Tuesday, August 2, 2005        Edition: #3085
Eat, Breath Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT the NBC-TV reality series “Meet Mister Mom” debuts, in which 2 moms get sent away for a week of R&R while their husbands are left to perform various tasks, such as cleaning the house, going family clothes shopping & hosting a kids’ sleep-over (this is so sexist it should be boycotted – most new-millennium dads do this stuff all the time!) . . . TONIGHT ABC-TV airs the 2-hour behind-the-scenes special “CMA Music Festival: Country Music’s Biggest Party”, featuring Dierks Bentley, Big & Rich, Sara Evans, Alan Jackson, Keith Urban, Montgomery Gentry and Gretchen Wilson (whose new single “All Jacked Up” gets its network TV debut) . . . “Desperate Housewives” actress Eva Longoria has apologized to Jennifer Aniston for wearing an “I’ll have your baby, Brad” T-shirt (she’s now wearing “I’ll just boink you ‘cause you’re hot, Brad” tee) . . . Actress Sienna Miller has landed roles in 2 major Hollywood films (“Factory Girl” and “300″) thanks to her profile being raised by fiancé Jude Law’s philandering (maybe it was all a ploy?) . . . Thanks to the international cachet of Tom Cruise, the Church of Scientology is getting a big push in India with Hindi versions of Scientology founder L Ron Hubbard’s works being published (Hubbard claimed the faith shared similarities with Hinduism – worship of bull?) . . . Speaking of cults, Britney Spears has booked a Kabbalah blessing for her baby, 9 days after the birth (they’ve obviously learned from the Catholic church – begin the brainwashing while they’re really, really young) . . . And actress Kate Hudson has revealed some wack beliefs herself – to protect herself from negative people in Hollywood she sprays herself with water, and she also carries crystals to ward off negative energy (and what’s that garlic necklace for?).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alicia Keys – TODAY she’s on TV’s syndicated “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Coldplay – TONIGHT they embark on a 38-date North American tour at Toronto’s Air Canada Centre.
• Dierks Bentley – TODAY he’s on the ABC-TV daytime talk show “The View”.
• Faith Hill – TONIGHT she does the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Franz Ferdinand – Drummer Nick McCarthy says he’s glad he threatened to leave the Scottish band in NOVEMBER following a fight with frontman Alex Kapranos because it made the group stronger.
• Jimi Hendrix – Charles R Cross’ new biography, “Room Full of Mirrors”, claims Hendrix pretended he was gay in order to get discharged from the 101st Airborne, thereby avoiding possible service in Vietnam.
• Mariah Carey – She had to be carried around the set of her new video “Shake It Off” because she couldn’t walk in the high-heeled shoes she chose for the shoot. She rejected a pair of slippers that were offered because she can’t wear flat shoes … her feet ‘repel them’.
• New in stores TODAY – Faith Hill’s “Fireflies”, “Johnny Cash, The Legend” (box set).

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Alexander” (Bio-Drama – DVD): Oliver Stone’s historical saga charts the life & legend of one of the greatest figures in world history, Alexander the Great. The $155-million epic was a box office bomb despite an all-star cast that includes Colin Farrell, Anthony Hopkins & Angelina Jolie (who plays Farrell’s mother even though she’s less than a year older). To accommodate Farrell, most of the ‘Macedonian’ characters speak with Irish accents. The film was nominated for 6 “Razzies”, the awards for worst films of the year, but didn’t win any of those either.
• “Guess Who?” (Romantic Comedy – DVD): In this rom-com makeover of the 1967 classic “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner”, a sarcastic father (Bernie Mac) has plenty to say about his daughter (Zoe Saldana) wanting to marry a white boy (Ashton Kutcher). Pops does everything he can to drive the lad away, from running a credit check to locking him in the basement at night. Digital effects were used to remove Ashton Kutcher’s red Kaballah bracelet in every scene in which he appeared … at an estimated cost of $100,000.
• Also on DVD – “Dukes of Hazzard: Season 4″, just in time for the FRIDAY release of the movie version; and “Over There: The Battle Begins”, the pilot episode of the new Steven Bochco TV series about US soldiers in Iraq, just days after its cable-TV debut.

