Tuesday, August 27, 2002        Edition: #2365
I’m more humble than you are!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
YESTERDAY ‘N Sync’s Lance Bass started a week of NASA training, and here’s the reason it’s taking him so long to pay the Russian space agency for his upcoming trip to the International Space Station – he’s trying to raise the cash by rounding up corporate sponsorships (“This space walk brought to you by Cheetos….”) . . . Looks like 64-year-old Canadian-born Peter Jennings will re-up his deal to remain ABC News’ #1 TV anchor (a job he’s had since 1983), but due to cost concerns will have his annual salary frozen at it’s current level – circa $10 million (one copes as one can) . . . Rumor has it U2 singer Bono has had a hair transplant (actually, several hairs) . . . Word is Mick Jagger has hired a top public-relations expert to create a respectable new image for him and downplay his previous rep as a sex-crazed, skirt-chasing wild-man (it’s untrue he chose British spin doctor David Rigg after sleeping with him – we think) . . . Arnold Schwarzenegger has just signed on with top political consulting firm Dresner, Wickers & Associates, a sure sign he’s serious about running for California governor in 2006 (when Arnie will be 59, a little long in the tooth for an ‘action star’).

TODAY’S DVD & VHS RELEASES:
Ashley Judd & Morgan Freeman star in “High Crimes”, a crime thriller about a high-powered lawyer who finds out her husband isn’t who she thought he was when he’s arrested for murder . . . Disney’s “The Rookie”, starring Dennis Quaid, is a baseball-themed family drama about an aging high school coach who fulfills a fantasy by becoming an MLB player (based on the life of Texan Jim Morris, who finally made it to the big leagues in 1999-2000 as a relief pitcher for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays) . . . And here’s what a lot of people have been waiting for – the complete 3rd season of “The Sopranos” is out.

THE EYES HAVE IT:
A new ‘iris-scanning program’ at Toronto and Vancouver airports will allow Canadian travelers to clear customs after international flights – in about 10 seconds. Frequent fliers will have to register to take advantage of the service. (And risk stoning from other passengers stuck in interminable line-ups!)

REEFER MADNESS:
The first-ever global survey of the world’s coral reefs shows that almost all of them are in serious trouble, with over-fishing one of the main problems. More than 5,000 scientists and volunteers in about 60 countries contributed to the survey, likely the largest ecological study ever undertaken. The 5-year University of California study reveals that virtually all the world’s reefs show signs of declining health. Of the of 1,107 reefs surveyed, just one, near Madagascar, is considered to be pristine. (Until divers hear about this.)

THE AGONY OF DA FEET:
A sportswear company has developed new hi-tech socks that completely eliminate foot odor – even when they’re used for jogging 10 miles a day for a week. (Now if they could just invent socks that jog their way from the floor into the clothes basket.)

YOU GUYS ARE KILLING ME!
Researchers polled 600 heart attack survivors and found that fully 89% reported experiencing stress from ‘stupid co-workers’ just prior to becoming ill. (Great, you eat right, get enough rest and exercise and still have your health compromised because you’re working with idiots!)

PARTS DEPARTMENT:
Experts say the first animal-to-human transplants could begin within 2 years now that cloned piglets have been developed which are genetically-engineered so their organs are less likely to be rejected by human recipients. (Actually, animal parts have always been in humans– I have dogged determination, my wife is stubborn as a mule, the boss is pig-headed . . .)

NUTS TO YOU:
A new Purdue University study in “Men’s Health” magazine suggests that if you eat almonds or similar nuts before supper, you’ll lose weight! Seems nuts high in unsaturated fat make you feel full for a couple hours so you tend to consume less at supper, the meal when you’re most likely to overeat. Researchers found that of 2 groups of people who lost weight, those eating a diet high in mono-unsaturated fats were still slim after 18 months, while those who chose a low-fat diet quickly porked up again.

