Tuesday, August 12, 2003        Edition: #2599
Either Sheet or Get Off the Air!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Word is actress Jennifer Garner has been dating her “Alias” co-star,  French hunk Michael Vartan, but keeping it super-secret so as not to upset her already heartbroken ex-, actor Scott Foley (awww) . . . Britney Spears is desperately trying to quit smoking before she launches her 1st album in 2 years – but is failing miserably even though she’s tried everything from nicotine patches to acupuncture . . . 18-year-old “Pirates of the Caribbean” actress Keira Knightley found out being a Hollywood star didn’t pull any weight and she still had to wait her turn – at Disney World’s “Pirates of the Caribbean” ride (ain’t it ironic?) . . . There’s no word on when Justin Timberlake & Christina Aguilera’s “Justified & Stripped Tour” will resume after sound, lighting, video & staging equipment crashed to the floor before an Atlantic City show on the weekend, causing a million bucks worth of damage . . . Jennifer Lopez has reportedly asked designer Vera Wang to make her wedding dress and instructed that it must be ready by a  AUGUST 24th deadline (hmm, whazup with that?) . . . Not to be outdone, actress Elizabeth Hurley is talking to Donatella Versace about designing a wedding sari for future nuptials to Indian playboy Arun Nayar (if they last that long) . . . “Trading Spaces” perky host Paige Davis will appear in THIS SATURDAY’s edition of “TV Guide” wearing nothing but – 2 strips of wallpaper, which may run afoul of the no-nudity clause in her TLC contract (that’s OK, they’ll just get Hildie to glue hay or something equally dumb all over the rest of her) . . . Word has it Nicole Kidman & rocker Lenny Kravitz have become an item, apparently getting together after she rented his NYC penthouse while her own home is being renovated (she lookin’ for free rent or what?) . . . Actress Renee Zellweger & injured White Stripes rocker Jack White have also reportedly been whooping it up all over NYC, using a $2,100-a-night suite at the Mercer Hotel as their party HQ . . . And Russell Crowe has let it be known he’s mad as hell and will NOT do it anymore – shake hands with overeager fans at washroom urinals!

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Head of State” (Comedy – DVD): Chris Rock directs & stars as an obscure Washington DC alderman picked to run for president when his party’s presidential and vice presidential candidates die. Bernie Mac plays his violent brother and wacky running mate. (Not as funny as the real election in California.)
• “The Hunted” (Action Thriller – DVD): Benicio Del Toro plays a highly-skilled ex-military assassin who goes on a hunting spree in the forests outside Portland OR, killing deer hunters for sport. His teacher (Tommy Lee Jones) is called in to help track him down. (“Rambo” revisited?)
• “Cradle 2 the Grave” (Thriller – VHS/DVD): DMX & Jet Li join forces to track down a cache of priceless diamonds that a really bad guy wants to use in a hi-tech weapon of mass destruction. The movie’s tone is described as ‘hip-hop kung fu’. (Don’t you find you prefer ‘country karate’?)
• “The Lizzie McGuire Movie” (Family Comedy – VHS/DVD): Hilary Duff stars in the bigscreen version of the Disney TV series in which the oh-so-lovable 15-year-old and her pals travel to Italy on a class trip. Once there, somehow ‘Lizzie’ is mistaken for ‘Isabella’, half of a popular Italian pop duo. Hijinks ensue. Duff’s holdout for more moola after the movie’s release ensured she’ll never appear in a sequel. (Ah, the silver lining!)

GOOFY GUV RACE:
Over 150 Californians have filed papers to run for Governor and the list of ludicrous candidates just keeps getting sillier. Last-minute additions include yet another comedian – Don Novello, best known for playing the chain-smoking Catholic priest ‘Father Guido Sarducci’ on “Saturday Night Live” in the ‘70s, and the president of 99 Cents Only stores, Eric Schiffer, who coincidentally happens to be … 99-years-old!

SEE NO EVIL:
A new study from McMaster University in Hamilton ON finds that mirrors in exercise areas of health clubs tend to cause negativity among women working out. A survey found that those who worked out in front of a mirror for 20 minutes reported feeling less energized, less relaxed and less positive than women doing the exact same exercises without a mirror. And no, it was nothing to do with fashion, they all wore the same attire. (Well there’s your problem! Seeing someone in the mirror in the same outfit – how depressing is that?)

