Tuesday, August 11, 2009        Edition: #4076
Sheet f/Bull


34-year-old actor Leonardo DiCaprio is reportedly dating another model, 23-year-old Russian head-turner Anne Vyalitsyna (“Sports Illustrated”), with whom he’s been spotted on the Spanish party island of Ibiza (he split from supermodel Bar Refaeli earlier this year) . . . Also spotted together in Spain, 40-year-old actress Renée Zellweger (“Bridget Jones”) & 34-year-old actor Bradley Cooper (“The Hangover”) who left NYC separately but then tried to secretly join up once they arrived (so much for that ploy) . . . Producers behind the ambitious new $35-million “Spider-Man” stage musical are denying rumors the project has cash flow problems, insisting the show is set to open on Broadway on time on February 25 (BS translation: They’re holding a tag day) . . . Michael Jackson was allegedly prescribed a ‘chemical castration’ drug in a bid to suppress his sexual urges, according to one of his medics (was this before or after the lawsuits from young boys?) . . . Movie actress Milla Jovovich (“Resident Evil”) says she’s finally set to wed her 6-year fiancé, British director Paul Anderson, for the sake of their 21-month-old daughter Ever (quote: “So we don’t have a little bastard running around”) . . . And 75-year-old former TV star Shirley Jones (“The Partridge Family”) is claiming that “Playboy” boss Hugh Hefner scrapped plans to publish a pictorial of her because she ‘wouldn’t show enough skin’ (thank goodness, it would have been the first centerfold that needed to be ironed!).

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Jennifer Hudson (“If This Isn’t Love”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Jonas Bros (“Lines, Vines & Trying Times”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Green Day (“21st Century Breakdown”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Bonnie Raitt & Taj Mahal.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Bat For Lashes (“Two Suns”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Elvis Costello (“Secret, Profane & Sugarcane”).
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Cobra Starship (“Good Girls Go Bad”).

• Coldplay – They cancelled a weekend concert in Tampa FL due to unspecified ‘medical reasons’.
• Jack White – Today he releases a one-off single under his own name, “Fly Farm Blues”, both digitally and on a 7” vinyl single. It was written during the making of the documentary “It Might Get Loud” (opening Friday), which also features The Edge and Jimmy Page.
• Lil Wayne – Today he’s due to appear in court again over charges of possessing drugs and a handgun on his tour bus in Arizona in January 2008.
• Madonna – Her 22-year-old Brazilian model boyfriend Jesus Luz wants to become a club DJ so she’s reportedly hired DJ Enferno to give him lessons and spent circa $50,000 on equipment to help him mix like a pro.
• Michael Jackson – The latest rumor is he’s already been buried at LA’s Forest Lawn Cemetery in a private funeral last Thursday that was attended by less than a dozen people. He was then allegedly interred in a mausoleum owned by Motown founder Berry Gordy. Meantime, his sister LaToya has taken possession of computer hard-drives that contain a trove of unreleased songs he recorded with A-list artists such as Akon, Ne-Yo, and will.i.am of Black Eyed Peas, according to “Rolling Stone” magazine.
• Oasis – Singer Liam Gallagher is so smitten with his pet dachshund Ruby, he phones her regularly whenever he’s away from England.
• Taylor Swift – She pranked touring partner Keith Urban during their Kansas City MO show by taking the stage to perform a duet version of his hit “Kiss a Girl” dressed as a member of rock group KISS.
• Tim McGraw – He’s set to perform as part of the NFL’s kick-off night in Pittsburgh September 10th when the Tennessee Titans and the Steelers open the season.
• Willie Nelson – Today the 17-track album “Lost Highway” is released, a compilation of his work at Lost Highway Records that features collaborations with Diana Krall, Elvis Costello, Lee Ann Womack, Ray Price, Shania Twain, and Toby Keith.


