Tuesday, August 13, 2002        Edition: #2355
Bully For You!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Famous Hollywood rehab clinic Promises is looking into the possibility there’s a ‘mole’ on its staff secretly feeding the names of celebs who’ve checked in to the media – Tatum O’Neal, for instance, who’s back in rehab after being caught smoking crack by a family friend . . . CBS-TV has green-lighted a drama pilot revolving around NBA star Shaq O’Neal and a fictional teammate who suffers a career-ending injury and winds up as a coach at Shaq’s old high school (the large-footed one is expected to appear in the pilot and in occasional guest shots if the show gets picked up – they’re dreamin’) . . . The first clue aging actor & NRA president Charlton Heston had Alzheimer’s – he forgot where he put his Glock . . . “XXX” star Vin Diesel turned down more money than any actor in movie history – over $20 million – to do the sequel to “The Fast & The Furious” . . . Newlyweds Nicolas Cage & Lisa Marie Presley reportedly contacted a medium to introduce Nic to Elvis from beyond the grave, which resulted in ‘The King’ giving the couple a thumbs-up to get married . . . Hollywood hunk Brad Pitt has a new fashion statement, showing up for a movie premiere wearing – a bell in his whiskers . . . Fans of “The Sopranos” can now buy blueprints to ‘Tony’s’ home on the Internet – for $600! (http://www.sopranohomedesign.com) . . . Caveat emptor – at least 100 fans were turned away from the Bruce Springsteen concert at Washington DC’s MCI Center on the weekend because the tickets they bought from scalpers were fake . . . The producers of “American Idol” are looking to create a global version of the show, in which winners from different countries compete (“….and now Pavelina will sing the Bulgarian folk song ‘You Sat in My Borscht So Ima Dumpin’ You’….”). . . Prince Charles plans to launch his own fashion label specializing in ‘casual country clothes’ made only of wool from British sheep in a bid to help the UK’s slumping rural economy (brand name ideas? ‘In Bred’?) . . . And oh-so-modest tennis champ Serena Williams says she’d just like a small acting role – in a movie all about her.

TODAY’S DVD & VHS RELEASES:
Tragedy strikes when a New England couple’s college-aged son dates an older woman with a jealous ex-husband in the drama “In the Bedroom”, starring Sissy Spacek & Tom Wilkinson (who both received Oscar nominations) . . . Writer/director/co-star Kevin Smith’s comedy “Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back” about a pair of stoners who set out to wreck a movie about their lives because they aren’t getting paid for the story, is an insider film aimed at fans of the two characters that have appeared in his previous films (“Clerks,” “Mallrats,” “Chasing Amy”, and “Dogma”) . . . And a bank clerk played by Ben Chaplin has his small town life turned upside down by the arrival of his Russian mail-order bride (Nicole Kidman) in the romantic comedy “Birthday Girl”.

CANADA BY THE NUMBERS:
• New stats from StatsCan and the Department of Foreign Affairs show that the number of assaults and thefts reported by Canadians traveling in foreign countries jumped dramatically in 2001. The most dangerous countries for assaults were Mexico, Cuba, Colombia and, surprise surprise, the USA. The worst countries for thefts – France, Mexico, Britain, Italy, and, surprise surprise, the USA. The numbers aren’t looking much better for 2002, despite the fact that international travel by Canadians has dropped by over 18% since 9/11.
• In a new Ipsos-Reid poll, 63% of Canadians say that sentences handed out in Canadian courts are generally too lenient. 31% think they’re about right, but just 2% think our courts are too tough. As to specific crimes, 46% agree with a 2-year jail term for a drinking & driving offence in which a passenger is seriously injured. Only 29% disagree.

GARBAGE IN, GARBAGE OUT:
A new study from the National Institute on Media & the Family finds that watching lots of violence on TV and playing violent video games not only makes kids more physically aggressive, it also makes them meaner and more distrustful. The research found a correlation between exposure to high levels of TV or video game violence and so-called ‘relational aggression’ such as name-calling, threats and – rumor-mongering. (“If I catch you mongering one more rumor, little Mister, there’ll be no tube time for a month!”)

JUST CALL ME DUMBASS:
For the SEPTEMBER 6 launch of the new video game ”Turok Evolution” for PlayStation 2, Xbox and GameCube, Acclaim Corp is looking for 5 people to legally change their name for an entire year – to ‘Turok’. Those taking part in the promotion receive $750, an Xbox console and a copy of the new game.

ON YOUR MARK, GET SET:
According to a new study published in “Fit For Fun” magazine, female runners who have sex before sprinting tend to run faster. On the other hand, men who have sex before running tend to run slower.