BAZOOMS ARE BIGGER:
THIS WEEK Playtex is debuting a new line of brassieres that come in half-sizes, attempting to solve the problem of comfortable fit. According to Discovery Health Channel, the average bra size was 34B just 10 years ago. Today it’s 36C, with an estimated 40% of women taking a ‘D’ cup or above. And Bravissimo, a lingerie company for well-endowed women, sells more than 10,000 bras a month in cup sizes – ‘G’ to ‘JJ’!

POLITICAL SCIENCE MAJORS ARE ALREADY DEAD:
A study by Northern Ireland’s Queens University of over 8,000 university students from a 20-year period finds that medical students live the longest of all, but are most likely to suffer an alcohol-related death. Science and engineering majors also enjoyed long life spans. Law students were found to be most likely likely to die from an accident, suicide, or violence. Liberal Arts and Social Sciences majors die the earliest, with an overall risk of death that’s 42% higher than medical students. (And coincidentally, they have a 42% less chance of ever finding a job.)

GREAT BALLS OF FIRE:
German company Febbex is set to introduce a new product to the North American market that it calls the biggest revolution in fire safety since the smoke alarm. ‘SafeBall’ is sold in a special dispenser that keeps it dormant but when one of the balls is dropped into burning grease, a chemical reaction occurs that turns the grease into soap. The product is already being used in kitchens and restaurants throughout Europe and will likely sell here for around $20. (Meantime, Ivory is working with Crisco to develop a soap bar you can deep-fry your potatoes with.)

GUESS WHAT WORD IS THE COOLEST:
According to a survey of 20,000 school-age kids by Penguin Books, 17% say their favorite word is ‘cool’. ‘Wicked’ placed 2nd, chosen by 14%. Other popular slang words that ranked high included ‘bling-bling’, ‘mint’, ‘kerching’, ‘respect’ and – say it isn’t so – ‘groovy’.

NOW AVAILABLE WITH ‘NATURAL FIRMNESS’:
Over 100,000 neutered dogs, cats, horses and other pets worldwide have been ‘altered’ by having Neuticles installed – fake testicles similar in size, shape & weight to the originals. But apparently there’s been grumbling about texture (from the animals?), because the company is now offering ‘two firmness selections’ – original plastic Neuticles, and the new Neuticles Natural that apparently replicate the firmness of real pet testes. If that’s not enough, ‘custom molding services’ are also now available. (Every guy listening just flinched.)

AND WE QUOTE:
“Gay people have the same right to lose half their stuff as everyone else.” – Julia Roberts, on why she’s in favor of same-sex marriages.

THE BULL SHEET 08.12.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1939 [64] George Hamilton, Memphis TN, TV host (“The Family”)/movie actor (“Hollywood Ending”, “Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles”) who seems to make a living doing nothing but sun tanning

1949 [54] Mark Knopfler, Glasgow SCOT, classic rock guitarist/singer (Dire Straits-“Money For Nothing”, “Sultans of Swing”)

1965 [38] Peter Krause, Alexandria MN, TV actor (Nate Fisher-”Six Feet Under” [finally coming to Canadian TV – debuting on Showcase AUGUST 24th])

1971 [32] Pete Sampras, Washington DC, pro tennis player (Australian Open [1994], Wimbledon [1993, 1994, 1995], US Open [1990, 1993, 1995])

1975 [28] Casey Affleck, Falmouth MA, movie actor (“Oceans 11″, “American Pie 1 & 2″) who often collaborates with brother Ben Affleck & friend Matt Damon on projects

2001 [02] Eja [pronounced ‘Asia’] Lange, Switzerland, celebrity son of singer Shania Twain & producer-husband Mutt Lange

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TONIGHT & tomorrow night the annual “Perseid Meteor Shower” puts on a fabulous sky display for free – if you can stay awake all night. Sky watchers say this year the shower will peak on WEDNESDAY, sending shooting stars blazing trails across the sky at a rate which could reach hundreds per hour. However, a glaring full moon will wipe out many faint meteors and reduce by a factor of 2 or 3 the number you can see this year. The Perseids are small bits of debris shed by the huge, 6-mile-wide comet Swift-Tuttle. When the particles hit the top of the Earth’s atmosphere at 135,000 mph they become glowing hot and appear as bright shooting stars criss-crossing the sky in all directions.
NET: http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2003/17jul_perseids2003.htm

TODAY is “Middle Children’s Day”, to salute middle-born children whose childhood activities were limited by always being ‘too young’ or ‘too old’. (Ah, ya whiners!)