BIOMETRICS ARE HERE:
Hundreds of retailers are now testing ‘biometric payment systems’ that let customers pay for purchases with a mere swipe of a finger. It works like this: You register your fingerprint and your bank account with a biometric service provider such as Pay By Touch or BioPay. When you shop at a participating merchant, you just swipe your finger and the payment is automatically transferred from your bank to the merchant – you don’t have to hand over a card, sign a receipt or even punch in a PIN. (Don’t pay cash, just give them the finger!)
– CNN Money

FACIAL FOCUS:
Researchers report that most people focus on the lower part of the face – the nose, lips and cheeks – when dealing with others. However, true feelings are more likely to appear on the upper face – the eyes, brows and forehead – and can therefore easily be missed.
– “Psychology Today”

WIDE WORLD OF BS:
• With Taiwanese kids increasingly drawn to Western hamburgers and fries, government researchers are trying to lure them back with something more traditional, sort of – rainbow-colored rice. (How about cartoon characters in ads like ‘Wicky Won-Ton’?)
• Armed bandits in Brazil have robbed a vehicle carrying more than 400 … breast implants. (Bad news for local beauty pageants!)
• To save costs, mounted police in Zurich, Switzerland have had their horses replaced with … roller blades. The new ‘roller-cop’ unit includes 25 men & 9 women who are able to cover their beat 5 times faster than flat-footed colleagues, and at a fraction of the cost of keeping horses. (Please don’t let the RCMP Musical Ride hear about this!)

NEW CURE FOR NIC FITS:
The ‘NicStic’, world’s first smoke- and tobacco-free cigarette, is set to hit the market in Switzerland. The Swiss invention uses a rechargeable heating coil in a plastic, cigarette-sized stick to dispense nicotine without smoke. That allows smokers to ‘light up’ without annoying others with passive smoke. It also has none of the tar, arsenic, cadmium and formaldehyde that a normal cigarette contains, while releasing a similar taste. (Oh good, you wouldn’t want to give up ‘ashtray mouth’, would you?)
–Ananova

BIGGER BELLY OR BUTT?
Dr Marie Savard, author of “Apples & Pears: The Body Shape Solution to Weight Loss & Wellness”, claims the single most powerful predictor of a woman’s health is not how much she weighs but rather the shape of her body, which shows where she stores excess fat. Fat stored in the abdomen – the classic ‘apple’ shape – can lead to increased risk of serious medical disorders. Fat stored around the hips and thighs – the ‘pear’ shape – is actually protective. Here’s how to determine your body shape …
1. Measure around the narrowest part of your waist to determine your waist circumference.
2. Measure around your hips, about 3 or 4 inches below your pelvis bone.
3. Divide waist circumference by hip measurement to get your Waist-to-Hip Ratio (WHR).
A WHR higher than 0.8 means you are apple-shaped. A WHR of 0.8 or less means you are pear-shaped. (A WHR of 0 means you are Nicole Kidman.)
– Web MD

THE POWER OF FLASHING … A SMILE:
If you smile at the bartender for a mere 16 milliseconds (1/60th of a second), odds are he or she will juice up your drink with a bit more booze. Piotr Winkielman, professor of psychology at the University of California at San Diego, says his research shows that people who are exposed to what he calls ‘subliminal smiles’ (ultra-brief) may not report feeling better, but they do tend to behave in a more positive fashion.
– Cox News Service

ALL-TIME WORST HAIRDOS:
According to a new poll, here’s how to have hair from hell …
4. The Helmet – victims appear to have had their hair cut around a bowl.
3. The Beehive – 1960s girl ‘do that defied gravity and kept the hairspray industry in business.
2. The Mullet – 1980s guys’ look that featured short sides, long back.
1. The Mohawk – the spiked centerpiece long favored by pierced punks.
– “Sydney Herald Sun

BS AMAZING FACT:
According to data from the cruise industry, the top cruise destinations are Barbados, the Virgin Islands, the French Riviera and … Alaska.

THE BULL SHEET 08.02.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1932 [73] Peter O’Toole, Connemara, Ireland, movie actor (“Lawrence of Arabia”)/Lifetime Achievement Academy Award (2003)  UP NEXT: Now filming the dog flick “Lassie” in Ireland.

1939 [66] Wes Craven, Cleveland OH, horror movie director (“Scream 1-3″, “Nightmare on Elm Street”)

1964 [41] Mary-Louise Parker, Ft Jackson SC, movie actress (“Fried Green Tomatoes”)/TV actress (“Angels in America”, “The West Wing”)

1970 [35] Kevin Smith, Red Bank NJ, film-maker (“Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back”)  COMING UP: Producing & writing an update of comic book superhero “The Green Hornet”.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Ice Cream Sandwich Day”. Who cares why? Chow down!