DEADBEAT MOMS:
Single dads are sick and tired of being labeled ‘deadbeats’ when it comes to paying child support and new stats show they have good reason to be upset. The percentage of ‘deadbeat moms’ is actually higher than that of dads who don’t pay up, even though mothers are more often awarded custody of children by courts. New figures show that only 57% of moms required to pay child support pay some or all of the money they owe, compared to 68% of dads.

IS ‘HD RADIO’ THE FUTURE?
Digital radio, formerly know as DAB for ‘digital audio broadcasting’, is set to be repackaged as ‘HD Radio’ (taking advantage of public awareness of High Definition TV). Stations in Chicago, Los Angeles, Miami, New York, San Francisco & Seattle are set to hop on the bandwagon later THIS YEAR of the new technology that promises CD quality on FM and current FM quality on AM. The biggest problem – listeners have to buy new ‘HD’ radios to hear the difference. Will repackaging the product make it more attractive to consumers? Experimental digital radio signals actually began in Toronto and Montréal way back in 1994. There are now over 50 DAB stations in Canada, including Vancouver, Windsor and Ottawa. Digital radio receivers have been on the market since 1995. (Are listeners gonna fork out cash for this? Remember the much-ballyhooed ‘AM Stereo’?)

WACKY WORLD OF BS:
• A mushroom hunter in southwest France has stumbled upon 101 garden gnomes in a forest. A shadowy organization calling itself the Front for the Liberation of Gnomes issued a warning LAST SPRING it was waging a ‘mass campaign against the oppressors and enslavers of garden gnomes’. The gnomes were said to be found tastefully arranged in a circle, some of them on tree stumps, in a pine forest. (What about other yard critters? Free the ‘lawn jockeys’!)
• Some 200 women in rural southwestern Nepal have resorted to plowing their fields naked in hopes of bringing much-needed rain. The women locked the gates and shut the windows of their houses with their husbands inside, then bared it all as they tilled the fields in a ritual to appease the Hindu god of rain, Indra. (Not to push anyone into doing anything they wouldn’t want to do, but it’s sure been dry here lately too, hasn’t it?)
• Newspapers in India are reporting that 3 people have been killed and more than a dozen wounded along the India-Nepal border by a mysterious ‘red fireball-like object ‘ that attacks humans, then disappears. Authorities from both Nepal and India have failed to identify the UFO, which is said to be active at night and disappears instantly after an attack. (In related news, production of a particularly potent form of hashish has reached record levels in Nepal.)

GREATEST MOVIES OF ALL-TIME:
1. Orson Welles’ ”Citizen Kane”
2. ”The Godfather”/”The Godfather Part II”
3. Federico Fellini’s ”8-1/2”
4. “Lawrence of Arabia”
5. “Dr Strangelove”
Source: British Film Institute poll of movie directors

THE BULL SHEET 08.13.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [76] Fidel Castro (‘El Commandante’, ‘El Caballo’, ‘El Jefe Maximo’), Mayari CUBA, Cuban President (1959-present)

1949 [53] Bobby Clarke, NHL exec (President/GM Philadelphia Flyers)/Hall of Fame former NHL center (2 Stanley Cups-Flyers)

1966 [36] Shayne Corson, Barrie ON, NHL winger (Toronto Maple Leafs)

1973 [29] Andy Griggs, Monroe LA, country singer (“I’ll Go Crazy”, “You Won’t Ever Be Lonely”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is the 26th annual observance of “International Lefthanders Day”, first celebrated on Friday, August 13, 1976 to salute that forgotten visible minority – lefties. Only about 11% of women and 8% of men are left-handed. Here’s a few fascinating facts –
• Recent research suggests that a single gene may determine whether you’re right- or left-handed. But remember ‘handedness’ is a matter of feet, eyes & ears, as well as hands, and it can vary from body part to body part. In 16% of the population, the favored hand and foot are on different sides. In 26%, the hand and eye differ. Less than half of us favor the same side with every part.
• Statistically lefties tend to be more accident-prone. In fact, more than 2,500 left-handed people are killed every year from using right-handed products (common items NOT designed for lefties – scissors, fishing reel, rifle, corkscrew, can opener, video camera, guitar, soup ladle, etc). Lefties are also more likely to suffer from dyslexia, schizophrenia, stuttering and alcoholism. No wonder left-handed people are more likely to die young than right-handers.
• Left-handed people are statistically more likely to be geniuses. Lefties are more likely to be Mensa members, musicians and US presidents. However, they’re also more likely to be insane.
• About 40% of domestic cats are left-pawed, 20% right-pawed, the rest ‘ambi-pawed’. All polar bears are left-handed. (How do they know? They ask for autographs?)
• Left-handers are called ‘southpaws’ because at one time, most baseball parks were constructed so the setting sun was behind the batter so as not to be in his eyes. The left-handed pitcher’s throwing arm would then be toward the south side as he faced the plate.
• Famous lefties include painters Michelangelo, Picasso & Leonardo da Vinci, composers Bach, Beethoven & Jimi Hendrix, authors Mark Twain & Lewis Carroll, and celebs Oprah Winfrey, Marilyn Monroe & Paul McCartney.
• Lefties have the ‘right’ to feel picked on — ‘sinister’ comes from the Latin word for left, while ‘dexterity’ is Latin for right. The French word for left is ‘gauche’, which has also come to mean tacky or unmannerly. Demeaning expressions include ‘left-handed compliment’ and ‘out of left field’.

