Wednesday, August 18, 2004        Edition: #2847
We’re Bullish on Radio!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Steven Spielberg’s upcoming remake of “The War of the Worlds” is set to become the all-time most expensive movie with a budget expected to exceed the $200 million it took to make “Titanic”, but if it flops it’ll cost both he and star Tom Cruise – they’ve both chosen to skip any up-front money in favor of a 20% share of the box office . . . Buzz has it Justin Timberlake & Cameron Diaz are planning an all-white Christmas wedding at a ‘secret location’ . . . Paris Hilton and Nick Carter are both denying reports that they made a se*x tape, supposedly part of the booty stolen in the recent break-in at her house (Carter’s rep snips, “He’s not that type of guy,  SHE’S the one with the history!”) . . . Jennifer Lopez, who guest-starred in the season finalé of “Will & Grace”, will make a return appearance on the show to coincide with the release of her next film, “Shall We Dance?”, on OCTOBER 15th . . . Actor Denzel Washington is marking his 50th birthday THIS YEAR by buying himself a Rolls Royce Phantom – worth $315,000 . . . “That ‘70s Show” co-stars Ashton Kutcher & Wilmer Valderrama have invested in the West Hollywood dining spot ‘Geisha House’ and plan to renovate, then reopen the place in NOVEMBER . . . And Tatiana Thumbtzen, a former dancer in Michael Jackson tour troupe, is releasing the tell-all tome “The Way He Made Me Feel” in which she’ll dish up dirt such as Michael always talking about how he couldn’t wait to see Macaulay Culkin and ‘his bee-stung lips’.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Destiny’s Child – Their new album, due NOVEMBER 16th, will be a CD on one side and a DVD on the other. They’re planning a world tour in support of the album in 2005.
• Beyoncé – Her 328-lb bodyguard has broken her toe after standing on it while trying to protect her from a crowd of fans in NYC.
• Five For Fighting – TODAY they do daytime TV talk show “On Air With Ryan Seacrest”.
• Celine Dion – The proposed contract extension from Caesars Palace would reportedly net her $40 million for an extra year (2006), then $45 million for an option year (2007).
• Christina Aguilera – She had to ask boyfriend Jordan Bratman to pull over on their way to dinner in Brentwood CA so she could throw up outside the car. Her people insist she is NOT pregnant but has been suffering from stomach flu.

BS BUZZWORDS:
New terms leaking into the lingo –
• ‘Irritainment’ – Entertainment or media spectacles that are simultaneously annoying and compulsively watchable. (The Olympics perhaps?)
• ‘Erogance’ – Short for ‘erotic elegance’, it’s the latest female fashion in Tokyo. (Basically bikini  tops and wrap skirts.)
• ‘Cash ‘n Kerry’ – New nickname for Teresa Heinz Kerry & Democratic candidate John Kerry.
• ‘Munge’ – Disguising your e-mail address to make it more difficult for spammers to use. For example, using zeros instead of ‘o’s (s0me0ne@thebullsheet.com). A person can still interpret your address, but the automated programs that spammers use can’t.

A TISKET, A CASKET:
Costco Wholesale has begun test-marketing – coffins. Six different models from the Universal Casket Co are now on display in the mattress section of two Costco outlets in the Chicago area.
They’re priced at $799.99 and come in a variety of colors including lilac and Neapolitan blue. There’s no lugging required, you can order delivery within 48 hours. (This is Costco, do you have buy 24 of them in bulk?)

KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE JEEP:
An Alaska man is slated to become the first anywhere to go on trial for – watching a movie while driving. Prosecutors claim he was watching a DVD when his pickup crossed the road and ran head-on into a Jeep, killing 2 people. The movie? “Road Trip”. (Well, at least he wasn’t yackin’ on the phone!)

BETTING ON BUGS:
More than 100 gamblers have been busted in Hong Kong for betting on – cricket fights. Cops seized about 300 crickets and $1,000 in cash, and participants now face up to 3 months in the slammer. (Where they’ll stage cell-rat races.)

THE MORNING AFTER:
A 22-year-old Brisbane, Australia man has pleaded guilty to cruelty to animals after winning a pub contest during which he drunkenly set off a mouse trap with his tongue, ate a cup of maggots, sucked 3 chewed chilies through a straw, drank a pint of anchovies and – the stunt he was charged for – bit the tail off a live mouse. He admits he doesn’t remember much of the competition but WILL likely remember the $500 fine. (This sounds like [co-host’s] party Saturday night!)

THE NEW SADAAM?
Saparmurat Niyazov, the authoritarian president of Turkmenistan, has forced some rather bizarre rules on citizens – he’s banned all gold teeth, ordered TV hosts not to wear make-up (so one can better distinguish men from women) and made his book on morality part of the country’s – driving test. (This guy graduate from the Idi Amin School of Dictatorship or what?)

SAVE TIME, TAKE THE BURRO:
You think you have gridlock in your town? Officials in Viana do Castelo, Portugal wanted to show how congested local traffic was so they ran a mile-plus race between a Porsche and a donkey. You guessed it – the 7-year-old donkey named ‘Tironi’ won! (This could work as a morning show stunt using a tricycle, a turtle … maybe a slug?)

BS AMAZING FACT:
Uruguay’s national anthem is the world’s longest at over 5 minutes (although Greece’s would be longer if all the verses were sung – it has 158 of them!). Qatar’s anthem is the shortest, at just 32 seconds. (More medals for Qatar, we say!)

