Wednesday, August 11, 2004        Edition: #2842
Sheet f/Bull

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
LAST NIGHT the lights of NYC’s Empire State building were dimmed in honor of the late Fay Wray, star of the 1933 version of “King Kong” (she died SUNDAY at age 96 as a promotional stunt for the upcoming Peter Jackson remake) . . . TODAY at Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Hollywood Hills a public viewing service is scheduled for late funk singer Rick James, with a memorial service following TOMORROW (both his remaining fans are expected to attend) . . . “Little Black Book” star Brittany Murphy hopes to release her debut album NEXT YEAR, after pitching her first studio recordings to producers anonymously . . . After 3 failed marriages, 46-year-old “Catwoman” actress Sharon Stone has been telling friends she’ll never wed again (like any guy would be dumb enough to ask) . . . Janet Jackson will follow in J-Lo’s footsteps and guest star in an upcoming episode of the sitcom “Will & Grace”, playing – who else? – herself . . . Beyoncé’s 18-year-old sis’, Solange Knowles, who married football player Daniel Smith in FEBRUARY and is expecting a child, is registered for baby gifts with the Target discount store chain (why don’t banks have ‘gift’ registries?) . . . Word is Paris Hilton lost her keys & handbags so often she & sister Nicky began leaving their front door unlocked – making it easy for thieves to burglarize their Beverly Hills home . . . Republican National Convention organizers are looking for some star power and have reportedly offered invitations to Brooks & Dunn, Lee Ann Womack, Kid Rock, Kelsey Grammar, Dennis Miller and – you gotta be kidding – Britney Spears . . . And word has it Lil’ Kim has hired a PR firm to revamp her bad-girl image ahead of her perjury trial coming up in FEBRUARY (you can look forward to her buying a puppy, donating to tag days, and actually tipping in a restaurant).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Madonna – She’s now demanding a special ‘Peace Room’ be built backstage at her concert tour stops. The soundproof area must have soft cushions on the floor and be surrounded with green drapes, apparently the color most conducive to meditation.
• Usher & Alicia Keys – They’re scheduled to film a video in the Dominican Republic NEXT WEEK for their soon-to-be-released duet “My Boo”. Rumor has it their studio sessions spilled over into a relationship outside of work.
• Beyoncé – Word is she’s postponed wedding plans with Jay-Z after signing a $22-million deal to film her life story.
• P Diddy – He & supermodel Naomi Campbell were knocked overboard  while partying in the Mediterranean when another yacht (accidentally?) struck hers.
• Ashlee Simpson – She & singer Ryan Cabrera have split after checking their schedules and discovering the next time they’d be able to get together is a year from now.
• George Strait – He’ll release “50 Number Ones”, his 32nd album and 5th greatest hits compilation on OCTOBER 5th.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENING:
“The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement” (G-rated Romantic Comedy): In this sequel to the 2002 hit, poor ‘Mia Thermopolis’ (Anne Hathaway) finds her complicated life turned upside-down again when she learns that she’s to be crowned Queen earlier than expected and she’s also to be married beforehand. Julie Andrews & Hector Elizondo return as the princess handlers. The song “Your Crowning Glory” marks the first time Julie Andrews has sung onscreen since her throat surgery in 1997. She reportedly nailed the song on the first take and had the cast & crew in tears. (Wow, that bad, eh?)

2004 TEEN CHOICE AWARDS:
TONIGHT “Simple Life 2″ co-stars Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie co-host the “2004 Teen Choice Awards” on FOX-TV from LA’s Universal Amphitheater. As it was pre-taped, we already know that the winners include Lindsay Lohan with 4 awards (‘Best Movie Actress in a Comedy’, ‘Best Movie Hissy Fit’, ‘Best Movie Blush’, ‘Breakout Movie Actress’), “50 First Dates” (‘Best Date Movie’), “American Wedding” (‘Movie Your Parents Didn’t Want You to See’), “The OC” (‘Breakout TV Show’), Simon Cowell (‘TV Reality/Variety Jackass’), and – believe it or not – Ashlee Simpson’s “Pieces of Me” (‘Song of the Summer’). Musical guests include Blink-182, Lenny Kravitz and JoJo.

