Thursday, August 6, 2009             Edition: #4073
Avoid Sheet Fits – Don’t Forget to Renew Your Subscription!

Conan O’ Brien’s much-hyped ascension to the “Tonight Show” (NBC) desk hasn’t worked out so far as David Letterman’s “Late Show” continues to dominate by its largest margin in 9 years (observers say unless the ratings reach free-fall, don’t expect any drastic moves) . . . “Woodstock Music Festival” promoter Michael Lang has abandoned plans for a free 40th anniversary gig after failing to find funding to cover costs of up to $10 million (the much-documented original took place August 15-18,1969) . . . While grandma Katherine Jackson has been awarded custody of Michael Jackson’s kids, grandpa Joe Jackson has now publicly promised to only intermittently visit (and/or terrify them) . . . 20-year-old “High School Musical” star Vanessa Hudgens says having loud & excitable young fans makes her not want to have children of her own (nice job, now you’ll have no kids – and no more fans) . . . 56-year-old Ozzie manager & “America’s Got Talent” judge Sharon Osbourne tells “Psychologies” magazine that she was driven to be successful by her appearance – ‘short, fat and hairy’ (ick!) . . . First he hits on his own daughter at partner Farrah Fawcett’s funeral, now 68-year-old Ryan O’Neal is being accused by estranged son Griffin of giving him cocaine – when he was just 11-years-old! (the ‘Father-Of-the-Year Award’ is slipping further and further from his grasp) . . . And Angelina Jolie will be gracing the streets of Oklahoma City OK this September in the form of a life-size, bronze statue by NYC artist Daniel Edwards that depicts her breastfeeding – naked (well why not, the biggest tourist draw currently is the National Softball Hall of Fame).


• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – John Legend (“Once Again”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Glasvegas (“Glasvegas”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – St Vincent (“Actor”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – One person is named this year’s favorite dancer in the 2-hour finalé. The Rage Boyz Crew performs; Talia Fowler performs.
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Jonas Bros (“Lines, Vines & Trying Times”).


• Blink-182 – Tour sponsor State Farm has unveiled an online contest in which a fan will win a vintage 1966 Cadillac Coupe DeVille once owned & customized by drummer Travis Barker.
• Drake – The Canadian rapper/singer will need 6-to-10 weeks of recovery time from surgery on his torn ACL, reports “Rolling Stone”.
• Creed – Tonight the reunion tour of all 4 original members kicks off in Pittsburgh PA.
• Jason Mraz – He’s planning to film one of his 2009 shows for an eventual DVD release. Meantime, he’s also begun writing for his next album release.
• Lorrie Morgan – The veteran country singer has been cast in the upcoming Broadway production of “Pure Country”, expected to launch in early 2010. Joe Nichols has the lead role, originally played by George Strait in the 1992 film of the same name.
• Them Crooked Vultures – The long-rumored collaboration between Queens Of the Stone Age’s Josh Homme, Foo Fighters’ Dave Grohl, and former Led Zeppelin multi-instrumentalist John Paul Jones, is set to stage its first ever show Sunday night at Chicago IL rock club Metro … sort of a “Lollapalooza” after-show.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Diary Of a Wimpy Kid” – Steve Zahn (“A Perfect Getaway”) is set to star in the bigscreen adaptation of Jeff Kinney’s novel series, which has sold more than 20 million copies. The story follows a middle-school student during the course of a school year. 11-year-old Zachary Gordon, who was selected after a 9-month search, will play the title role, with Zahn and actress Rachael Harris portraying his parents.
• “Gidget” – “Hairspray” co-stars Zac Efron & Brittany Snow are reportedly set to re-team for a remake of this cheesy vintage surf movie. Actress/singer Miley Cyrus is said to be on board (literally) in the wave-rider title role with Efron slated to play her love interest, according to Sandra Dee originated the role in a 1959 film, then Sally Field took it over in a short-lived TV series (1965-66).
• “The Goree Girls” – Jennifer Aniston is ditching her tried-and-tested romantic comedy persona to star in a period film about a group of singing felons. The story follows the Goree All Girl String Band, a group composed of Texas inmates sentenced to jail for various crimes including robbery, murder and cattle-rustling, who star on a popular 1940s radio show. The film’s due in 2010.
• “The Greatest Showman on Earth” – In this upcoming musical, Hugh Jackman will play the legendary PT Barnum, the showman with a penchant for hoaxing a gullible public as he creates the 3-ring circus that makes him famous. The story also focuses on his infatuation with singer Jenny Lind, the so-called ‘Swedish Nightingale’, a role that’s being scripted for actress Anne Hathaway.


