Monday, August 1, 2005        Edition: #3084
If the Sheet Fits, Buy It!

WEEKEND TABLOID BS:
• Actress Cameron Diaz has accepted undisclosed libel damages and a public apology from Britain’s “Sun” for a story that alleged she was seen making-out with a married TV producer. The tabloid now admits the incident involved nothing more than … a goodbye hug between friends.
– “E! Online”
• Actress Nicole Kidman has denied reports of romance after being spotted riding on Australian country singer Keith Urban’s motorcycle in NYC. Kidman’s rep claims the two are … ‘just friends’. However, Urban did split from his model girlfriend Niki Taylor just a week ago.
– “Page Six”
• A source says 36-year-old Jennifer Lopez & hubby Marc Anthony may be expecting their first child together. It’s apparently all very top secret right now but she could be as much as 6-to-7 weeks along.
– “Star Magazine”
• 42-year-old Demi Moore is said to be heartbroken after losing her baby by Ashton Kutcher during the 2nd trimester. She was rumored to be 5 months pregnant. She previously suffered a miscarriage in 1997, when she was still married to actor Bruce Willis.
– “National Enquirer”
• Getting too old to be a movie star at 37, Julia Roberts will make her Broadway stage debut in NEXT MARCH in a revival of the mysterious family drama “Three Days of Rain”. The play involves just 3 actors.
– “USA Today”
• Word has it actor Jude Law is trying to woo back girlfriend Sienna Miller with … baby talk. Yep, after getting it on with his kids’ nanny, the smooth-talking actor has reportedly begged Sienna for forgiveness and says he wants her to have his baby. Now there’s an old line!
– “News of the World”
• Numerous reports say Angelina Jolie has moved into Brad Pitt’s Malibu CA home along with her adopted children, 3-year-old Maddox and 6-month-old Zahara. A spokesperson is refuting the story by saying that Angelina isn’t living with Brad … she’s just staying there. Oh, that’s different then.
– “The Sun”
• Paris Hilton has reportedly been whining about how heavy her 24-carat engagement ring is and that her finger hurts, so her Greek shipping heir fiancé Paris Latsis has picked up a more manageable, diamond-less, platinum Cartier band ‘for everyday wear’. Where is she sitting on your annoyance scale these days?
– “US Weekly”

“WEEKLY WORLD NEWS” HEADLINES:
• “Ghost of Lincoln Advises Bush on War in Iraq!”
• “Seniors Go ‘Punk’!”
• “Race of Scarecrows Living in Kansas!”
• “Loud Rock Show Makes Teen’s Head Explode!”
• “Sweden Legalizes Looking Up Ladies Skirts!”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Christina Aguilera – Her “Dirrty” video has been voted the all-time sexiest in a poll for “FHM” Music TV.
• Incubus – TONIGHT they’re on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Jessica Simpson – She’s releasing a new workout video to show how she got into shape for her role as ‘Daisy Duke’ in “The Dukes of Hazzard”. She’s also hawking a new treadmill line for home use. So much money … so little talent.
• John Lennon – His handwritten lyrics for “All You Need is Love”, salvaged from his music stand after The Beatles’ final TV appearance in 1967, have sold at auction in London for $1 million.
• Keith Urban – He’ll appear in a Gap ad campaign THIS FALL, wearing jeans and performing a cover of Billy Thorpe’s “Most People I Know Think I’m Crazy”.

A STUDY ON STUDIES:
The Journal of the American Medical Association has revealed that over a third of scientific studies are later contradicted by other studies or do not stand up to further research. The review of major studies reported in 3 influential medical journals between 1990 and 2003 found that 16% of studies were later contradicted by other studies, and a further 16% reported more effective results than were subsequently proven. (Rule of thumb: Find out who sponsored the study/survey before you believe it.)
– CNN

SUPERFOODS FOR HEALTHY HAIR:
What you eat can make a difference. Add these foods to your diet for healthy, shiny hair …
• Beef
• Eggs or Egg Whites
• Brown Short-Grain Rice
• Cottage Cheese
• Bacon
• Salmon
– “Ladies’ Home Journal”, AUGUST edition.

