Monday, August 4, 2008        Edition: #3828
Here’s More Bull Roar!

WEEKEND BLOG BS:
• According to a tabloid that’s been known to err on occasion, 22-year-old Lindsay Lohan is planning a wedding to her 30-year-old GF Samantha Ronson. A source says Lindsay’s mom Dina is handling organizational duties while her daughter shops for a dress. Ronson will reportedly walk the aisle in a groom outfit, complete with top hat. Word has it they’ve been keeping the real relationship quiet by trying to pass each other off as ‘just good friends’.
– “News Of the World”
• 32-year-old actress Reese Witherspoon has reportedly agreed to marry 27-year-old actor-BF Jake Gyllenhaal. He’s allegedly told friends the big day will be in DECEMBER, after he finishes filming his upcoming adventure movie, “Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time”. Word has it he’s proposed several times but she kept putting him off … until now. They met in 2006 on the set of the thriller “Rendition”.
– “The Mail On Sunday”
• Shia LaBeouf’s attorney says there’s a chance the 22-year-old actor will not fully recover from the injury to his left hand suffered in his recent auto accident. It seems 2 of his fingers are severely smashed and, although he’s been released from hospital, there remains a risk of infection and other complications. “Transformers: Revenge Of the Fallen” director Michael Bay has confirmed the movie script is being rewritten to incorporate his young star’s injury.
– “Access Hollywood”
• 36-year-old “Samantha Who?“ actress Christina Applegate is undergoing treatment for breast cancer. Her rep says she’s expected to make a full recovery after being diagnosed with the ‘Big C’ during a routine checkup that included an MRI scan. Ironically, it was announced just LAST MONTH that she’d be participating in the upcoming “Stand Up to Cancer” TV telethon SEPTEMBER 5th.
– ContactMusic.com
• Pint-size “Hairspray” star Nikki Blonsky and her father have reportedly been arrested after a bizarre brawl involving “America’s Next Top Model“ contestant Bianca Golden at an airport in the Turks & Caicos Islands in the Caribbean. All 3 were apparently arrested after a fight so violent Blonsky’s been left wearing a neck-brace and her father jailed. She’s 4′-10” and like about 600 lbs … would you take her on?
– UsMagazine.com
• The odd couple of Jennifer Aniston & Mary Kate Olsen has been spotted vacationing at the chic Hotel Tros Marets in rural Belgium, arriving incognito and trying to act like regular guests. The manager says they requested a lot of scented candles and an outdoor area set aside for ‘meditation’, but their only real diva-like behavior has been carping about noise from a local party until cops came to shut it down. Mary Kate complaining about a party … funny.
– PopBitch.com
• “The 40 Year Old Virgin” co-stars Steve Carell & Seth Rogen are considering teaming up for another project – an update of the 1984 comedy “Ghost Busters”, according to online rumors. The original film starred Bill Murray & Dan Aykroyd. There was already a sequel in 1989 … do we really need another?
– DreadCentral.com
• Kathy Griffin (“My Life On the D-List”) says she’s not going to get any more plastic surgery. She’s already had plenty, admitting to “Fitness” magazine to a facelift, eye job, and ‘all that other stuff’. What she has found, she says, is that it didn’t help her one bit. She claims she’s been ‘off the junk’ for a whole 5 years. Maybe because her chin wattle is now on top of her head?
– TMZ.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Canadian Idol” (CTV) – The top 7 take the stage performing “UK Hits” after being mentored by legendary Welsh crooner Tom Jones.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Justin Timberlake is on.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – “Shattered (Turn the Car Around)” rock group OAR (‘Of A Revolution’) guests.
• “Teen Choice Awards” (FOX) – 15-year-old Miley Cyrus hosts the 10th annual honors determined by online teen voting from the Gibson Amphitheater in Universal City CA. She’s also nominated for 4 awards. “Gossip Girl” (CW) leads overall nominations with a total of 14, followed by singer Chris Brown with 9. Others in the running: Britney Spears, Carrie Underwood, Colbie Caillat, Fergie, Flo Rida, Jordin Sparks, Leona Lewis, Mariah Carey, Rihanna, and Taylor Swift.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Teen idols the Jonas Bros perform.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Big & Rich – FRIDAY John Rich appeared at the “Country First” event in Panama City FL, where he sang “Raisin’ McCain”, a song he wrote about Republican presidential candidate John McCain. The Arizona senator was also in attendance.
• Bow Wow – The 21-year-old has announced he’ll retire from hip-hop following the release of his 8th album ‘so he can focus on his acting career’. (BS translation: This music thing just ain’t cuttin’ it.)
• Kanye West – Writing on his blog, he says he is ‘humbled’ to be included on the new “Vanity Fair” Magazine ‘Best Dressed List’, joining the likes of Daniel Craig, David Beckham, and Karl Lagerfeld. (‘Kanye’ and ‘humble’ … 2 words that don’t belong in the same sentence.)
• Keith Urban – The country star/new dad will perform at the NFL Kickoff Concert SEPTEMBER 4th in NYC, preceding the season-opener between the Washington Redskins & NY Giants.
• Miley Cyrus – She claims she wants to take a break from fame to study fashion and photography in London. She’s currently home-schooled by a tutor. (The one-word reason this’ll never happen … ‘contracts’.)
• Paul Anka – The 67-year-old Canadian-born singer/songwriter (“My Way”) has wed his 4-year, 29 years younger GF, Anna Yeager, in a summer ceremony in Sardinia, Italy. He and his former personal trainer already have a 3-year-old son. It’s his 2nd marriage.

