Monday, August 24, 2004        Edition: #2851
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

Word is “Star Wars” creator George Lucas may return to his original plan to make 3 MORE sequels, episodes 7, 8 and 9, which would pick up where “Return of the Jedi” left off (“Star Wars Episode 9: Flogging a Dead Sith”) . . . In the OCTOBER issue of “Genre” magazine, Janet Jackson claims her “Super Bowl” flashing incident was used by the Bush administration to distract people from the war in Iraq (honey, it wasn’t that big – literally) . . . Yoko Ono has given Nike permission to make ‘John Lennon Trainers’, similar to the ones he wore on the “Abbey Road” album cover but featuring John’s signature on the heel and the lyrics from “Imagine” printed around the toe (Ono Yoko, tacky tacky tacky!) . . . Kevin Spacey plans to promote his biopic of ’50s crooner Bobby Darin, “Beyond the Sea” (opening NOVEMBER 24th), by performing Darin’s music during a 12-city tour THIS FALL (dates & venues to be announced) . . . Alan Alda is joining the cast of NBC-TV’s “The West Wing” as a California Republican with presidential aspirations (if he ran for real, he might win!) . . . Actor Ashton Kutcher threw a ‘sweet 16 party’ for girlfriend Demi Moore’s daughter Rumer Willis at his LA mansion and gifted her with a pair of diamond stud earrings (is Ashton trying for someone his own age now?)  . . . For the 3rd time, 45-year-old Scottish pop singer Sheena Easton has turned down an offer to pose naked for “Playboy” magazine – at the height of her fame in the ‘80s, she was offered $1 million; then $750,000 in the ‘90s; and the latest offer is down to a half-million (what’s she waiting for – the ‘Girls of Sunset Manor’ edition?).

• Sara Evans – She’s almost 8 months pregnant, has gained only 18 lbs, and has no plans to wear maternity clothes. She’s planning to perform at the Republican National Convention AUGUST 31st, just 5 weeks before her due date.
• Britney Spears – TODAY she’s on ABC-TV’s daytime talker “The View”.
• R Kelly & Jay-Z – They’ll finally kick off their “Best of Both Worlds Tour” SEPTEMBER 30th in Chicago, originally planned for 2002 but canceled when Kelly was arrested on child-porn charges.
• Christina Milian – TODAY the “Dip It Low” singer does TV’s syndicated “On Air With Ryan Seacrest”.
• Diamond Rio – They’re the only group in country music that plays all the instruments in the recording studio.
• Brandy – She’s close to signing a development deal to star in a half-hour series for FOX-TV. She previously starred in ABC-TV’s “Thea” and UPN’s “Moesha”.

• “Ella Enchanted” (Family – DVD/VHS): A “Cinderella”-inspired tale in which Anne Hathaway (“The Princess Diaries”) is put under a fairy’s spell that requires her to observe perfect obedience. She’s therefore forced to do anything she’s commanded, no matter how silly or dangerous. Narrated by “Monty Python” vet Eric Idle. Vivica A Fox & Minnie Driver have cameos.
• “Laws of Attraction” (Romantic Comedy – DVD/VHS): Pierce Brosnan & Julianne Moore play high-powered NYC divorce attorneys pitted against each other in a nasty case between famous clients. Surprise! After a night of wild partying, they wake up the next morning as man & wife.
• “The Girl Next Door” (Romantic Comedy – DVD): Emile Hirsch plays a straight-arrow, over-achieving 18-year-old who falls for his seemingly innocent new neighbor (Calgary-born Elisha Cuthbert) who turns out to actually be – a one-time porn star.
• “Dogville” (Drama – DVD): Nicole Kidman portrays a woman on the run from the mob who agrees to work for the residents of a small Colorado town in return for sanctuary. Director Lars von Trier shot the film on a bare-bones theatrical set, making for a strange, avant-garde production. Co-stars Paul Bettany, Lauren Bacall, Blair Brown & James Caan.
• “Clifford’s Really Big Movie” (Animated Family – DVD/VHS): Kids’ book hero ‘Clifford the Big Red Dog’ and pals ‘Cleo’and ‘T-Bone’ set off on a cross-country road trip when they enter a talent contest to win a lifetime supply of ‘Tummy Yummies’. Voiced by the late John Ritter (his final movie role), Wayne Brady, Jenna Elfman & John Goodman.
• Also out on DVD – TV’s “The Apprentice: The Complete First Season”, and a ‘20th Anniversary Special Edition’ of Prince’s “Purple Rain”.

