Monday, August 3, 2009        Edition: #4070
We Put the Bull in Bulloney!


WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:

• The deal is apparently done. Unseen footage of Michael Jackson rehearsing for his planned “This Is It!” London shows will be made into a documentary. Sony Pictures has reportedly paid $66.8 million to make a feature-length film which will include Jackson’s final rehearsal sessions, 3 new music videos, and a digitally enhanced version of the “Thriller” video. A release date is being planned for early next year. (An attempt to recoup money invested in the O2 shows.)
– “Daily Express”
• 1 person has been killed at up to 40 injured Saturday night after a storm caused a stage to collapse at the 4-day “Big Valley Jamboree” country festival in Camrose, Alberta. It’s thought part of the main stage gave in as a result of strong winds and heavy rain. Billy Currington was playing when the power went out and the collapse occurred. Actor Kevin Costner was due onstage with his band Modern West shortly afterward. Sunday’s activities had to be cancelled.
– ContactMusic.com
• 46-year-old Demi Moore is marking the 4th anniversary of her wedding to 31-year-old husband Ashton Kutcher by taking his last name to officially be known as Demi Kutcher. Kutcher married the actress September 24, 2005, becoming stepfather to her 3 daughters from her previous marriage to Bruce Willis. An insider says Demi didn’t want to change her name at first but now finally feels ready. (After accepting she’ll never need her movie name again.)
– “The People”
• 38-year-old actor Mark Wahlberg (“The Departed”) & his 31-year-old long-time girlfriend Rhea Durham wed in an intimate ceremony in Beverly Hills CA Saturday. A source at the Good Shepherd Catholic Church reports the couple said their vows in front of just 12 guests, which included their 3 children. (A bit odd when 75% of the wedding party is offspring, no?)
– People.com
• Famous person Paris Hilton & her ex-BF Doug Reinhardt (“Paris Hilton’s My New BFF”, “The Hills”) have reportedly reconciled. According to friends, Hilton is the subject of recent Twitter posts from Reinhardt in which he brags about his love-life. The couple began dating at the beginning of 2009 after Paris split from Good Charlotte rocker Benji Madden. (She’s got a lot of miles on her now.)
– UsMagazine.com
• Jessica Simpson’s new TV show “The Price Of Beauty” (VH1) will examine different beauty regimens in a variety of cultures worldwide. But it will be a costly affair as producers have been forced to come to grips with the real price of Simpson’s beauty … a staggering $25,000 per episode for her hair and make-up team. (It’d cost that much again to entice us to watch this.)
– “Page Six”
• Larry David says the “Seinfeld” cast will be reunited in the finalé of the upcoming 7th season of his HBO comedy series “Curb Your Enthusiasm”. It will mark the first time in 11 years that Jerry Seinfeld, Julia-Louis Dreyfus, Jason Alexander, and Michael Richards have appeared together onscreen. David (“Seinfeld” co-creator/”Curb Your Enthusiasm” creator-star) says “Seinfeld” characters will appear in 5 “Curb” episodes leading up to the reunion. He also says an actual reunion of the “Seinfeld” show is unlikely. (A bunch of wrinkled, old-looking former sitcom geezers trying to relive the glory – this is gonna be so sad.)
– StarPulse.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Amy Macdonald (“This Is the Life”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Chester French (“Love the Future”).
• “Jon & Kate Plus 8” (TLC) – On hiatus since Jon & Kate Gosselin announced their split in June, the reality show returns with new episodes that document their separate parenting of their 8 kids. The iconic sofa from which they addressed the camera is now being replaced by ‘separate interview chairs’.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Incubus (“Monuments & Melodies”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Levon Helm (“Electric Dirt”).
• “Sugarland: Live On the Inside” (ABC) – The country duo’s first network TV special was filmed in Lexington KY. A DVD/CD package of the show is available at Wal-Mart starting tomorrow.
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Gomez (“A New Tide”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:

