Wednesday, August 14, 2002 Edition: #2356
A second class effort is a first class mistake!
E-MAIL DELIVERY NOTE:
Our ‘high-speed’ e-mail server, Cogeco Cable, has been experiencing e-mail system problems over the past few days. While we continue to send you the NEXT DAY’S “BS” by mid-day EDT, some of you are not receiving it until 18 hours later. A couple of subscribers have also experienced either partial delivery or the same issue replicated numerous times. The wizards at Cogeco promise their troubles will be corrected within the next day or so. If they aren’t, “The Bull Sheet” will be moving to another server. In the meantime, please make us aware of any late arrivals, missed or damaged issues and we’ll either re-feed them in time for your show or credit your account. Apologies for the inconvenience.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Britney Spears is taking her first vacation in 4 years, a 6-month hiatus at her mom’s house in Kentwood LA (she was spotted in Vancouver on the weekend visiting little sister Jamie Lynn Spears, who’s filming a TV commercial there) . . . Meantime, rumor has it Britney’s been using laxatives as a form of weight control (maybe she quit that Mexico concert due to a real ‘emergency’?) . . . Vancouver actor-turned-racer Jason Priestley has been transferred to Methodist Hospital in Indianapolis which specializes in treating race car injuries and docs say they expect he’ll fully recover from a broken back and other injuries from his 180-mph crash . . . Britain’s 17-year-old party prince, Harry, is said to be hot on pursuing a career as a professional polo player, much to the horror of pop Prince Charles (who is a professional …. loafer?) . . . First J-Lo had to change the ads for her new fragrance (cutting out Cris Judd) and now she may have to come up with a new name as a California company has filed a trademark infringement suit over the name ‘Glow’ . . . For the first time, Madonna has written a song for another artist, “Alone Again”, to be released as a single by Kylie Minogue . . . Enrique Eglasias is reportedly spending $7.5 million to have a spectacular Hollywood home built complete with pool, gym, cinema, recording studio, and – loose lips say – his ‘friend’ Anna Kournikova . . . And porn actress Jenna Jameson will become the first XXX star with her own ‘bobble head’ dolls, a series of 6 coming THIS FALL….er, make that being released this fall (wasn’t ‘Bob L Head’ one of her co-stars?).
HIGHEST-EARNING DEAD CELEBS:
According to “Forbes” just-released 2002 list . . .
1. Elvis Presley ($37 million in the past year)
2. “Peanuts” creator Charles Schulz ($28 million)
3. [tie] John Lennon/race car driver Dale Earnhardt ($20 million)
4. Theodor Geisel, aka ‘Dr Seuss’ ($19 million)
5. George Harrison ($17 million)
NEW JARGON WATCH:
• ‘Gyro’ – The new buzzword in the fitness biz. ‘Gyrokinesis’ is a system of movement to stretch and strengthen the body. A ‘gyrotonic’ is a machine that does it for you. (Like the rack.)
• ‘Nineteen-Longtime’ – Slang for a long time ago as in, “Wow, I haven’t heard that tune since nineteen-longtime!”
• ‘Microlivestock’ – What edible insects specifically grown as food are now being called. There are around 450 edible species. Yum!
A survey for the American Sociological Association indicates marital happiness drops after the arrival of the first baby. Couples don’t approach their pre-baby levels of marriage satisfaction until all the kids have flown the nest.
COUNTRIES WITH THE UGLIEST WOMEN:
Source: “FHM” magazine worldwide poll
THE THONG’S THE THING:
Experts say the popularity of women’ thong underwear has hit an all-time high, now matching sales of traditional undies. The trend began about 5 years ago with women trying to disguise panty lines when wearing tight-fitting clothes. A poll shows that back then, 1 in 3 women said they’d wear no underwear under an evening dress, but now with the rise in the popularity of thongs that figure has fallen to 1 in 9.
34% of women surveyed by “Self” magazine say they would not feel confident wearing a bikini of any kind …. anytime …. anywhere. (Unfortunately too many men feel quite confident wearing a Speedo.)
GOOD REASON TO TAKE WEDNESDAYS OFF:
The journal “Nature” confirms it really does rain more on weekends, in fact 22% more on Saturdays than on Mondays. It’s supposedly linked to micro-particle pollution build-up during the work-week.
NO WONDER BREAD:
A new Australian study has for the first time implicated a preservative in bread to behavioral
problems in children. The study shows the mold inhibitor calcium propionate – or preservative 282 – is linked to irritability, restlessness, inattention and sleep disturbances in some children. (New ‘healthy’ recipe for kids’ peanut butter & jelly sandwich – spread PB on left hand, jelly on right hand, tell ‘em to clap.)
ALL DRESSED UP, NOWHERE TO GO:
A recent survey on home business finds that 75% of men actually shave before starting work at home, and 41% go so far as to dress in business attire. Women are more relaxed – just 25% put on makeup and only 3% bother to dress up. (What’s the point of staying home if you can’t work in your bathrobe?)
