Friday, August 7, 2009        Edition: #4074
Get a Load of This Sheet!

Members of the Jackson family have decided to inter Michael Jackson at LA’s Forest Lawn Memorial Park, reportedly filing paperwork to finally proceed with the burial (if they don’t get ‘r done soon he’ll be fossilized!) . . . If a probate judge signs off on a new merchandising deal, Michael Jackson products will soon be everywhere, including trading cards, T-shirts, calendars, and stuffed animals in stores, plus cellphone apps and X-Box add-ons (some believe it might top sales of Elvis Presley merchandise – $14 million last year) . . . Two years after her last naked picture scandal, a new batch of nude photos of 20-year-old “High School Musical” star Vanessa Hudgens has hit the Internet (when you find something you’re good at, stick with it!) . . . Paris Hilton is set to guest-star on an upcoming episode of “Supernatural” (CW), rumored to be playing a love interest for brothers ‘Sam & Dean Winchester’ – both of them (to make her feel at home, the episode will be shot on a webcam) . . . Britney Spears’ ex-, Kevin Federline, is close to sealing a 7-figure deal to endorse the fat-burning diet supplement ‘Extreme Physical Performance’ (they went after the wrong spouse, no?) . . . Media mogul Oprah Winfrey is being sued by author Damon Lloyd Goffe who accuses her of plagiarizing his book “A Tome of Poetry” in her work “Pieces Of My Soul” which was sold online, a slight for which he’d like to be paid – wait for it – $1.2 trillion (for most this would be a nonsense suit, but she might actually be able to pay!) . . . And Very Fetching Co, the manufacturer of Sarah Jessica Parker’s hit perfume ‘Lovely’, is suing Universal Perfumes & Cosmetics, accusing it of marketing a copycat version that ‘may be counterfeit or stolen’ (the tip-off: it’s named ‘Sorta Smells Like Sarah’).


• “Army Wives” (Lifetime) – Sunday Shelby Lynne guest-stars as a down-and-out country singer. (Typecasting?)
• “The Hour” (CBC) – Tonight Steve Earle (“Townes”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Tonight actor-turned-rapper Joaquin Phoenix; Anthony Hamilton (“The Point Of It All”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – This morning David Cook (“David Cook”).
• “Lollapalooza Festival” (Chicago) – Tonight through Sunday the 5th annual music bash in Grant Park is headlined by Depeche Mode, Tool, The Killers, Jane’s Addition, and Kings of Leon. More than 100 acts are scheduled.
• “There Goes the Neighborhood” (CBS) – Sunday this 7-episode family vs family competition debuts in which an entire Kennesaw GA neighborhood is isolated behind 20-foot-tall walls for ‘the ultimate social & family bonding experiment’. Hosted by “American Idol 3”finalist Matt Rogers.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – This morning Jason Mraz (“We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things”).
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Flo Rida (“Roots”).
• “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?” (ABC/CityTV) – Sunday a series of specials begins, celebrating the 10th anniversary of the TV game show that became a worldwide phenomenon. Several celebs do cameos during the run (also August 10, 16, 17) including Katy Perry, Lauren Conrad, Rachel Ray, Rev Al Sharpton, Snoop Dogg, and Vanessa Williams.


• Aerosmith – Their North American tour has been interrupted by injury yet again as Steven Tyler was hospitalized early yesterday morning after reportedly falling off the stage at the “Sturgis Motorcycle Rally” in South Dakota. The show had to be scrapped.
• Beastie Boys – In a fan email Adam Yauch says he’s rapidly recovering from surgery to remove a cancerous tumor and will begin a 7-week course of radiation in the near future.
• George Strait – Saturday he plays Reliant Stadium, his first full-length concert in Houston TX since 2001. The event will also feature Blake Shelton and Julianne Hough.
• Michael Jackson – His 2003 compilation “Number Ones” is now the year’s 2nd-best selling album, trailing only Taylor Swift’s “Fearless”.
• Rascal Flatts – Sunday they play Columbus Crew Stadium in Columbus OH, hometown of cousins Gary LeVox & Jay DeMarcus. Opening acts are Darius Rucker and Dierks Bentley.
• Rihanna – Sean Kingston has been recruited to pen tracks for her upcoming album in order to give it an ‘island feel’. (She’s Barbadian; he was born in Miami. Who’s more ‘island’?)
• Them Crooked Vultures – A promotional poster has been unearthed which suggests the new Foo Fighters/Led Zeppelin/Queens Of the Stone Age supergroup will release an album entitled “Never Deserved the Future” on October 23rd. The band debuts Sunday in Chicago IL.

