Tuesday, August 26, 2003        Edition: #2609
Witty? Amusing? Provocative? Sounds Like Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Jack Osbourne has reportedly signed on to make his feature film debut in the next Mary-Kate & Ashley movie (whoa, maybe the rehab didn’t work) . . . Thanks to her “Charlie’s Angels” haul, Drew Barrymore has snapped up a $2.4 million NYC penthouse to share with Strokes drummer Fabrizio Moretti, her boyfriend for over a year now (thereby setting a new personal record) . . . How bad is it? “Gigli” cost $54 million to make & grossed $6 million before being yanked from theaters (upcoming video sales may add another 20 bucks)  . . . Martial arts star Jackie Chan say he wants to try being a lover not a fighter and will take on a romantic movie role NEXT YEAR (this is the kind of dumb thing you can do when you know “Rush Hour 3″ is already in development) . . . Billy Crystal, inspired by the birth of his first grandchild, is trying his hand at children’s books and will publish his first in APRIL . . . Can you have too much money? Jim Carrey’s dog reportedly has a $20,000 doghouse . . . Meantime, word is 41-year-old Carrey has fallen head-over-heels in love with Danish model Betina Holte – who’s 23 . . .  Hilary Duff’s mother was so angry with a guy she thought was stalking her daughter, she pursued him in a late-night car chase through LA (obviously not an A-list stalker – how pathetic are you when you’re obsessed with Hilary Duff?) . . . Has-been Backstreet Boy Kevin Richardson is opening a music academy in Louisville KY in SEPTEMBER that will train students in performance, music production & songwriting (maybe he’ll enroll himself?) . . . Cavern City Tours, the Liverpool UK company that runs the club hailed as the birthplace of the Beatles, is planning to open replica ‘Cavern Clubs’ in NYC & Miami, as well as Adelaide, Australia, Sao Paulo & Rio de Janiero, Brazil and on the Spanish island of Marbella (are there that many seniors who remember the Beatles who are still able to go out at night?).

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers” (Fantasy Adventure – DVD/VHS): Part 2 of the JRR Tolkien trilogy as ‘Frodo’ (Elijah Wood) & ‘Sam’ (Sean Astin) continue their mission to destroy the One Ring in order to save Middle Earth. Plan to watch when you have an entire evening – it runs 2 hours, 59 minutes!
• “Stitch! The Movie” (Family – DVD/VHS): A direct-to-video sequel to last year’s “Lilo & Stitch” has ‘Stitch’ living happily on Earth until other experimental aliens created by ‘Jumba’ escape their captivity and invade the planet.
• “Levity” (Drama – DVD): Billy Bob Thornton plays a paroled murderer trying to reconcile a single, spontaneous moment in his past that changed the course of his life. Co-stars Morgan Freeman, Holly Hunter & Kirsten Dunst.
• “From Justin to Kelly” (Romantic Musical – DVD/VHS): “American Idol’s” Kelly Clarkson & Justin Guarini in a lame musical comedy set during Spring Break in Miami when a shy singer
from Texas hooks up with a cute Pennsylvania college guy at the ultimate beach party.

THE MARRIAGE CONTRACT:
Marriage proposals that include an engagement ring are becoming increasingly rare – because men are afraid to buy a ring without their fiancee’s input. According to a new study, today’s couples talk before they buy anything – from a pair of shoes to a house – so it’s naturally become the same routine when it comes to a ring. Does that take all the romance out of it or serve as good preparation for working as a team in a marriage? (Or does it all come down to the term ‘pussy whipped’?)

WHY DOES COFFEE WAKE US UP?
The caffeine in coffee causes 3 different chemical reactions that boost energy levels. First, it energizes us by pumping the hormone adrenaline into our systems. It also increases dopamine levels within our bodies. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that stimulates our pleasure areas in our brain making us feel good. Thirdly, it blocks the connection of adenosine to nerve cells, the chemical that attaches to receptors in the brain and causes drowsiness by slowing down nerve cell activity. (Wow, there’s more to it than just burning your tongue!)