1. “13 Going On 30″
2. “Hellboy”
3. “The Whole Ten Yards”
4. “Hidalgo”
5. “Starsky & Hutch”
– “Billboard”

Remember the electronic pet ‘Tamagotchi’, the hot ‘90s kids’ toy that needed to be virtually fed and played with or it died? Well, here comes the adult version – Hong Kong company Artificial Life has developed the ‘Virtual Girlfriend’, an electronic love interest that appears as an animated figure on cell phone screens. Subscribers can send text messages to the virtual woman, who’ll respond by text, voice, and even video. However, she must be sweet talked and pampered with virtual flowers and diamonds to keep her interested. If she’s neglected, she’ll become unhappy and won’t respond. And no, the game will NOT allow interactions of a sexual nature. The company hopes to develop a ‘Virtual Boyfriend’ for women by early NEXT YEAR. (Wow, how demoralizing is that going to be: getting dumped via cell phone … by a cartoon?)

New research shows that people who are overly suspicious and cynical are more likely to die within a 15-year period than those with more trusting dispositions. Seems chronic suspicion may produce stress that impairs the body’s ability to fight disease. (Geez, I find this cheesy study a little hard to believe … aggghhh!)

 A new study by University of Arizona sociologists finds that, even though many women do NOT subscribe to the media’s beauty ideals about female appearance, most DO believe they need to strive to be thin. Almost all the 22 to 35-year-old women interviewed agreed that a thin model-like body is a positive resource when competing in the workplace and for life partners.

The Supreme Court of Brazil has dismissed obscenity charges against avant-garde theater director Gerald Thomas who – after an opera performance LAST YEAR in Rio de Janeiro – mooned the audience! The court decided that although the gesture may have been rude and in bad taste, it was not obscene but ‘an exercise in freedom of expression’. Thomas was apparently responding to jeers from the audience during the curtain call. (And for those of you bad mouthing this show this morning, we’d like to say this [SFX: ZIP! Microphone fumbling].)
– “Daily News”

Computer scientists in Washington state have developed new software that can turn digital videos into – cartoon films. The software, which was presented at the SIGGRAPH computer graphics meeting in Los Angeles LAST WEEK, scans the user’s video for prominent objects and then turns their movement into a cartoon. (And the practical uses for this would be … um … well …)
– “Nature”

• The average person now does the equivalent of a month more work in a year than in the 1970s.
– “Christian Science Monitor”
• In deciding which move to make, chess players often look about 8 moves ahead.
– “Nature”

“Orlando Bloom’s a hermaphrodite. I don’t want to be prettier than the woman I’m walking with. Right now, what I feel in Hollywood is that they’re so pretty and dainty and so metro that it’s repulsive to me!”
– Actor Johnny Messner, star of “Anacondas: The Hunt For the Blood Orchid” (opening FRIDAY), telling the “Ottawa Citizen” what a ‘real man’ he is.


1934 [70] Kenny Baker, Birmingham UK, movie actor (‘R2 D2′ in the “Star Wars” series)

1962 [42] Craig Kilborn, Hastings MN, TV host (“The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn”) who just quit after 5 seasons to pursue other projects

1970 [34] Kristyn Osborn, Magna UT, country singer (SHeDaisy-“Come Home Soon”)

1973 [31] Dave Chappelle, Washington DC, TV comedian (just signed for 2 more years of “Chappelle’s Show” on Comedy Central plus a stake in DVD sales in a deal that could be worth as much as $50 million)/movie actor (“Blue Streak”)