• Drake – The Toronto rapper collapsed onstage while performing “Best I Ever Had” in Camden NJ Friday night when his injured knee gave way. Doctors had advised him against performing due to a torn ACL ligament. He’s now set to undergo surgery to alleviate the problem.
• Eminem – The silly war between him and Mariah Carey continues. First his dis in “Bagpipes From Baghdad”; then her response in “Obsessed”; now he’s released “The Warning” online, in which he threatens to expose her pics & phone calls from when they were ‘dating’.
• Marie Osmond – The former pop/country singer’s planned new TV talk show “Marie”, scheduled to debut later this year, has now been scrapped. On the upside, her Las Vegas revue with brother Donny at the Flamingo has been extended for 2 more years.
• Paul McCartney – “The Sun” reports a series of massive gigs next year will mark his retirement from touring. The 67-year-old is said to be negotiating to stage concerts in unusual locations, ie: China’s Tiananmen Square and the former ‘Checkpoint Charlie’ in Berlin, Germany. His last global trek was 2003′s “In The World Tour”.
• Red Hot Chili Peppers – Their lengthy hiatus is almost over as the band has announced it will regroup in October, when they plan to jam together for the first time in 2 years.

CRAZY LITTLE THING CALLED LOVE:
Italian psychiatrists say their research has proven that people who are in love and those who suffer obsessive-compulsive disorder have about 40% less serotonin in their brains than normal. (Just goes to prove that when you’re in love, you really ARE a little bit crazy.)
– “New Scientist”

BLOODY BEST VAMPIRES:
A new ranking of the best-ever bloodsuckers onscreen …
5. Stephen Moyer & Alexander Skarsgard (‘Bill & Eric’) … “True Blood” (HBO 2008-09).
4. Robert Pattinson (‘Edward Cullen’) … “Twilight” (2008).
3. Bela Lugosi (’Count Dracula’) … “Dracula” (1931).
2. Christopher Lee (‘Count Dracula’) … “Dracula” (1958).
1. Tom Cruise (‘Lestat de Lioncourt’) … “Interview With the Vampire” (1994).
(We always thought he was a pain in the neck.)
– “Entertainment Weekly”

BOOBLE GUM:
Japanese researchers have created a chewing gum which they claim can … increase bust size. ‘Bust-Up Gum’ also known as ‘B2Up’, contains an extract from a plant used by ancient Thai and Burmese cultures as a medicinal herb. According to the gum-maker, it contains natural compounds that mimic the effects of the female hormone estrogen which can improve circulation, reduce stress, fight aging, and somehow magically increase the size of a women’s breasts by as much as 80%. (Recommended by none-out-of-5 plastic surgeons.)
– “Curious Times”

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 75% of guys between 18-and-35 own at least one sports jersey.
• 70% of all medical emergencies during vacations are heart attacks.
• 58% of us have called into work sick when we weren’t.
• 50% of women say wearing flip-flops makes a man look unattractive.
• 29% of us ignore an RSVP request on an invitation.
• 13% brush our teeth from side-to-side.

GENDER DRAW:
New stats show that amateur girls’ sports events tend to attract more relatives and generate more revenue for tourism than similar events for boys. There are far more people who will travel with 12-year-old girls to a tournament than 12-year-old boys, according to the National Association of Sports Commissions, a trade group that advises communities on attracting sporting events. And studies show vastly more people will travel to watch 12-year-old girls play than 18-year-old boys. (They’d be totally embarrassed to have grandma show up anyway.)
– “New York Times”

BS AMAZING FACT:

Bees warn other bees about flowers where dangers such as predators can be expected. (“So what’s the buzz on the roses out back?”)
– “Earth News”

LIFE IMITATING ART:
In June, 18-year-old Kenya Mejia closed her valedictory address at LA’s Alexander Hamilton High School by publicly professing a secret passion for a classmate. “I cannot let this opportunity just pass by … I love you, Jake Minor,” she said. The crowd roared; Minor stood and pumped his fists in the air. What most observers didn’t know: Mejia was paid $1,800 for the stunt, a publicity ploy cooked up by 20th Century Fox to create ‘viral’ online buzz for the studio’s romantic comedy “I Love You, Beth Cooper”, which features an unassuming valedictorian proclaiming his feelings for the most popular girl in school. (Hasn’t worked very well. The flick’s grossed under $14 million worldwide since opening July 10th … less than it cost to make.)
– “Wall Street Journal”

AND WE QUOTE:

“A mother recently gave me her baby and asked me: ‘Can you please bite her head?’”
– “Twilight” actor Robert Pattinson on the perils of being a famous vampire.