OR YOU CAN JUST WRAP YOUR HEAD IN TIN FOIL:
Madonna, Barbara Walters & Sharon Osbourne are among those who’ve become fans of a new watch that’s said to protect against ‘electronic pollution from mobile phones’. The Philip Stein timepiece, ranging in price from $600 to $2,000, has a Telsar chip which emits a frequency meant to neutralize electronic waves. Wearers claim it successfully zaps away stress and anxiety. The most expensive version of the watch, the one P Diddy wears, is covered in diamonds. (Proving once again, you can sell rich celebs just about anything.)

BEING DEAD IS FULL-TIME:
A recent survey by the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention finds that a fast-growing segment of the 23% of adults who still smoke refer to themselves as ‘part-time smokers’. Many are young adults under 40, who are convinced that an occasional cigarette won’t lead to a lifelong habit. (Another 10 years and they can be part-time cancer patients.)

BABY BARBELLS:
If stroller exercises aren’t enough, an LA husband & wife fitness team has a new way to bond with a baby – use the little bundle of joy as a dumbbell. Ahnjel & Majid Ali developed their ‘Baby Weights’ program by hoisting their 15-month-old boy in a variety of positions. For starters, there’s the biceps curl which involves placing the baby across the arms and then curling both arms toward the chest. Ahnjel also does sit-ups with the 20-lb kid sitting on her chest. She says the best part of the program is – the kid loves the attention. (To increase weight, simply postpone diaper changes.)

SOON WE’LL BE LETTER CARRIERS:
Could it be that consumers are finally getting tired of paying extra to have Ralph Lauren’s or Tommy Hilfiger’s name emblazoned on things? Fashion watchers say we may be coming to the end of the designer-name logo era. So what’s next? Some say to watch for the return of the personal initial on clothing and accessories. Why? Monograms not only have a retro feel, they make the statement – it’s all about me, not some designer. ([Co-host] has a head start with that ‘L’ on his forehead.)

THE TUNE POLICE:
Officials in Thailand’s Culture Ministry want to ban music that they say encourages promiscuity and marital infidelity. The ministry’s Culture Watch Center has issued a list of love songs which contain ‘improper content’, including tunes with titles that translate to “Secret Lover”, “One Woman, Two Men”, “I Love Her Husband”, “A Mistress’ Ultimatum”, and – our fave – “Big Flabby Buttocks”. (What do you figure the odds are of a country station starting up in Bangkok?)

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Thanks to THIS SUMMER’S record-breaking heat wave, French wine makers are having the earliest grape harvest since 1893. It normally doesn’t even begin until mid-September.
• People who are chronically late make up 15 to 20% of the population.

THE BULL SHEET 08.26.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1945 [58] Tom Ridge, Pittsburgh PA, US Homeland Security Chief since 2001/former Pennsylvania Governor

1961 [42] Jimmy Olander, Palos Verdes CA, country singer (Diamond Rio-“Wrinkles”, “Beautiful Mess”)

1966 [37] Dan Vickrey, Walnut Creek CA, rock guitarist/vocalist (Counting Crows-“Big Yellow Taxi”, “Hangin Around”, “Mr Jones”)

1969 [34] Adrian Young, Long Beach CA, rock drummer (No Doubt-“Underneath It All”, “Girls Say”)

1969 [34] Melissa McCarthy, Plainfield IL, TV actress (Sookie St James-”Gilmore Girls” since 2000)

1980 [23] Macaulay Culkin, NYC, movie actor with dysfunctional family (“Richie Rich”, “Home Alone 1 & 2”)  FACTOID: Burned out at age 14, he quit acting for several years in 1995.  UP NEXT: Attempts a comeback in the crime drama “Party Monster”, the true story of a party organizer who brags about killing his drug dealer on TV, in limited release SEPTEMBER 5th.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[USA] Women’s Equality Day (1920)

TODAY is “Women’s Equality Day”, the anniversary of the 1920 creation of the 19th Amendment to the US Constitution that prohibits discrimination on the basis of sex. (So how come a woman’s haircut still costs more?)