1981 [23] Chad Michael Murray, Buffalo NY, TV actor (‘Lucas Scott’ on “One Tree Hill”)/movie actor (“Freaky Friday”)/2004 Teen Choice Award for both movie & TV ‘Breakthrough Male’

1988 [16] Rupert Grint, Watton-at-Stone UK, movie actor (‘Ron Weasley’ in the “Harry Potter” films)

WEDNESDAY is the annual celebration “La Tomatina” in Bunol, Spain, when upwards of 30,000 locals and tourists will hurl 125,000 kilos of overripe tomatoes at anything that moves and many things that don’t. The frenzy lasts for about an hour, after which a loud firecracker signals the end of the fight and everyone pitches in to clean up the mess. What began in 1944 as a simple tomato fight between a group of friends in the town’s main square has turned into the world’s largest food fight.

WEDNESDAY through Friday is the 9th “World Air Guitar Championship” in Oulu, Finland, the ‘Mecca of airheads’. Contestants are judged on stage charisma, originality, artistry and ‘airiness’. Competitors ‘play’ a song of their own choice and then a compulsory song selected by organizers. The winner gets a genuine handmade Flying Finn guitar worth 2,500 euros.
PHONER: 011.358.8.5700.500 (Oulu Music Video Festival Office)/011.358.400.492649 (Katri Dahlstrom, Air Guitar Championship Communications Coordinator)

THIS MONTH is “National Inventors’ Month”. Inventions attributed to TODAY’s date include ‘potato chips’ (Chef George Crum-Saratoga Springs NY in 1853), the ‘waffle iron’ (Cornelius Swartwout of Troy NY in 1869), and the ‘motion picture camera’ (Thomas Edison in Menlo Park NJ, 1891)

1996 [08] Longest-lasting song in “Billboard Hot 100″ chart history (“Missing” by Everything But The Girl logs in week #55)

1995 [09] Simultaneous release of Microsoft’s ‘Windows 95’ around-the-world is a major news event, with special promotions in most large cities and consumers lining up for hours to buy a copy (Rolling Stones get $12 million for rights to use “Start Me Up” in Windows ‘95 TV ads)

1994 [10] 1st ‘Internet pizza order service’ (Pizza Hut in California’s Silicon Valley)

[Wed] Kiss & Make Up Day
[Thurs] Women’s Equality Day
[Thurs-Sept 6] Montréal World Film Festival
[Sun] More Herbs, Less Salt Day
[Sun] Athens Summer Olympic Games closing ceremony
This Week Is . . . Be Kind To Humankind Week
This Month Is . . . Catfish Month


• Whyzit we number the Greek Olympics with Roman numerals? Huh?
• Whyzit anything requiring service or adjustment is always in the least accessible place?
• Whyzit insurance for a car sometimes costs more than the car? How come?
• Whyzit they call a sculpture a ‘bust’ when it stops just before the part it’s named after?
• Whyzit people look up when they think? What’s that all about?
• Whyzit people seem to like me better when I’m asleep? Huh, why’s that?

GAME #1 –
• Fat Luv [Real]
• In Your Eyes, Officer [BS]
• Exploding Tits [Real]
• A Perplexing Directive [BS]
• Killradio [Real]
• Haircuts That Kill [Real]
• Flaccid Training [BS]

GAME #2 –
• MC F Murray Abraham [BS]
• Mozart Air Raid [Real]
• Inspired Hooker & the Aqueous Cantaloupe [BS]
• Saliva [Real]
• Rocket Fool [BS]
• Monster Magnet [Real]
• Bull Nightmare [BS]

What are the best and worst summer movies so far? (As far as box office is concerned, the greatest hits have been “Shrek 2″, “Spider-Man 2″, “Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban”, “The Day After Tomorrow”. The biggest bombs – “Catwoman”, “The Chronicles of Riddick”, “Raising Helen”, “New York Minute”.)

1. Britney Spears (um, have you seen recent pics?)
2. Jennifer Aniston
3. Carmen Electra
– Poll of 80,000 online voters reported in “Daily Star”.

Today’s Question: 1 in 9 men have been dumped because of THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Their obsession with sports.

The human is the only animal that blushes … or needs to.

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