Monday, August 2, 2004 Edition: #2835
Eat, Breath Sheet!
TACKY TABLOID BS:
• TONIGHT “Growing Up Gotti” debuts on A&E. For 3 months, a camera crew has tailed the late Dapper Don’s 38-year-old daughter Victoria Gotti, a divorced mother of 3 teen boys who juggles work (writing for “Star” magazine) and home (a 14-room Long Island mansion). She warns viewers that her reality show won’t be any true-life version of “The Sopranos” – no capos or canaries whatsoever. (“Daily News”)
• Further proof that soon everyone will have one – Dr Phil’s son Jay will host a reality TV show, a makeover series that ‘fixes’ everything for families from their homes to their pets. (“NY Post”)
• The Atkins Diet headquarters in Manhattan, outside which Dr Atkins slipped, fell and died, has just been bought by the Kabbalah Center. Thanks to the royalties from Madonna’s children’s books, the East 55th Street building is going to be turned into a Kabbalah-inspired grammar school. (“Popbitch”)
• Australian actor Eric Bana (“The Hulk”, “Troy”) is reportedly in discussions to take over the role of ‘James Bond’ from Pierce Brosnan. (“News of the World “)
• Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom & Keira Knightley are reportedly in the middle of negotiations to spend 10 months of NEXT YEAR shooting 2 back-to-back sequels to the $720-million mega-hit “Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl”. If it comes about, the actors would be off the market for a year. (“Daily Dish”)
• Paris Hilton has refused to explain why she was seen sporting a swollen lip and multiple cuts and bruises during a recent night out at Hollywood’s Concord Club. (“Daily Mirror”)
• E! Channel gossip columnist Ted Casablanca says Britney Spears & Kevin Federline will be married THIS MONTH in Louisiana. He claims previous wedding details regarding a NOVEMBER wedding at the Beverly Hills Hotel were disinformation deliberately leaked to the media.
• The Country Music Association is in talks to bring the “CMA Awards” to NYC in 2005. (“TV Guide”)
• 40-year-old actor Nicolas Cage has married his 20-year-old girlfriend, former waitress Alice Kim, at a private ranch in Northern California. It’s his 3rd marriage after attempts with Patricia Arquette and Lisa-Marie Presley. (“E! Online”)
• Singer-actress Brandy is engaged to Los Angeles Clipper’s guard Quentin Richardson. The basketball star surprised Brandy with an 11.5-carat diamond ring valued at $1 million. (“People”)
THIS WEEK’S WACKIEST TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “Study Shows Republicans Are Ketchup Freaks!”
• “Preacher Plans to Record Rap Version of Bible!”
• “Miracle Shirt Turns Losers into Babe Magnets!”
• “Church Worships the Brady Bunch – as Gods!”
• “The Earth Really Is Flat!”
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Brooks & Dunn – TODAY they’ll do a private show for more than 30,000 Marines and their families at Camp Pendleton in San Diego County CA. Rascal Flatts & Steve Holy will also perform.
• Five for Fighting – The housekeeper at singer John Ondrasik’s Encino CA home was stabbed 13 times by an intruder while Ondrasik was recently on the road in Las Vegas.
• Usher – He’s the 1st celeb to have his face on a bank card. The ‘Usher Mastercard Debit Card’ will be sold at concerts for $9.95 plus a $10 activation fee.
• P Diddy — He’s plopped down more than $10 million for a 21-room Bergen County NJ mansion that features a pool with waterfall, movie theater, basketball courts and a 700-gallon aquarium.
• Mariah Carey – She’s recorded a duet with Kanye West that’s said to be ‘amazing’.
• The Darkness – Frontman Justin Hawkins says he punished himself for cheating on his girlfriend by having his manhood pierced.
• Simon & Garfunkel – They finished up their “Old Friends Tour” SATURDAY night with a free concert for some 600,000 fans at the Colosseum in Rome.
REVENGE IS IN YOUR GENES:
Don’t be upset about your urge to seek revenge – it’s all in your genes! New research reveals that the craving to settle scores with rivals is similar to satisfying a burning desire for chocolate. University of Wisconsin neuro-scientist Eddie Harmon-Jones says that people bent on avenging an insult, experience a burst of activity in the left frontal cortex of the brain, an area commonly associated with enjoyment and positive emotions as well as the anticipation of a pleasurable experience … such as eating. (Except you don’t normally stab a Mars bar.)
– “This is London”
A plan to vaccinate children against future drug addiction is being considered by the British government. Under the plan, doctors would immunize children at risk of becoming smokers or drug users with an injection. Childhood immunization would provide adults with protection from the euphoria that is experienced by users, making drugs such as heroin and cocaine pointless to take. Such vaccinations are being developed by pharmaceutical companies and are due to hit the market within 2 years. UK biotech firm Xenova has carried out trials on an anti-cocaine vaccine which showed that 58% of patients remained cocaine-free after 3 months. (But had intense cravings for more vaccinations.)
– “Independent on Sunday”
CITY PLANTS GREENER:
A new study reveals that urban settings are more beneficial for sustaining the longevity of plants. The research also suggests they grow greener in such an environment. The study led by Xiaoyang Zhang of Boston University and sponsored by NASA shows that urban greenery lives at a more intense pace, getting as much as a 7-day jump-start in Spring and up to 8 additional days before winter dormancy compared to vegetation in surrounding rural areas. (It’s the hot new fertilizer – smog.)