TODAY is “Skinny Dipping Day”, saluting the decadent delight of swimming in the altogether. (Can Rosie O’Donnell SKINNY dip? When’s ‘Fat Dipping Day’?)

THIS MONTH is “National Hair-itage Month”, saluting all those involved in the hair care industry.

THIS MONTH Kentucky Fried Chicken is celebrating its 50th anniversary. The first KFC franchise opened in Salt Lake City UT in August, 1952. 50 years later, the chain built on Colonel Harland Sanders’ fried chicken recipe using 11 ‘secret’ herbs and spices boasts close to 12,000 restaurants worldwide that generate annual sales of nearly $10 billion.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1889 [113] 1st ‘coin-operated telephone’ (William Gray-Hartford CT)

1924 [78] 1st million-selling country recording (Vernon Dalhart-“The Prisoner’s Song”)

1942 [60] Disney’s “Bambi” premieres (His mother dies!!! Oh sorry, thought I was over that)

1997 [05] 1st TV episode of “South Park” airs (1st time ‘Kenny’ gets killed)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1981 [21] World distance record set for ‘cow chip throwing’ — 266 feet (and that’s no BS!)

1988 [14] Ronald Dossenbach sets record for cycling across Canada from Vancouver to Halifax in just 13 days, 15 hr, 4 min

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] National Financial Awareness Day (aka ‘NSF Day’)
[Wed] National Creamsicle Day (what’s in that goop anyway?)
[Thurs] National Failures Day (my list of failures deserves its own month)
[Thurs] PGA Golf Championship begins (Chaska MN)
[Sat] National Thriftshop Day (give away a $3 shopping spree!)
National Buckle Up Week (or your pants will fall down)
National Water Quality Month (now there’s a 21st-century oxymoron)

BULL’S BITS . . .
MEN ARE LIKE:

Laxatives: They irritate the crap out of you.
Bananas: The older they get, the less firm they are.
Vacations: They never seem to be long enough.
Weather: Nothing can be done to change them.
Blenders: You need one, but you’re not sure quite why.
Chocolate bars: Sweet & smooth and they usually head right for your hips.
Coffee: The best ones are rich and warm and can keep you up all night long.
Commercials: You can’t believe a word they say.
Department stores: Their clothes are always half off.
Government bonds: They take sooo long to mature.
Horoscopes: They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Mascara: They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Popcorn: They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Snowstorms: You never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long it
will last.
Lava Lamps: Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Parking spots: All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

BS INTERVIEWS:
• NYC ‘artist’ Brock Enright runs what is essentially a kidnapping service in which people pay him to monitor their daily routine and then kidnap them, subsequently submitting them to some kind of ordeal, usually of a sexual nature. A kidnapping can set you back up to $4,000. Videotapes of his ‘nappings were recently displayed as an exhibit at an art gallery.
PHONER: 917-602-7705 (Liz Alderman, gallery director at The Dealership, Brooklyn NY)
• Those goofy ‘bobble-head dolls’ often given out a baseball games just won’t go away. In fact, they seem to be at the peak of their popularity. The ‘National Bobbin Head Club’ is a group of collectors who look for vintage dolls that can be worth thousands. When did the bobble-head first appear? And which are the most valuable?
PHONER: 904-253-7040 (Barry Larkins, Daytona Beach FL)
NET: http://www.nationalbobbinheadclub.com

BS FACT OR CRAP?
One of the following statements about sleep is pure BS, but which one?
1. People that sleep less than 4 hours a night become more intelligent than the average 8-hour sleeper. (BS)
2. The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year.
3. Snails can sleep for 3 years without eating.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Two-thirds of woman say that they worry about this when they’re on a date, while only 4% of men worry about the same thing.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Their underwear.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.


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