Tuesday, August 5, 2008        Edition: #3829
Deja Moo!

Veteran 71-year-old actor Morgan Freeman (‘Lucius Fox‘ in “The Dark Knight“) is in serious condition in a Memphis TN hospital after a single vehicle accident near the small town of Ruleville, Mississippi where his car left the road and flipped several times (the condition of an unidentified female passenger is unknown) . . . TV/movie actor Bernie Mac (“Transformers”, “Ocean’s 11”) is still alive and recovering in hospital from a bout of pneumonia, contrary to false online reports suggesting he had died . . . The final tally is in: Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie have racked up a tidy $14 million for THIS WEEK’s exclusive first photos of their new twins, North American rights going to “People” magazine; global rights to Britain’s “Hello!” magazine (the loot’s been promised to charities) . . . Canadian-produced TV drama “Flashpoint” (CBS/CTV) continues to garner impressive ratings after moving to THURSDAYS, leading media observers to predict that more exports will soon be heading south . . . “American Idol” judge-turned-wannabe comeback singer Paula Abdul has cancelled a performance on “Today” (NBC) for the 2nd time, this time claiming ‘other commitments’ but insiders say the real problem is she can’t perform live anymore (um, when was it she could?) . . . “The Hills” star Lauren Conrad (MTV) says the show is all about ‘empowering females’ (apparently empowerment entails scheming, bitching, and loafing) . . . Lori Cerasoli is a professional ‘Sober Companion’, currently being paid circa $2,000-a-day to travel everywhere with Lindsay Lohan and persuade her to avoid booze & drugs, a service she’s previously provided for the likes of Drew Barrymore and Mary-Kate Olsen (is this the world’s greatest job?) . . . The cover of Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen’s new book, “Influence”, features facing photos that make it look like the twins are about to kiss (hey, if you’ve got no content …) . . . And pseudo-star Jessica Simpson is blabbing to anyone willing to listen that her Dallas Cowboys QB boyfriend really ‘appreciates her talent’ (we’re guessing it has nothing to do with either singing or acting).

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC) – Contestants try to prove to the judges that they deserve to make it into the top 40.
• The Beatles – A 30-minute tape of a 1964 recording session in which John Lennon & Paul McCartney are heard cracking jokes and breaking into giggles goes under the hammer at Britain’s Cameo auction house. Found during an attic clearance by the son of a man who’d worked in the music industry, it’s expected to fetch as much as $25,000.
• “Canadian Idol” (CTV) – Another one bites the dust after the results of “UK Hits” week.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – “Redneck Woman” Gretchen Wilson is on.
• Jordin Sparks/Jesse McCartney – Their 16-date, co-headlining North American tour begins in Sacramento CA.
• “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC) – Pharrell Williams & NERD are guests.
• Sarah McLachlan – “Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Legacy Edition” is released, a 15th anniversary, 3-disc CD/DVD repackaging of her landmark 3rd album (1993).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Country star Toby Keith promotes the release of his new movie, “Beer For My Horses” (opening FRIDAY).

• ABBA – Thanks to the movie “Mamma Mia!”, their album “Gold – Greatest Hits” has become the oldest album ever to reach #1 on the UK charts. It was originally released in 1992.
• Annie Lennox – Speaking at an international AIDS conference in Mexico City THIS WEEK, she has warned that complacency threatens to slow the fight against AIDS and has urged artists, musicians, filmmakers, and women to keep the issue at the forefront.
• Britney Spears – A judge has extended the conservatorship over her affairs for 5 more months, leaving her father Jamie Spears and a lawyer in charge of all her legal and business dealings until DECEMBER 31st at least.
• U2 – They’re warning fans that concert tickets currently being advertised for sale are bogus, as they have not confirmed any live shows. In fact, there are no tour dates scheduled for the band at the moment.
• Velvet Revolver – Bassist Duff McKagan says the band should hopefully have a new singer by the end of NEXT MONTH to replace departed Scott Weiland.

