Friday, August 16, 2002        Edition: #2358
                           All the world’s a stage….and I missed rehearsal!

Shania Twain is finally set to release “Up!” NOVEMBER 12, the long-awaited follow-up to her 1997
multi-platinum selling album “Come On Over” . . . Leonardo DiCaprio (“Titanic” and, most recently, “Titanic”)
is in negotiations to star in Baz Luhrmann’s upcoming epic film about Alexander the Great (they’ll have to
rename it ‘Leonardo the Wuss’) . . . Mariah Carey has reportedly been told to stop flashing so much flesh by
the boss of her new recording label Def Jam (QUOTE: “If you have a magnificent voice and you write such
compelling songs, why are you dressing like that?”) . . . THIS WEEKEND “Tonight Show” host Jay Leno, who
owns more than 150 cars & motorcycles, is hoping to win ‘Best in Show’ with his 1928 Bugatti at the 52nd
annual “Concours d’ Elegance” auto show at Pebble Beach CA . . . To refute allegations that “American Idol”
voting is fixed, co-producer Nigel Lythgoe says all voting figures will be revealed – at the end of the series . . .
Former “Spin City” star and Parkinson’s sufferer Michael J Fox is pitching a TV show he’s written and
executive produced that revolves around a larger-than-life pro hockey player who gets to spend more time with
his family after he’s forced to retire . . . And it’s official – Hollywood is desperately short of ideas – Motley Crue
has just signed a deal to turn the band’s autobiography, “The Dirt”, into a feature film.

Eddy Murphy stars in the comedy “The Adventures of Pluto Nash” as a future resident of the Moon struggling
to keep the Mafia from taking over his nightclub (perhaps that convoluted storyline helps to explain why this
movie’s been postponed numerous times after being filmed 2 years ago) . . . Kate Bosworth & Michelle
Rodriguez star in the romantic adventure “Blue Crush” as a pair of hotel maids in a remote Maui community
who have nothing else to do with their time so they take up surfing and become very good at it, eventually
entering a traditionally all-male surfing competition (Hawaii’s big waves are the film’s real star) . . . And the
romance “Possession” opens in limited markets, starring Gwyneth Paltrow & Aaron Eckhart as a pair of
literary sleuths who unearth the amorous secret of two Victorian poets (geez, any car chases?).

TOMORROW a British couple will wed in a truly non-traditional ceremony – they’re throwing a music festival! A
total of 11 bands have been booked for Rolf Startin & Samantha Barry’s wedding at which most of the guests
will be sleeping in tents in true festival style. The couple has also set up their own Website – or ‘Wedsite’ – that
includes instructions on how to get there and a list of suggested gifts.

“Child” magazine says your kids aren’t ready for pre-school unless they know their first and last names, can
listen to an entire story and are able to take turns and share toys. (In that case, a lot of 17-year-olds should still
be at home!)

Scotland’s Strathmore Water Company is set to market chocolate-flavored water called ‘H2Cocoa’. The drink
will taste like chocolate milk but is clear and low-calorie, with just 5 calories per bottle. The product is targeted
at children as an alternative to sugary soft drinks.

According to a Michigan State University study you’ve got to get enough sleep – 8 or 9 hours a night – if you’re
going to keep your energy high. Working women sleep about 20 fewer minutes a night than their male
partners, and moms with toddlers under 3-years-old get up to 50 minutes less shut-eye each night.

• The case of a Wasaga Beach, Canada woman who drank too much booze at a company Christmas party,
then sued her employer after she was in a drunk driving accident on her way home, is going back to court. The
Ontario Court of Appeal has granted the employer’s appeal for a new trial. The woman was previously
awarded $300,000 in damages!
• Justice was swift for a teenager who gave the police the finger while speeding on his motorcycle in
Kameoka, Japan. Just seconds later, he ran a red light, slammed into a taxi –  and died.
• A 24-year-old Tucson AZ woman has been sentenced to 3 years’ probation on negligent homicide charges
for the death of her baby. The child was killed when the mother was driving her truck – while breast-feeding.
Not surprisingly, she crashed into another vehicle.
• A New Zealand court has come up with an unusual punishment for a man caught with his pants down taking a
leak in public. He must take out a newspaper ad saying, “I realize that it is unhygienic, and there are other
places to urinate.”