BS CHRONOMETER 08.03.09


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [83] Tony Bennett (Bennedetto), Astoria NY, legendary pop/jazz singer (“I Left My Heart in San Francisco”)

1940 [69] Martin Sheen (Ramon Estevez), Dayton OH, TV actor (“The West Wing” 1999-2006)/movie actor (“Apocalypse Now”)/father of actors Charlie Sheen & Emilio Estevez

1941 [68] Martha Stewart (Kostyra), Jersey City NJ, TV host (“Martha”)/magazine publisher (“Martha Stewart Living”)/media mogul (Omnimedia)/ex-con convicted of obstructing justice & lying to investigators in 2005

1963 [46] James Hetfield, LA CA, heavy metal singer/guitarist (Metallica-“St Anger” “I Disappear”)

1963 [46] Ed Roland, Atlanta GA, alt-rock singer/guitarist (Collective Soul-“December”, “Shine”)

1966 [43] Dean Sams, Garland TX, country singer/keyboardist (Lonestar-“Mr Mom”, “My Front Porch Looking In”)

1977 [32] Tom Brady, San Mateo CA, NFL QB (New England Patriots)/4-time Pro Bowl selection/3-time Super Bowl winner/2-time Super Bowl MVP/wed to supermodel Gisele Bundchen (February 2009)

1979 [30] Evangeline Lilly, Fort Saskatchewan AB, TV actress  (‘Kate Austen’ on “Lost” since 2004)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .

• “Civic Holiday” in 8 provinces, Nunavut, and the Northwest Territories, known variously as “BC Day”, “Saskatchewan Day”, “Natal Day”, “New Brunswick Day”, “Heritage Day”, “Simcoe Day”, etc. In Québec, Newfoundland & Labrador, and the Yukon, it’s just another Monday.

• “Watermelon Day”, celebrating the summer treat that’s part of the pumpkin, squash & gourd family. Watermelons originated in Africa, then spread to Egypt, India, China, and eventually around-the-world.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .

2007 [02] “The Bourne Ultimatum”, 3rd film in the ‘Jason Bourne’ series starring Matt Damon, opens in theaters (another’s on the way in 2011)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .

1999 [10] Santana releases multi-award-winning “Smooth” single (f/Rob Thomas)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .

1949 [60] Basketball Association of America & National Basketball League merge to form ‘NBA’

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1983 [26] John Sain builds 12-ft-high (3.91-m) house of cards (South Bend IN)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Chocolate Chip Day
[Tues] National Night Out
[Wed] International Beer Day
[Wed] Underwear Day
[Wed] Sturgeon Moon (Full Moon of August)
[Thurs] Fresh Breath Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Clown Week / Exhibitor Appreciation Week / Fraud Awareness Week / Psychic Week / Simplify Your Life Week / Single Working Women’s Week / Sturgis Bike Rally Week / World Breastfeeding Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 16 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
LAMEST BS EXCUSES FOR BEING LATE AT WORK:
• “I had to go to the clinic with your daughter. Any other questions Mrs Nosey?”
• “A Lepages truck overturned on the highway, and I got STUCK in traffic.”
• “On my planet, being 2 hours late is a sign of respect!”
• “I was putting my pants on and my head got stuck in the toilet.”
• “You know how crack dealers love to just sit and chat …”
• “I’m sorry, boss, but I had to stop to get you – uh – this box of TEN donuts.”
• “That keg of beer wasn’t going to just drink itself.”
• “Sorry, but my job interview ran long.”
• “My proctologist got stuck.”
• “I’m sorry sir, but your wife is one hard-to-please woman. How do you handle it?”
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the weirdest thing your pet has swallowed?

BS WEB GOODIE:
Australian radio can be a wild free-for-all. Check out the “Kyle & Jackie O Show” (2Day FM) grilling of a 14-year-old girl on her sex life while she’s hooked up to a lie detector. Co-host Kyle Sandilands (also the Simon Cowell figure on “Australian Idol”) was recently voted the ‘most hated man in Oz’. No wonder.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/n3wmqb

WORST BS ROLLER COASTER NAMES:

• ‘The Dependsinator’
• ‘The Made-in-Taiwan Space Shuttle’
• ‘The Personal Liability Waiver Lawyercoaster’
• ‘The Crooked Safety Inspector’s Crazy Kickbackcoaster’
• ‘Get Aboard, Ya Scabs!’ (the coaster built by non-union carpenters)

BS RANDOM JOKE:
A nun, a priest, an  Irishman, a Scotsman, a rabbi, and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender looks up at them and asks, “Is this some kind of joke?”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Stats show that people who drive THESE get in more accidents and get more tickets than other drivers.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Hybrids.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.


Printer Friendly Version