HARD-DRIVE UPGRADE:
Memory fading? Try some vitamin E! A recent 3-year study of close to 3,000 seniors in Chicago found that those who took supplements of 200-to-400 international units of E showed almost no memory loss over that period, while those with lower levels of E consumption experienced some memory loss. (That’s great … but where’d I put that bottle of vitamins?)
– “Science”

ALL-TIME BEST BIKINI MOMENTS:
According to a new poll of movie fans, these are the top temptresses to ever appear in a two-piece onscreen …
5. Raquel Welch, “One Million Years BC” (1966).
4. Pamela Anderson, “Baywatch” (1992-97).
3. Halle Berry, “Die Another Day” (2002).
2. Carrie Fisher, “Return Of the Jedi” (1983).
1. Ursula Andress, “Dr No” (1962).
(Was this survey conducted in retirement homes?)
– StarPulse News

SURE BEATS THE OLD RECTAL METHOD:
Heat sickness can be difficult to detect and sometimes fatal. That’s why several NFL and college football teams are having players swallow ‘radio pills’ to track their internal temperature during scorching-hot pre-season practice sessions. The silicone-coated pills which contain a temperature sensor and transmitter cost upwards of $40 per player per day. Trainers can set up the system so an alarm goes off whenever a player gets too hot. (Finally they’re swallowing something good for them!)
– “St Petersburg Times”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Saudi Arabia’s religious police have announced a ban on selling pet dogs & cats or exercising them in public in the capital city of Riyadh … because men have been using them to talk to women.
– PopBitch.com
• The wind speed of the average sneeze is tornado force – 200 km/h (120 mph).
– Environment Canada
• Up until the mid-1600s, French wine producers used oil-soaked rags, not corks, as bottle stoppers. (Somehow popping a used rag out of a champagne bottle doesn’t seem so chic.)
– encyclowine.org

BS CHRONOMETER 08.04.08
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1944 [64] Richard Belzer, Bridgeport CT, TV actor (‘Detective John Munch’ on “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” since 1999, guest judge on “Last Comic Standing” 2008)

1955 [53] Billy Bob Thornton, Hot Springs AR, movie actor (“The Astronaut Farmer”, 1997 Oscar-“Sling Blade”)/married 5 times, most notably to actress Angelina Jolie 2000-03

1961 [47] Barack Obama, Honolulu HI, American politician (presumptive 2008 Democratic presidential nominee)/US senator (IL) since 2005/Illinois state senator 1997-2004

1962 [46] Roger Clemens, Dayton OH, MLB pitcher (Houston Astros, NY Yankees, Toronto, Boston)/7 Cy Young Awards/10-time All-Star/alleged steroid user who reportedly had an underage relationship with country singer Mindy McCready

1968 [40] Daniel Dae Kim, Busan, South Korea, TV actor (‘Jin-Soo Kwon‘ on “Lost” since 2004)

1971 [37] Jeff Gordon, Vallejo CA, auto racer (4-time NASCAR champ, 3-time “Daytona 500″ winner)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Chocolate Chip Day”, saluting those tiny little morsels of decadence that make almost any dessert taste better. There’s hardly any calories in them, right? They’re just little. (Unless you inhale the whole bag.)

• “Coast Guard Day” in the USA, celebrating the founding of that military branch in 1790.

• “Holiday Monday”. Happy [your holiday here] day! The 1st MONDAY in AUGUST is variously celebrated in 7 provinces and the Northwest Territories as “Civic Holiday” (could it possibly have a duller name?), or “BC Day”, “Heritage Day”, “New Brunswick Day”, “Simcoe Day”, etc. For everyone else it’s just … Monday. Sigh.

• “Picnic Day” in Australia, observed annually on the 1st MONDAY in AUGUST, when Aussies take the time to go have a picnic … how civilized!