MEN VS WOMEN:
• An 11-year study of parent/teen relationships shows that mothers now have just a slight edge when it comes to emotional closeness with their adolescents. Today’s fathers are nearly as involved as moms. And what’s more, a father’s attention tends to pay off in less delinquent behavior and more education by the time kids reach their early 20s. (Screw the overtime, pop. Get home where you’re needed!)
• Women feel the effects of alcohol more than men. Studies show men have more of a certain stomach acid that helps break down booze before it reaches the bloodstream. (A great excuse for having another beer – “Honesh honey, I’m not drunk cush Ima guy!”)

WEIRD WORLD OF BS:
• An investigation of the funeral biz in Queensland, Australia has uncovered kickbacks of booze and lottery tickets to hospital morgue staff for referring bereaved families to specific undertakers. (They’re expected to be given ‘stiff’ penalties.)
• Just call it ‘The Book of Boobs’ – health officials in Sweden are creating a database of all women who’ve had silicone implants. That may sound extreme but it’s merely a way of tracking any associated health problems. Similar databases already exist for replacement hips and artificial knees. (This would be unnecessary in Hollywood – there’s already a membership list for the Screen Actors’ Guild.)
• Scientists with Britain’s Wildfowl & Wetlands Trust and the National Geographic Society who spent 4 months tracking by satellite the journey of a goose named ‘Kerry’ that migrated 3,000 miles from Northern Ireland to the Canadian Arctic were dismayed when they lost all hope of honing in on the honker. But they finally found ‘Kerry’ LAST WEEK – in an Inuit hunter’s freezer. (Talk about your wild goose chase!)
• The Charleston Cavern pub in Westport, New Zealand has come under fire for gender discrimination due to a sign that it has proudly displayed for decades, “We Don’t Serve Women.” The owner cleverly insists it’s harmless, claiming it means – we don’t SERVE
women, you have to bring your own!
• An Aberdeen, Scotland man was brutally honest when running a newspaper ad for a companion. 63-year-old Les Reason wrote that he was a ‘no-good drifter’ with a ‘poor sense of humor’. He also claimed to be a ‘complete animal’ who only baths once a week and has ‘no dress sense’ whatsoever. Guess what? He’s been flooded with replies! (Hey, pick me! I’m smelly with no social skills, too!)

BS SHOCKING FACTS:
• US prison population has reached an all-time high – 6.6 million!
• New stats show alcohol provides anywhere from 5 to 7% of the calories for the average American.

THE BULL SHEET 08.27.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1949 [53] Jeff Cook, Ft Payne AL, country singer (Alabama-“She’s Got That Look in Her Eyes”, “Take Me Down”)

1952 [50] Paul Reubens (aka ‘Peewee Herman’), Peekskill NY, movie actor (“Blow”, “Dr Dolittle”) busted for ‘self-pleasuring’ in a movie theater in 1991/TV host (“You Don’t Know Jack”)

1953 [49] Alex Lifeson (Alexander Zivojinovich), Toronto ON, rock singer/guitarist (Rush-“Vapor Trails”, “Different Stages“)

1970 [32] Tony Kanal, London ENG, rock bassist (No Doubt-“Hella Good”, “Girls Say”)

1977 [25] Sarah Chalke, Vancouver BC, TV actress (Dr Elliot Reid-”Scrubs”)

1988 [14] Alexa Vega, Miami FL, movie actress (Carmen Cortez-”Spy Kids 1 & 2″)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is the “90th Anniversary of Tarzan”, the fictional hero created by Edgar Rice Burroughs
for a magazine story in 1912. He was featured later that year in the novel “Tarzan of the Apes” and in 23 other novels later on, making him one of the 20th Century’s best-known fictional characters. ‘Tarzan’ facts –
• ‘Tarzan’ has appeared in over 3 dozen movies, a radio series, a comic strip, and several TV series.
• Movie ‘Tarzans’ have included Elmo Lincoln (in the first ‘Tarzan’ silent film, “Tarzan of the Apes” in 1918), Herman Brix (aka Bruce Bennet), Johnny Weismuller, Buster Crabbe, Lex Barker, Gordon Scott, Miles O’Keefe, and Christopher Lanberg.
• The city of Tarzana, California is named after ‘Tarzan’ because Edgar Rice Burroughs once owned a ranch on the site.