THE BULL SHEET 08.18.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1937 [67] Robert Redford, Santa Monica CA, movie director (“A River Runs Through It”)/movie actor (“The Horse Whisperer”)/Sundance Film Festival founder

1952 [52] Patrick Swayze, Houston TX, movie actor (“Dirty Dancing”)/vapid pop singer (“She’s Like the Wind”)

1955 [49] Steve Wilkinson, Belleville ON, country singer (The Wilkinsons-“Jimmy’s Got a Girlfriend”)/father of Tyler & Amanda

1957 [47] Denis Leary, Worcester MA, TV actor (the new fX Network firefighting series “Rescue Me”)/movie actor (“The Thomas Crown Affair”)

1969 [35] Christian Slater (Hawkins), NYC, stage actor (currently starring in London production of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”)/movie actor (“Broken Arrow”)/ex-con/lapdance fan

1969 [35] Edward Norton, Columbia MD, movie actor (“The Italian Job”) who has dated actress Salma Hayek & rocker Courtney Love

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Bad Poetry Day”, a day to compose some really rotten rhyme as revenge against all that ‘good poetry’ you were forced to study in school.

IT’S EXHIBITION TIME, KIDS!
• THURSDAY Ottawa’s “Central Canada Exhibition” opens, continuing till August 29th.
PHONER: 613.237.7222            NET: http://www.the-ex.com/
• FRIDAY the 18-day “Canadian National Exhibition” opens in Toronto.
PHONER: 416.393.6000            NET: http://www.theex.com
• SATURDAY Vancouver’s “Pacific National Exhibition” opens, through September 6th.
PHONER: 604.253.2311            NET: http://www.pne.bc.ca/fair

What do you think is the oldest, continuously-held sporting event in the USA? Bet you didn’t guess the “Natural Chimneys Jousting Tournament”, charging into Mt Solon VA SATURDAY, replete with horses, lances, swords and body armor – just like in medieval England!
PHONER: 888.430.2267/540.350.2510

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1999 [05] Planet Hollywood restaurant chain, famous for celebrity investors Demi Moore, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger & Sylvester Stallone, files for bankruptcy protection (the chain’s still operating but Schwarzenegger has since bailed out)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1859 [145] 1st to cross Niagara Falls on a tightrope (40,000 watch Charles ‘The Great’ Blondin carry his manager on his back and hoist a stove on which he then cooks an omelet – 160 feet in the air!)

1900 [104] 1st use of the word ‘television’ (some guy named Perskyi in France)

1922 [82] 1st ‘Caesar Salad’ is concocted in Tijuana, Mexico (named for ‘Caesar’s Restaurant’)

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] Potato Day
[Fri] National Radio Day
[Fri] “Exorcist: The Beginning” & “Without a Paddle” open in movie theaters
[Sat] National Spumoni Day
[Sat] Homeless Animals Day
[Sun] Tooth Fairy Day
[Sun] Single Parent Family Day
This Week Is . . . Reduce the Clutter Week
This Month Is . . . Immunization Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
LEAST POPULAR BS OLYMPIC EVENTS:

• The In-Law Javelin Throw
• The Snotput
• Topless Bungee Jumping
• Fingerpulling
• Pantsless Pole Vault
• Nostril Cheerio Shoot
• Synchronized Massage
• Dwarf Tossing
• Intergender Water Polo in the Dark
• Flaming Dodgeball
• 100-Meter Dash With a Fat Guy on Your Back
• Brian Williams Bob Costas Impersonations
(Ask listeners to make up more!)

MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• How important must one be to get assassinated?
• Is a thespian an actress who likes other women?
• Does an angel get its wings at the end of every round of boxing?
• Do elevators smell different to midgets?
• What the hell is ‘heck’?

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• What stalling tactics do your kids use when they don’t want to go to bed? (“Parenting” magazine says the top excuses are: asking for a glass of water, asking for another story, complaining the room is too dark or too light, and begging for another bathroom trip.)
• How can you tell when someone is lying? (“Science News” reports the top answer in a poll of people in close to 60 countries is – liars avert their gaze.)
• What’s your absolute favorite Olympic event? (Tabulate answers on your recording line over a 24-hour period.)

BS WEB GOODIE:
At ‘DialABC’ you can play around with phone numbers to make them into words (that’s called ‘phone spelling’) or translate annoying word phone numbers back into numerals. If you hate trying to punch words onto your phone keypad, this site’s worth bookmarking!
Search a phone number for words …
NET: http://www.dialabc.com/words/search
Change a word number back to numerals …
NET: http://www.dialabc.com/words/translate

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Every man has Achilles’ testicles.
• Everybody says, ‘This tastes like crap’ but only a select few really know what they’re talking about.
• How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? Who knows, did it ever happen?
• 40% of morons struggle with math; the other 70% of us don’t have a problem with it.

BS INTERVIEW:
The things a writer has to do to sell words these days! Port Moody BC author Shane Kennedy is holding a raffle for people who buy his new book “Highbinders” at Amazon.com AUGUST 28th, the official launch date. Some lucky bookworm will win $500. He’s also awarding $25 to the reader who gives his book the best review at the Website. Is direct bribery more effective than cozying up to literary critics?
PHONER: 330.832.0717 (Wordshack Publishing)
E-MAIL: info@highbinders.com

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Slightly more men than women actually enjoy THIS household activity.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Grocery shopping.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Life is only as long as you live it.


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