Thursday, August 12, 2004        Edition: #2843

TODAY actress Angelina Jolie is scheduled to run one of the final legs of the Olympic torch relay as it enters Athens a day before the Summer Olympics grand opening ceremony . . . Meantime, Jolie says “Tomb Raider 2″ failed to do well at the box office because – the movie’s advertising posters were ‘unsexy’ (not to mention the script was uninteresting) . . . Word is 23-year-old Justin Timberlake has proposed to 31-year-old girlfriend Cameron Diaz, offering up a Tiffany’s engagement ring then asking formal permission from both her parents and his own mommy to have a ‘very quiet’ wedding (fat chance) . . . German supermodel Heidi Klum apparently can’t marry her singer boyfriend Seal because her $2.5 million modeling contract with Victoria’s Secret bans her from ‘altering her image’ . . . Toronto-born NBA star Rick Fox has filed for divorce from singer-actress Vanessa Williams after 5 years of wedded hell, just a week after being traded from the LA Lakers to the Boston Celtics(now he’s lookin’ to dunk an Irish lass) . . . “Bourne Supremacy” star Matt Damon rescued a dehydrated woman he came across while jogging who had fainted in the LA heat (he sprinkled water from his sports bottle on her face – complete with backwash) . . . “Simple Life” star Nicole Richie is nursing her $8,000 Toy Pomeranian puppy named ‘Foxxy Cleopatra’ back to health after it took ill and was hospitalized just days after she bought it (no word if she performed mouth-to-snout) . . . Dan Castellaneta has won the 2004 “Emmy Award” for ‘Voiceover Performance’ for his work providing the ever-distinguishable voice of ‘Homer Simpson’ (play around with a ‘Homer’ soundboard here – . . . Are you ready for some football? The NFL opens its 2004 season THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 9th with a glitzy 1-hour pre-game special featuring Destiny’s Child, Toby Keith, Elton John, Lenny Kravitz, Jessica Simpson & Mary J Blige (oh yeah, there’ll also be a game between the NE Patriots & the Indy Colts).

• Modest Mouse – TONIGHT they do “Late Show With David Letterman” on CBS-TV.
• Christina Aguilera – She’s being sued by a photographer who claims her bodyguard roughed him up outside a Hollywood nightclub … LAST YEAR. (Seems he just remembered.)
• Black Eyed Peas – A fire in the Burbank CA recording studio where they’re working on their next album has destroyed musical equipment and furniture. (Hopefully not the master tracks!)
• Alan Jackson – TODAY his new video for “Too Much of a Good Thing” debuts on CMT. Shot onstage at the Grand Ole Opry, it features cameos from Porter Wagoner, Josh Turner, Connie Smith, Jeannie Seely, Steve Wariner, Little Jimmy Dickens & others.
• OutKast – “Esquire” magazine has just named Andre 3000 the ‘Best-Dressed Man in the World’. (Thanks to all the green plaid outfits in the “Hey Ya” video?)
• Five For Fighting – TODAY they’re on ABC-TV’s daytime talk show “The View”.
• Nelly – He’s started the ‘PIMP Scholars Program’ to aid eligible college students. The $5,000 ‘PIMP (Positive Intellectual Motivated Person) Scholarships’ will be awarded annually to one male and one female.