TODAY is “Make Your Own Luck Day”, a day to take affirmative actions to gain control of your life.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
580 [1423] 1st ‘toilet paper’ is invented by the Chinese (takes another 1000 years to reach the West)

1961 [42] ‘Hockey Hall of Fame’ opens in Toronto

1996 [07] 1st (and apparently last) ‘World Cup of Hockey’ begins in Stockholm (eventually won by USA, dammit!)

1929 [74] 1st roller coaster built in America (next day, the 1st upchuck in a roller coaster)

1939 [64] 1st ‘Major League Baseball telecast’ features Reds vs Dodgers (WZXBS-NYC)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Petroleum Day
[Wed] Mars makes closest-ever pass by Earth
[Wed-Fri] 8th Air Guitar World Championships (Oulu, Finland)
[Wed-Sept 7] Montréal World Film Festival
[Thurs] 20th MTV Video Music Awards  (airs SATURDAY)
[Fri] More Herbs, Less Salt Day
[Mon] Labor Day (no BS service)
This Week Is . . . Veterinary Week
This Month Is . . . Admit You’re Happy Month
 
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS HORRIBLESCOPES:

• Aries – A day for compromise with your fiancee. Plan the wedding for October, but invite someone else’s mother-in-law.
• Taurus – Excellent day to fill some pantyhose with popcorn … just for the helluva it.
• Gemini – You may be suffering from multiple personality disorder. Call a meeting. Discuss.
• Cancer – Mom was right. You should never trust a sheep in a leather corset.
• Leo – It’s time to come to terms with your secret fetishes. Scrap the hot tub and invest in a torture chamber.
• Virgo – You will build a better mousetrap but nobody will beat a path to your door. However, several people will beat a path to your refrigerator to make a sandwich.
• Libra – No matter how angry you get, it would be unwise to tell your boss to get lost. You can, however, give her the wrong directions.
• Scorpio – An excellent day for swimming, but not for milking a goat. Especially in the swimming pool.
• Sagittarius – Remember the old adage, a nymph in hand is almost as good as two in the bush. Act accordingly.
• Capricorn – As if the kidnaping isn’t bad enough, your captors will force you to watch a constantly looped tape of the best moments from TV’s “Blind Date”. Life can be cruel.
• Aquarius – Impressive yes, but shooting lightning out of your ass is not wise while in the bathtub.
• Pisces – After the accident you will come to grips with just how tough things can get when a hospital cleaner unplugs your life-support machine so he can polish the floor.

THE WEEK’S TOP INTERNET SEARCHES:
1. Britney Spears
2. Jennifer Lopez
3. South Beach Diet
4. Christina Aguilera
5. Kazaa
Source: Buzz Index Weekly

BS PHONE STARTER:
“What’s the definition of ‘cool’?” (The UK’s Brand Council has defined ‘cool’ as being innovative, irreverent and confident enough to do your own thing.)

WEB GOODIE:
With today’s DVD release of the second episode of “The Lord of the Rings”, it’s a good excuse to use the Internet ‘Hobbit Name Generator’ to rename your whole crew for the morning.
NET: http://www.chriswetherell.com/hobbit

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night.’
• First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
• You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note
on the windshield. It said ‘Parking Fine.’
• One thing I love about radio is that you have a little privacy form your audience. For example, I’ve worn this same shirt for 3 years.

BS ‘SOUND CHARADES’:
Here’s a fun variation on Name the Tune – edit SFX together that give clues to the song title.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 35% of women say they’ve done THIS … and lived to regret it.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Bought something off an infomercial.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
You can’t put a price tag on love but you can on all its accessories.


Printer Friendly Version