Tuesday, August 5, 2003        Edition: #2594
Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY rapper-turned-”Law & Order SVU” actor Ice T launches a new energy drink called ‘Liquid Ice’ because, “A true hustler needs energy to keep his game tight!” (and who’s to argue wit dat?) . . . We won’t know until TOMORROW night’s “Tonight Show” if Arnie’s gonna run, but it’s for sure “Hustler” magazine publisher Larry Flynt has already filed the initial paperwork to run in California’s upcoming gubernatorial recall election . . . Grizzled Stones guitarist Keith Richards tells “Q” magazine he enjoys sampling drugs that fans throw onstage and says he’s often surprised by the quality (cripes, I won’t even sample homemade cookies people send me!) . . . Interesting fact from that lawsuit “American Idol” winner Ruben Studdard has launched against clothing maker 205 Flava Inc for “wrongly profiting from his image” – he wears size 7X-L! (aka a 6-man tent) . . . A new listing shows that among the 3,600 New Yorkers licensed to carry a loaded gun are Robert De Niro, Harvey Keitel, Donald Trump & Howard Stern (how you like to run into that motley crew in a back alley?) . . . And according to “Company” magazine’s annual ‘100 Sexiest Men’ survey, the world’s sexiest man is now – Justin Timberlake (snort).

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Bringing Down the House” (Comedy – DVD/VHS): Steve Martin plays an uptight attorney who thinks he has met his dream girl online, but she turns out to be an escaped convict (Queen Latifah) who turns his life upside down.
• “What a Girl Wants” (Comedy – DVD/VHS): Amanda Bynes stars as an irrepressible teen who impulsively hops a flight to London to meet the aristocratic father (Colin Firth) she never knew.
• “Agent Cody Banks” (Action Adventure – DVD/VHS): “Malcolm in the Middle’s” Frankie Muniz plays a typical teenager who has a secret life as an elite undercover agent for the CIA. Specially trained at a top-secret facility disguised as summer camp, he can drive like a stuntman, jump-kick like a pro, and has an arsenal of totally cool gadgets.
• “Double Vision” (Thriller – DVD): An American FBI agent (David Morse) and a Taiwanese detective (Tony Leung) team up to solve a series of supernatural serial murders.

TEENS TEMPTING FATE:
A Volkswagen survey of high school-age students finds that a third think seatbelt use is ‘uncool’. Of those who refuse to use belts, 30% say they’re ‘uncomfortable’ or ‘wrinkle clothing’, 20% think they’re ‘unnecessary on short trips’, and 18% don’t bother buckling up because they think they’re invincible as in, “Nothing will ever happen to me”.

MOST SAY LET MUSICIANS SUFFER:
According to a new Pew Internet survey, fully two-thirds of adult Internet users who download music simply ‘don’t care’ if they’re violating copyright laws. It’s estimated that about 29% of adult Internet users use file-sharing software, making up a little more than half of all file swappers.

THE BODY AS A BATTERY:
Researchers at Panasonic’s Nanotechnology Research Lab in Japan are developing a ‘Bio-Nano Generator’ that draws power from human blood, mimicking the way the body generates energy from food. Theoretically, it could allow a person to pump out 100 watts – enough to power a light bulb. In the future, it might practically be used to run devices embedded in the body, or to power sugar-fed robots.

BETTER THAN COD LIVER OIL:
Vaccines produced by edible fish could soon be eaten sushi-style, reports “New Scientist”. The National University of Singapore, for instance, is working on creating a zebra fish that produces hepatitis B antigen in its muscles. The fish would have to be eaten raw, as the compound would break down during cooking.

BLUE MEAT IS GOOD FOR YOU:
A University of Maine food scientist has discovered that adding blueberry puree to beef, chicken or turkey patties significantly boosts their nutritional value. The US Agriculture Department now plans to push ‘berry burgers’ in school lunch programs. (Sounds about as tantalizing as beef ripple ice cream.)

BLINDING HER WITH SCIENCE:
A study of 280 successful scientists throughout history by New Zealand’s University of Canterbury finds that most of their significant contributions came before they were married. Once they settled into wedded bliss, they seemed to lose their edge – while unmarried scientists continued to make great scientific contributions. Marriage seems to have an equally dampening effect on musicians, painters and authors. Why? One researcher thinks it may be that married men simply lose their drive to – impress women. (Yeah, that Einstein dude was always chasing skirt.)

TWO STEPS BACKWARD, ONE STEP FORWARD:
Think positive! Getting fired is a good way of getting ahead. Employment experts interviewed for “Mademoiselle” magazine say that being turfed is a ringing reminder that the job and you just weren’t the right fit. You’re much more likely to move up the ladder doing work you perform well.

BS FROM AROUND-THE-WORLD:
• A British researcher has received a $19,000 grant to spend a year studying how to get the lowest price on a plane ticket. (This follows on the heels of his successful research into how to get money from the government for doing jack.)
• 65-year-old Belgian adventurer Fons Oerlemans is planning to cross the Atlantic NEXT YEAR –  in a bottle. The casing of the 6-ton steel vessel is already finished so the motor, a kitchen, a bedroom, and navigation system can be added. Now he’s looking for a brewery to fund him in return for publicity on a gigantic beer label. (Maybe he got the idea out of a bottle too!)
• Scientists at the Hort Research Lab in New Zealand are currently studying how to make kiwi fruit that peels as easily as bananas. (Yeah, it’s always tough trying to choke down that fuzzy part.)
• A Chinese school has introduced a new rule to ban pupils from – farting. Any student caught breaking wind at Hu Zhuang Elementary School in Beijing will be fined. (Big deal. By then the damage is done!)

