August 11, 2000                                           Edition:  #1866

BS WORDS THAT SHOULD BE IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE:
• ‘Disconfect’ – A kid’s way of sterilizing a piece of candy that dropped on the floor by blowing on it.
• ‘Burgacide’ – When a barbecued hamburger just can’t take any more torture and hurls itself into the coals.
• ‘Lactomangulation’ – Mangling the ‘open’ spout on a milk carton so badly you have to resort to opening the ‘illegal’ side.
• ‘Accordionated’ – Having outstanding skill at folding road maps.
• ‘Circumtreeviation’ – The tendency of your dog to always try to walk on the opposite side of a tree from you when it’s on a leash.
• ‘Elecelleration’ – The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.
• ‘Petrophobic’ – Someone who is embarrassed to undress in front of their pet.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT “20/20′s” bellyaching reporter John Stossel will formally apologize for claiming that organic food is more likely to contain E Coli, when in fact the ABC research he quoted never took place (“I’m sorry, what I meant to say was GM pick-up trucks often burst into flames”) . . . Brit-based Electronic Arts has won worldwide rights to market ‘Harry Potter’ video games (because JK Rowling just isn’t rich enough yet) . . . “Survivor” contestant Sean will do a guest shot on TV soap “The Guiding Light” and is currently shopping around a novel he’s written, a medical thriller called “Skitzo” (about a serial killer who murders victims in ALPHABETICAL order) . . . Frank Sinatra, Nirvana and Leonard Cohen have recorded some of the ‘Most Morose Albums of All-Time’, according to a new list compiled by Brit music mag “NME”.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
The Richard Gere-Winona Ryder love story “Autumn in New York”, which the studio declined to preview for critics (usually the sign of a dud) . . . “The Replacements”, a football comedy starring Keanu Reeves as one of the ‘scab’ players filling in for striking pros . . . Filmmakers kidnap a Hollywood starlet in the comedy “Cecile B Demented”, starring Melanie Griffith . . . An evil mystic returns to claim a child with supernatural powers in the fright flick “Bless The Child”, starring Kim Basinger.

GROW YOUR OWN:
Forget about synthetic implants, Dr Steven Sathesbury has developed a way for women to have bigger breasts naturally. The technique involves removing fat cells from the patient’s buttocks and cultivating them in a lab. They are then implanted in the patient’s chest where they continue to gradually increase breast tissue. (Funny, that’s the same method [your co-host] used to develop his brain.)

FUN AT CAMP SHRAPNEL:
About 30,000 eager Palestinian young ‘uns have been attending special summer camps since school ended. Among the skills they’ve learned — abducting enemy officers, guerrilla tactics and learning to fire, take apart and clean Kalashnikovs and M-16 assault rifles. On a recent ‘Parent Day’, campers crawled on their bellies and rehearsed the kidnapping of an officer from an enemy camp. (After which they ate S’mores and had a water balloon fight:)

THE BULL SHEET 08.11.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1944     [56] Alexa McDonough, Ottawa ON, federal NDP leader
1953    [47] Hollywood (formerly ‘Hulk’) Hogan (Terry Bollea), Augusta GA, pro wrestler

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1949     [51] Mark Knopfler, SCOT, classic rock guitarist/singer (Dire Straits-“Money For Nothing”)
1971    [29] Pete Sampras, Washington DC, tennis champ

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
‘Kool-Aid Man’, the animated advertising huckster, debuted in TV commercials 25 years ago.  TOMORROW Hastings NE, “Official Birthplace of Kool-Aid”, honors him with a giant birthday party. The soft drink mix was invented there in 1927 by Edwin Perkins. (It’s now one of the world’s most popular hair dyes.)

ONE YEAR AGO . . .
1999     Last solar eclipse of the millennium (surprisingly, the world doesn’t end)
1999    Rock band KISS gets their star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1874    [126] Harry Parmelee of New Haven CT receives patent for ‘sprinkler head’, giving us a way to relax and cool off on a hot summer day
1896    [104] Harvey Hubbell of Bridgeport CT receives patent for ‘ ‘electric light bulb socket with pull chain’ (leads to expression “I’m just pulling your chain”)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1991    [09] Most tap dancers performing simultaneously (5,622)
1998    [02] Meteorologists report July was hottest month world has seen since records began

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] Middle Child’s Day
[Sun] International Lefthanders Day (common items not designed for lefthanders: scissors, fishing reel, rifle, corkscrew, can opener, video camera, guitar, soup ladle)
[Sun] National Relaxation Day
[Mon] National Financial Awareness Day

BULL’S BITS . . .
TRUTH OR BS?

• Hairy ears can make you cough. (T. Researchers say several patients have been cured of chronic cough when ear hair that touched their eardrums was removed.)
• There are more women on the Web than men. (T. In the first quarter of this year, the number of women on the Web surpassed men for the first time. Usage by girls ages 12-17 has increased by 126% in the past year!)
• The most common day for a family BBQ is Saturday. (BS. A new NPD Group survey of 12,800 households finds most [23%] occur on Sunday.)
• Having dust in your home is healthy. (T. “Parade” mag notes that some dust in the home actually protects children against allergies and asthma by helping develop the immune system.)
• Most men join fitness clubs to ogle women. (T. In a new poll, 71% admit that’s why they’re there!)

BS TAG LINE: “Get off the phone or get off the road!” – New bumper sticker created by actress Eva Marie Saint, who’s campaigning against gabbing and driving.


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