ALMOST AS USEFUL AS THE STYROFOAM COOLER:
22-year-old Adam Hunnell, a graduate student at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland OH, has invented the ‘Keg Wrap‘, a portable device powered by an AC outlet or car lighter to keep beer kegs cold. It apparently resembles a heating blanket except it chills instead of warms. Hunnell and a couple of fraternity brothers have received a $20,000 entrepreneurial grant to develop his invention. (Which they promptly went out and blew on 997 keggers.)
– AP

CANINE COUTURE:
South Korean company Puppia specializes in designer clothing – for dogs. It’s made millions by designing and selling tank tops, dresses and vests to pet boutiques across Asia. A few rules of thumb for designing poochwear – sleeves need to be short so the wearer can walk on all fours, T-shirts must be tailored to lie flat over the tail, and coats must be cut so that the wearer can easily lift a leg.
– “Globe & Mail”

BOVINE BOOB JOB:
Brisbane, Australia’s agricultural show, the ‘Ekka’, has been hit with controversy after a dairy farmer was expelled for allegedly injecting a substance into his cows – to make their udders appear larger. The Royal National Association disciplinary committee has sent both the farmer and his cows home, and called in police to investigate the udder scandal.
– ABC News

WHEN CATS FLY:
Villagers near the central Russian city of Kursk have reportedly killed – a winged cat. It was discovered by one Nadezhda Medvedeva who says her hair stood on end when she saw the stray stand up in her yard and stretch out its wings just like a chicken. A gang of locals drowned the deformed puss, believing it was a messenger of Satan.
– “Pravda”

HUG FEST:
Since they began in NYC in FEBRUARY, hundreds of people have paid $30 each to touch and embrace others in intimate gatherings called ‘Cuddle Parties’. It’s a touchy-feely experience that involves snuggling up to strangers wearing pajamas. Co-creators Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski claim it’s a good way to meet new people. After an introduction to the process, participants form a circle on their hands and knees, rub shoulders and moo like cows. After a bit of swaying, everyone falls to their side, which puts them into an easy cuddling position. But the rules are clear – PJs have to stay on the whole time and there is absolutely, positively no dry humping! If things get too steamy, a small chime is rung. (A fire hose would be more effective!)
– Reuters

WANT THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD LICKED?
A new service called ‘PhotoStamps’ allows you to design your own postage stamps on your PC which are fully approved by the US Postal Service. Your personal stamps can include photos, corporate logos, artwork, etc. Stamps.com has exclusive permission from the USPS to test their product. A sheet of 20 self-adhesive, 37-cent ‘PhotoStamps’ will set you back $16.99, plus $2.99 shipping & handling.
NET: http://photo.stamps.com

ALL-TIME  S*EXIEST SCI-FI BABES:
1. ‘Barbarella’ (Jane Fonda in “Barbarella”)
2. ‘Leeloo’ (Milla Jovovich in “The Fifth Element”)
3. ‘T-X’ (Kristanna Loken in “Terminator 3″)
4. ‘Princess Leia’ (Carrie Fisher in “Star Wars”)
5. ‘Trinity’ (Carrie Anne Moss in “The Matrix”)
– “Film Review” magazine poll.

BS AMAZING FACT:
‘The Stonner’, a 1,000-calorie deep-fried pork sausage kebab has been dubbed the ‘Most Dangerous Fast Food’ in Britain. It contains 46 grams of fat and double the calories of a McDonald’s Big Mac.
– Sky News

THE BULL SHEET 08.11.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1933 [71] Jerry Falwell, Lynchburg VA, ultra-right wing televangelist

1950 [54] Steve Wozniak, San Jose CA, inventor of 1st commercially viable ‘Personal Computer’/Apple Computer co-founder (with Steve Jobs in 1976)/founder of Electronic Frontier Foundation/philanthropist/Inventors Hall of Fame (2000)

1967 [37] Joe Rogan, Newark NJ, TV reality show host (“Fear Factor”)

1978 [26] Amber Brkich, Beaver PA, reality show personality (“Survivor: All-Stars” winner) who’s engaged to fellow contestant Rob Mariano

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Daughter’s Day”, a day to pay special tribute to female offspring. (And they’ll no doubt respond, “Yeah right … whatever.”)