• “GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra” ( PG-13 Action Adventure ): An elite military unit comprised of operatives known as the ‘Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity’ look to dismantle ‘Cobra’, an organization headed by a Scottish arms dealer. Cast includes Dennis Quaid, Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans, Sienna Miller. No previews given to critics … usually a bad sign.
• “Julie & Julia” ( PG-13 Bio-Drama ): Amy Adams plays a frustrated secretary who tries to spice up her life by chronicling her attempt to cook all 524 recipes in Julia Child’s “Mastering the Art of French Cooking”. Meryl Streep plays master chef Child in flashbacks to her life circa 1949.
Streep says she learned lots of kitchen tips, such as dipping your fingers in salt and then rinsing them in cool water to rid them of the odor of garlic or onions.
• “A Perfect Getaway” ( R-Rated Horror Thriller ): Two couples on a Hawaiian vacation discover that psychopaths are stalking and murdering tourists on the islands. They decide to turn the tables on the hunters by baiting them and turning them into the eventual prey. Stars Milla Jovovich & Steve Zahn. Shot entirely in Puerto Rico.
• “Shorts: The Adventures Of the Wishing Rock” ( PG Family ): A young boy’s discovery of a wish-granting rock causes chaos in a suburban town when jealous kids and scheming adults set out to get their hands on it. Directed by Robert Rodriguez. Stars Jimmy Bennett, James Spader. The title refers to the movie’s structure, which is broken up into short segments because protagonist ‘Toe Thompson’ can’t quite remember the sequence of events. (Let’s hope ‘Toe’ doesn’t catch on as a popular name!)

In Brooklyn NY, they’ve come up with a novel way of filling the void of venues for public swimming this summer … water-filled dumpsters. Yup, 3 giant dumpsters have been hauled to an industrial lot where they’ve each been fitted with plastic liners and filled with 19,000 gallons of water. They’re arranged in a half-circle and connected by a wooden deck, with folding chairs set out. Pool filters keep the water clean. After a few laps, bathers can lounge poolside or cook up a snack on a barbecue grill. (“Hey Mom, I found some lunch at the bottom of the pool!”)
– “The Independent”

Spanish toymaker Berjuan has developed a doll that … breastfeeds. It comes with a special halter top for young ‘mothers’ to wear as they pretend to feed their ‘babies’. The daisy-decorated halter features flaps that come undone just like a nursing bra. The doll, called ‘Bebe Gloton’ (‘gluttonous baby’), cries to signal it wants more milk and makes sucking noises as it ‘feeds’. Although many healthcare providers promote the benefits of breastfeeding, critics of the doll say the idea is too grown-up for young children. (Could we just let kids be kids?)
– Fox News


A new listing of TV’s top earners based on pay for each episode of their programs …
3. [tie] Hugh Laurie (“House”) / Mariska Hargitay & Christopher Meloni (“Law & Order: SVU”) … $400,000 per episode.
2. Keifer Sutherland (“24”) … $550,000 per episode.
1. Charlie Sheen (“Two & a Half Men”) … $875,000 per episode.
– “TVGuide “

Botox, popularized by Hollywood stars wanting to look young and wrinkle-free, is being tested as a treatment for … depression. A team of Swiss & German scientists believes that emotions can be ‘reverse engineered’ because there is always feedback from the body to the brain. So, if patients are prevented from frowning by face-freezing Botox, the theory goes, their brains may think there is nothing to worry about, thus reducing depression. (The problem is, you can’t smile either … in fact, your default facial expression becomes a fish-face pout.)
– “Times of London”

Thanks to the recession, the USA has lost 4,000 restaurants in the past year, according to market-research firm NPD Group.


1942 [67] Garrison Keillor, Anoka MN, public radio host (“A Prairie Home Companion” since 1974)/author (“Radio Days”, “Lake Wobegon Days”)/Radio Hall of Fame (1994)

1960 [49] David Duchovny, NYC, movie actor (“X-Files: I Want to Believe”, “Zoolander”)/TV actor (“Californication” since 2007, “The X Files” 1993-2002)/Mr Tea Leoni since 1997

1963 [46] Harold Perrineau Jr, Brooklyn NY, TV actor (“Lost” since 2004)/movie actor (“The Matrix” trilogy)

1975 [34] Charlize Theron, Benoni, South Africa, movie actress (“Hancock”, 2003 Academy Award-“Monster”)  COMING UP: The sequel, “The Brazilian Job”, due in 2011.

1987 [22] Sydney Crosby, Cole Harbour NS, NHL superstar center (2009 Stanley Cup-Pittsburgh Penguins)

Movie actor Dustin Hoffman (“Rain Man”) is 72; Rock guitarist The Edge (U2) is 48; Rock singer Scott Stapp (Creed) is 36; Country singer Mark Wills (“19 Somethin’”) is 36; Rock guitarist Tom Linton (Jimmy Eat World) is 34; Pop singer JC Chasez (NSYNC) is 33; TV actor Michael Urie (“Ugly Betty”) is 29; Top-rank tennis player Roger Federer is 28.

Pop singer Whitney Houston (“I Will Always Love You”) is 46; TV/movie actress Gillian Anderson (“The X-Files”) is 41; Movie actor Eric Bana (“Time Traveler’s Wife”) is 41; Alt-rock bassist Arion Salazar (Third Eye Blind) is 39; Movie actress Audrey Tautou (“Da Vinci Code”) is 31; Movie actress Anna Kendrick (“Twilight”) is 24.

