August 8, 2000                                           Edition:  #1863

BS THINGS NO WOMAN WOULD EVER SAY:
• “Could our relationship be more physical? I’m tired of just being friends.”
• “Hey, get a whiff of that one!”
• “Please don’t throw that old T-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute.”
• “This diamond is way too big.”
• “Wow, it really IS 14 inches!”
• “Does this make my butt look too small?”
• “I’m wrong, you must be right again.”
• “I think hairy butts are really sexy.”
BS THINGS NO MAN WOULD EVER SAY:
• “I think Ricky Martin is one cool dude.”
• “While I’m up, can I get you a beer?”
• “Y’know, her breasts are just too big.”
• “Sometimes I just want to be held.”
• “Sure I’d love to wear a condom.”
• “We haven’t been to the mall for ages, let’s go shopping and I can hold your purse.”
• “Screw “Monday Night Football”, let’s watch “Ally McBeal”.
• “I think hairy butts are really sexy.”

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Brit popster Robbie Williams, whose new single “Rock DJ” is #1 on UK charts, is denying rumors he and Geri Halliwell are anything other than good friends (darn, these two jerks DESERVE one another!) . . . Word is Sharon Stone wants French actress Catherine Deneuve to appear as her lesbian lover in “Basic Instinct 2” . . . Former “90210″ star Luke Perry will apparently be the newest inmate in the HBO prison drama “OZ” . . . Rapper Ice-T will join the cast of “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” as a detective this fall — yup, the same Ice-T who recorded “Cop Killer” 8 years ago (isn’t it ironic?) . . . Sean Puffy Combs plays a NYC crime boss in the upcoming indie film “Made” (they hired him to save money on props — he brought his own weapons).

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
“Reindeer Games” stars Ben Affleck as an ex-con forced into participating in a casino robbery . . . Chris Klein & Leelee Sobieski in the romantic drama “Here on Earth”, about a rich college kid on a joy ride . . . In “Holy Smoke”, Kate Winslet is a young Australian woman who joins a cult in India and Harvey Keitel the American specialist sent to de-program her.

EVEN THE SAME MOUSTACHE:
A study in “McCall’s” magazine suggests the longer couples remain married, the more they begin to look alike. Why? Similar lifestyle and dietary habits, plus years of unconsciously mimicking each other’s facial expressions. (Usually behind each other’s back.)

BULIMIC COMPUTER:
Claudia Schiffer has been hired to market a ‘fashion model’ of the popular handheld Palm computer. Not surprisingly, the brushed metallic aqua ‘Palm Vx Claudia Schiffer Edition’ is described as ‘ultra-slim and ultra-light’. The company says the stupermodel is personally selecting her favorite add-on software. (Pong.)

THEY CAN’T EVEN SAY ‘SCRABBLE’:
“Wall Street Journal” says Thailand is home to many world-class “Scrabble” players who can barely speak English. Seems they MEMORIZE all the words in the “Scrabble” dictionary and don’t bother with the definitions. (As opposed to my cheating Aunt Lucille, who simply MAKES UP words and then fudges the definitions.)

THE BULL SHEET 08.08.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1937    [63] Dustin Hoffman, LA CA, 5′-5 1/2” movie actor (2 Oscars-“Rain Man”, “Kramer vs Kramer”)
1947    [53] Ken Dryden, Hamilton ON, NHL exec (Toronto Maple Leafs president)/Hall of Fame NHL goalie (6 Stanley Cups-Montréal Canadiens, 5 Vezina Trophies)/author (“The Game”)
1961    [39] The Edge (David Evans), London ENG, rock guitarist (U2-“Who’s Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses”, “The Sweetest Thing”) NOTE: U2′s upcoming new single “Beautiful Day” can be sampled at their Website – http://www.U2.com
1967    [33] Sable (Rena Richardson), Jacksonville FL, ex-wrestler (WWF Women’s Champion)/posed for “Playboy”/Mrs Marc “The Wild Man” Mero  FACTOID: Filed $110 million breach-of-contract suit against WWF in 1999 stemming from her treatment after she refused to expose breasts.
1976    [24] Drew Lachey, Cincinnati OH, pop singer (98º-“I Do Cherish You”, “Hardest Thing”)
1976    [24] JC Chasez, Bowie MD, pop singer (‘N Sync-”It’s Gonna Be Me”, “Bye Bye Bye”) FACTOID: He’s an alumnus of the “Mickey Mouse Club”, along with Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears
1981    [19] Bradley McIntosh, pop singer (S Club 7-”Two in a Million”, “Bring It All Back”) NOTE: Group was created and is managed by ex-Spice Girls manager Simon Fuller.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night”, an excuse to share whatever’s growing in your garden. (My neighbors are gonna love the bag o’ weeds.)

The 100th annual “National Hobo Convention” in Britt, Iowa runs through Saturday. Participants from all over North America come for the parade, coronation of the ‘King & Queen of the Hoboes’ and ‘Hobo Museum’. Some 30,000 hoboes and ‘part-time hoboes’ are expected.
PHONER: 515-843-3867 
NET: http://www.hobo.com/

ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1995    [05] Wendy’s announces $400-million merger with Canadian doughnut chain Tim Horton’s (which makes you wonder – how come there’s no ‘Dave Bits’?)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1978    [22] ‘Garfield’ slobbering sidekick ‘Odie’ 1st appears in the popular comic strip

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1920     [80] Detroit Tigers beat NY Yankees 1-0 in shortest-ever AL game — just 73 minutes!

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] UN International Day of Indigenous People
[Sun] International Lefthanders Day
National Water Quality Month (if you live in Ontario, better boil it to be safe!)

BULL’S BITS . . .
WHO WANTS TO BE ON THE AIR?
(The BS rip–off of the TV game.)
• Hartland, New Brunswick is home to the world’s longest what — luncheon buffet, covered bridge, or traffic light? (Covered bridge.)
• ‘Omphelomancy’ is a method of predicting the future by doing what — reading tea leaves,  reading your navel, or by watching roosters? (Believe it or not, it’s navel gazing!)
• How much thicker is the skin on the soles of your feet than the rest of your body — 4 times, 14 times or 40 times thicker? (It’s 40 times thicker!)

BS TAG LINE: Prejudiced people are all alike!


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