TODAY the so-called “Dog Days of Summer” end, traditionally the hottest days of the year in the Northern Hemisphere.

TOMORROW is “Middle Children’s Day”, to salute middle-born children whose childhood activity was limited by always being ‘too young’ or ‘too old’. Ask for middle kid sob stories on your recording line, then edit the best whiners and lay some sad-sack violin music and lots of ‘awwwww!’ SFX when you play them back.

FRIDAY (the 13th) is “International Lefthanders Day”, saluting all lefties, and recognizing their needs and frustrations. Ask about peculiar problems that southpaws encounter.
PHONER: 785.234.2177 (Lefthanders International-Topeka KS)
PHONER: 800.818.9616 (Southpaw Enterprises-Nelson BC)
NET: http://www.southpaw.bc.ca/full.html
PHONER: 416.783.0941 (The Sinister Shoppe, Toronto ON)
NET: http://sinistershop.com

THIS WEEK is “Thanks For All the Gifts Week”, a week for procrastinators (and busy newlyweds) to write all those thank-you notes they’ve been meaning to get to.

This is “Resurrect Romance Week”, to educate couples on how to bring the spark back into relationships and encourage romance year-round. Ask for ideas on how to create fireworks.
PHONER: 888.476.6268/919.462.0900 (Michael Webb, Cary NC)
NET: http://www.TheRomantic.com

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1874 [130] Harry Parmelee of New Haven CT receives patent for the ‘sprinkler head’

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1929 [75] 1st MLB player to hit 500 HR (Babe Ruth)

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] Truck Drivers Day
[Fri] Athens Summer Olympic Games opening ceremony
[Fri]  “Alien vs Predator” and “Yu-Gi-Oh!” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Garage Sale Day
[Sat-Sun] Phish’s Farewell Concert [Coventry VT]
[Sun] National Relaxation Day
This Week Is . . . Knights of Columbus Family Week
This Month Is . . . Family Eye Care Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS DOUBLE-L GAME:

Each word of the 2-word answers to the following begins with ‘L’ …
• She’s the star of the movie “Mean Girls”. (Lindsay Lohan)
• It’s the organization promoting kid’s baseball. (Little League)
• It’s what the ‘LL’ in LL Cool J is supposed to stand for. (‘Ladies Love’)
• She kicked butt in “Kill Bill” and “Charlie’s Angels”. (Lucy Liu)
• According to the old saying he who laughs best is he who … (laughs last.)
• It’s a fancy name for the women’s restroom. (Ladies Lavatory)
• It’s the team Shaq left behind. (LA Lakers)
• It’s what you have if you’re in a relationship with a Hispanic man. (Latin lover.)

TRUTH OR BS?
Your contestant picks which statements are true and which are a pile of steaming crap …
• Aardvarks are allergic to radishes, but only during summer months. (BS)
• Hairy ears can make you cough. (TRUE. Researchers say several patients have been cured of chronic cough when ear hair that touched their eardrums was removed.)
• According to Olympic rules, a badminton birdie must have exactly 14 feathers. (TRUE)
• The most common day for a family BBQ is Saturday. (BS. A survey finds that most, 23%, occur on Sundays.)
• Having dust in your home is healthy. (TRUE. “Parade” mag notes that some dust in the home actually protects children against allergies and asthma by helping develop the immune system.)
• You have to climb 1,792 steps to reach the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. (BS. You could take an elevator.)
• Most men join fitness clubs to ogle women. (TRUE. In a recent poll, 71% admit that’s why they’re there!)
• Although difficult, it’s possible to start a fire by rapidly rubbing together 2 Cool Ranch Doritos. (BS)
 
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:

Today’s Question: THIS common household item lasts so long that most of us buy only 1 per year.
Answer to Give Out Next Show:  A jar of yellow mustard.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Sometimes it’s smart play dumb.


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