California psychologists have come up with a way of influencing people to avoid fattening foods – lie to them! In experiments, a technique called ‘false feedback’ was used to make volunteers believe that they had become sick on strawberry ice cream when they were children. Up to 40% of the test subjects then reported that they would avoid strawberry ice cream in the future.
– “New Scientist”

COMMON CAT MYTHS:
The following commonly-held beliefs about cats simply aren’t true …
• Cats should have a litter before they are spayed. (Does not benefit them in any way.)
• Street cats are always healthier than purebred cats. (Both can be unhealthy, but mixed breed cats do not get many of the genetic diseases common to purebred lines.)
• All cats prefer canned food. (Not true … many prefer dry.)
• Cats cannot be trained. (In fact, they can be trained to do tricks … when they feel like it.)
• Cats like tasty food. (What they eat is primarily based on their sense of smell.)
• Cats will let you know when they are sick. (They instinctively hide when sick.)
• Cats naturally know to use a litter box. (Not all cats understand the concept right away.)
• Cats are happier & healthier when outdoors. (Indoor cats have a much longer lifespan.)
– PetPlace.com

STAYING POWER:
According to evolutionary biologist John Alcock of the University of Arizona, today’s average human male can stay engaged in sexual intercourse for 5 to 7 minutes. By comparison, some butterflies, snakes and houseflies can take hours. The current record-holder is the stick insect, whose sexual encounters can go on for months. For many of the species, both sexes are capable of getting food while mating.
– “Philadelphia Inquirer”

THINGS YOU WANTED TO ASK THE DOC BUT WERE TOO SOBER TO ASK:
Here’s a sampling of the interesting Q & As from the new book “Why Do Men Have Nipples? – Hundreds of Questions You’d Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini” by NYC physician Billy Goldberg & humorist Mark Leyner …
• Why do your teeth chatter when you’re cold? It’s one way the body tries to generate heat.
• What causes morning breath? Dry mouth, anaerobic bacteria and sulfur compounds, which are waste products from the bacteria. Other contributing factors include medications, booze, sugar, smoking, caffeine, and dairy products.
• Why do beans give you gas? Beans contain high percentages of sugars that our bodies are unable to digest. When the sugars make it to the intestines, bacteria go to work and start producing large amounts of gas.
• Should you really suck on a poisonous snake bite? No, it’s not only ineffective but could lead to infection. Instead, the bite should be washed with soap and water, immobilized, and placed in a position lower than the heart. Medical help should be sought immediately.
• And why DO men have nipples? The human embryo follows a female template for the first 6 weeks until the male gender chromosome kicks in. By that time, males have already developed nipples.
– CNN / Reuters

BROKEN HEART, FULL STOMACH:
A third of young people admit they turn to food when they are unhappy about their love lives. According to a new survey by the Priory Group, which treats people with eating disorders, those aged 15-to-24 have the worst relationship with food. Just over 60% say they ‘comfort eat’ with chocolate and 43% seek fast food to feel better.
– ANI

BS LAW & DISORDER:
• Police in Vienna, Austria have issued an alert to local residents to be on the lookout for a man – with a big nose. It seems the man held up a gas station and the cashier who was robbed has no idea what he looked like other than – he has a giant beak. (Snot much to go on, is it?)
• A 27-year-old NYC woman is suing Consolidated Edison utility company because she fell off her skateboard and landed on one of their manhole covers. It was such a hot summer day, the company’s logo was burned into her flesh just above the butt. “It literally looks like a brand,” her lawyer claims. (So the company’s counter-suing for trademark infringement.)
• A Duesseldorf, Germany man has been convicted for fraud after racking up huge phone bills calling a sex hotline from work. But here’s the twist – he wasn’t doing it for the ‘stimulation’ but to make money. After making more than 160 calls, his employer’s telephone account was billed for close to $20,000. A female accomplice working for the hotline then split the proceeds with him. (Talk about screwing your boss!)
• A 32-year-old man has been arrested in  in Ribeirao Preto, Brazil after being caught on tape stealing numerous toothbrushes from a supermarket. When approached by police he finally admitted to the robbery, saying, “I know it is a stupid thing to do, I have no teeth, what was I thinking?” (Just be thankful it wasn’t condoms, buddy.)

BS AMAZING FACT:
The 10th-century Emir of Cordova had 6,300 women in his harem.

THE BULL SHEET 08.05.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1959 [46] Pat Smear, LA CA, rock guitarist (Foo Fighters-“Best Of You”)

1964 [41] Adam (‘MCA’) Yauch, NYC, rapper (Beastie Boys-“Ch-Check It Out”)

1968 [37] Terri Clark, Montréal QC [raised Medicine Hat AB], country singer (“She Didn’t Have Time”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
TV actress Catherine Hicks (“Seventh Heaven”) is 54; Movie actress Michelle Yeoh (“Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”) is 43; Country singers Peggy & Patsy Lynn (The Lynns) are 41; Screenwriter-director M Night Shyamalan (“Sixth Sense”) is 35.

SUNDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
Humorist Garrison Keillor (“Prairie Home Companion”) is 63; Country singer/songwriter Rodney Crowell (“Things I Wish I’d Said”) is 55; Movie actor/director David Duchovny (“House of D”) is 45; Movie actress Charlize Theron (“Monster”) is 30. Hockey phenom Sidney Crosby (Pittsburgh Penguins) is 18.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is –
• “Edmonton Folk Music Festival”, continuing through Sunday. This year’s 4-day Gallagher Park bash includes performances by Steve Earle, Ryan Adams, Alison Krauss & John Prine.
NET: http://www.edmontonfolkfest.org

SATURDAY is –
• “2005 Canada Games” in Regina SK through August 20th. The 5pm opening ceremony at Taylor Field includes a parade of the more than 2,000 athletes.
NET: http://www.2005jeuxducanadagames.ca
• “Halfway Point of Summer”, time to quit carping about the weather and savor the last few weeks of the season.
• “Hiroshima Peace Festival” at Peace Memorial Park in Hiroshima, Japan which will commemorate the 60th anniversary of the dropping of the 1st atomic bomb by the USA’s ‘Enola Gay’ in 1945.
• “International Fresh Breath Day”, a gentle reminder for [your co-host]. Ask listeners for old folk remedies for bad breath like chewing cloves or scraping your tongue with a spoon.
NET: http://www.bremercommunications.com/fresh_breath.htm
• “National Date Night”, when couples are encouraged to try to revive the romantic spark in their relationships.
• “Pamper Yourself Day”. If you were to be given any free luxury treatment you wanted, which would you pick? Massage? Steam room? Pedicure? Peanut butter bath?
• “Wiggle Your Toes Day” in celebration of “Foot Health Month”. Slippers are officially OK all day!

• “Co-Ed Mud Volleyball Tournament” spikes in Nampa, Idaho. Now here’s an inventive charity fund-raiser! 180 teams made up of 2,000 participants pay to play and vie for titles in corporate, small business and open categories. 30 games are played at a time in the ankle-deep, ooey gooey mud. The 18th annual event benefits the Epilepsy Foundation.
NET: www.epilepsyidaho.kintera.org/mudvolleyball
• “National Mustard Day”, honoring the ‘condiment of kings’ and sponsored by the Mount Horeb Mustard Museum, home of the world’s largest collection of mustard memorabilia
PHONER: 800.438.6878 (Barry Levenson-Mount Horeb WI)
NET: http://www.mustardmuseum.com/news_events/day/index.htm

SUNDAY is –
• “National Kids Day”, encouraging us to share a moment, create a memory, and make a kid’s day. The 4th annual event is sponsored by Boys & Girls Clubs and the Kids Peace organization.
NET: http://www.kidsday.net
• “Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day”, to draw attention to the environmentally unfriendly practice of over-packaging consumer goods. Worst example? Pain killers?
• “Pro Football Hall of Fame Induction” in Canton OH. This year’s inductees include legendary quarterbacks Dan Marino (Miami Dolphins) and Steve Young (San Francisco 49ers).
NET: http://www.profootballhof.com

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1989 [16] ‘Largest Game of Musical Chairs’ (8,238 People)

1989 [16] ‘Largest Hamburger’ weighs 5,520 lbs (Seymour Wi)

1994 [11] ‘Largest Cocktail’ measures 2,933 gallons (Philadelphia PA)

COMING UP . . .
[Sun-Aug 16] Elvis Week
[Mon] Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night
[Tues] International Art Appreciation Day
[Wed] S’mores Day
[Thurs] Dog Days of Summer end
This Week Is . . . Simplify Your Life Week
This Month Is . . . Foot Health Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS UNITS OF MEASUREMENT:

• 2,000 lbs of Chinese soup = won ton.
• The elapsed time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond.
• The weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram.
• 365 days of drinking low-calorie beer = 1 lite year.
• Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon.
• 1,000 aches = 1 kilohurtz.
• The basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower.
• The shortest distance between 2 jokes = a straight line.
• The ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo pi.
(Who says engineers have no sense of humor?)

TOP SWAPS:
The week’s most requested music files online …
1. Rihanna – “Pon De Replay”
2. Ciara – “Oh”
3. Missy Elliott – “Lose Control”
4. Pussycat Dolls – “Don’t Cha”
5. Gorillaz – “Feel Good Inc”
– Big Champagne online music measurement

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• There are only 2 kinds of people … those who agree with me, and idiots.
•  A motorist pulls up beside a rundown farmhouse, knocks on the door and asks the old woman who answers for directions to Moose Jaw. “Don’t know,” the woman says. So the guy gets back in his car and pulls away. Then he hears voices, looks in his rearview mirror and sees the woman and an equally old man waving for him to come back. So he makes a U-turn and drives back to them. “This is my husband,” the old woman says. “He doesn’t know how to get to Moose Jaw either.”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: If you’re an average adult, you have between 40 and 50 billion of THESE.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Fat cells in your body.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.


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