ANOTHER PHONY PROBLEM:
Forget brain damage … that’s so 2004. If you’re looking for the latest risk you may be incurring when using your cellphone, just open your eyes. Israeli researchers have found that microwave radiation could lead to permanent eye damage after they exposed calves’ eyes to microwave radiation and found that microscopic bubbles formed on the lenses. The scientists now theorize that long-term exposure to microwave radiation from cellphones could lead to damage to the lenses, and that at least part of this damage that accumulates over time does not seem to heal. (Who cares, you don’t need your eyes to use your cellphone, right?)
– RPTT

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
• 45% of women would gladly forgo a raise or promotion in favor of a ‘great bikini body’.
• 40% of us say we can never seem to finish reading a book.
• 33% of guys say they are ‘way better’ at barbecuing than their female counterpart.
• 17% of men admit to Googling an old girlfriend.
• 7.3% of Canadian adults have tried nude sunbathing.
• 2% of people who pick their noses say they find it a ‘sexual experience’.
• 1% of male TV viewers admit to watching the tube in the nude.

PLANET MIKEY:
The upcoming book, “Alien Rock: The Rock & Roll Extraterrestrial Connection”, chronicles the weird beliefs of rock stars such as Elvis Presley, John Lennon, Mick Jagger & Jimi Hendrix. Of course, none of them compare with the bizarre mind of Michael Jackson, who, according to author Michael Luckman, is planning to build an alien landing pad in the Arizona desert in order to welcome his ‘friends from space’. (No one’s seen him since the trail. Maybe they took him … hopefully.)
– “Philadelphia Inquirer”

WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
• The odds are more likely that you will spot a UFO than win a lottery jackpot.
• The odds are 9 in 10 that you will gain back all the weight you lost after a diet.
• The odds are 3 in 4 that you will be mentioned in the media at least once in your life.
• The odds are 1 in 117 that the pilot of the plane you are flying in is drunk.
• The odds are 1 in 4 that your spouse will be unfaithful to you.
– “What Are The Chances?”

THE NAKED TRUTH:
An Austrian museum is offering free entrance to anyone who shows up naked. A spokeswoman for the Leopold Museum’s ‘Naked Truth’ exhibition says shy people will be allowed in if they’re wearing bathing suits but it’s hoped that, once inside, they’ll realize how liberating it is to look at art in the nude. (And also the nudes in art.)
– Ananova

BS AMAZING FACT:
A statistical study shows we’re most likely to die in March, and least likely in AUGUST. Hooray!

THE BULL SHEET 08.01.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1936 [69] Yves Saint-Laurent (Henri Mathieu), Oran, Algeria, fashion designer (Obsession)

1964 [41] Adam Duritz, Baltimore MD, pop singer (Counting Crows-“Big Yellow Taxi”, “Mr Jones”)

1965 [40] Sam Mendes, Reading UK, movie director (“Road to Perdition”, Oscar-“American Beauty”)/wed actress Kate Winslet in 2003

1966 [39] George Ducas, Texas City TX, country singer (“Kisses Don’t Lie”, “Lipstick Promises”)

1968 [37] Charlie Kelley, country singer (Buffalo Club-“Heart Hold On”, “Nothin’ Less Than Love”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
Happy [your holiday here] day! TODAY, the 1st Monday in August, is “Civic Holiday” in MB, SK, NS, ON, and the NT (could it possibly have a duller name?). It’s “British Columbia Day” in BC, “New Brunswick Day” in NB, and “Heritage Day” in Alberta. In Toronto, it’s “Simcoe Day”. For everyone else it’s just … Monday. Sigh.

TODAY is “Rounds Resounding Day”, a day to sing rounds. Altogether now, “Row, row, row …”

TODAY is “Sisters’ Day”, a day to show appreciation to female siblings and a good day to ask listeners for the worst dirty tricks pulled on them by sisters.

TODAY is “Girlfriends Day”, either some girl’s greedy grab at gifts from her guy, or perhaps a day for ‘the girls’ to hang out and share woman-to-woman time.

TODAY, the 1st Monday in August, is “Picnic Day” in Australia. A day off to go have a picnic … how civilized!