TODAY is “Truck Driver Day”. This might cause you to consider the career – in one recent poll, 43% of women admit they have ‘flashed’ a truck driver at least once while traveling on vacation. Ever notice truckers always say that they ‘drive truck’, not ‘drive trucks’?

WEDNESDAY is “International Lefthanders Day”, saluting all lefties and recognizing their needs and frustrations. About 11% of North American women and 8% of men are left-handed. • The “Left Is Right” Website details how this observance began and other interesting southpaw tidbits …
NET: http://www.left-is-right.com
• Common items not designed to be easily used by lefthanders include scissors, fishing reel, rifle, corkscrew, can opener, video camera, guitar, soup ladle, etc. Check local listings for a left-handed store near you. Southpaw Enterprises of Nelson BC has a catalogue full of products just for lefties. Check them out here …
NET: http://www.southpaw.bc.ca/catalogue_major.html

THIS WEEK is the 8th annual ”Resurrect Romance Week”, to educate couples (and especially men) on how to bring the spark back into relationships and encourage romance year-round. Why now? It’s 6 months since Valentine’s Day, as far as you can get from the romantic peak of the year. Check for a list of romantic ideas on the Website …
NET: http://www.theromantic.com/resurrect.htm
PHONER: 919.462.0900 (Michael Webb-Raleigh NC)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1994 [09] “Woodstock ’94″ opens in Saugerties NY, the 25th anniversary of the original concert

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1851 [152] 1st ‘domestic sewing machine’ invented by Isaac Singer (only found in the wild before that)
 
1865 [138] 1st ‘disinfectant’ used during surgery by Dr Joseph Lister (namesake of ‘Listerine’)

1877 [126] 1st ‘sound recording’ (Tom Edison sings “Mary Had a Little Lamb” on his ‘Talking Machine’)

1954 [49] 1st issue of “Sports Illustrated” (the ‘Wool Swimsuit-To-Your-Ankles Edition’)

1992 [11] USA, Mexico & Canada announce North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA), creating world’s largest trading block (and ‘Hollywood North’)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1978 [25] Arron Marshall completes record ‘longest shower’ – 336 hours

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] 85th PGA Championship golf begins (Oak Hill Country Club, Rochester NY)
[Thurs] Financial Awareness Day (oh look, I’m broke again!)
[Fri] National Failures Day ([co-host] is poster boy!)
This Week Is . . . Bargain Hunting Week
This Month Is . . . Medic Alert Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS FRIGHTFUL FLICKS:

According to a new poll by the Internet Movie Data Base, 2 recent movies rank among the all-time worst. Could it be moviegoers are still bitter about wasting their money? Here’s the poll’s all-time worst 5 movies –
1. “Gigli” (2003)
2. “From Justin to Kelly” (2003)
3. “Manos, the Hands of Fate” (1966)
4. “Troll 2″ (1990)
5. “Space Mutiny” (1988)
NET: http://us.imdb.com/bottom_100_films

BS INTERVIEW:
54-year-old artist, mystic and healer Cherie Byrd is also a self-described ‘luscious kisser’ who came up with the idea of a ‘Kissing School’ 5 years ago while dating a 57-year-old guy who didn’t know how to kiss very well. Now she offers all-day ‘playshops’ several times a year to teach the art of kissing. Classes are open to both couples and singles – howz that work? And just what are the secrets to a really great kiss?
PHONER: 206.324.2526 (Seattle WA)
NET: http://www.kissingschool.com/news.html

BS BLATANT JOKE:
It was really hot yesterday. I was sweating like Mike Tyson at a Scrabble tournament.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: If you’re Greek and have one of THESE, it just means you own a ladder.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: A climax.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Opportunity is often inconvenient.


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