BS AMAZING FACT:
Only one letter in the English alphabet has more than 1 syllable – the letter ‘W’, which has 3.

THE BULL SHEET 08.05.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [57] Erika Slezak, Hollywood CA, TV soap actress with 5 Daytime Emmys (Viki Lord-“One Life to Live” since 1971)

1968 [35] Terri Clark, Montréal QC [raised Medicine Hat AB], country singer (“I Just Wanna Be Mad”, “Better Things to Do”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY’S another “Ta Ta Tuesday” at Groom Hairstyling Salon in Milwaukee WI. That’s when hairstylist Erica Grabczyk offers her male clients the opportunity to contribute to her breast-implant fund. She’s looking to raise $5,700. She’s currently a size 36A, but is allowing all contributors to vote on her new cup size. “I hope they want a ‘C’ at most, but we’ll see,” she says.
PHONER: 414-298-2076

TODAY is “Wiggle Your Toes Day” in celebration of “Foot Health Month”. Slippers are officially OK today!

TONIGHT is the 20th annual “National Night Out”, a unique crime & drug prevention event in which concerned people in urban neighborhoods across North America ‘take back the streets’ by going out en masse after dark. (Also known as ‘Muggers’ Buffet Night’.)
NET: http://nationaltownwatch.org

THIS WEEK is “World Breastfeeding Week”, celebrating women’s capacity to sustain humanity and recognizing breastfeeding as the most ecological food system. This year’s theme is “Breastfeeding in a Globalized World – for Peace and Justice”. The World Health Organization estimates that more than 1.5 million infant deaths could be avoided each year if babies were breastfed. La Leche League International sponsors the annual “World Walk For Breastfeeding” (when you’ll see men worldwide walking abreast).
NET: http://www.lalecheleague.org/walk.html

5 YEARS AGO . . .
1998 ABC-TV improv series “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” debuts, hosted by Drew Carey

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1989 [14] Largest game of musical chairs (8,238 people)

1989 [14] Largest hamburger weighs 5,520 lbs (Seymour WI)

1990 [13] Largest cake baked has 100 tiers and measures 101-feet-high (MI)

1994 [09] Largest cocktail measures 2,933 gallons (Philadelphia PA)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Fresh Breath Day
[Wed] Teen Choice Awards
[Thurs] Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day
[Fri] “SWAT“ opens in movie theaters
[Sat] Garage Sale Day
[Sat] 7th Wreck Beach Bare Buns Run (Vancouver)
This Week Is . . . Bargain Hunting Week
This Month Is . . . Goat Cheese Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS THIS OR THAT TUESDAY:

Ask a listener or studio guest to make a quick pick …
• “Munsters” or “Addams Family”?
• “The Sopranos” or the “Godfather” movies?
• “The Jetsons” or “Lost in Space”?
• “Superman” or “Batman”?
• “Sex & The City” or “Friends”?
• “The Wizard of Oz” or “Harry Potter” movies?
• “The Simpsons” or “King of the Hill”?
• “Grease” or “Saturday Night Fever”?
• “Legally Blonde 2″ or “Terminator 3″?
• “Big Brother” or “The Amazing Race”?

BS DILEMMAS:
• At a phone booth, you need the list of taxis in the Yellow Pages. Do you rip it out?
• You plan to auction granny’s estate but are afraid valuable items will go for too little. Do you ask friends to bid up the prices?
• You’ve been pounding the pavement looking for work. A company where workers are on strike offers you a job. Do you take it?
• In a ‘must-win’ sports game, your coach tells you to target a rival player’s recent knee injury. Do you obey?
• Technology will enable you to extend your life by 50 years. But you must clone a second body for organ replacements. Do you do it?
• A friend has become a know-it-all. It’s annoying. Do you confront him/her?
• The couple in the next apartment is brawling. Later you speak to the woman and discover she has minor bruises. She asks you not to call the police. Do you?

BS RADIO JEOPARDY:
Get the “Jeopardy” theme music, and a couple of phone contestants who must answer in the form of a question. Today’s category is ‘Common Sense’ …
• The answer is ‘Old wives tale.’ (The correct question is ‘What do cannibals find hard to digest?’)
• ‘Flypaper’. (‘What do you use to gift wrap a zipper?’
• ‘Gatorade’. (‘What does an alligator get on welfare?’)
• ‘Bible Belt’. (‘What holds up Jerry Falwell’s pants?’)
• ‘Milk and honey’.(‘What do you get from a bee that has an udder?’)
• ‘Rub-a-dub-dub’. (‘What does a masseuse do to your ‘dub-dub’?)

YE OLDE BS SAYINGS:
• SAVING FACE or LOSING FACE: The nobles of the late 1700s wore a lot makeup and, since they rarely bathed, the makeup would get thicker and thicker. If they sat too close to the heat of the fireplace the makeup would start to melt. A servant would move a screen in front of the fireplace to block the heat so they wouldn’t ‘lose face’.
• MIND YOUR OWN BEESWAX: Smallpox was a regular disfigurement, so ladies would fill in the pocks with beeswax. When the weather was very warm the wax might melt. It was not the thing to do for one lady to tell another that her makeup needed attention. Hence the sharp rebuke ‘mind your own beeswax!’.
• I GOT FIRED!: When ancient clans needed to get rid of unwanted people without killing them, they would simply burn their houses down. The practice became known as ‘firing’ someone and the victim was said to be ‘fired’.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The average person performs THIS function 22 times each day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Opening the refrigerator.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Birds of a feather flock together – and crap all over your car.


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