• “Nim’s Island” ( Family Adventure ): Abigail Breslin (“Little Miss Sunshine”) plays a bookish young girl living on a remote island who enlists help from her favorite author (Jodie Foster) when her father goes missing. The agoraphobic writer, in turn, calls upon a dashing adventurer (Gerard Butler of “300“), a fictional character in her best-selling novels. Shot entirely in Australia.
• Also released TODAY: “Dana Carvey: Squatting Monkeys Tell No Lies” (Comedy); “Family Ties: The 4th Season” (TV); “Get Smart: Season 1” (TV); and “Star Trek: The Original Series – Season 2” (TV).

Japan’s first mass-produced eel drink has hit the market. A canned soft drink called ‘Unagi Nobori’ (‘Surging Eel’) made by Japan Tobacco is being stocked in stores just ahead of the annual eel-eating season. Company spokesman Kazunori Hayashi says it’s targeted mainly at men who are exhausted by the summer heat. Many Japanese believe eating eel boosts stamina in hot weather. (So how’s your eel today?)
– “Social Studies”

A BS snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 80% of moms over age 65 admit they have a favorite child. (Unfortunately it’s not one of their own.)
• 47% of us reach in the fridge and drink stuff straight from the carton when no one else is around. (Eww, backwash is rampant!)
• 25% of adults say that teenagers are ‘fun to be with’. (Especially middle-aged pervs.)
• 20% of us are repelled by the thought of eating raw tomatoes. (Something about red flesh?)
• 16% of co-workers talk about absent co-workers whenever they’re out ‘having beers’. (After 4 beers, they talk about co-workers who are present.)
• 1% of us  ride our bikes to work. (A well-meaning 40% wish we could.)

University of California psychologists have come up with a way of influencing people to avoid fattening foods – lie to them! In experiments, a technique called ‘false feedback’ was used to make volunteers believe that they had become sick on strawberry ice cream when they were children. Up to 40% of test subjects then reported that they would avoid strawberry ice cream in the future. (Well thanks for picking ice cream instead of say … Brussel sprouts.)
– “New Scientist”

Sky Movies has hired a group of researchers to watch scores of horror films and devise a formula for the perfect scary movie. Some of their findings …
• Suspense is obviously one of the key elements, and it’s created by escalating music, the unknown, chase scenes, and the sense of being trapped.
• For a film to be truly terrifying, it has to be realistic.
• The number of characters is a factor. Fewer characters increases shock factor.
• There’s a maximum level of gore, beyond which a movie becomes just average.
• Using a mathematical formula, the researchers found that the 1980 Jack Nicholson film based on the Stephen King book “The Shining” is as close as there is to ‘the perfect horror film’.
– Ananova News

A third of young people admit they turn to food when they are unhappy about their love lives. According to a recent survey by the Priory Group, which treats people with eating disorders, those aged 15-to-24 have the worst relationship with food. Just over 60% say they ‘comfort eat’ with chocolate and 43% seek fast food to feel better. ([Co-host] seeks fast women.)

• After Marilyn Monroe took an overdose of sleeping pills 46 years ago TODAY (1962) at age 36, there was a 12% increase in suicides in the same month. If Marilyn Monroe were alive, she’d now be 82. Hard to picture, isn’t it?
– everything2.com
• A US company is offering songs for about 3 cents each for download in China in an effort to counter the easy access to free, pirated music there. The ‘Wawawa Music Store’ is offering a package of 88 downloads for the paltry price of 20 yuan, less than $3. Hey, come here!
– CBC News

1964 [44] Adam (‘MCA’) Yauch, NYC, rapper (Beastie Boys-“Ch-Check It Out”, “Intergalactic”)

1968 [40] Terri Clark (Sauson), Montréal QC [raised Medicine Hat AB], country singer (“In My Next Life”, “Girls Lie Too”)

1983 [25] Dawn Richard, New Orleans LA, pop singer (Danity Kane-“Damaged”, “Show Stopper”)

• “Halfway Point of Summer”, time to quit carping about the weather and savor the last few weeks of the season.

• “Hiroshima Peace Festival” at Peace Memorial Park in Hiroshima, Japan which will commemorate the 63rd anniversary of the dropping of the 1st atomic bomb by the USA’s ‘Enola Gay’ in 1945.