THIS WEEK is “World Breastfeeding Week”, when La Leche League International sponsors the annual ‘World Walk For Breastfeeding’.
NET: http://www.waba.org.my/wbw/wbw05/wbw2005.html

AUGUST was the 6th month of the Roman year and was called Sextilis. In the year 8 BC, Emperor Augustus Caesar persuaded the Senate to change the month’s name to ‘Augustus’ in
his honor. If it weren’t for him, TODAY would be the 1st of Sextilis!

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1981 [24] MTV debuts at 12:01 am (1st video – The Buggles’ “Video Killed The Radio Star”)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1877 [128] Piano favorite “Chopsticks” is composed (unfortunately, the composer isn’t still around to punish)

1995 [10] “Gangsta’s Paradise” is released by one-hit-wonder Coolio (he’s turning 42 today)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1933 [72] ‘Skippy Peanut Butter’ is 1st marketed

1960 [45] 1st ‘Felt-Tip Pen’ (Tokyo Stationery Co)

1964 [41] 1st ‘GI Joe’ action figure marketed for $4 (name inspired by 1945 Robert Mitchum movie “The Story of GI Joe”)  FACTOID: Hasbro invented the term ‘action figure’ because it thought boys wouldn’t play with a ‘doll’.

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1957 [48] Canadian Glen Gorbous throws a baseball a record 136 m (445 ft, 10 ins)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Ice Cream Sandwich Day
[Tues] Coldplay kicks off North American tour [Toronto]
[Tues] 22nd National Night Out
[Wed] National Park Day
[Wed] Watermelon Day
[Thurs] US Coast Guard Day
[Fri] 6th Billboard R&B/Hip-Hop Awards [Atlanta]
[Fri] “The Dukes of Hazzard” & “Underclassman” open in movie theaters
[Sat-Aug 20] 2005 Canada Games [Regina]

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Simplify Your Life Week
Exhibitor Appreciation Week
World Breastfeeding Week
Psychic Week
Fraud Awareness Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS FUNERAL ETIQUETTE:

• Do NOT ask for ‘just a little peek-a-doodle’ if it is a closed casket.
• Do NOT race the hearse to the cemetery.
• Do NOT approach the widow/widower and ask for the 50 bucks the deceased owes you.
• Do NOT make an offer to the widow/widower on the deceased’s clothes.
• Do NOT climb on headstones to get a better view.
• Do NOT use the occasion to ‘schmooze’.
• Do NOT ask if there’s any booze.
• Do NOT ask the widow/widower on a date at the funeral home.
• Do NOT tell the relatives that this is the smallest funeral you’ve ever seen.
• Do NOT offer to make a beer-run.

BS BRAIN STRAIN:
Q: What language contains the most words – Mandarin Chinese, English, or Pig Latin?
A: English is the wordiest with approximately 455,000 active words and 700,000 ‘dead words’.

Q: What does the word ‘Viking’ mean – ‘piracy’, ‘wanderer’, or ‘well-endowed’?
A: ‘Viking’ is Norse for ‘piracy’.

Q: What do you make when you manufacture ‘cerumen’ – plastic, steel, or earwax?
A: Earwax, the substance secreted by glands in the outer ear.  

BS BLATANT JOKE:
A man goes into a sex shop to buy an inflatable doll.
“Would you like male or female?” asks the assistant.
“Female, please.”
“Would you like black or white?”
“Black, please”
“Would you like Christian or Muslim?”
This question confuses the man. “What has religion got to do with it?” he asks.
“Well,” explained the assistant, “The Muslim one blows itself up …”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The average woman takes 75 seconds to do THIS, while the average man can pull it off in just 41 seconds.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Use the washroom at a movie cinema.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
No matter how hard you shop for an item, after you buy you will find it on sale.

WELCOME SHEETERS:
BS welcomes samplers this week that include Jon Johnson @ Radio Bronco [KBKO] Santa Barbara CA; David Popp @ KDWD 100.1 FM Emmetsburg IA; Steve Fixx @ The Arrow 93.7 [KKRW] Houston TX; and Barb Campbell @ 1050 CJNB North Battleford SK. We bonus you ONE FREE MONTH for each & every new BS subscriber you refer! You can instantly order or renew your subscription using VISA or MasterCard at http://thebullsheet.com/location.html


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