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1998 [10] Consumer ‘HDTV’ television sets are introduced, with a MSRP of $5,500

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1990 [18] Mariah Carey’s debut single, “Vision Of Love”, hits #1 on pop charts

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1693 [315] 1st ‘Champagne’ is developed by Dom Perignon of France (the man who caused a billion headaches!)

1777 [231] 1st ‘Circus’ is established by former British cavalry officer Philip Astley (have you noticed trainers now refer to animal ‘tricks’ as ‘behaviors’ – as if elephants regularly dance on 2 legs in the wild)

2005 [03] Prime Minister Paul Martin announces that Michaelle Jean will be Canada’s 27th Governor General

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] 25th National Night Out
[Tues] Jordin Sparks-Jesse McCartney tour begins (Sacramento CA)
[Wed] Wiggle Your Toes Day
[Wed] Pamper Yourself Day
[Wed] National Kids Day
[Wed] Fresh Breath Day
[Wed] Royal St John’s Regatta (Quidi Vidi Lake NL)
[Wed] “Pineapple Express” opens in movie theaters
[Thurs] Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day
[Thurs] The Police last-ever show (NYC)
[Thurs] Edmonton Folk Fest begins
[Fri] Beijing Olympics Opening Ceremonies

THIS WEEK IS . . .
• “International Humor Exchange Week”. Have listeners call in jokes in another language and get the laugh tracks ready.
• “Smile Week”, another observance of the Society of the Obnoxiously Happy & Overly Optimistic who remind you to count the number of times you smile today and to try smiling at a passerby (then watch them walk away really quickly).
• “Sturgis Bike Week“, the 68th annual gathering of thousands of motorcycle enthusiasts from around-the-world in Sturgis SD. Entertainment highlights include KISS tonight, John Fogerty TUESDAY, and Kenny Chesney WEDNESDAY.
NET: http://www.sturgis.com
• “World Breastfeeding Week”, when La Leche League International sponsors the annual ‘World Walk For Breastfeeding’ in cities worldwide.
NET: http://worldbreastfeedingweek.org

BULL’S BITS      
BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …

BS REASONS HIGH GAS PRICES ARE GOOD:
• Your 1995 GEO Metro has become a whole lot more valuable.
• Good reason to get back together with your old buddies in the gas siphoning gang.
• Great excuse not to go see annoying relatives.
• Another reason to point and laugh at yuppies in their gas guzzling SUVs.
• GM is bound to offer a fortune for your potato-powered car idea.
• Less guilt over the $1,500 you spent for that mountain bike sitting in the attic.
• Rich Arab terrorists make a lot better movie villains than poor ones.
• You can finally stop drinking gas now that milk is cheaper.
– BBspot

BS ‘BEFORE FAME GAME’:
• “Sex & The City” actress Kristin Davis was once a …
a. 7-11 Store Clerk.
b. Yoga Studio Owner [CORRECT].
c. Nun.

• Which actor was originally trained as a ballet dancer …
a. Andy Dick.
b. Brad Pitt.
c. William Shatner [CORRECT].

• Which actor got his first break appearing in Trisha Yearwood’s “Walkaway Joe” music video …
a. Joe Pesci.
b. Matthew McConaughey [CORRECT].
c. Leonardo DiCaprio.

• Oscar-nominated actress Amy Adams (“Enchanted”) worked here for 2 months after high school …
a. Wal-Mart.
b. CIA.
c. Hooters [CORRECT].

• Which actress/singer auditioned for “The New Mickey Mouse Club” in 1992 but lost out to the likes of Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears …
a. Jessica Simpson [CORRECT].
b. Ashlee Simpson.
c. ‘Lisa Simpson’.
– HardlyFamous.com / Netscape Celebrity / JIST Publishing

BS PHONE STARTER:
The newspaper headlines for tomorrow will be about you. What would you like them to say?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
A man walks up to his Grandfather’s house and finds him sitting on the porch with nothing on from the waist down. “Grandpa, what the heck are you doing?” he asks. The old man says, “Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck … this is your Grandma’s idea.”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Typically, men and women do THIS differently while searching job listings.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A male is more likely to apply even if he doesn’t have the required qualifications.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The rooster may crow, but the hen delivers.

BS FRESH MEAT:
Welcome to BS samplers this week that include Gioia Whitman @ 107.3 JAKE-FM [KJKE] Corpus Christi TX; Stefanie Scott @ BOB-FM 98.7 [KELI] San Angelo TX; Connie Walsh @ AM 650 [KMTI] Manti UT; Pearse Jackson @ 89.5 MIX-FM [CJRL] Kenora ON; Debra Frie @ TalkRadio 1360 [WKMI] Kalamazoo MI; and Kriya Gangiah @ Tuks FM 107.2 Pretoria, South Africa. Remember, if “The Sheet” fits … buy it!


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