• Vanilla – You are an orderly perfectionist who is careful, detail-oriented, conscientious, ethical, and
financially conservative. You enjoy close family relationships.
• Chocolate – You are adventurous, confident, non-judgmental and playful. Chocolate fans enjoy being the
center of attention and can become bored with the usual routine.
• Strawberry – You can be nice with a magnetic personality on one hand, or gritty, caustic and out-spoken on
the other.
• Butter Pecan – You are competitive, aggressive in sports, a ‘take charge’ kind of personality.
• Chocolate Chip – You are generous, competitive and accomplished, charming in social situations,
ambitious and competent.
• Cappuccino – Your are refined, sophisticated, self-directed, addicted to the finer things in life and not
swayed easily by popular opinion.
• Cherry – You are eccentric, romantic, and gypsy-like with a youthful innocence.
• Double Chocolate Chunk– You are lively, creative, dramatic, charming, enthusiastic, the life
of the party.
Source: A ‘flavorology study’ conducted by the Smell & Taste Research Foundation

You may be going to a bad beauty salon if they do electrolysis with jumper cables.


1930 [72] Frank Gifford, Santa Monica CA, retired TV sportscaster (“Monday Night Football”)/NFL Hall of
Fame player (NY Giants)/Mr Kathie Lee Gifford since 1985

1953 [49] Kathie Lee Gifford, Paris FRA, retired TV talk show host (“Live With Regis & Kathie Lee”)/Mrs
Frank Gifford

1954 [48] James Cameron, Kapuskasing CAN, movie director (Oscar-“Titanic”, “Terminator”, “True Lies”)/TV
producer (“Dark Angel”)  NEXT FILM: He opted out of “Terminator 2” but has completed a script for the
sequel “True Lies 2”, scheduled to shoot NEXT YEAR

1958 [44] Madonna (Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone), Bay City MI, pop singer (“What It Feels Like for a
Girl”, “Music”)/bad film actress (“The Next Best Thing”)/mom to Rocco & Lourdes  NOTE: 17 years ago
TODAY (1985) he married Sean Penn in Malibu. She wore a leather teddy, he wore boxing gloves. They
divorced in 1989.

1958 [44] Angela Bassett, NYC, movie actress (“The Score”, “What’s Love Got to Do With It”, “Waiting To

1959 [43] Laura Innes, Pontiac MI, TV actress (Dr Kerry Weaver-“ER” since 1995)

1972 [30] Emily (Erwin) Robison, Dallas TX, country singer (Dixie Chicks-“Long Time Gone”, “Wide Open

1943 [59] Robert De Niro, NYC, movie actor (Oscars-“Godfather 2”, “Raging Bull”)  NEXT FILMS: The
comedy sequel to “Analyze This” called “Analyze That” opening DECEMBER 6, and a “Meet the Parents”
sequel titled “Meet the Fockers” due in 2003

1958 [44] Belinda Carlisle (Kurczeski), Hollywood CA, classic rock singer (Gogos-“We Got the Beat”, “Our
Lips Are Sealed”)

1960 [42] Sean Penn, Santa Monica CA, film actor (Oscar nominations-“I Am Sam”, “Sweet & Lowdown”,
“Dead Man Walking”)/Mr Robin Wright/ex-Mr Madonna  NEXT FILM: The mystery “Mystic River” directed by
Clint Eastwood, coming in MARCH

TODAY is the 25th anniversary of Elvis Presley being found dead in the john from a drug overdose. He died in
Memphis on August 16, 1977 at age 42.
Two of these statements about Elvis are true, the other pure BS. But which one?
1. In the 1957 Elvis film “Loving You”, both of his parents were extras.
2. Elvis gave an encore at only 3 concerts. (BS. He never gave an encore, thus the famous line “Elvis has left
the building.”)
3. Elvis named ‘Graceland’ after his mother.

TODAY is “National Tell-A-Joke Day”, a good day to have a young kids call in with really rotten jokes, then
tutor them on how to make them funnier.

TOMORROW-Thursday the “2002 National Scrabble Championship” spells in San Diego CA. Some 400
contestants from the US & Canada play 6 games per day competing for cash prizes. Scrabble facts –
• There are roughly 25,000 tournament players worldwide.
• Top experts average over 400 points per game.
• It was originally called ‘Criss Cross Words’ in 1931 when invented by unemployed architect Alfred Butts.
• About 33 million North Americans play the game and well over 100 million copies have been sold since
Source: Hasbro
PHONER: 631-477-0033 (National Scrabble Association-Greenport NY)

TOMORROW is “Homeless Animals Day”, to call attention to that fact that upwards of 20 million pets are put
down in North American shelters each year due to overpopulation. Numerous pet vigils will be staged by the
‘International Society for Animal Rights’, whose motto is ‘Spay/Neuter! It Stops the Killing!’ (The idea of cloning
more cats and dogs has to be the most idiot proposal for the new gene technology.)