Morten Traavik, the artist who founded the “Miss Landmine” pageant in Angola, also organized a similar beauty pageant for Cambodia. After initially expressing support for the contest, the Cambodian government has now withdrawn permission. An exhibition of photos of the contestants was due to open Friday, with the top prize of an artificial leg for the winner of an online vote. But over the weekend the government ordered the organizers to stop activity immediately in order to maintain the ‘honor and dignity of handicapped Cambodians, especially women’. (A humanitarian effort or just exploitation?)
– “Telegraph”


Men spend nearly a year of their lives ogling members of the opposite sex, a new poll has found. Researchers have calculated that the typical male stares at 10 different women for around 43 minutes in an average day, adding up to almost 11 days per year. On the flip side, it’s estimated that women average a total of 20 minutes per day eyeing up 6 different men. The study also suggests that men most often ogle females in supermarkets, while women are most apt to eye a guy in a nightclub or bar. (C’mon, most often the ‘evil eye’ comes at work, no?)
– “Daily Express”

According to a new online poll, these are the best geek films ever …
5. “Metropolis” (1927)
4. “Alien” (1979)
3. “Star Wars” (1977)
2. “2001: A Space Odyssey” (1968)
1. “Blade Runner” (1982)

• A 21-year-old student says she returned to her job at Britain’s National Pandemic Flu Service after 10 days off only to be told she was fired. Emily Morgan claims she was sacked from the swine flu call center for being off sick with … swine flu. The agency says there are specific procedures to follow in cases of absenteeism. Morgan says she thought the organization would be more sympathetic. (The really bad news: now’s she’s working for the Heart Association.)
– “Daily Mail”
• A Louisville KY high school coach has been fired for … taking money from students. An investigation has determined the gym teacher was taking $3 from students who wanted to skip running … nearly 100 of them! But that’s not what the investigation set out to prove. It seems the girls’ basketball coach was also having an inappropriate relationship with a female student, exchanging some 555 text messages and calls with the girl over 4 months, many of them between midnight and 8 am. (In his defense, the guy was never late for work.)
– “Courier-Journal”
• In response to a Russian Health Ministry warning against traveling to Wales for a World Cup soccer qualifying match next month due to the spread of H1N1, the Russian National Supporter Association is advising fans to … drink lots of local ‘Welsh whisky’ as ‘a form of disinfection’. Spokesman Alexander Shprygin says that, for a real fan, nothing is more important than the well-being of the team. (We’re trying this out … just in case.)
– Reuters


Professional bubble-maker ‘Samsam’ (Sam Heath) is waiting for confirmation that he’s popped the “Guinness World Record” for ‘Largest Bubble’, set back in 2005 in Minnesota at 105.4 cu ft. His recent attempt in North London UK stretched to 20X5X5 ft at its biggest, roughly 500 cu ft. Heath developed his top-secret bubble mixture over 20 years of trial and error. (You can make a living making bubbles?)
– Mail Online

A baobab fruit (common to Madagascar & Australia) has 6 times as much vitamin C per gram as an orange. (“A day without sunshine is like a day without baobab.”)
– “Magazine Monitor”

“I’ll miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all being a part of a show that I helped from day 1 to become an international phenomenon.”
– Paula Abdul, announcing she’s leaving “American Idol” on Twitter. (Now who are we gonna mock?)


1962 [47] Michelle Yeoh (Yeoh Chu-Kheng), Ipoh, Malaysia, movie actress (“Memoirs Of a Geisha”, “Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon”)

1965 [44] Jeremy Ratchford, Kitchener ON, TV actor (‘Nick Vera’ on “Cold Case” since 2003)/movie actor (“Leatherheads”, “Unforgiven”)

1970 [39] M Night (Manoj Nelliyattu) Shyamalan, Pondicherry, India, movie director (“The Happening”, “The Sixth Sense” [opened this day in 1999])/screenwriter (“Stuart Little”)

1972 [37] Geri Halliwell, Watford UK, retired pop singer (Spice Girls-“Goodbye”, “Wannabe”)