TONIGHT is the 22nd annual “National Night Out”, a unique crime & drug prevention event sponsored by the National Association of Town Watch (NATW). Cities, towns and neighborhoods are encouraged to participate by turning on outdoor lights, staging front porch vigils, and organizing flashlight walks.
NET: http://www.nationaltownwatch.org/nno

THIS WEEK is the 21st annual “Chocolate Fest” in the resort town of St. Stephen NB with a daily ‘choctail’ hour, chocolate factory tours and several chocolate-eating competitions, including TODAY’s ‘Chocolate Pudding Eating Contest’. St Stephen is purportedly where the ‘chocolate bar’ was invented. What proof do they have?
PHONER: 506.465.5616
NET: http://www.chocolate-fest.ca

THIS WEEK is also “International Humor Exchange Week”. Have listeners call in jokes in another language and get the laugh tracks ready.

THIS MONTH has been designated “Hair Loss Awareness Month” by the American Academy of Dermatology. Who’s the best looking balding celebrity?

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1610 [395] Henry Hudson 1st enters what would become known as ‘Hudson Bay’ (leading to the 1st ‘Bay Days Sale’)

1769 [236] City of Los Angeles is 1st named – full name is Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula (LA is the shortest abbreviation of any city’s official name)

1892 [113] 1st ‘Escalator’ patented by Charles Wheeler (the next day, 1st person trips getting off)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1975 [30] Distance record for ‘Champagne Cork Popping’ of 103 feet set by one Gary Mahan

COMING UP . . .
[Wed] National Park Day
[Wed] Watermelon Day
[Wed] Kids Day
[Fri] 6th Billboard R&B/Hip-Hop Awards [Atlanta]
[Sat] National Date Night
[Sat-Aug 20] 2005 Canada Games [Regina]
This Week Is . . . Fraud Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . Immunization Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
HOW TO SPEAK ‘USED’:

Ever try to decipher what a used car ad really means? Here are a few common pitches (and what they aren’t telling you) …
• “Must see to appreciate!” (… what a brutal life this car has suffered.)
• “A true classic!” (An old, tired, high-mile car that’s one step away from the crusher.)
• “Loaded!” (The engine’s shot but it has AC and power windows.)
• “Runs real strong!” (… for a car with more miles on it than Elizabeth Taylor.)
• “Clean!” (Recently washed by a sulky teenager.)
• “Rebuilt engine!” (New spark plugs and a can of STP.)
• “Body solid!” (Needs a new engine & transmission.)
• “Illness forces sale!” (I’m really sick of this car.)
• “Needs a little work.” (Bring a tow truck.)
– Eric Peters, Netscape Autos.

BS ‘I SPY A LIE’:
Run down this list of supposedly true facts about animals while a contestant tries to determine the one that isn’t …
GAME #1 –
• If an octopus is hungry enough it will eat its own arms.
• If you want to see a chicken at night without it seeing you, use a red light.
• The average horse secretes 9 gallons of saliva every day.
• A kangaroo only sleeps 20 minutes a day.
• Frogs drink through their nostrils. (BS. Frogs don’t drink at all. They absorb fluid by osmosis. Sort of like [your co-host] at [local bar].)

GAME #2 –
• The average dog has over 200 million scent receptors in its nose, compared to about 5 million in a human.
• Males lions can sleep for up to 20 hours a day.
• A mosquito, engorged on blood, is still able to fly carrying a load twice its own weight.
• A porcupine shoots off about 25 quills each day. (BS. Porcupines can’t shoot their quills at all. They can only quill things that make contact with their body.)
• One sheep can remember another sheep’s face for up to 2 years.

PHONE STARTERS:
• This week is “Simplify Your Life Week”. If you could only have 3 possessions, what would they be?
• If the independent investigation finds Paula Abdul DID have an affair with an “American Idol” contestant and she’s booted off the show, which has-been star should replace her as a judge?

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• I went on a 30-day diet and lost … 30 days.
• Scientists have discovered the gene that causes alcoholism. They found it at a party talking way too loud.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: It is said that fewer than 10 people in the world know THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The recipe for KFC.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.   


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