• “National Night Out”, the 25th annual crime & drug prevention event in which concerned people in urban neighborhoods across North America ‘take back the streets’ by going out en masse after dark. (Also known as ‘Muggers’ Buffet’.)
NET: http://nationaltownwatch.org/nno/

1998 [10] After 10 seasons on British TV, a US version of “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” debuts (ABC), hosted by Drew Carey and starring improv comedians Colin Mochrie & Ryan Stiles

2005 [03] Lame comedy “The Dukes of Hazzard”, starring Seann William Scott, Johnny Knoxville & Jessica Simpson, opens in movie theaters (proving Jessica’s ‘acting’ requires soap suds)

1914 [94] 1st intersection equipped with an electric traffic light (Euclid Avenue & East 105th Street in Cleveland OH)

1960 [48] In an unprecedented move, 2 Major League Baseball clubs trade managers (Jimmy Dykes moves to Cleveland Indians in return for Joe Gordon coming to the Detroit Tigers)

1989 [19] ‘Largest Game of Musical Chairs’ (8,238 People)

1989 [19] ‘Largest Hamburger’ weighs 5,520 lbs (Seymour Wi)

1990 [18] ‘World’s Tallest Cake’ is baked served at the Shiawassee County Fair in Corunna MI (101-feet-tall)

1994 [14] ‘Largest Cocktail’ (Finlandia Sea Breeze) measures 2,933 gallons (Philadelphia PA)

2005 [03] A record 644 people gather in Kimberly BC to simultaneously play accordions for a half-hour (a briefly-held record broken the very next month in St John’s NL)

[Wed] Fresh Breath Day
[Wed] Wiggle Your Toes Day
[Wed] National Kids Day
[Wed] Royal St John’s Regatta (Quidi Vidi Lake NL)
[Wed] “Pineapple Express” opens in movie theaters
[Thurs] Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day
[Thurs] The Police last-ever show (NYC)
[Thurs] Edmonton Folk Fest begins
[Fri] Beijing Olympics Opening Ceremonies
This Week Is … Simplify Your Life Week
This Month Is … Foot Health Month

• You recognize your doctor as the same kid who was mopping the lobby when you checked in.
• Instead of a sponge bath, they send in a St Bernard to lick you.
• Every couple of minutes you hear a bugle playing “Taps”.
• You and your roommate have to take turns on the I-V.
• Instead of ‘patient’, they keep using the term ‘plaintiff’.
• Through a fog of anesthesia you hear your surgeon shouting, “Bring the damn duct tape … and plenty of it!”
• You go in for routine surgery; you come out with a tail.

If you could choose only 2 movies to ever watch again, what would they be?

• What are ‘sardines’ named after?
a. The Mediterranean island of Sardinia. [CORRECT. It’s not a species of fish but a group of small, oily, saltwater fish including sprat and young herring.]
b. Greeks marines who ate salty fish.
c. The Latin word ‘sardus’, meaning stinky.
– epicurious.com

• What are you afraid of if you suffer from ‘cenosillicaphobia’?
a. It’s the fear of trouser accidents involving a fly.
b. It’s the fear of an empty glass. [CORRECT. A scary thought!]
c. It’s the fear of wedgies.
– BeerMachine.com

You know what they say: birds of a feather flock together … and crap all over your car.

This top 100 ranking of the ‘All Time Funniest Misheard Lyrics’ is outstanding. You can search by artist or song. The website name refers to misheard “Purple Haze” lyrics by Jimi Hendrix which are actually “Excuse me while I kiss the sky …”.
NET: http://www.kissthisguy.com/funny.php

Ask a listener/studio guest/crew member to make a quick pick of which they prefer …
• The sound of wind chimes tinkling or the sound of waves crashing?
• The smell of fresh laundry or the smell of freshly-baked bread?
• ‘Brangelina’ or ‘Bennifer 2′?
• Fresh peaches or fresh cherries?
• Innie or outie?
• ‘Batman’ or ‘Superman’?
• Frozen raspberry yogurt or Rollo ice cream?
• ‘Love handles’ or ‘junk in the trunk’?
• Ice tea or ice cold draught?
• Mountainview or seaside?

Today’s Question: The TV version of “Batman” (1966-68) was given an award for being one of the first programs to regularly show THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Seatbelt usage.

If you can’t get people to listen to you any other way, tell ’em it’s confidential.

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