• “Alien Trespass” ( Sci-Fi Comedy Thriller ): After crash-landing near a desert town, an alien enlists the help of a local waitress to re-capture a monster that escaped from the wreckage of his spaceship. Stars Eric McCormack (“Will & Grace”). Shot in Vancouver.
• “I Love You, Man” ( Comedy ): Paul Rudd plays a friendless fiancé who resorts to a series of ‘man-dates’ in an attempt to find a Best Man for his wedding. But his choice for a new BFF (Jason Segel) puts a strain on his relationship with his fiancée (Rashida Jones from “The Office”). Co-stars Jamie Pressly (“My Name is Earl”).
• “Road Trip: Beer Pong” (Comedy): 3 college roommates drop everything to join a bus full of sexy, scantily clad models and compete in the ultimate sport competition: the ‘National Beer Pong Tournament’. No-name cast. Shot in Atlanta & Decatur GA. Strait-to-video sequel to the 2000 comedy.
• “17 Again” ( Comedy ): Body-switch comedy in which Matthew Perry somehow morphs into Zac Efron as he magically reverts back to his 17-year-old self in order to try to do a better job of navigating through high school. Co-stars Leslie Mann (“Knocked Up”) & Michelle Trachtenberg (“Gossip Girl”).
• Also released today: “Barney: Sharing is Caring” (family); “James Dean: The Fast Lane” (documentary); “90210: The Complete First Season” (TV); “Sea Monsters: A Prehistoric Adventure 3-D” (documentary); “Super Friends: The Lost Episodes” (animation); and “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – 25th Anniversary Collector’s Edition” (animation).


• Check the fridge & pantry before shopping so you don’t buy what you already have.
• Plan meals ahead. Knowing what you’re going to cook will keep you on track in the supermarket.
• Skip the giant packages. Buying in bulk rarely saves you money because you end up wasting more. Buying what you need when you need it is more economical.
• Make ‘fridge soup/stew’. It’s the perfect way to use up leftovers.
• When preparing a meal make enough extra to freeze in meal-size portions for another time.
– BestHealthMag.ca


Researchers at the University of Tokyo are developing tactile holograms – or rather, a system with sensors and Nintendo Wiimotes to give the impression of physical contact by holograms. The system uses an electronic marker attached to the tip of the user’s middle finger which allows it to sense the finger’s 3-D position. Owing to this hand-tracking system, the user can ‘handle’ floating virtual images. That offers the ability to dribble a virtual bouncing ball, feel virtual raindrops bouncing off the hand, and feel a small virtual creature crawling on the palm. The researchers hope that the technology will have applications in videogames, 3D CADs, and other uses. (Just wait till Larry Flynt gets hold of it!)
– PhysOrg.com

For his book “The Intelligence of Dogs”, University of British Columbia psychologist Stanley Coren asked dog-obedience judges to rank 110 canine breeds from most to least intelligent.
TOP 5:
5. Doberman pincher.
4. Golden retriever.
3. German shepherd.
2. Poodle.
1. Border collie.
106. Borzoi.
107. Chow chow.
108. Bulldog.
109. Basenji.
110. Afghan hound.
The average dog can understand about 165 words, including signs, signals, and gestures. It can also count to 5. That means the smartest dog breeds are on par mentally with a 2-and-a-half-year-old toddler. (But harder to potty-train.)
– CNN.com

A sampling of mainstream products originally invented for space travel …
5. Ear Thermometer.
4. Fogless Ski Goggles.
3. Speedo LZR Swimsuit.
2. Black & Decker Cordless Tools.
1. Smoke Detector.
– RadarOnline.com


A Chinese bride in the province of Jilin is hoping to enter the record books after getting married in a wedding dress with a train more than … 2 km (1.2 mi) long! It took guests more than 3 hours to roll out the gown, complete with 9,999 silk roses attached to it. The groom, Zhao Peng, came up with the idea after seeing a story about the previous record holder in Romania, where the dress measured just over 1.5 km (1 mi). The new gown cost around 40,000 yuan ($5,856).
– Reuters Life!