THIS WEEK filming began on Disney’s “Herbie: Fully Loaded”, an update of the old “Herbie the Love Bug” movie about a VW with a mind of its own, starring Lindsay Lohan & Matt Dillon as the bad guy . . . The latest to be considered for the title role in the long-on-hold new “Superman” movie is said to be Tom Welling, who already plays the ‘Man of Steel’ on TV’s “Smallville” . . . Horrormeister Wes Craven (Scream”, “Nightmare On Elm Street”) will next direct “Red Eye”, a scary thriller set on an airliner . . . “Star Wars” actor and more recently round-the-world motorcyclist Ewan McGregor is in negotiations to star in the sci-fi movie “The Island”, about a ‘harvested being’ attempting to escape from the hi-tech facility where he was created . . . In the upcoming flick “Southern Comfort”, Oscar-winning actress Sissy Spacek plays ‘Robert Eads’, a female-to-male transsexual who falls for ‘Lola Cola’, a male-to-female transsexual played by openly gay “X-Men” actor Alan Cumming (wow, the bedroom scene is going to be mucho complicated!) . . . The sequel to cult horror film “The Ring” starring Naomi Watts has been pushed back due to production delays and is now set for release NEXT SPRING . . . And word has it a 4th installment of “American Pie” is being fast-tracked for a SEPTEMBER shoot, this one telling the story of ‘Stifler’s’ little brother and his horny adventures at band camp (because the stars from the first 3 movies have priced themselves right out of a piece of this Pie).

Think you’ve got an ant problem in your kitchen? Check this out – a Monash University researcher in Australia has discovered a giant super-colony of Argentine ants that stretches from Taylors Lakes, north-west of metropolitan Melbourne, to Sorrento, a suburb south of the city – a distance that spans some 100 km or 60 miles! (We’re guessing one of those 99-cent ant hotels isn’t gonna work on this.)

UK rock band The Darkness encountered a strange request from a male fan – to autograph his grandma’s dead dog. The wack fan apparently believed he could obtain peace of mind with his late estranged grandmother if the group signed her stuffed canine. Always trying to be helpful, drummer Ed Graham claims he had the balls to sign ‘E’ and ‘D’ – one letter on each testicle.
– “Irish Examiner”

In her new book “100 Most Dangerous Things in Everyday Life & What You Can Do About Them”, Detroit author Laura Lee says she wanted to poke fun at our current culture of perpetual fear. She spent months combing through medical journals & studies to find out that …
• Your office desktop is 400 times dirtier than your toilet seat, with 21,000 bacteria per square inch compared to 50. That’s because we don’t often clean our desks but we sure scrub our toilet seats.
• Each year thousands of us receive injuries from dishwashers. Among them – burns from steam when opening the door while the machine’s running, or falling in to be impaled on knives in the silverware rack.
• 40% of all hospital admissions due to falls are caused by footwear, and of those about half are attributed to high heels. Not just from wearing them … also from being stepped on by them.
• An estimated 15,000 people are injured each year by knickknacks, odds & ends, bric-a-brac, vases & urns. How so? You reach up to dust one and everything comes crashing down on you!
• If you live in a city, you’re more at risk of being killed by an SUV than being mugged in an alley.
• Stuffed bears are far more dangerous than grizzly bears. More than 20 deaths a year are caused by plush bears, less than one per year by the real deal.
• Even weekends aren’t good for you. A Dutch study says many suffer ‘leisure sickness’ on weekends – because that’s when we finally have time to be sick. And if you’re hospitalized, your odds of survival are worse – hospital deaths are 9% higher for weekend admissions.
– Excerpted and condensed from “The Tennessean”.

A 33-year-old man from Rovinari, Romania says has decided to sell his pen*is because he needs money to take care of his younger brothers more than anything else. After seeing a TV report about a doctor lopping off a patient’s manhood by mistake, the wannabe donor figures the unfortunate patient might be interested in buying a replacement part. The hard-up guy says he was about to sell one of his kidneys and also an eye a few years back but the prospective recipient changed his mind. (Obviously this guy has no brains for sale.)
– “Daily Times”

What do women notice first when they look at a guy? According to a survey …
• His face (56%)
• His chest (21%)
• His eyes (12%)
• His tush (8%)
• His legs (3%)
(What about the size of his feet?)