REASONS FOR MARITAL SPATS:
5. Free Time
2. Household Chores
THE BULL SHEET 08.14.2K2
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1941  David Crosby (Van Cortlandt), LA CA, classic rock musician (CS&N-“Suite: Judy Blue Eyes”)/liver recipient/sperm donor father of Melissa Etheridge’s two children
1945  Steve Martin, Waco TX, movie actor (“Bowfinger”, “Father of the Bride 1 & 2”)/comedian who’s made most appearances on “Saturday Night Live” (at least 25)
1947  Danielle Steel, NYC, trash novelist (“Full Circle”, “No Greater Love”) whose books have appeared on “NY Times” ‘Best Sellers’ list for Guinness Record 381 consecutive weeks
1968  Halle Berry, Cleveland OH, movie actress (Oscar-“Monster’s Ball”, Emmy Award-“Introducing Dorothy Dandridge”) UP NEXT: Plays ‘Jinx’ in the ‘James Bond’ flick “Die Another Day” opening NOVEMBER 22, then returns as ‘Storm’ in the “X-Men” sequel coming in MAY
1968  Catherine Bell, London ENG, TV actress (Major Sarah ‘Mac’ MacKenzie-“JAG” since 1996)
1970  Kevin Cadogan, Oakland CA, rock musician (Third Eye Blind-“Jumper”, “How’s It Gonna Be”)
1983  Mila Kunis, Kiev UKR, TV actress (Jackie Burkhardt-“That ’70s Show”, voice of ‘Megan Griffin’-“Family Guy”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Financial Awareness Day”, a day to add up all your assets and all your debts in order to get a clear picture of where you stand. (Just before declaring bankruptcy.)
TODAY is “National Husbands in Love Day”. (Where’s my air sickness bag?)
TODAY is “National Creamsicle Day”, celebrating those ooey gooey orange-flavored Popsicles with ice cream inside.
TODAY-Sunday the annual “Festival Montgolfieres”, Canada’s largest gathering of hot air balloons, floats in St-Jean-sur-Richelieu QC.
PHONER: 450-346-6000 x239
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1899  1st ‘push-button pay phone’ (Montréal)
1936  1st Olympic basketball game (USA defeats Canada 19-8 in Berlin)
1953  1st ‘Wiffle Ball’ (ball with holes that’s forerunner of ‘Nerf Ball’)
1958  1st ‘Canadian Football League’ game is held in Winnipeg as Blue Bombers defeat Edmonton Eskimos 29-21 (CFL is formed when ‘Canadian Football Council’ withdraws from ‘Canadian Rugby Union’ and renames itself)
1982  Bill Neal becomes 1st to paddle a bathtub the 21 miles across the English Channel (in order to avoid being arrested by French authorities, he registers his tub with Lloyds of London as an ‘ocean-going craft’)
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1976  World’s ‘longest softball game’ begins in Monticello NY (Gager’s Diner beats Bend’n Elbow Tavern 491-467 in 365 innings over 2 days in charity fundraiser)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs-Aug 25] Central Canada Exhibition in Ottawa (http://www.the-ex.com)
[Fri-Sept 2] Canadian National Exhibition in Toronto (http://www.theex.com)
[Sat-Sept 2] Pacific National Exhibition in Vancouver (http://www.pne.bc.ca)
[Thurs] 84th PGA Golf Championship begins (Chaska MN)
[Fri] National Tell A Joke Day
[Fri] Elvis’ 25th Death Anniversary
Elvis Week (a new poll shows more than 17 million US adults have at some time impersonated Elvis)
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS WORST PICK-UP LINES:
• “You’re ugly but you intrigue me.”
• “Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.”
• “I’m really drunk and you’re beginning to look pretty good.””
• “Hi, my friends call me Creepy.”
• “Wow, I just threw up!”
• “You have the face of a saint – a Saint Bernard.”
• “Is that a false nose?”
• “You’ll do.”
• “Is that a Tic-Tac in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”
BS ‘BEAT THE TOASTER’:
You decide on the letter, the contestant must come up with 10 words beginning with that letter in 10 different categories. Time’s up after 60 seconds, as announced by toaster SFX.
Using the initial letter ‘D’ name a . . .
• Breakfast Food
• Something in Your Wallet
• Something on a Map
• Someone in the Movies
• School Subject
• Boy’s Name
• Domesticated Animal
• Something at a Baseball Game
• Foreign Language
• Vacation Destination
Using the initial letter ‘S’ name a . . .
• Leader or Politician
• Excuse for Being Late
• Ice Cream Flavor
• Something That Bounces
• TV Star
• Something in a Park
• Musical Instrument
• Something That is Sticky
• Bad Habit
BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “What’s the worst possible song to play for the ‘first dance’ at a wedding?” (“The Lady is a Tramp”? “Like a Virgin”? “Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under”?)
• “What do you think is totally over-rated?”
• “What’s Canada’s least attractive location?”
• “Have you ever run into a former lover many years later? What happened?”
BS DEAD OR ALIVE?
Are the following fashion designers stiff or still kickin’?
• Bill Blass (Died 6/11/02)
• Giorgio Armani (Alive at 68)
• Pierre Cardin (Alive and 80)
• Liz Claiborne (Alive and 73)
• Perry Ellis (Died 5/30/86)
• Halston (Died 3/26/90)
• Calvin Klein (Alive at 59)
• Yves Saint Laurent (Alive at age 66)
• Bob Mackie (Alive and 62)
• Gianni Versace (Murdered 7/15/97)
• Coco Chanel (Died 1/10/71)
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to University of Chicago research, a woman is attracted to men who smell like this.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Her father.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Only the mediocre are always at their best.