• Familiarity: It’s nice getting comfortable around each other but with that familiarity he loses some of his intense desire.
• Peer Pressure: If one of your guy’s friends messes around without getting caught, your guy may suddenly look at cheating in a whole new light.
• His Boss Tore Him a New One: When a man’s ego is ripped to shreds, the quickest way for him to pick up the pieces is by proving he can still attract and seduce a woman.
• She Doesn’t Know Him Yet: If some other woman isn’t aware of his annoying habits and hasn’t been forced to endure them for a prolonged period of time, it’s like they don’t exist.
– “Cosmopolitan”


• Dolphins sleep with one eye open. (Watching out for tuna fisherman.)
• Astronauts can’t cry about being homesick. There’s no gravity in space, and tears won’t flow without it. (No cry babies allowed!)
– “Social Studies”


1950 [59] Steve Wozniak, San Jose CA, inventor of 1st commercially viable ‘Personal Computer’/Apple Computer co-founder (with Steve Jobs in 1976)/philanthropist/Inventors Hall of Fame (2000)

1953 [56] Hulk Hogan (Terry Bollea), Augusta GA, TV host (“American Gladiators” 2008, “Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Championship Wrestling” 2008)/reality TV personality (“Hogan Knows Best” 2005-07)/former WWE wrestler (12-time ‘World Champion’/father of dysfunctional family (Nick Hogan, Brooke Hogan)

1967 [42] Joe Rogan, Bridgewater NJ, TV personality (“Game Show in My Head” 2009, “Ultimate Fighting Championship” since 2002, “Fear Factor” 2001-06, “The Man Show” 2003-04, “NewsRadio” 1995-99)/stand-up comedian (“Shiny Happy Jihad”)

1976 [33] Ben Gibbard, Bremerton WA, rock singer (Death Cab for Cutie-“I Will Possess Your Heart”, “Soul Meets Body”)

1978 [31] Amber Brkich, Beaver PA, reality TV show personality (“Amazing Race 7”, “Survivor: All-Stars” winner, “Survivor: The Australian Outback”) who wed fellow contestant Rob Mariano (“Rob & Amber Get Married”)

1985 [24] Asher Roth, Morrisville PA, rapper (“I Love College”)


• “Daughter’s Day”, a day to pay special tribute to female offspring. And they’ll no doubt respond, “Yeah right … whatever.”

• “Dog Days of Summer” end, traditionally the hottest days of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. Ahhh.

• “Play In the Sand Day”, which seemed like a harmless fun activity … until some fear-monger researcher recently warned there may be health implications.

1995 [14] “La Macarena” by Los Del Rio is released (becomes a major hit around-the-world over the next 2 years)


1874 [135] Harry Parmelee of New Haven CT receives a patent for the ‘Lawn Sprinkler Head’ (that thing that wakes you when your neighbor insists on turning it on at 7 am every Sunday)

2003 [06] NATO takes over command of the peacekeeping force in Afghanistan, marking its 1st major operation outside Europe in its 54-year-history


1929 [80] Babe Ruth becomes 1st Major League Baseball player to hit 500 home runs (without steroids … just booze)

1992 [17] ‘America’s Largest Shopping Center’, the 2.5 million-sq-ft Mall of America, opens in Bloomington MN (can’t hold a candle to South China Mall in Dongguan, China which, at 7.1 million sq ft, is world’s largest)

2003 [06] Record heat wave in Paris, France (112 F/44 C) leaves some 144 people dead


[Wed] Middle Children’s Day
[Wed] International Youth Day
[Wed] Sewing Machine Day
[Wed] Vinyl Record Day
[Thurs] International Left Handers Day
[Thurs] Filet Mignon Day
[Sat] Best Friends Day
This Week Is . . . Recreational Scuba Diving Week
This Month Is … Panini Month


Real things people actually said in court, word for word …
• What is your date of birth? July 15th. What year? Every year.
• Were you present when your picture was taken?
• How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
• Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
• Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
• Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?
• Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
– “Disorder In the Court”


What do you like best: rivers, lakes, ponds, or streams? Why?

My dream is to cut all ties with civilization but still be on the Internet.

Today’s Question: A majority of women surveyed admit they think about THIS after just the first date.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: How the guy’s last name sounds with their first name.

It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

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