1996 [06] 1st regular season MLB game outside US or Canada as San Diego Padres beat NY Mets 15-10 in
Monterrey, Mexico

1999 [03] 1st edition of “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?” hosted by Regis Philbin premieres on ABC-TV as
a summer fill-in special and quickly becomes TV’s #1 show

1960 [42] Joseph Kittinger sets world record for ‘successful free fall’, dropping 84,700 ft – more than 16 miles
– before opening parachute over New Mexico

[Sat] National Thriftshop Day
[Sun] Bad Poetry Day
[Sun] National Watermelon Day
[Mon] Stay Home With Your Kids Day
[Tues] National Radio Day (hey, do we get the day off?)
Elvis Week (aka ‘Help Lisa Marie Avoid Working for a Living Week’)
Child Support Enforcement Month (aka ‘Deadbeat Dad Month’)


• ARIES – You will contemplate nothingness today, but somethingness will keep intruding upon your thoughts.
• TAURUS – Good day to introduce a bit of randomness into your life. Try getting dressed in the dark like I do,
for example.
• GEMINI – You will meet a tough challenge in a very resourceful way today, using only a Swiss Army knife, a
transistor radio, and oven cleaner.
• CANCER – A romantic episode will take you by surprise. Tip: the important thing to remember when dealing
with circus performers, is not to suggest having a ‘fling’.
• LEO – A door-to-door arms dealer will stop by today. Although you won’t be entirely sure how
you let yourself get talked into it, you’ll soon be the first on the block to own a rocket launcher.
• VIRGO – Good day to call an old friend and reminisce. It’s much easier than trying to reminisce with a new
• LIBRA – An excellent day for swimming, but not for milking a goat. Especially in the swimming pool.
• SCORPIO – Time to stop beating around the bush. Beat the bush itself. Give it a good thrashing and say
‘bad bush!’ in a loud, stern voice.
• SAGITTARIUS – Today’s a good day for original thinking and bursts of creativity. Not a good day to wear
flammable clothing.
• CAPRICORN – Make some leek soup day today. Despite your recent tendency towards shoplifting
vegetables, I highly recommend you buy a leek, not take one.
• AQUARIUS – You will discover a small flaw in your character. Meditation and Ginseng tea might clear it up.
Or if not that, then a few gallons of cheap wine and an adventure involving a cart filled with garbage, some gold
coins, and a banana.
• PISCES – Today is not a good day to be yourself. In fact, that might even be dangerous. Be
someone else, until further notice!

Nobody likes a smart-ass, so the object of this game is for your contestant to strive to be dead wrong! If they
get all the answers incorrect, they win! The correct answers which they can NOT give are in parenthesis.
GAME #1 –
• In how many of his movies did Elvis die? (One. His first, 1956’s “Love Me Tender”)
• Name a sporting event that is won by moving backwards. (Swimming backstroke, rowing, or tug-of-war.)
• If you listen really, really closely, you can hear fish do this. (Grunt.)
• Which country owns the North Pole? (The North Pole is not owned by any country.)
• When a cat falls, it usually lands on this. (Feet.)

GAME #2 –
• How long is one year? (365 days. Well, 365 days, 5 hours, 48 minutes and 46 seconds to be exact.)
• Amish men tend to have long beards but they are forbidden from growing what? (Mustaches, because of the
long history of them being associated with the military.)
• Handymen say that if you pour Coca-Cola in your toilet it will remove this. (Rust stains.)
• Which animal can hop 40 mph? (Kangaroo.)
• What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? (A bad golfer goes, WHACK! “Damn!” A
bad skydiver goes, “Damn!” WHACK.)

• Which 2 states bill themselves as the ‘Sunshine State’? (Florida and South Dakota.)

Q: 82 years ago TODAY (1920), Ray Chapman of the Cleveland Indians was hit in the head by NY Yankee
Carl Mays’ pitch. So why would that put him in the record books?
A: Chapman died the next day and remains the only major league player to be killed by an on-field baseball

Today’s Question: Just 2% of these cosmetic surgery procedures are done on men.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Breast implants.

The trouble with trouble is that it usually sounds like fun.

Printer Friendly Version