1949 [55] Mark Knopfler, Glasgow, Scotland, classic rock guitarist/singer (Dire Straits-“Money For Nothing”, “Sultans of Swing”)

1965 [39] Peter Krause, Alexandria MN, TV actor (‘Nate Fisher’ on “Six Feet Under” since 2001)

1975 [29] Casey Affleck, Falmouth MA, movie actor (“Oceans 11 & 12″, “American Pie 1 & 2″) who often collaborates with brother Ben Affleck & pal Matt Damon on projects

2001 [03] Eja [pronounced ‘Asia’] Lange, Switzerland, celebrity son of singer Shania Twain & producer-husband Mutt Lange

THIS MORNING at about 7 am EST, the month-long “Perseid Meteor Shower” is expected to peak. The annual Perseid display of shooting stars is caused by meteoroids burning up in Earth’s atmosphere as it passes through debris left by the Swift-Tuttle Comet. As many as 100 meteors an hour can be visible.

TODAY is “Middle Children’s Day”, to salute middle-born children whose childhood activities were limited by always being ‘too young’ or ‘too old’. (Ah, ya whiners!)

TODAY is “Truck Driver Day”. This might cause you to consider the career – in one poll, 43% of women admit they have ‘flashed’ a truck driver at least once while traveling on vacation. Ever notice truckers always say that they ‘drive truck’, not ‘drive trucks’?

THIS WEEKEND Hastings NE celebrates “Kool-Aid Days”, celebrating Edwin Perkins who invented the drink mix there back in 1927. The ‘Official Birthplace of Kool-Aid’ will feature a 75-foot Kool-Aid stand offering 14 flavors in commemorative cups. ‘Kool-Aid Man’, the animated advertising huckster, debuted in 1975 under the name of ‘Pitcher Man’.
PHONER: 402.461.4629 (Hastings Museum)

10 YEARS AGO . . .
1994 Major League Baseball players’ strike begins that lasts 232 days and results in cancellation of the World Series (some say the sport has never recovered)

1994 “Woodstock ’94” opens in Saugerties NY (25 years after the original “Woodstock”)

1954 [50] 1st issue of “Sports Illustrated” (the ‘Wool Swimsuit-To-Your-Ankles Edition’)

1978 [26] Arron Marshall completes record ‘longest shower’ – 336 hours!

[Fri] International Left-Handers Day
[Fri]  “Alien vs Predator” and “Yu-Gi-Oh!” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Garage Sale Day
[Sat] International Nagging Day
[Sat-Sun] Phish’s Farewell Concerts (Coventry VT)
[Sun] National Failures Day
[Mon] Stay Home With Your Kids Day
This Week Is . . . Thanks For All The Gifts Week
This Month Is . . . Harvest Month


Have a listener or studio guest rate the following rapid-fire as simply ‘good’ or ‘bad’ …
• Citronella candles to scare away mosquitoes.
• Sneaking your own snacks into a movie.
• Family reunions without booze.
• 4-man tents.
• Skater shoes.
• Iced cappuccino.
• Nude beach volleyball.
• Blazin’ Hot Jumbo Cocktail Peanuts.
• ‘Save Mary-Kate’ T-shirts.
• Corn dogs with Dijon mustard.
• Guys with no body hair.
• Caramel Velvet Toffee Crunch ice cream.

Download some interesting sound drops from “Friday the 13th” movies for use TOMORROW whenever you mention it’s the unlucky day. For instance, the famous “Chiss, chiss, chiss, ah, ah, ah” SFX or ‘Jason’ saying “Happy Friday the 13th!”.

The phone number mentioned in the Alicia Keys hit “Diary” is real. Unfortunately for people with the same 7-digit number, she doesn’t mention the area code. We’ve got it – it’s NYC’s 347 – and the line is answered by a recording of Alicia’s sultry voice. You can have some fun pretending to talk to her even though the voice mailbox is perpetually full.
PHONER: 347.489.4608

Today’s Question: We first learn to do THIS in elementary school but about 89% of us say we just can’t do it anymore.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Read Roman numerals, as in the “Games of the XXVIII Olympiad”. (That’s 28th)

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive … try missing a couple of car payments.

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