CRAZY LITTLE THING CALLED LOVE:
Italian psychiatrists say their research has proven that people who are in love and those who suffer obsessive-compulsive disorder have about 40% less serotonin in their brains than normal. (Just goes to prove that when you’re in love, you really ARE a little bit crazy.)
– “New Scientist”
BS AMAZING FACT:
A study of 32-million death certificates finds that the death rate jumps significantly in the first week of the month. (Hey, have a nice week!)
– “New England Journal of Medicine”
AND WE QUOTE:
“I was getting my makeup done, and it just hit me: I love Nick, but I need time alone. I called my psychic, and I asked her opinion. I went straight to the Kabbalah Center and got a new bracelet.
– Paris Hilton, proving she’s not just a pretty face.
THE BULL SHEET 08.02.2K4
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1932  Peter O’Toole, Connemara IRE, movie actor (“Troy”, “Lawrence of Arabia”)/2003 Lifetime Achievement Academy Award
1939  Wes Craven, Cleveland OH, movie director (“Scream 1-3″, “Nightmare on Elm Street”)
1964  Mary-Louise Parker, Ft Jackson SC, movie actress (“The Client”, “Fried Green Tomatoes”)/TV actress (“Angels in America”, “The West Wing”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Australia] “Picnic Day”
Happy holiday to some of you! The first Monday of August is “Civic Holiday” in Manitoba, Saskatchewan, New Brunswick, Ontario & Northwest Territories. It’s “Simcoe Day” in Toronto, “BC Day” in British Columbia, and “Heritage Day” in Alberta. For everybody else, it’s – Monday.
THIS WEEK is the 20th annual “Chocolate Festival” in the resort town of St. Stephen NB with a daily ‘Choctail’ hour, chocolate-eating contests, chocolate factory tours and the ‘Chocolate Lover of the Year‘ competition. St Stephen is purportedly where the ‘chocolate bar’ was invented. What proof do they have?
TODAY through Sunday is “Psychic Week” (maybe you already knew), a good excuse to invite a psychic on your show to predict the future – of listeners’ pets.
THIS WEEK is also “International Humor Exchange Week”. Have listeners call in jokes in another language and get the laugh tracks ready.
THIS MONTH has been designated “Hair Loss Awareness Month” by the American Academy of Dermatology. Who’s the best looking balding celebrity? Nicholas Cage? Bruce Willis? Drew Carey?
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1610  Henry Hudson 1st enters what would become known as ‘Hudson Bay’ (leading to the 1st ‘Bay Days Sale’)
1769  City of Los Angeles is 1st named – full name is Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula (LA is the shortest abbreviation of any city’s official name)
1892  1st ‘escalator’ patented by Charles Wheeler (the next day, 1st person trips getting off)
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1975  Distance record for ‘Champagne Cork Popping’ of 103 feet set by Gary Mahan
COMING UP . . .
[Tues] National Park Day
[Tues] Watermelon Day
[Tues] 21st National Night Out
[Wed] US Coast Guard Day
[Thurs-Sun] “Maxim Comedy Festival” [Lake Tahoe CA]
[Fri] Fresh Breath Day
[Fri] Pamper Yourself Day
[Fri] Billboard R&B/Hip-Hop Awards (Miami)
[Sat] National Date Night
This Week Is . . . National Fraud Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . Immunization Awareness Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
• Whyzit we call them ‘fleas’ when they never go away?
• Whyzit we don’t ‘bless’ people when they cough or fart?
• Whyzit always the people you don’t want to lend money to who ask for loans?
• Whyzit ‘softballs’ are so hard?
• Whyzit we call it a ‘walk’ when the batter jogs to first base and then becomes a ‘runner’?
• Whyzit pants aren’t called ‘longs’ to correspond with ‘shorts’?
• Whyzit we’re always getting ‘overwhelmed’ but never just ‘whelmed’?
BS EXCUSES FOR BEING LATE FOR WORK:
• “I was putting my pants on and my head got stuck in the toilet.”
• “You know how crack dealers love to just sit and chat . . .”
• “I’m sorry, boss, but I had to stop to get you – uh – this box of TEN donuts.”
• “That keg of beer wasn’t going to just drink itself.”
• “Sorry I was late but I had to go to the clinic with your daughter. Any other questions Mrs Nosy?”
• “A Lepages truck overturned on the highway, and I got STUCK in traffic.”
• “On my planet, being 2 hours late is a sign of respect!”
• “Sorry, but my job interview ran long.”
• “My proctologist got stuck.”
Q: If you like to stay up late, you’re called a night ‘owl’ but what are you if you’re an early riser?
A: A morning ‘lark’. A University of Pittsburgh study finds the average person becomes a ‘lark’ with age, beginning at about 30.
– “Globe & Mail”
This week is ‘Simplify Your Life Week’. If you could only have 3 possessions, what would they be?
BS BLATANT JOKES:
• A spouse is someone you love so much … you decide to pay bills together.
• No means no. So does pepper spray.
• Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do.
• The world is too crowded for cloning. What we need is technology for fusing.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to a survey, THIS is absolutely the hardest thing to assemble.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A BBQ grill.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
What we need are less needs.
NEW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
BS welcomes samplers this week that include Shelli Gonshorowski @ Jones Radio Networks, Provo UT; Scott Smith @ KRNY Kearney NE; Simon O’Neill @ ZM FM Wellington NZ; Erin Rizzo @ KWTS Canyon TX; Cindy Blake @ WYZB Ft Walton Beach FL; Leo De Estrella @ CFQR Verdun PQ; and Shannon Gill @ KISW Seattle WA. Hey, thanks for being a Bull Market!