TODAY is “Petroleum Day”, honoring the very first successful oil well drilled near Titusville PA 143 years ago (1859). It’s a day of celebration if you belong to the ritzy Petroleum Club in Calgary or Edmonton, but a day of mourning if your gas-guzzling SUV is on empty!

THIS WEEK is the annual “Burning Man” celebration in Nevada’s Black Rock Desert. It started in 1986, when San Francisco artist Larry Harvey was bitter about losing his girlfriend to another man. He built a wooden effigy, then burned it. Nowadays, some 20,000 participants gather, throw away their clothes or don outlandish costumes, and recite poetry, build avant-garde art objects and dance all night. At the finale MONDAY, they’ll burn a 50-foot wooden effigy of a man. One of the weirdest celebrations anywhere!
PHONER: 415-TO-FLAME (Burning Man Hotline)
NET: http://www.burningman.com

ONE YEAR AGO . . .
2001 Intel Corp releases ‘Pentium 4′ processor that runs at 2 gigahertz, marking the doubling of the speed of computer chips in only a year-and-a-half (although some disenchanted users are now suing, claiming they’re even slower than Pentium 3)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1955 [47] 1st publication of “Guinness Book of World Records” (sells over 70 million copies, more than any other book but the Bible and the Koran)

1990 [12] Toronto Blue Jays game in Skydome delayed 35 minutes due to – gnats

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1982 [20] Largest apple pie, weighing 30,115 lbs, baked in 40-by-23 ft dish (Glynn Christian-ENG)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] World Sauntering Day
[Thurs] 2002 MTV Video Music Awards (NYC)
[Thurs] More Herbs, Less Salt Day
[Fri] National Toasted Marshmallow Day
[Mon] Labor Day (no BS service)
[Sept 3] Rolling Stones’ 40th Anniversary “Licks” Tour begins (Boston MA)
[Sept 4] “American Idol” finale
[Sept 5] Toronto International Film Festival begins
This Week is – Step-Parent’s Appreciation Week
August is – Admit You’re Happy Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS QUESTIONS YOU DON’T WANT ANSWERED:

• “When you say ‘about average’, exactly how many other men are you comparing me to?”
• “Why is this chair wet?”
• “What’s inside this letter from the tax office?”
• “Honey, why are you so sick each morning?”
• “No, I’ve never heard of Amway. What is it?”
• “How contagious are you?”
• “If that’s not chocolate, then what is it?” 

BS ANIMALIA:
• Many of these little mammals only blink one eye at a time. (Hamsters)
• After living in the ground as grubs for 15 years, these damage-causing insects have an adult lifespan of only a few weeks. (Locusts)
• Can starfish swim? (Nope, and part of the reason is that they aren’t fish at all, they’re ‘echinoderms’, a breed of armed, stiff-bodied marine animals that also includes sea urchins and sand dollars.)
• This bird can’t lay an egg unless she sees another bird of the same species. (Pigeon)
• This breed of dog is easily identifiable due to a genetic condition called ‘achondroplasia’.  (The dachshund. ‘Achondroplasia’ causes dwarfism, in the dachshund’s case, abnormally short legs.)
• What is a group of owls called? (A ‘parliament’.)

BS PHONE STARTER:
“Would you report a co-worker that you see stealing office supplies?” (A new Walker Information poll finds that only 35% of employees who notice ‘ethical violations’ actually report them.)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to a recent survey, most women have had 7 of these in the past 10 years.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Hairstyles.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

WELCOME NEW BS-ERS!
A BS salute to this week’s new samplers including Rich Thurfield @ WAOR Michiwaka IN,
Rob Banks @ KLUC Las Vegas NV, Alley Wynder @ STAR 102.7 Salt Lake City UT, KC Bejerana @ HIT RADIO 100 Guam, Dan Borden @ CKDQ Drumheller AB, Bryan Kindle @ WHHT Glasgow KY, and Darrell Jackson @ WGNI Wilmington NC.


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