1984 [25] Eric Roberts, Geneva NY, indie hip-hop bassist/vocalist (Gym Class Heroes-“Cupid’s Chokehold”)


• “Fresh Breath Day”, a gentle reminder for [co-host]. If you’re average, you have over 10 billion bacteria in your mouth right now. Some of them churn out truly stinky chemicals such as hydrogen sulphide, the same gas that gives rotten eggs their odor. Some germs release putrescine, another sulfurous compound that has the essence of rotting meat. A few tips from experts on maintaining fresh breath …
– Brush your teeth, cheeks, and gums with a chlorine dioxide toothpaste.
– Comb your tongue.
– Wash your mouth with a stabilized chlorine rinse.
– Sip room-temperature water or mint lemon water.
– Avoid alcoholic or caffeinated drinks as they dry your mouth.
– Eat fresh-breath herbs like parsley, dill, basil, or peppermint.
– Place a mint pouch in your mouth. It’s good for 3 hours of minty breath.
(Ask listeners for old folk remedies like chewing cloves or scraping your tongue with a spoon.)

• “Hiroshima Peace Festival” (‘Toro Nagashi‘) at Peace Memorial Park in Hiroshima, Japan, commemorating the 64th anniversary of the dropping of the 1st atomic bomb by the US bomber ‘Enola Gay’ in 1945.

• “Pamper Yourself Day”. If you were to be given any free luxury treatment you wanted, which would you pick? Massage? Steam room? Pedicure? Chocolate bath?

• “Wiggle Your Toes Day” in celebration of “Foot Health Month”. Slippers are officially OK today!

2003 [06] Movie actor Arnold Schwarzenegger officially announces his (successful) bid to replace California governor Gray Davis on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC)

2004 [05] Funk legend Rick James (“Super Freak”) is found dead in his LA home by a caretaker at age 56

1926 [83] “Don Juan” becomes the ’First Movie With Sound’ (no dialogue, just music and SFX)

1961 [48] 1st case of ‘Motion Sickness in Space’ (Russian cosmonaut Gherman Titov tosses his cookies)

[Fri] Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day
[Fri] Professional Speakers Day
[Fri] 2009 Lollapalooza Festival begins (Chicago)
[Sat] Garage Sale Day
[Sat] Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night
[Sun] “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?” 10th anniversary specials begin (ABC)
This Week Is … Turtles International Awareness Week
This Month Is … Home Business Month


• Talking dirty in bed means shouting obscenities when he hogs the blanket.
• “Honey, what are you thinking?” is now “Are you finished yet?!”
• He yawns when you bitch about that guy hitting on you at work.
• You used to walk hand-in-hand, now you run to keep up.
• Those frilly, lacy, tiny panties have become way too uncomfortable.
• When he lends you 5 bucks, he expects it back.
• The way he breathes is getting on your nerves.
• You let one rip in your sleep and don’t care if he hears.

Do you have a real-life hero? Describe him or her.

We give you a clue, you name the famous ‘Jack’ …
• Hard to believe, but this wacky comedic actor is the son of two rocket scientists. [Jack Black.]
• This storybook character planted seeds that grew large. [‘Jack & The Beanstalk’.]
• This reoccurring character in Tim Burton films has appeared in “Sleepy Hollow”, “James & The Giant Peach”, and “Beetlejuice”. [‘Jack Skellington’.]
• This legendary movie star is tied with Walter Brennan for the title of ‘Male Actor With the Most Oscar Wins’. [Jack Nicholson.]
• This is also known as a ‘Knave’. [A Jack in a deck of playing cards.]
• He opened his now-famous distillery in Moore County, Tennessee in 1866. [Jack Daniels.]
• This Oscar-winning late movie actor originally wanted to change his surname because it can also be slang for a poor performance. [Jack Lemmon.]
• This late author was born to French-Canadian parents and originally started writing his famous book “On the Road” in French. [Jack Kerouac.]
• Johnny Depp has played this character in 3 blockbuster films. [‘Captain Jack Sparrow’ of “Pirates Of the Caribbean” fame.]
• This nursery rhyme character had to be really fast or he’d burn his butt. [‘Jack Be Nimble’.]

I wanted to try water polo … but it seemed so cruel to the horses.


Today’s Question: According to a recent survey, THIS is the thing that men least like to talk about.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Clothes.


Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.

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