• “Edmonton Folk Music Festival”, the 29th annual through Sunday at Edmonton’s downtown Gallagher Hill. This year’s line-up includes The Wailers, Neko Case, Raul Malo, and Steven Page, among many others.
• “Lighthouse Day”, an annual observance when lighthouse grounds, where feasible, are open to the public. No more lonely lighthouse keepers these days … they’re all automated.
• “National Hobo Convention”, the 109th annual through Sunday in Britt, Iowa. Some 30,000 professional and part-time hobos are expected to hop trains from all over North America to take in the parade, the ‘King & Queen of the Hobos’ coronation, ‘Hobo Jungle’, and ‘Hobo Museum’.
• “Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day”, an annual observance to draw attention to the environmentally unfriendly over-packaging of consumer goods. Which do you think are the most over-packaged products?
• “Professional Speakers Day”, an annual salute to those who move us and inform us through the magic of their oratory talents. As orator Ben Johnson once said, “Talking and eloquence are not the same: to speak and to speak well, are two different things.”

• “Garage Sale Day”, saluting a North American institution on what’s likely to be a popular day for garage/yard sales. For argument’s sake, if you put a dollar-value on all your time taken to  prepare and then clean-up after a sale … would it really be worthwhile?
• “Happiness Happens Day”, the 10th annual day to pay someone’s toll, bus or subway fare, or to donate to a charity. It’s all a conspiracy of the ‘Secret Society of Happy People’.
• “Pro Football Hall of Fame Induction” in Canton OH. This year’s inductees are Bob Hayes, Bruce Smith, Derrick Thomas, Randall McDaniel, Rod Woodson, and Buffalo Bills owner Ralph Wilson.
• “Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night”, a day to share the wealth of your vegetable garden with friends and neighbors. Uh, could you make it tomatoes instead?

• “Art Appreciation Day”. Any parent will tell you the most important art of all are those priceless works … hanging on the fridge.
• “Assistance Dog Day”, the 3rd annual day of recognition for all devoted, hardworking canines who help the disabled. That not only includes guide dogs, but those that serve as companion, helper, aide, and best friend.
• “Book Lovers Day”. Any reader will tell you no matter where you are, you’re never alone … as long as you have a good book to keep you company.
• “Elvis Week 2009” through August 16th as his Memphis TN mansion Graceland offers a raft of activities to perpetuate the legend. The King is dead … let’s make money!
• “Hand Holding Day”. If he wasn’t talked into it by his partner, would a guy ever hold hands?
• “International Day of Indigenous People”, as declared by the UN. But is there really such a thing? Weren’t all people originally wanderers?

1995 [14] 27-year-old Playmate-cum-gold-digger Anna Nicole Smith wears low-cut, side-slit white gown to the funeral of her 90-year-old husband, oil tycoon J Howard Marshall


1997 [12] Garth Brooks plays to a crowd estimated at 750,000 in NYC’s Central Park, ranked the 3rd-largest concert audience of all-time (over 15 million watch on HBO)


1929 [80] Charles Leiper Grigg of St Louis MO introduces the new soft drink ‘Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon-Lime Soda’, which he fortunately later re-names ‘7-Up’ (no one knows the real story of how that name came about)


2007 [02] Barry Bonds of the San Francisco Giants breaks baseball great Hank Aaron’s MLB career record by hitting his 756th home run (finishes career with a total of 762, a stat that will always carry an asterisk due to his alleged use of steroids)

[Mon] Smithsonian Day
[Mon] S’mores Day
[Mon] Teen Choice Awards (FOX)
[Wed] Middle Children’s Day
[Wed] Vinyl Record Day
[Thurs] International Left Handers Day
This Week Is … Smile Week
This Month Is … What Will Be Your Legacy Month


• Keep appliances fingerprint-free. Apply a thin coat of car wax to stainless-steel fridges and stoves. Buff clean to resist fingerprints and smudges.
• Give faucets a shine. Rub car wax onto kitchen and bathroom metal fixtures to keep them shiny and spot-free.
• Unstick hinges. Use car wax to lubricate the hinges of garden shears and scissors.
• Fix a skipping CD/DVD. Apply a small dab of car wax to a scratched disc and buff it clean using short strokes along the length of the scratch, not across it.
• Combat corrosion. Apply a thin coat of car wax to brass door knockers, mailboxes, and other outdoor fixtures to keep them from tarnishing.
• Fight mildew. After using your regular cleanser, apply a layer of car wax to the inside and outside of a shower door and buff off with a dry cloth to stave off mildew growth.
• Make drawers and windows easier to open. Rub a small dab of car wax onto the tracks of drawers and windows so they’ll slide more smoothly.
• Make a mirror fog-free. Rub a thin layer of car wax onto a bathroom mirror and buff it clean. Next time you step out of the shower, you’ll be able to see your reflection clearly.
(And you thought the stuff was just to make your car shiny!)


Muscle-women confuse my pheremones.


Imagine a ‘best day ever’. What would it include?


Today’s Question: 37% of adults have never done THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Moved away from their hometown.

When you build a better mousetrap, you’re challenging nature to build a better mouse.

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